


College Cousin

by IheartKyloRen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Anger, Anger Management, Angry Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben's Ex is a BITCH, Car Sex, College, Consensual Underage Sex, Cousin Incest, Cousins, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Growing Up Together, How Do We Tell Mom & Dad, Implied/Referenced Incest, Oral Sex, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pseudo-Incest, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Rey and Ben live together, Romance, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in a Car, Shared apartment, Skywalker Family Feels, Smut, Spice is Nice, Underage Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 106,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24169117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IheartKyloRen/pseuds/IheartKyloRen
Summary: When Ben comes home from college for a quick weekend visit he finds his orphaned cousin, Rey, home alone. It doesn't take him long to realize she isn't a little girl anymore and soon things get a little too heated. That weekend becomes the landmark for a relationship he never expects to blossom, but Rey is unrelenting in her pursuits. Even as the years pass, he can't escape what he most desires, because she won't let him.For the random: I went ahead and marked as underage, because I didn't specify ages. Logic could easily imply she is under 18. Interpret as you will. The cousin concept is also loosely implied for those of the more imaginative variety. It's just fiction, darlings!**UPDATE**I thought I'd have a cute one-shot or even a two-shot with this and I may have thought it might be just a short story, but here we are at over 99k words. Thank you for reading and commenting, it keeps me inspired.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, rey ben
Comments: 111
Kudos: 200





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ben has always been fantastic to look at, good enough to photograph half naked holding a kitten on a calendar fantastic. Very tall with well sculpted muscles and shaggy dark hair trimming the most sensitive eyes. Okay, maybe he hasn’t always been built to fuck, but he’s worked on it since high school, frequenting the gym every evening.

It was devastating for Rey when he went away to college two years ago.

Ben knew how to make Rey laugh and feel comfortable. Growing up an orphan, having to live with an entirely different family isn’t all that great. It’s a bit lonely and somehow, even with their four year age difference, he was capable of taking all the bad stuff away.

He always treated her like an equal. Almost like a protective older brother, but she never latched onto that idea, in no way could she have the feelings she does for him for a brother. However, he did happen to be her cousin, not by blood though, she thinks, but their relationship has always been called cousins and that too isn’t quite right. For a long time he was her best friend, and sometimes it’s too easy to love a best friend… or even fall in love with them in her case.

It’s why Rey never told him how she feels, especially now that she is almost out of high school and understands her feelings with better clarification. Also, better understanding why her panties always got wet when he would wrestle with her or pin her down tickling her. She’s too old for that now, but she would consider wrestling naked with him if he so offered, happy to be pinned beneath him now.

Imagine how surprised she is when Ben comes storming into the house tossing his bags to the side, before racing up the stairs. Every step a booming thud as she leans over the back of the couch watching him instead of the movie she had been invested in.

It’s a tantrum visit. She hates when he gets into one of his moods, his rage always running deep. The last time he was this way his girlfriend had broken up with him. By the looks of it, likely something similar is happening here. She would gladly comfort him if he’d let her.

Patiently, she watches with her chin resting on her arms that are slung over the back of the couch. Listening to him stomp around then the door slams to the bathroom. Some water runs, then the sink, and then he comes stomping back down, his gorgeous solid chest heaving slightly.

Stopping in the entryway, he finally pauses long enough to see that Rey is on the couch watching him. He can only see her face, but his breath still freezes for a moment.

“Hey, kid. No parentals?” he greets her, his tone back to normal.

He never takes his temper out on her, she was like his rage kryptonite.

“No, they left an hour ago. Another gala for the weekend. Raising money again, typical.”

Is he crazy or are her lips bright cherry red, beckoning to him?

“Earth to Ben,” Rey giggles at him.

“Yeah, sorry. I guess I’m ordering pizza for dinner.”

“Sure, want to do a movie night too?” she asks, her voice sweet and innocent.

He notices her voice has turned more womanly, still soft, but a bit deeper. She’s mature sounding, almost like an adult. When did that happen?

“I’m up for that,” he smiles, grabbing his bags to take to his room.

“Ben,” she hollers as he climbs the stairs.

“What, kid?” he attempts to sound annoyed.

“I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too, kiddo. I’ll be down in awhile, think about what you want on your pizza.”

As soon as she hears his door close she drops onto the couch on her back and squeals into a decorative pillow. Holy crap did his eyes linger on her lips? No way. Not Ben, not her Ben anyway. No, he just called her kiddo. Game on Ben.

Spending the afternoon getting ready, showering and getting perfectly cleaned up, she puts on her cutest underwear and the shortest denim shorts she has that will highlight that fact. Matching bra just barely shows through her tank top, until she drops the bra. Instead finding her small bosom looks perfect beneath the fabric and with any luck the air conditioner will help her out.

She wonders if she is nuts. No matter how anyone looks at it, they are cousins and he is older. Probably pretty experienced in the field of sex, and she has hardly any. Except many nights by herself thinking of him.

“Did you decide?” Ben calls up the stairs to her.

I did decide, she thinks. I’m going to let you fuck me tonight. No, no pizza.

“Pepperoni,” she shouts back, slicking a fresh coat of very red across her lips and giving a cute smack to herself in the mirror.

Rey runs down the stairs when the bell rings. Stopping on the third to last step before leaping off of it. Following him into the kitchen she drops into a chair while Ben puts out plates.

“How’s school?” he asks, getting a 2 liter of soda from the fridge and two glasses.

“Still hate it,” she mumbles observing how his ass looks in those jeans of his.

“You’re picking out colleges and courses to prep now, right?”

“Yeah, the joy of junior year,” she laughs, rolling her eyes.

He shakes his head. “It’s important stuff, kiddo. Choose wisely.”

“I am looking into the sciences,” she explains quietly, remembering he was a chem major.

“Yeah? Which department?”  
“Botany,” she admits, not a lie really, she could be into that.

He smiles, “maybe I’ll see you around when you go, my school has a great botany department.”

Do they have a decent _don’t get caught flirting with your cousin_ course? She’s going to need that if she ends up at the same college. All too likely to happen since he took time off before going. So he would be a senior, when she would be a freshman. Fuck, they could room together in an apartment. She wonders if he would go for that.

“Earth to Rey,” he chokes out sarcastically. “Movie? Did you pick one?”

“Yep,” she grins at him. “Since the ‘rentals are out I thought maybe something a little less kid friendly would be alright. Are you down with that?”

“Sure thing, kid.”

Yeah, sure thing, wait until he sees what she picked. “Did you want some popcorn for the movie?” she questions, digging in the pantry on a low shelf, her ass pressed out so her shorts highlight her underwear.

“Sure… kiddo. Whatever you want,” he chokes.

Rey puts the bowl of popcorn on the end table next to the drinks Ben has set out. Grabbing the remote and a pillow off the couch, she lays on the rug. Tucking the pillow underneath her chest she flattens out on her stomach as she flips the movie on. Listening as Ben chokes on his soda when he sees what it is.

“Wow, you really weren’t kidding, huh?”

“It’s just a comedy Ben,” she assures him, looking over her shoulder at him with a grin.

Zack and Miri is what Ben would usually consider to be too uncomfortable to watch with Rey, but seeing her lacy panties peek out the bottom of her shorts, he accepts that maybe she is just grown up now and he needs to respect that. Even if he hates seeing her this way. For more than one reason. One he feels obligated to protect her, which somehow contradicts the fact that all afternoon he has noticed the sway in her hips, the curve in her waist and how perky her tits have become. Especially, bounding down the stairs towards him for dinner. She’s also right, it’s a comedy. A highly suggestive one, but it certainly doesn’t touch any of the porn he watches when away at school.

His eyes are glued to her ass as she laughs, her body shifting and her panties sneaking out a bit more. He’s pretty sure they are lace all the way up. The kind that would not hold in any kind of moisture were it to accumulate. He tries to remind himself that it’s Rey, he can’t sleep with Rey. She’s too much like family. Seeing her is comforting though. Well deserved in fact, the only girl who he’s ever trusted much other than his mother for obvious reasons. Rey rolls over suddenly, her shirt falling just below her breasts as her head rests on the pillow.

“Ben, why are you home anyway?” she asks, that same new voice sounding so adult to what he remembers.

“Don’t worry about it.”

With a frown she gets up, coming over to him and dropping down beside him. Super close, too close. He can feel her body heat on his arm.

“Ben, I know you came home upset. I don’t like seeing you angry or sad for that matter,” she says her eyes intent on his.

“My _ex_ -girlfriend is a cheating slut,” he says angrily. “Should have known, I haven’t gotten laid in forever.”

He bites his tongue literally at that point. That is not pertinent information for her ears.

“Yeah, me either,” she jokes with a cute nose scrunch on her face.

He stifles a laugh. He’s older, he shouldn’t encourage her.

“How long has it been?” she asks bluntly.

“It’s not really important,” he dismisses the question. “Not for kid’s ears.”

Frowning, she slips away from him. Putting a small distance in between, he immediately feels the absence of her warmth. She focuses on the movie and ignoring him, defeated.

“Hey, Rey, I didn’t mean it like that,” he says apologetically.

She shrugs, “It’s cool. I’m just a kid, I probably shouldn’t hear about that kind of stuff.”

“You are one of a few favorite people I have, I don’t want to make it weird with talking about stuff like that,” he explains, nudging her in the arm with his fist.

“I understand, Ben,” she flashes him a false smile and lays back with her head at the end of the couch. Directly across from a vent as the air conveniently kicks in.

He watches as her cute little nipples press to her sheer cotton shirt. “I don’t mean to imply you wouldn’t understand it. You look like you are fully capable.”

Shushing him when her favorite scene comes on. The one where Zack and Miri connect during their _scene_.

He looks at the screen after seeing her hone in on the scene and tune him out. It is kind of a sweet scene, he thinks. Thinking it’s not a big deal and then it is a big deal, and they’ve known… each… other… forever…

“Um, Rey,” he says his voice oddly deeper than a moment ago.

“Yeah,” she looks at him.

He doesn’t have anything to say, he just wants to see her face. How grown and beautiful she is. The sharp red lips that rest in a soft pout. How her hips have widened and her breasts have filled in. She isn’t a child anymore. He can see that. It’s pretty evident he has lied to himself for the last couple of years about how she has been changing.

“Ben?” she says curiously.

His heart does a funny flip at his name coming from her lips with that amazing voice she has developed. “Hmmm?”

“What? You said my name and just froze.”

“Oh,” he shakes off his thoughts, “Want to lay over here? It’s better than having your feet kicking me in the leg.”

“Um, sure,” she agrees cautiously, turning around and resting her head in his lap.

His hand immediately goes to sweeping her hair from her face as she tries to focus on the movie.

She’s done this before, but not in a long time and it used to end up with him tickling her so she would get up. Is he nervous around her? He keeps freezing, and it makes her anxious that he just sees the kid in her that she used to be. Her pulse begins to race as his fingers touch her scalp pulling her hair back for her, then lingering in the strands for bit longer than necessary. She tries not to, but she lets out a sigh at his touch.

“I’m sorry about your girlfriend,” she says, trying to stop the awkward sensation even though she wants to welcome it. “Her loss, really.”

Rey slams a mental hand over her mouth. That was a clear and direct flirt.

“I agree,” he says, his fingers pulling the hair from her shoulder, an excuse to brush the exposed skin there.

Focusing again on the movie, she goes silent. Unsure how to respond to his touches, but then they stop and she wants more. Rolling to her back she keeps her head towards the movie, but now her chest is in sight and accessible. She lets out another sigh.

Ben holds back a laugh at her move. Her nipples are almost hard, poking into the fabric of her shirt.

“Comfy?” he asks, shuffling beneath her to hide his growing erection.

“Yeah.”

Looking up at the heavens asking for forgiveness, he then runs his finger tips along her collar bone testing her response. Feeling her stiffen beneath his touch, he holds his breath to see if she brushes him away. Slowly, he begins to rotate his fingers in a wide circle. This time she holds her breath. She’s into it, he can tell. Then he curses at himself internally, he is a bad man. This is his younger cousin.

Somehow, she doesn’t protest and he trims his fingers down the front of her shirt reaching for the hem. If he’s going for it, he may as well go for it. His index finger hooks the edge of her shirt and pulls it up and over her breasts as he watches her nipples pebble further in the air.

Hearing her swallow hard, he waits a moment. His palm hovering over her breast, so close, feeling the heat radiate off of her. Gently, he sets his palm over the entirety of her breast, enjoying how she arches herself against his touch. Thank God he moved his erection from beneath her head.

Teasing her skin for a long while, watching how her chest moves rather than watch the movie. The way it rises to reach more of his hand. He’s not sure how much time passes, but he goes slow, memorizing every moment.

Grazing her nipples one at a time, just a soft touch, makes her shudder. It doesn’t escape him how her thighs press together the more he focuses on her pert little buds. Rolling them between his fingers, alternating to keep her on edge. She doesn’t stop watching the movie, even when the credits begin to roll, so he figures he is relatively safe with what he is doing. Too committed to back out now.

As he pulls and manipulates her nipples, he can’t stop watching how her hips begin to shuffle in a noticeable grinding motion. Her thighs pressed tight together. He imagines what she feels like, how wet she is for him, and when he gets done imagining it, he goes for that too.

He rests his hand on her bare belly first, creeping down her center line, she swallows hard again. Another deep breath and his fingers meet the waist of her shorts. Plucking the button open easily. The zipper slides down on it’s own as his hand enters beneath her panties. He was right, all lace.

_Fuck!_

Biting his lip he lets his middle finger dip into the beginning of her crease, immediately noticing the wetness waiting for him. He lets it graze over her already protruding little nub, silently groaning inside his head at how perfect she feels. Smiling when her soft little hand grabs the side of his shirt.

Looking down, he sees her facing up towards him now. Eyes closed, cheeks rosy and her lip sucked in between her teeth. Nervous, but welcoming. She’s so hot, so beautiful.

When he glides his finger back over her entire crease, tracing more moisture towards her clit, she shudders at his touch again. Her chin rising in tune with her chest as her hips follow. His free hand wraps in her hair as he strokes her in slow time. Letting his finger sink deeper against her, running deeper, dipping just inside her entrance.

Her hips gyrate against his hand, while she fists his shirt tightly. Sinking into the couch a bit he reaches further into her pants, letting his finger penetrate her core. Hot to the touch, her juices ooze over his finger as she shimmies her body towards him. Getting her pussy closer to his touch. He shoves his middle two fingers inside of her, his thumb slipping around her bundle of nerves. Curving his fingers upwards, he can’t help but to love the look of distress on her face.

Head thrown back, mouth gasping for air with her eyes shut tight pleading in her mind to just let herself go. She is easy to set off. Her muscles contracting all over her body and releasing in short little spurts as she slips over into her orgasm where she finally freezes her hand shoving his hand deep between her legs as they close in on him.

She keeps his hand trapped as she comes down. Her heartbeat returning to normal, she opens her eyes to see him smirking at her. Her hands cover her face in embarrassment, until he wriggles his fingers inside of her and she looks at him again.

“Is that what you wanted Rey?” he asks, his voice comforting. “I’m guessing that is why the sexy underwear, and the red lip gloss, and the way you keep wiggling around near me. Am I wrong?”

She shakes her head.

His fingers wiggle inside of her again, and she cringes in pleasure. “You sure?”

“Yes,” she says clearly. “Yes, that is what I wanted.”

Curving his fingers inside of her again, he rubs that inflamed spot that keeps her shuddering with each caress. “You like the way I touch you?”

“Uh huh.” She licks her lips, growing accustom to his fingers being inside of her still.

Of course that’s when he pulls them out. “Do you taste good?” He sucks his fingers into his mouth licking her from his digits as she watches in shock. “What you’ve never had your pussy eaten?”

“Never anything, actually.”

He closes his eyes tightly, “I’m sorry Rey I shouldn’t have done that.”

She sits up in his lap and laughs. “No, no don’t be. I wanted you. I want you, still.”

He hesitates. “Rey, this was not the best idea.”

“Ben Solo, stop being dramatic. What part of I want you did you not understand? I want you. I want you to touch me. I want you to be my first… to eat my pussy,” she gets quiet at the end, too shy to say it as bluntly as he did. “Everything. I want _you_.”

Cradling her cheeks he doesn’t wait to crush his lips to hers. His tongue slipping into her mouth as she tries to keep up, groaning into his mouth. He flips her onto her back and he pins her to the couch pressing his erection against her. Kissing her until he is out of breath, his hands roaming over her chest.

“Hold on, if your a virgin, do you know if your hymen has been broken or worn away?”

She looks at him awkwardly. “How would I know that?”

Shoving his hand back into her pants he presses his fingers deep inside of her again. Reveling in her tightness. “Well, it’s mostly gone, but not enough. Let’s go to my room so you don’t bleed all over my mom’s prize couch, that probably smells like your pussy anyway.”

Stopping by the bath closet in the hall he grabs a towel that he throws down on his bed. “Take your clothes off Rey. All of them.”

She obeys, clearly shy as she tries to cover herself climbing into the middle of his bed. He strips quickly, pouncing on her, his large frame shuffling the bed away from the wall a bit. She laughs at his playfulness. Reaching for him, her arms around his neck she places her lips on his.

“Hold on,” he says, a grin on his lips as he slips down her body. “I’m going to go visit with your pussy for a minute.”

He yanks her flat on the bed. Throwing her legs over his shoulders and pinning her hips to keep her in place as his lips wrap around her sensitive nub giving it a suck, before lapping at her from top to bottom. Twisting his tongue inside her core, thrusting it in before lapping his way back to her clit, popping it in his mouth again. Suckling her as her thighs quiver helplessly beside his head.

She throws her forearm over her face, heart racing. It’s hard to imagine that Ben’s face is so intimately close to her right now. Not only close, but lavishing her with his lips and tongue. Her clit burning from her first orgasm, the second hiding on the precipice. The harder he sucks and licks at her, the more she quivers, riding some kind of imaginary line of pleasure and pain, fighting to see which side will win. No matter how unbelievable it is that his face is flush to her pussy, she is lost to feel of him, wishing she could feel the embarrassment of the her fluids flooding his face. It’s a loss to her though, she is a victim of his oral skills, his tongue tormenting her in the most delicious way.

With her eyes shut tight beneath the weight of her arm, her free hand slinks into his shaggy hair, directing him to the right spot as she pumps her hips towards his amazing tongue. Her chests heaves as she nearly chants his name through weighted breath, groaning in between. The line she rides so close to the end he pulls her hardened little organ into his mouth and sucks her hard, his teeth grazing her most delicate flesh. Hips stuttering against him now. He grips her hips painfully, as she reaches for him. Her pelvis thrusting against his mouth. His teeth graze across her little spot one last time and she screams his name. Loudly, painfully grinding against him, the pain and the pleasure intermingling too intimately to separate.

His slicked face slides up from beneath the covers, a proud grin upon his shiny lips. “I think it is safe to say, oral is something you enjoy.”

She rolls her head to the side looking at his smug face from where he settles beside her. Her breathing so hard she can barely see straight. “Uh huh.”

Using the sheet he wipes his face as she watches him, glassy eyed and molten, melting into his bed. He reaches for her face sweeping sweat from her hair line and a stray hair behind her ear. “You look so beautiful after being ruined.”

“Partially… ruined,” she huffs.

“Partially ruined, you know I was thinking we don’t have to do that if you are burnt out.”

“Ben Solo, reach into that drawer. Grab a condom. Put it on and fuck me already. I don’t care if it hurts or doesn’t or if I even can’t get up for two days after, just please… fuck me,” she says, swallowing hard as she begins to catch her breath.

“Okay,” he replies softly.

He sheaths himself quickly, kneeling between her legs staring at her perfect virgin pussy. He has to admit he may have thought about defiling once or twice over the years, but never seriously until tonight. She pulsates as he watches her, shimmering with her mixing with his saliva. He runs his hand lovingly over her puffiness, imagining what entering her would do to her after. Would she get even more puffy? Would she hurt?

“Are you nervous?” Rey asks, pulling him from his thoughts.

He shakes his head no. “Maybe a little, but only because I never thought this would happen and… wait, how do you know where I keep my stash of condoms at?” His hand still teasing her outer labia.

“Jesus Ben, I go through your room when you aren’t here, wanna know why?” she says her hips swaying to his teasing.

“Yeah, I do.”

She waves her finger at him. “Come here.”

Following orders he leans down towards her. “Why?”

She shakes her head. “Put it in first.”

Listening again, he presses himself against her before slipping in halfway, letting her acclimate. Using her expression to guide him. Sinking in, slowly enveloped by her beautiful warmth sucking him in naturally.

“I’m in,” he whispers once her face relaxes.

She yanks him close wrapping him in her arms while leaning in towards his ear. “It’s because I have been in love with you since I was eight. When you went away I would come and masturbate in your bed to the smell of one of your shirts. I’ve been secretly fucking you in my imagination for just over a decade and now I’ve made you mine forever.”

“Fucking Christ, Rey, this is so unnatural,” he groans, moving his hips slowly not to lose it too fast.

“Is it Ben? This feels just about perfect to me,” she groans at the feel of him moving, filling the inside of her.

“Yeah, it does,” he agrees, groaning with her, his hips pressing deep against hers before pulling back to press against her again, never fully leaving the comfort of her. “You feel so fucking good.”

Her hands stroke through his hair and along his neck as he focuses hard to not cum yet. Wanting to feel her thoroughly around him. Never having the chance to fuck a virgin, let alone one that loves him, he wants it to last. He barely moves inside of her.

“Ben, you can cum,” she whispers in his ear, kissing him on the cheek.

“I want to make it a good memory for you, it should be special,” he suggests, his voice showing how hard he is fighting his orgasm.

“Look at me.”

His eyes find hers, seeing the glow inside.

“You already have.” She smiles as she pushes her hips towards him. “Now you get to enjoy yourself. Fuck me like you have been dreaming about me for a decade.”

Pressing his lips against hers he picks up his rhythm, slamming into her. Their skin smacking as his bed shuffles across the floor to his movement. Even then, he finds himself fighting his release, he wants to bury himself in her and never leave. She is tight, but the best fit for him. Wet enough he glides into her easily. He loves the way her fingers are running through his hair and over his scalp. When she tells him to cum... he loses it. Thrusting hard through his orgasm, wishing it was his cock painting her insides instead of the inside of a condom.

Laying to her side, resting his head on her small frame, he closes his eyes to the feel of her fingers still playing in his hair. His now very sweaty hair, but she just keeps playing with it. It feels so relaxing he could almost got to sleep, but then he wouldn’t be able to feel her warm body next to his.

“We can’t tell my parents,” he says suddenly.

Rey laughs softly, “Obviously, but you know what they don’t know won’t kill them.”

“This might,” he jokes.

“Ben, I’m not going to tell them. And when you leave, you’ll go back to your college girls and I’ll be stuck here fingering myself alone in your bed.”

“It won’t be forever,” he says, kissing her bare chest.

“No?”

“I hope not.”


	2. Chapter 2

The fading summer air flips her hair tossing it into a knotted mess. No cares to how hard it will be to straighten out later. She made it. Rey is heading to the college of her everlasting fantasies, the top of her pretty new car down, basking in the last of the summer’s rays, the tentative warmth a welcome embrace. She has no worries for one primary reason, the reason she continues to breathe every day. Yes, every cycle of the sun she experiences, she does so for one person and one person only. Ben Solo.

Accepting years ago saying shit like that sounds far too dramatic, she doesn’t mention it much. She can’t even talk to anyone about why, or even the who part, because it’s borderline taboo. Only because of their circumstances. A lot of her school friends thought of them like siblings, a term she has stomped on since she was old enough to develop her first crush, dispersing that idea into nothing time and time again. No, you can’t crush on a brother, and in no way was she ever going to pretend he was so in order to make her home life seem reasonable to the rest of society conforming to what they are only comfortable with. She is not into herding with the rest.

They are cousins, she is fairly certain by marriage. Her parents died so long ago, and this was the family that she was sent to live with when immediate family wasn’t available. She thinks that her father’s brother married someone’s sister and somehow she fell in the middle and they labeled it cousins because it was family, but yet, not siblings. No, never siblings, she would throat punch anyone who said they were.

It’s inconceivable, but she was able to express her affections for him once. A couple years ago. Managing to prod him into it before admitting her deepest feelings with the use of a good underwear and shorts combo and longtime favorite very red lip gloss. He never found the courage to reciprocate verbally, but she has always sensed his attachment to her. The way his body matched hers with their imbalanced sizes was undeniably unexpected, but ultimately perfection. His length and size melded into her depth, a unique heat blending in a harmony a five piece voice group could not compete with. It was easy to read between his well built lines, as his phone calls home to her picked up after that weekend. He never mentioned it, so she respected that, knowing he had a difficult time processing what happened, but he left an exorbitant amount of gray area. Easily open to interpretation. Leaving it in her opinion up to time. Time has worked it’s way into the now, and she is ready to seize it.

If he was all that concerned about it he wouldn’t have allowed her to bunk with him in his new apartment. Located conveniently on the outskirts of campus. Not close to too many students, far enough to not have to bother to move once he is done with his studies. She would have her own room, but she had plans to change all of that. Girlfriend or not, Ben is going to bond with her there. She knows he will having always been close so easily as children. Only awkward for a bit in between then and now.

Rey can taste the sun in the air, it’s as bright as she feels, as sweet as her lip gloss. The flavor of the impending Fall rests along her tongue in the way of leaves as they begin to turn, sweet and crisp like that of a freshly ripened apple. But the sun, today is still bright. She can almost feel her freckles surfacing to kiss it hello. Ben always made a point to acknowledge how cute her freckles were, drawing pretend lines between them across her nose and cheeks, the lines between the stars in the galaxy he once said. Maybe he’ll find a way to connect some of the others.

The drive is only a couple of hours, but the miles extend before her in what feels like an endless collection of lines and curves. Radio blasting tunes, she sips her iced tea with one hand on the wheel. Ben drifting in and out of her mind like the sparse collection of thin clouds above. The road is fairly clear which helps as she pushes her toes a bit heavier on the pedal. Wind spins her hair. It whips about her face and the smile she knows she has had perma-glued on since she stepped out of the house for the last time. At least from a permanent stand point. No going back for this girl.

In her great expedience she successfully arrives parking in a street parking spot and taking in the off white square, modern apartment building he chose. Finger flicking the off button on her GPS, she raises her sunglasses, grinning widely as she exhales stiffly through her red-glossed lips.

The grass is still green, the trees just barely changing. Nice enough for the neighbor to keep their dog on a line in what would be considered their yard. Birds fluttering at the barking. Kids fling a Frisbee in the yard by the next building over. Each complex holding four apartments two upper, two lower. Ben is on the upper left. She already knows from the picture he sent her on where to go when she gets there. Getting to adult and get out on her own is all too perfect.

She grabs two of her bags, slamming the trunk closed before heading up the walk. She glances at the dog as it pulls to get towards her, a dopey grin with it’s tongue hanging out of it’s mouth.

“Me too,” she whispers to the dog at his happy greeting.

The climb is a pain in the butt with the weight of her bags, glad she won’t have to do it again, certain Ben would gather the rest of her things for her. She drops them at his door’s threshold giving a solid knock, suddenly nervous and sucking in a deep breath. Only letting it out when he swings the door open giving her a confused grin.

His freshly showered wet hair dips heavily across his face almost veiling his soft brown eyes. A grin blending his excitement at her arrival with the questioning of his eyes to why she would be so hesitant to enter her new apartment. Jogging shorts, the nice kind, and no shirt, socks or shoes. An outfit designed for lounging. Skin with a sticky sheen of having recently showered, he steps back giving her a gesture to enter as he gathers her bags behind her.

“I told you to just come in when you arrived.”

“Sorry, nerves.”

Her nerves more than his. The depth of his acting skills so adept at pretending what happened between them didn’t, she knows it’s her that will feel the most awkward in their situation. Reminding herself he still allowed for her to move in, a situation begging to be further explained. In the meantime she is home.

The walls are all white with a nondescript poster over the cheap college couch featuring space. The kitchenette bright with cabinets a lovely common gray, the dining area nearly tiny, but fit with a small bar table and two chairs. A cute baker’s rack with some essential cooking ware and books is tucked into the corner. It almost looks like a girl has lived here, it doesn’t have same edge, or smell his room back home had possessed. Yet, somehow it had a mostly masculine vibe resonating from the sparse, but adequately needed belongings.

He totes her bags to the back corner of the short hallway, passing a bathroom on the left to two rooms across the hall from one another at the end. Turning left, he guides her into her room dropping her bags by the closet. Her eyes scope out what looks to be a queen size bed, a nice wide dresser and a cheap desk in the corner next to a set of bookshelves. Nodding, she turns to him standing beside the closet, a large closet at least.

“I have more things to get from my car.”

“Keys,” he says, his hand palm up in front of her.

She drops them into his open reach and smiles when he clicks his tongue at her before going to get the rest of her things. Taking a moment to see what he is living with, she quickly notices his room smells nothing like him. Not intimately anyway, there is a tad bit of his cologne lingering by his bed, but most of the room smells like a decent drugstore perfume that she probably would have pocketed when she was more wild in her early teens. Not recognizing the specific fragrance, she does recognize the female element she has been picking up on.

In the corner of his room a chair sits with a teddy bear and a handful of girls clothing items laying over the back. Confirming her fears, she moves on to the bathroom finding the cute fluffy towel he would have never bought hanging nicely on the towel rack, his scuffed on a hook on the wall. An extra toothbrush and a box of tampons in the medicine cabinet pretty well sums up her thoughts. It was a challenge she knew was a good possibility, but it doesn’t look like she is completely living in, just occasionally. Confident she can break that up she tries not to worry about it much, but then Ben walks by her to drop some of her things in her room before joining her.

“Sara’s cleaned everything up for you, the empty spaces are for your things.”

_FUCK!_

“That was considerate,” she bites her lip from saying more. “So, where is Sara?”

Ben gives her a sideways glance on his way out to her car for his second trip. His eyes darting around immediate contact with hers. “Work, she’ll be home in a few hours.”

_FUCKITY DUCKITY._

She has  real competition.

There it is the cement blocks to the feet of her initial ideas, quickly thrown over into the river of disappointment to drown. One last look through the bathroom and she realizes Sara is probably a minimalist or a truly broke college student. A chill of disgust flutters over her shoulder s and up through her neck. Another girl was a possibility, but a live in one  is not a great start. Rey is a determined girl though, she has sought out her place in Ben’s life for years and this Sara girl has another thing coming if she thinks for even a moment Rey  i sn’t going to be the largest thorn in her side. 

“That’s all of it. Did you plan on staying awhile?” he teases her as she stands aimlessly in the hallway.

“You know just a for a bit,” she jokes fake punching him like he used to do to her all the time.

A weird spark of energy passes through them, both pausing and then separating. “I’ll go put my things away for awhile.”

Giving her a plain nod, he turns his back to her. Leaving her to fret over her new concerns.

It’s here. The day Ben had thought would feel much further away than it actually is. Not that he ever wants to put off seeing Rey, literally, she lights up his life. Her name couldn’t have suited her more honestly. At least it is a sunny, nice day the air still warm as Fall creeps it’s fingers into the trees painting leaves with their first touch of reds and oranges. 

He finds himself drawn to the sliding door on his balcony peering out, waiting, minutes passing like hours. His panic button depressed a few days ago, when Rey reminded him that this upcoming weekend was  _the_ weekend. The big one, the one she will move in and forever change the course of their lives in some new grand way, and how the hell was he going to explain to Rey that Sara had all but moved in with him?

Impressed, Rey had taken him having a girlfriend with a grain of salt. He didn’t imagine the maturity she would have, knowing how much he means to her. High school girls usually still guarded over their emotions, not yet having reign over where their feelings go at times. Rey has always had a great sense of who she is and what she wants, never letting emotions get the best of her that way. 

It’s not like he could forget that weekend. A weekend built in bliss with her running around in her cute lacy bras and panties to tease him. He shocked himself when he fell for it while she was still dressed the first night home. The rest of the weekend who could blame him, a beautiful girl like Rey, the cute little tease that she  i s. Only for him, at least in that one perfect fucked up weekend with his parents out of town and his cousin in his bed,  she was . He could never explain what happened to Sara, hell to anyone especially his parents.

They both agreed it was their experience, therefore their secret. A real go to the grave situation, even if Rey is right and they are super distant or not blood related in itself. It is still hard to explain with the way people’s minds tend to work with that stuff. Rey had also said it best. He would go back to college and get back with college girls. So that is exactly what he did to assuage the guilt he carried back to school in some very heavy extra baggage. 

She also joked how she would continue to sneak into his room and get comfortable in his bed in order to persuade herself to cum quietly in the cover of night, or the calm of an empty house in the afternoons. It was his one go to place mentally when he needed a little help sleeping at night and Sara was not at his disposal. Sometimes, he thought of Rey even with Sara, and a whole new level of guilt chip s away at his self preservation. 

Rey is all encompassing, he has known that his whole life. Always there to pester him, to cheer him up. She was a built in best friend. Frankly, it had pissed him off for awhile that she had to be just that much younger that their childhood years they did spend together weren’t the kind they had a lot of thing to bond over. They always relied on their personal experiences and needs with a mix of some movie nights here and there. It was so much like  _family_ time it never occurred to him that it could ever be more. So absorbed in his teenage lust, he never spent a lick of his high school days hanging out with her. Still bonded, but not the same.

After college that bond sort of shifted, and then came that weekend. After a couple of years of filling in the blanks, Rey goes and throw a stick of dynamite at their clearly, inadequately built platform of their regrowing bond. The college guy in him wants to condemn her as a teenage bitch, but the part of him that knows her so well wants to applaud her for being her and sticking to her guns after all life has stolen from her. Then he remembers in all of those thoughts, buried underneath all the weird and backwards way s they can look at things, he could never leave her. 

He will always have a role in her life, and that means if something ever changes between them or he walks her down the aisle one day, she’s too important to him to throw off to the side for his own selfish reasoning. So, when she asked if she could move in, he had to say yes. For whatever means that brings to their so-called end, he knew he couldn’t say no.

Sara was not terribly pleased with the idea, but he explained it wasn’t an option. She chose to stay and see it through. It all seems like a big mess waiting to spill, but he didn’t see another way out at the time.

Sitting on the couch he listens through the fairly thin walls as she shuffles through boxes, hearing the clank of hangers on the rod in the closet, drawers sliding open and closed. Sara would be home soon, and here he is on his couch with a massive hard on wondering if Rey has brought any of those cute lingerie sets. Would she wear them around him like she had? She does live here now and in two years things have changed some. She didn’t exactly hold to the keeping her hands in her own pants story like she had suggested she would. 

Rey dated a guy for the better part of her senior year and the summer leading up to it. The jealous fury he felt when his mom had to tell him she was out with her boyfriend and couldn’t talk. For a short moment he thought it was possible his mom heard it in his voice. All that sex him and Rey had that weekend. She could hear that in his disappointment, he was positive, knowing it was completely ridiculous to think so. It was also never mentioned or as he expected accused. He had to tell himself how crazy it was for him to care that way. He had no reason to be jealous, but then he met Sara and that jealousy weakened. 

He had a nice cozy cunt to bury his disappointment in and she was so great at being with him, he just let her keep hanging around until she moved most of her basics in. Still having her own apartment, she spends most nights with him. Rey is going to filet him like a fucking fish if she finds out that Sara isn’t his deeply connected love like he pretends she is. She would see straight through to the act and call him out for basically being a pussy afraid of chasing what he really wants. 

Puppies, kittens, baby goats, none of which help him with his erection. He grabs the remote and flips on a game, any game, doesn’t matter as long as he can switch his thoughts for awhile. 

The better part of the afternoon into early evening Rey puts all of her energy into her room. Setting it up to stamp her presence over the apartment in order to mark her territory, even going as far to spritz her body spray all over her room and maybe a couple of times in the bathroom as well. She isn’t usually one of those girls, laughing at the ones like that, at least the more impetuous ones. Not that she would ever hold any ill will towards those girls overall, a girl has got to do what she has to do sometimes. But she doesn’t believe boys should be the inspiration for one’s actions that might give them more trouble than it’s worth. Ben is someone very worthy of her efforts, her ex not so much. 

What Ben doesn’t know about her ex, is he is tall and dark and being an athlete playing for the football team gave him a nice build too. He wasn’t the best match, but he was close enough. After one of her track meets he approached her and was quite nice to her. It in itself was worth the effort to temper her need for Ben. 

She isn’t going to complain about the fun she had managed to derive from her ex,  but  nothing will amount to Ben. A lost effort before it began, her ex simply a placeholder. She broke up with  him a month after graduation. Turns out while he didn’t want to go separate ways, he was okay with it due to them going to different colleges. It was likely going to happen anyway. They made the usual agreement to stay in touch and if things change they would seek each other out.

She did find her emotions for him blossomed over time, never love though. That’s how she knew it would be Ben. Ben is everything and not in the compulsive obsessive way females like to idolize guys they think they have a connection with. They have real experiences together. It’s kismet.

Flopping on her bed, she attempts to keep a nice buffer between her and Ben for now. It’s her first day, no reason to go apeshit over him and make him or his frickin’ girlfriend Sara uncomfortable. She isn’t looking forward to meeting her however, and the moment she feels herself begin to relax Ben calls for her to come out to meet her and to discuss something for dinner.

_Ah, fuck this._

Prying herself from the brief comfort of her fluffy new comforter she heads down the hallway peering around the corner reluctantly into the sitting room. Her heart drops finding them together on the couch his arm around her as she is telling him about her day. 

“Rey, why are you hiding in the hallway, get in here.”

Complying she steps the rest of the way around the corner.

“Sara this is my kid cousin, Rey,” he introduces her- like a fucking child. 

Sara jumps up and hugs her to her tightly, the side of her face buried in the top of her bosom as she glares at Ben, he shrugs apologetically while mouthing ‘sorry.’

“I have heard so much about you!” 

“Really, I haven’t heard too much about you. Not yet anyway. I’m sure I’ll get caught up,” Rey snipes. Ben catching it easily while Sara just smiles and returns to her spot next to Ben.

He mouths for her to be nice and she plasters on the lovely pretend smile she has used for years to convince the world around her she is okay. Flopping in the chair cornering the couch she looks at the TV for distraction. Boring old weather report prattling on about the upcoming changes and how soon summer will be missed. 

“Have you picked major, Rey?” Sara inquires, her voice warm, welcoming. 

_What an ass kisser…_

“General studies first two years, with an emphasis in science. Probably major in plant biology or agricultural sciences,” Rey replies, eyeing Ben as she speaks, seeing if he is impressed with her.

“Well thought out choices.”

“Oh, a just a few years worth of research. I heard there was a great science department here.”  
“So, dinner?” Ben’s hand s both come down on top of his knees with a  light smack . 

Rey and Sara turn to look at him, though Rey offers him a snicker.

“What are we doing? Order in?” Ben continues.

“How about that pizza joint you kept telling me about? The one with a bar and dance floor? Club Pie or something goofy like that?” Rey suggests, giving a cursory glance at Ben again.

“Sure,” he sighs, “Why not?” He turns to Sara for her to agree.

“Okay.”

Ben orders a large pie and a pitcher of beer as they sit at a high top off to the side of the dance floor. The music thrumming loud enough to impede conversation. Sara keeps leaning into Ben and chatting in his ear. When the pitcher comes he watches Rey pour herself a glass and smile at him, glass raised in the air, a quiet toast to her arrival. She downs half in a swift mo ve reminding him she isn’t the child he tries to hold onto. 

“How long for the pizza did they say?” Rey asks over the cacophony of college students.

“Twenty minutes or so,” Sara answers.

“Great! I have time to hit the dance floor.” 

The second bit of her glass goes down easily, she slaps the glass back onto the glossy worn in table top. He eyes her carefully as she disappears among the crowd.

“Feisty one, that one.”

He turns to Sara and offers her a small smile. “Yes, she is. Always more spirit than could ever be needed.”

“You can go dance with her, she’ll appreciate the company until she meets people,” Sara suggests.

Pouring himself a beer, he takes a sip and looks back at her. “I think she is doing just fine on her own.”

Rey is practically rubbing her ass on the guy that has joined her on the floor. A grin on her face, she glances over at them with a wave. Her tight shirt accentuates the way her breasts move to the motion around her. Refusing to watch her clear act of seduction he keeps his attention on his girlfriend who is trying to somehow make working at a bank sound interesting. A few hours is all it took for Rey to become all encompassing to him. 

He really should have known, but he hadn’t seen her in so long he thought he was strong enough to resist. Seeing how wrong he was with that train of thought he begins attempting to come up with ways he will be able to resist her. He has a girlfriend after all that he is comfortably ignoring as his brains spins around Rey and his eyes  catch her lips touch ing the ear of the guy she is dancing with as she whispers to him. 

“Fuck,” he says bluntly.

“I’m sorry?” Sara looks at him. “Are you talking to me?”

Turning his attention to her, he shakes his head. “No, no. It’s that kid over there, no longer being a kid.” 

He covers for himself. She smiles kissing him on the cheek. “It is super sweet that you let her move in with you. I’m sure you’ll get used to her being grown up now.”

“Maybe,” he admits, the pizza landing in the center of the table before him. 

Rey doesn’t hesitate to come over and pour another glass of beer, taking a swig before grabbing a slice, returning to her dance partner. Leaving a fading thank you floating behind her. 

Ben allows her some fun for a little over an hour. Watching her grind on a couple of different guys that keep trying to be slick and touch her accidentally. Afraid if he reacts his jealousy would show instead of the protective side that should. Soon Sara is begging for them to go home. 

After patting her leg in acknowledgment he goes to seek Rey out, but she isn’t on the dance floor and he spends the next ten minutes looking all over the crowded restaurant finding her tucked away in a corner booth, a guy older than him pawing her all over. Their lips are pressed together, rapidly seeking deeper access from one another, until Rey peeks up at him with one eye after he clears his throat.

If she wanted to make him irate, she has succeeded. Even more than usual because he can’t even act on it here. Not in front of a crowd o r  his girlfriend, he is above creating a scene to play in her little game she has unraveling before him. Giving him a wink, she slowly pushes the guy back.

“Sorry, duty calls,” she laughs. 

Climbing out of the booth, Ben quickly notices by the way she slips and slides that she has had more to drink that what she had at their table. He secures her upper arm a little too firmly, Rey too drunk to notice as he drags her across the bar to meet up with Sara. 

“Found her,” he growls. 

Pushing past the crowd, including Sara, he drags Rey to the car and drops her in the back seat. Sara approaches the passenger side of the car, Ben looking over the hood at her shaking his head.

“She’ll learn Ben, it’s her first night.”

His fist slams on top of the hood, both girls jumping. “I’m sorry, you’re right.”

Sara climbs in quietly, belting herself in quickly. Ben turn the ignition, clearly still annoyed. The ride is quiet up until they pull up in front of his building. Rey sits up and leans in between t heir seats a huge goofy grin on her face.  
“That guy wanted to fuck me so bad,” she laughs. 

Nothing more than a short beat later, her face pales then begins to turn a strange shade of green. Hand slamming over her face, Ben jumps out and pulls her through  her door. Insisting she can’t puke in his car he hold s her over the street gutter, hair pulled back in his hands.

“I’m going in while you deal with this mess,” Sara says bitingly. “She can’t be doing this to you all the time Ben, remember she’s going to want to.”

“Sara, it’s fine. I’ll handle it.” His voice thick and demanding.

“You better,” she tuts, the sound of Rey vomiting in the background.

After getting her inside and a wet wash cloth to wipe her face, he drops her in her bed. Removing her shoes for her he stares at her from the doorway. 

“Dam m it Rey.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are definitely my favorite horny little assholes!

If there were ever a time in his life that Ben wished his apartment had a bathroom in the master bedroom, this night would be that time. Getting up to go in the middle of the night is miserable enough when you are sleeping well, but walking by Rey’s bedroom to overhear her on the phone discussing what she is- devastating.

With her door ajar by only a mere inch he hears her panting softly between whispers. Stepping backwards he pulls his door closed, one hand pressing against it to soften the sound as the door knob hitches into place. He leans against her doorjamb ear pressed to the crack. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but he is all too familiar with that breathing and he can’t force himself to leave her be. Not when she keeps whispering into her phone.

‘I miss you too,’ and ‘I am so wet for you, Josh,’ slips through her lips in a hush. Between her throaty moans and pants. In his mind he sees her with her hand inside her panties, her knuckles pressing against the fabric as her fingers rotate against her beautiful little bit of flesh, small and hard. Ripe to be plucked into his mouth and holy shit, who is she talking to?

_Josh? Was Josh her ex? Didn’t she break up with him? Holy shit is she having a phone sex booty call with her ex, because he has a girlfriend? How is she conscious right now after how drunk she was? Jesus Ben, leave her alone she is an actual adult now._

He chastises himself for listening in, even more as he catches himself with his dick tightly gripped by his fist inside his shorts. Caught up in the sounds of her erotic symphony, carried away by it’s melodic embrace, he somehow completely misses the fact that he decided to grope himself. No fucks given towards his other bits of wallowing over her ex. That fucker is still an ex, and he knows no way he ever made her cum like he has.

 _Get a grip, dude. She is your KID COUSIN. No, she isn’t a kid and even if she is a cousin, it ain’t all that deep and it doesn’t matter_ _to him_ _._ _He gave up the right to be disturbed by that idea in the sweep of one weekend._

He wants her back, badly. Her voice panting drags on from her room.

‘Josh, where do you wish you could put your cock in me right now?’ Her voice sultry, antagonizing that poor guy’s deep sadistic tastes.

Ben knows exactly where he would sink his cock in her. In every orifice she has, each time a different delicious escapade. His fist twisting around the head of his cock tightly, he wonders if this Josh guy is even close enough to compare. Ben hasn’t had any complaints from women with the exception of maybe being too thick. Is that even a real complaint? Pressing into their precious depths he knows he pulls and tears at their entrances and the delicate flesh within at times. It’s a turn on for him, power in his cock forcing girls to weep in his arms. Yet, they always come back for more. Rey only wept for him when he left, each time he left. In his arms, she begged for more.

Heart dancing in his chest, his hand strokes the thick length of his cock smearing his precum that has already surfaced along the way. Lubricating himself to the idea of being the inside of her sweet little cunt. Head backed against the wall, eyes closed, the sound of her voice brings him closer with each rough tug along his rigidity. He has to hold back any groans, the ones he would scream for her if she were wrapped around him right now.

‘Uhhmmm, I like that, harder Josh,’ another verbal tease to her ex lover. ‘You like how wet I get for you? I want to cum with you.’

Her voice breaks, and he swears he can hear the slick juice of her squishing around beneath the feel of her own fingers. Leaning closer, his fist moving to the beat of her sounds. Oozing over the side of his hand, he squeezes the cum from the head of his dick.

‘I love you too,’ she whines her breath halting momentarily.

He can easily envision her hips arching upwards, her hand pressing hard against her swollen pussy as she derives every little spasm she can from herself. Near grunts eecking out from her throat. She cums hard, like she did with him that weekend her weak little body collapsing on him multiple times in multiple locations of that house. He was positive that they fucked in more places in that house than his parents ever gave a whirl.

For a long time he craved the way she clung to him, said his name, and groaned into his ear when she would vibrate into pieces around him. It took him years to fully get that craving under control, not even a full 24 hours after her moving in with him and here he is a like a horny teenager molesting himself in the hall to her getting off with another man on the phone. Sticky sperm all over his hand, he remembers he was heading to the bathroom after all.

When he yanks the bathroom door open when he is finished, his hands damp from washing, Rey stops him in the hall. A wicked glint in her eyes, she presses her hand to his ripped stomach, fingers wet from her pussy still as he tries to pass her with an apology.

“I hope you enjoyed that little performance of mine.” Her voice full of knowing, or acting much like she was sure she knew.

“I ignored what I heard and used the restroom Rey, your sex life is _your_ sex life,” he confirms, pulling her hand from his stomach by the wrist to drop at her side as he squeezes by her.

Heart aching, saying not only sex life to her because she isn’t a child anymore and that is the new norm, but that her sex life isn’t with him. He can’t let her do this to him. Sara was right. Jesus, what did Sara grasp from their interaction that made her access that from the get go?

Rey gives him a shrug, the door in hand to close before him, she sticks one of her fingers in her mouth and gives it a lurid lick in the process. “Hmm, sweet like a cupcake. Best lube, _ever_.”

The door closes in his face as he stares at it as though he is still staring at her. Lube? Did she need help getting wet? Never had that problem with him. Instinctively, like a preteen staring down the young teacher’s loose blouse he rubs his fingers over the dampness she left on his stomach giving it a cursory taste. She does taste like a fucking vanilla cupcake, and his dick swells at the very idea of using it to shove his dick into her ass, even though he knows it would never happen that easily. Spurning on the idea of the time it would take and the amount of stretching involved. The pain she would endure, would be a tasty reminder that he is in fact the one with all the power.

Standing in simply his shorts, slightly stained with cum already, his erection beating hard beneath the surface of his delicate flesh. Aching towards the waist of his boxer briefs for more, he pulls himself back from the door and goes into his bedroom. Poor Sara is going to get fucked hard, in the middle of the night, losing valuable sleep on a work night. Two can play at this game. Game on, Rey.

Rey waits until she hears the door to Ben’s room click closed, her head pressed to the back of the bathroom door, a tear streaming down her soft red cheek. She had hoped he would have just come in, hearing his breathing from the hall escalating with each of her own sounds. A fucking musical chorus of panting moans singing in pianissimo.

Tucking herself back in bed, she can hear the sounds emanating from the room beside hers. The bed ticking against the wall in time to his lovemaking. She knows that pattern, that rhythm, the one where he takes his time, stroking inside soft and deep. Her pussy remembers the way it would swell slowly to his movements as they conducted an elaborate tune from her as she would moan his name.

He isn’t in there fucking Sara, right now. Physically, yes, but in his mind he is thrusting into her as the bed claps against the wall, and moans escape that fucking bitch in his bed. Her pillow over her head isn’t enough to drown out the sound. She loves him, and he’s balls deep inside a different fucking woman. Throwing her pillow across the room, she sneaks down the hall and into the weirdly clean for a man’s apartment kitchenette. Digging in each cabinet and then fridge, finally locating a fifth of Fireball on top of the fridge. Fisting the wide neck she unscrews the top and downs enough for two shots, tossing the cap behind her it circles in the stainless steel sink.

The bottle accompanies her back to her room where she hears Sara and her guttural cock-struck induced moaning. Another swig here and there and the last of that bottle disappears the moment she hears them cum, together no less. Fucking perfectionist, he is, he did that on purpose not for Sara, but for her. She knows he isn’t always key on waiting for the girl, but he was great with her, not needing to wait. Always drawing from her the perfect orgasm in time with his own. Most other girls he had to play his cards right, investing in the right tactics.

She can cum nearly at the thought of him and he knows it, wondering if he hoped she was cumming to the sounds of him in the next room over. Keenly unaware women are not so easily piqued while the man they want is with another woman. Enraged rather than jealous, women tend to get provoked to fight harder. Women hate each other so easily. It’s something she never allowed herself to be a part of, until now. That fucking bitch in the next room is going to have to go, and soon.

Maybe the Fireball is doing it’s trick and making her a little fiery. She should sleep it off, but every time she closes her eyes she somehow sees them going at it. Hears them too, that sick wussy little grunting she does as she cums with him, fucking pathetic. Eventually, the room begins to spin and it doesn’t matter what the fuck her mind sees, she has to close them to stop the motion before she vomits again.

Ben pops suasage and bacon into two different hot pans he has going on the stove. Leaning against the lip of the counter by the sink, resting directly across from the stove he watches the meat as it sizzles and pops. Twisting the cap to his missing bottle of Fireball in his fingers. This isn’t going to go down well, and he can’t let her stay if she isn’t going to go on to be a drunken mess. Day two, and already they are onto their first real conversation.

He didn’t want to play this role. Wanting to be the good guy, the cool friend- cousin. That he could protect her and help her through her first year. She has no idea how lucky she is to not be rooming in a tiny ass, smelly dorm room like he had to. Knowing someone that can afford to have their own place, a two bedroom no less just off campus, what a lucky girl she has no idea she is.

Reaching for a spatula, he flips the greasy meat. It sizzles and pops again filling the kitchen with the raunchy smell of breakfast meats and he knows by now they have to be working their way down the hall to the bedroom door he flung open for her.

It only takes about fifteen minutes at ten in the morning after her binge to steel her from bed. The bathroom door slams and he hears the subtle sounds of her vomiting all that resides in her gut. A smile rests up on his lips, knowing that one she’ll feel better with all of that our of her system faster and two for inducing it with something she loves, but certainly won’t tolerate with being hung over.

The water runs for about five minutes. Him turning his meat and watching it cook to a lovely crispness before he starts moving it to a plate to drain the grease off. She appears, face clean, teeth brushed and eyes dark and baggy. She pulls herself to sit on the lip of the counter next to him, the sink just off to her right. Kicking him in the thigh with her dangling feet.

“You are truly an ass,” she manages with some difficulty, her voice harsh, eyes cringing at the sound of it.

“Oh darling, you know I figured you could use some protein. Get you going bright an early.”

“It’s ten fucking thirty, not early, only bright. Where the fuck is Sara, and aren’t you working these days?”

He turns the stove off, grabbing a piece of bacon and chewing a nice big bite. “That’s good stuff.”

Her face pales as he crunches his way through the strip.

“Sara starts her day about six am, she has to be there for the business morning runs. Myself, I took half a day, I have to go in soon. But I thought I would make sure you woke up and didn’t asphyxiate on your own vomit in the wee early hours of the morn.”

“What are you talking about?”

He tosses her the cap to the Fireball that she miraculously catches. Her eyes looking at the logo as she rolls it in her fingertips trying to remember the night before. “Fuck, Ben I can give you the twenty bucks for a new fifth of it. No big deal.”

Grabbing a sausage, he sinks his teeth in, the grease rolling down his chin. He sweeps it off with a napkin. Watching Rey’s face pale again, this time going that same shade of green from the night before. He takes one more bite, one more slip of oil, and she is hopping off the counter. Her head deep into the sink vomiting again, he slaps her hard on the ass, ignoring her cry.

“Yeah, you will replace my fifth and you are going to clean my kitchen and bathroom today too. Later, we’ll see about having a little talk, but this shit isn’t going to fly little girl. I don’t give a damn how old you want to pretend you are, but you are not that capable of all the choices and consequences that come with that projected age of yours. Maturity has a lot to do with age, love, and I’m not going to watch you drink yourself into a stupor, because I have a fucking girlfriend. You got it?”

Running the water, she grabs a palm full and washes her mouth before turning to him eyes rimmed with tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t drink much, I swear.” Puking again, the tears brimming her eyes slip down her cheeks. She washes her mouth out again and wipes her face. “I’ll be better for you.”

“Good, now get cleaned up and get to cleaning,” he demands.

Rey holds her thumb up, head still in the sink waiting for another round of nausea to pass. Hearing the front door click closed she relaxes some, still miserable. Rinsing the sink first she holds her breath as she tosses all the breakfast meats into the trash, turning the stove vent on to suck the nasty smell out of the air.

Grabbing a loaf of white bread she heads to the bathroom the bag hanging from her hand like a well loved doll being dragged around by the arm. She tosses the bag on the counter and starts the shower. It’s the typical bathtub/shower combo you find in most apartments so she figures she can eat a few slices easily while the water washes down over her back.

Maybe an hour passes as she caters to the aching acid growl of her stomach, lining it with dampened bread she eats in the shower, because she doesn’t give a damn. Eventually, she feels well enough to do as she was instructed, hating every minute of scrubbing his bathroom and kitchen like a maid because she owes him for her behavior. Can’t he just spank her and move on like a normal horny weirdo? No, not for her. He has to be some oddly mature adult and treat her like a fucking child yet again.

In and out of tears of pity, she wonders if she shouldn’t resign the idea of getting back with him to the back burner and just do what she came to do in getting herself educated. Behave less edgy, get her shit actually together and maybe he will take notice that she isn’t the child he keeps imposing on her. Sara isn’t going to last, she knows it. She knows Ben too well, he is using Sara to fill his needs, while Rey means something to him.

Retrieving her loaf of bread from the bathroom counter, she carries it with a bottle of water to her room where she drifts off clutching them both.

Ben enters the apartment grateful it smells like cleanser and not stomach acid anymore. Kicking his shoes off to the side of the door way onto a small rug he looks around the sitting room and kitchen wondering why it is so quiet. Padding his way back along the hallway he peeks into her room to see her sleeping, snuggling a loaf of bread. Restraining his laughter he pushes the door open and goes in to collect the bread and water to set to the side.

She stirs in her sleep unwilling to let them go easily, he holds in another chuckle. He remembers his freshman year was pretty raucous too, but all in the first night- not so much. He actually spread it out over the semesters and didn’t drink all that much to begin with. It wasn’t until that weekend that he began to keep a bottle of hard liquor on hand. The weekend she gave herself over to him.

Sometimes it is easier to hide behind the mask of a good drink or two, so it is hard for him to be too angry with her. He was more angry about her phone fucking her ex. Though, he knows even then he has no right to be jealous. His actual girlfriend lives in his fucking apartment. A twang of guilt rests painfully in his stomach at the thought. He should have told her. He is probably the reason she went overboard. He has to remind himself that even though she carries herself more dignified than most of the girls he’s known at her age, she is still bound to be caught in the riptide of emotion periodically, especially when he is the undercurrent to what she is emotional to.

It wasn’t fair for him to turn around and rub in her face a night of passion. Playing each card of that hand in a way that she would be pulled under in the undertow and flushed out to the abyss in the depths of her emotional ocean.

It doesn’t register with him at first, but he is gently rubbing the inside of her arm with his fingertips. Not to rouse her, but to simply imply that he cares about her. Stirring at his touch, her eyes drift open barely able to focus.

“Hi,” she mumbles, scooting back and patting the bed beside her.

Taking a deep breath, considering her invite. He slips in quickly beside her. She cradles herself against his chest, and nothing more. No leg sweeping over him, nothing. Only her arm casually over his stomach as her faces presses to his chest. Eyes closing and her drifting in and out of sleep, before she lets go drifting into a complete slumber.

In his arms she rests so fittingly, his fingers sweeping along her arm resting over his stomach. It’s sweet, he thinks. Kissing the top of her head, feeling the gentle beat of her breathing, this is what he wants. This is how they were in the afterglow of their orgasms that weekend. Just being there, holding each other, hearts pacing to one another. This is that feeling he chases most of all, the best kind of completion. Nothing he has found anywhere else before her, or after her.

In the core of his heart he knows no matter the arousal he has for her physically, the need for her like this is even stronger. It takes him to weird places inside his mind. Like venturing back to the way it felt to kiss a girl for the first time, or to even touch one. That tingly all over sense of excitement that somehow manages to compliment the idea of forever. An aisle, a white dress, someday children, those are what he imagines in her arms.

He has never seen that with anyone else. But the look on his parent’s faces when he tells them he is madly in love with Rey, and not only wants to marry her, but knowing that means defiling her and someday having his own seed grow within her, is painful. He has never been so torn between right and wrong in his life. The light and the dark of the situation ripping him in two wanting to keep the most important people to him happy. His parent’s would likely disown them both, he thinks. It’s the worst case scenario, but he can’t see them accepting it.

Feeling Rey move within his arms, she stretches slowly before leaning into him again. His arm tightening to her, he kisses the top of her head again, and she rewards him with the sweetest sounding sigh.

“I’m sorry I have been terrible. I just want to make you happy, Ben. I understand that you have a girlfriend and if I have to wait, then I wait. You know I will always be here waiting.”

“You shouldn’t wait for me. Nothing good can come of what we would make, Rey,” he says, regretfully. “Besides, you clearly still have something going with your ex, I assume.”

Rey giggles then, “I knew you were listening.”

Ben can’t help, but to smile. Glad that she isn’t looking at his face. “Can you blame me?”

“I should have gone into acting, because that was all fake. I never called him, I just wanted you to be jealous.” She looks up for his reaction, her cheeks red.

He blushes too for falling for it. “Worked.”

“Too well,” she frowns, “I got a nice earful, trust me.”

“Have you maybe thought of just slowing down and seeing what happens while you are here? Maybe you will find someone you will want to be with more than me.”

She looks into his eyes, shaking her head. “I have tried already. Fifty two dates in two years with numerous guys between three different schools. Only one came sort of close and I left him to come here, because he wasn’t close enough. You don’t get it do you Ben? I actually love you. I know you don’t want to love me back, but that doesn’t make me stop loving you and frankly, I don’t care if I ever do get you as long as I’m this close at least I can have that.”

“Does that mean when I get married and find a home I will have to have a spare room for you?” he jokes, lightening the mood.

“Yes,” she giggles. “Of course you will.”

“Rey,” he starts, seriousness returning. “I’m glad you are here, even if you think I’m being a dick about it all.”

Scooting up his body she presses her lips to his softly, nothing expected in return. “I know.”

Her breath warm on his face, body tight against his own. His arms cinching her closer, he presses his lips to hers, the simple friendly kiss not the same as the one he wants. His tongue spills over into her mouth, their lips pushing and pulling against one another. Each turn of her tongue with his makes his lower abdomen twitch, inspiring an erection that soon follows.

Her body smashed to his, tongues fluid in motion, his hand slips into her hair pulling her to him. Pinning her mouth on his for him to explore further, deeper. When her small hands run over his chest, he groans, the vibrations setting her to a new speed as her leg finally slips over him. Grabbing her leg, he pulls her over him, sitting her to straddle his waist, hands snagging her hair keeping her face to his.

Knowing her body so well, he can envision the way her core warms and wets itself in preparation for him. How her hips would grind into his body for traction and release. How easily her small frame can be guided in anyway he desires as he plunges into her personally fitted pussy. One of his hands rubs down the side of her body, rounding over her hip to her ass. Squeezing her cheek roughly, fingerprint sure to bruise the supple skin, he shoves his hips upwards as she slides down to meet him. She sits up, her hands intertwined with his own palm to palm he supports her as she rolls her hips over his covered bulge.

Grinding through their clothing, preteen move aside, it isn’t the same as fucking. Figuring, this isn’t the worst thing he can do with her. His hairline stings with the initial touch of sweat, as he grabs her hips and forces her small body against his crotch, rubbing her rapidly across him.

The door to the apartment swings shut, and they both freeze, eyes wide as Sara calls for Ben. Rey slides off of him and cradles herself against him pretending to be asleep.

“Get your phone out and pretend to be bored,” she instructs before going back into her fake slumber.

Yanking his phone from his pocket he adjust the blankets so he looks like he is merely comforting her. His phone idle in his free hand, he flips through is emails pretending not to hear as Sara enters the apartment and locates him in Rey’s room.

Sara freezes in the doorway, a soft smile on her face. “She still feeling it?”

Ben nods, “Yeah, a bit. Do you mind cooking dinner?”

“Sure,” Sara agrees, “you think she will want to eat?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know, but something easy on the stomach maybe?”

Watching Sara walk away he looks down to see Rey grinning at him.

“I knew it Ben Solo.”

“Shut up Rey, you already know I can hardly resist you, but we are going to have to try,” he whispers. “Please.”

“Alright, for you though, not for her.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely kudos my dears! Loving the comments. I'm sorry I am not faster at responding to them. Keep 'em coming! Very inspiring receiving them. I hope you enjoy this lovely chapter. Kudos to you all for sticking with my stories.

Their apartment is relatively quiet the rest of the day. Rey sits on the chair next the couch mid pout arms crossing over her chest, refusing to eat the pasta Sara makes. Claiming her stomach isn’t settled enough for it. Ben knows she doesn’t want to be around Sara after what she overheard the night before. Logically, nobody would enjoy hearing the person they love in an intimate anything with anyone else. In Ben’s mind however it isn’t much of an option. Hung up on social norms, being with Rey is a nearly impossibile.

“Would you like me to put some aside for you, Rey?” Sara asks to the clanking of plates being collected from the table.

They land in the sink with another clank as Rey considers it. Ben looks at her, hoping she will be polite about it as he sinks into the comforts of the couch.

“No thanks,” Rey responds deadpan. Returning a look of annoyance to Ben as he sits on the couch near her, sticking her out her tongue in his direction through a thin smile.

Streaming a movie from Netflix as they wait for Sara to cleanup, he glares at her. “Stop, being rude. Please.”

“Sorry,” Rey says through a heavy sigh. “I’m gonna need a little time to figure it out, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees, struggling to keep his attention on the movie.

It isn’t easy to transcend a situation such as the one they are in. Rey hasn’t hardly had time to figure out how or where she fits in here. It was supposed to be easy, it isn’t.

Rey flings her legs over the arm of the chair, sitting sideways with her head resting on the other side. Seeking refuge in playing a game on her cellphone. Ben watches her casually, her fingers skipping across the screen as she makes moves in something that looks a bit like Candy Crush. A long way from the board games the used to play as children.

Playing hide and seek was always Rey’s favorite game if they could run around. Being so small she could hide with tremendous skill. She could also climb just about anything. On the days they couldn’t run around they played numerous rounds of Go Fish, starting with a kiddie deck before moving onto a traditional card deck. Sometimes with movies playing the background. It was super cozy, relaxing even to just have someone with a similar energy to hang around. Neither too hype on going out that much, but still not quite homebodies. Filling in the holes with some kind of fitness routine.

There is something kind of special about growing up with Rey having the bond they do. It makes him happy to have her around, but to have seen how she became her, even a bigger bonus. No matter how deeply he loves her or in what way, he keeps imagining the rejection from his parents, and that is enough to keep him stagnant in pursuing anything with her. His parent’s are amazing people. Altruistic, out to save young children. Inspired by Rey joining their family. They are quite the philanthropists, generally busy raising and making money through their charities.

He knows it is foolish to believe it won’t happen again, another incident with Rey. She is irresistible to him, even though he has a reason to avoid her. Sara, who he isn’t in love with and while they hit it off fantastically, he still cannot hold back his staring at Rey. Her adorable feet crossed one on top of the other as they bounce gently in the air while she plays on her phone. Her nails painted an ornery shade of blue, sparkles as well.

It takes him back to when he would to paint her nails for her. Something he learned to help her adapt when she first arrived with his family. She was so broken. Confused about all the changes. He would sit her down on the front step of their porch and paint her toes for her every Saturday afternoon, for the next handful of years. Once she turned eleven she figured it out and no longer needed him.

That was about the time he entered high school and she slipped to the back of his mind. She was finally opening up, meeting her own friends. He didn’t feel like she needed him as much anymore, but then he always reminds himself when he feels like she doesn’t need him, she claims she has been in love with him since she was eight. It has left him wondering what she thought of him when he was in high school and not really around as much. Did she let him drift to the back of her mind too? It would have been easy to, the same as their relationship- reliable.

What the hell does an eight year old know about love with their cute rompers and pigtails? Roller skates and bicycles, both of which he taught her to do, their primary interest at that age. He sure the fuck didn’t care about girls at that age, really until he was closer to sixteen. Not that he wasn’t aware of them, he simply didn’t get invested in the idea of being with them until then. So, twice the age of eight.

Rey was an adorable little girl. He smiles at the image he recalls in his mind. Long hair tucked into buns and ponytails all the time, the most darling little feet and hands. He knew her as a baby too, unsure how, but she was a really cute baby. That was before her parents died. He was about four then, seven by the time she moved in with him.

At eight, he enjoyed her company and taking care of her. At sixteen, he ignored the strange twitters within him when he thought about her. At eighteen he moved away to travel, attempting to run from what had awakened in him, afraid of what feelings like that meant. At nineteen he went to college, far enough away he could keep his feelings for her in check, but close enough he can visit. At twenty, his body intertwined with hers against his better judgment. He misses that feeling. The significant comfort that comes from being inside her thin arms always nagging in the back of his thoughts when he has to hold Sara instead. The absence of her immeasurable. He wants it back, knowing it will be all too difficult to avoid. Sara a nice little buffer in the meanwhile. He can figure out what it means, being with Rey. Is it even something they could manage? A shard of hope glimmering in the distant night sky, a fading light about to burn out, maybe they could.

He misses the level of ease that comes with being around Rey. Sara will never be capable of providing that either. She is great in a lot of ways, but Rey has his heart- she always has. The more he watches her in her own little bubble the more he is taken back to their relationship they had as children. How did she retain all of those feelings for him? And why did he run away from it if it felt right?

“Are we watching a...” Sara, starts to ask, catching the dreamy grin on Ben’s face. “Everything alright in here?” she asks, an inquisitive tilt to her head.

“I was watching Rey play her game and I saw her toenails. It reminded me how I would paint them for her when she first moved in with my family,” Ben explains, Rey looking at him like he is nuts for smiling that way in front of Sara telling that story. “Sorry, is that weird? I just think it’s amazing how far you have come since then. Everything considered.”

“That is a really nice story Ben, but I’m sure Rey doesn’t want to be embarrassed by stories of her childhood,” Sara winks at Rey and for once she smiles back agreeably.

“Um, Ben, can I talk to you for a minute?” Sara nods in the general direction of the kitchen.

Disliking the look on her face, he follows. Her arms cross over each other in front of her as he leans against the counter across from her.  
“What’s the deal here Ben?”

_Oh fuck, what does she know? Why does she sound jealous?_

Sara looks through the window of the kitchenette towards Rey, still invested in her game. “With you two. I mean I get she’s your family, but she is clearly a huge distraction for you. Are you going to be able to keep her here? Maybe it would be best if she looks to see if any dorms are left? You have two classes left and a full time job, I’m not sure you can risk those, are you?”

“Sara, I helped raise her. You get that right? I promised my parents I would take care of her, and I promised her that when she was too young to even remember. Promises mean something to me. I’m sorry if she is making you uncomfortable, but it’s been two days. She’ll adjust and things will get back to normal.” He looks out the window of the kitchenette to find Rey staring at him having overheard. Her face surprised.

Sara steps closer to him. “She likes you Ben, can you not see that? As in romantically.”

Rey stares at Ben who glances at her again wondering if she had heard that bit. “No, that’s silly. We have a unique relationship. I’ll give you that, but trust me when I tell you it is nothing weird like that.”

_But it is..._

“You’re sure?” Sara asks, eyes wrinkling with concern.

“Yes,” he says firmly, his voice raising with his renowned anger.

She relaxes into her stance with a reserved laugh. “Maybe I’m just too tired right now, I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I’m going to get some.” She leans in, kissing him softly to dispatch his incoming mood. “Don’t be too long.”

She leaves him with a wink as she makes her way to their bedroom. Ben eyes her as she turns the corner and goes down the hallway, waiting for their door to close. His large hands rub over his face wiping away the nerves she unsettles within him.

Silently, he walks into the sitting room and looks at Rey who pretends to ignore him by way of the game on her phone. Turning the TV off, he moves across the room opening the drawer in the table by the door. He reaches inside and pulls out a pair of noise canceling headphones, rubbing his thumbs over the headpiece. Guilt swimming through him.

Leaning over Rey’s chair from behind he lays the headphones in the middle of her stomach, his other hand stroking upwards alone her cheek, fingers slipping into her hair to cup her head.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to her, “these might help.”

Glancing at the headphones then back up at him, her eyes intent on his with a cold gaze. She mouths that he doesn’t _have to_ _do it_ and he laughs, mouthing _he wishes_ back. Taking a glance down the hall and back to her he leans in close to her ear.

“She is onto us, I have to distract her somehow. I’m sorry, Rey.” A brief explanation and a kiss on the cheek to match he stands up and walks down the hall leaving her with one last nightly sentiment. “Not too late. Okay, kid?”

When she hears his door close Rey plugs in the headphones popping them over her ears. Closing her game and opening her music she picks something loud and presses play. Gathering herself she makes it down the hall to her room, slamming the door behind her before an epic flop on the bed. Two nights in a row? Never having issues with his stamina, she shakes her head. Flinging the memories from way back when from her mind. It’s too creepy to think about him that way when he is doing what he is in the next room over.

So far the headphones hold out, but it doesn’t prevent her mind from hearing what she already has. It’s playing in her head even though she can’t actually hear them. Not to mention she knows all of his noises. The cute little pants and grunts he lets out right before they work towards a joined crescendo. It was one fucking weekend, but it feels like it was so much more. It was so encompassing.

None of this is going as planned. In her mind she envisioned barely being able to keep their hands off one another. Disappointed, because she allowed herself to believe things were going to come together for them now. They could be a couple, even if it has to be in secret.

Nineteen is too young to be this hung up on one guy. If she isn’t mistaken, he had told Sara only moments ago that he promised he would always take care of her. His parents, the same. Ben has always been that guy, the hero in most situations. Sara will never give him that benefit, nor will she ever see it the way Rey does. The real Ben Solo. Sweet enough to paint toenails, strong enough to resist his ultimate desires. But what if that is all he is, and that is where his love for her ends. In the sworn duty of her care to his parents and herself, she should learn to move on.

“Fuck this,” Rey speaks to no one.

Landing around her neck she tosses the headphones from her ears and goes to her jewelry box adorning the top of her dresser. Pulling out a tiny drawer she plucks the item she stashed away not so long ago and its companion lighter.

Rey will be the first to admit she has a vice in inappropriate relationships, one actually, but outside of that she is usually the good girl- mostly. But her ex had left a joint with her and forgotten to claim it, so what the hell. She doesn’t want to be inside anyway.

Hand pinched closed with her sacred little items she heads to the courtyard. The air has a thickness to it. Humid, yet cooler than it has been previously. A storm steadily building above her in clouds hidden by the darkness. She opens the cute little zip lock baggie and pulls it out. Not even hesitating to light it. Puffing hard to get it going then keeping it tightly inside until she could no more.

Not something she has done all the much. Typically a party event, this is her first time smoking alone. It only take about ten minutes before she feels the lightness overthrow her mind. The rest of her feeling something akin to numbness. It’s where she needs to be for the moment. Ben far, far away from her thoughts.

She crosses the courtyard in bare feet. Finding a spot on a bench where she crosses her legs and pulls them up to rest before her. Another drag she looks around for anyone, anything, the courtyard all but dead. Nobody is going to care what she is up to. Not in a college town like this anyway.

Twenty minutes or so passes, it’s hard to say at this point. Ben not on the forefront of her thoughts for a short time. She can’t help but to recall the memories Ben shared with Sara tonight. She hadn’t realized that he had done that for her. Gave her a consistent, when she otherwise had none. No wonder she fell for him. He was the one picking her up all those years. He never allowed anyone to have a chance. There is simply no compare.

The air wraps her in a sudden chill like someone is watching her. She glances back towards the apartment. A figure stands in their balcony window. Disappearing when she looks in that direction. She flips the shape off, uncaring if it can still see her or not.

Extinguishing her joint she slips it back into it’s adorably small little bag and pockets it quickly. The first of a few raindrops landing in her hair she looks up blinking through the drops with a smile. Relaxed for the first time since she’s been here she stands up to spin with her arms out.

The rain a bit cold, but a welcome sensation. A sense of freedom from her past if only for a brief moment. Whole with nature she lies in the grass, the rain softening the land around her. Opening her mouth to catch random drops, she lets it go, all of it. That endless need for him to need her too.

It isn’t a question of if she will have Ben, but of when. She can handle that if she has to. In a couple weeks she will be going to classes and meeting new people. It’s time she lets it happen organically. For now she can relish in the fact that she is not living at home. Out on her own… ish. A college freshman. There is no need to rush into anything. She has time. They have time. Still one step closer to where she was a month ago.

Once the rain grows too cold she picks herself up and goes back inside. Water trails behind her across the carpet to the bathroom where she grabs a couple of towels. Taking them to the sitting room to dry off and clean the floor.

A sudden rocking sensation floats through Rey in the dark. Again and again. The darkness the back of her eyelids as she slides into consciousness. Blurred vision clears to Sara, arms crossed with a scowl hovering over her as she kicks the cushion to wake her. Rey rolls around caught in the towels, confused why she is even on the couch.

“Does he know you smoke weed? That can get him kicked out of here,” Sara’s cringe-worthy voice questions sternly her foot still rocking the cushion.

Rey blinks at her. Assessing where she is and what is going on, she ignores her question. “What?”

“Rey, if you care about your cousin, then you should move into a dorm. You are a god damn handful he doesn’t need if he is going to graduate and keep his job. Not to mention, you… can’t… have… him.” Her words are clipped into short stubborn annunciations.

Rey looks up at her then, rising to a seated position she slips the towels from around her. Her eyes burn back the tears she won’t let Sara see. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not blind, I see your cute little crush on him. He doesn’t want you Rey. He has me,” Sara has a terrible grin on her face, one that just makes her look rotten inside.

Rey shakes her head at her, standing up to straighten out the towels. “He’s not going to make me leave. So, you can forget it you, crazy bitch.”

“I knew you had your sights on him the moment I first saw you. He isn’t ever going to fuck his own cousin. Not with me around,” Sara assures her indignantly.

Rey rolls her eyes getting in her face. Standing on her toes to look her straight in the eye. “And what if he already has?” She snickers at her.

Sara’s face pales, reading the impressions she picks up from Rey’s expression. Determining if she is being truthful or spinning stories to irritate her. Rey grins at her widely stepping in towards her, forcing her backwards.

“You mean he never told you? I can’t imagine why. Maybe because he loves me more than you,” Rey presses, driving her towards the kitchenette.

Sara looks away from her. “No, you’re a sick kid, Rey. He’s your cousin!”

“No he’s not. Not really. Just a label, not real. No blood, not kin sweetheart,” Rey retorts confidently.

Mouth gaping, Sara considers her words and the weight of truth they may hold.  
Ben appears then. Coming up behind Rey as she pins Sara to the table by the front door. His thick arms wrap around Rey and pick her up tossing her to her feet behind him. “What the hell is going on?”

“You fucked your cousin?” Sara asks bluntly.

Ben looks back at Rey then to Sara again. “What?” he says, attempting to act shocked at the accusation. “No, of course not. Rey, what are you telling her?”

Rey looks in his eyes as he urges her with his own to lie to fix it. She shakes her head. “I’m just fucking with you.” She looks at Sara. “You’re right, I should look into a dorm room.”

She storms away, her door slamming behind her. Ben will never learn to not care about the awkwardness, so she will have to somehow learn to walk away. Packing a small overnight bag, she tosses it over her shoulder grabbing her keys and heading towards the front door.

Ben is sitting with Sara on the couch calming her. His hand rubbing her back as his other cradles her arms in front of her. Rey slips past quickly.

“Where are you going?” he asks, her hand just barely getting to turn the knob.

“That weekend will always mean more to me than it will to you. It’s time I learn that and accept it. So, I’m going to the office to inquire about dorm space, then a hotel for the day. I’ll come for my things once I know what I am doing.” Gripping the cold knob she twists it, slipping through the door and out of his life before anything else can be said.

Ben watches her go, nearly forgetting Sara, already having memorized the hurt in her eyes as she stormed away. What did he just do?

Sara stares at him even more confused. “What weekend?”

Taking a deep breath he looks into her eyes watching them as they fill with tears. He has no wonderful save-the-day explanation. He loves her too much to throw her away as easily as she just walked out of the apartment.

“She was telling the truth wasn’t she?” Sara’s voice is flat and knowing.

Biting the inside of his lip, he draws blood that rests coppery on his tongue. Distracting him from answering momentarily, looking like he is avoiding the question.

“Ben?”

Large hands find his hair, running through it from his discomfort. “We’re not blood relatives and years ago we had a weekend together that changed everything between us. I’ve been running from it for years, from her. I’m sorry, I should have been honest. Nothing is between us now. That was a long time ago.”

“Ben, she’s a baby,” Sara whispers, disgust evident in the way her eyebrows scrunch together. “Was she even able to consent?”

“She pursued me, Sara. I never went after her. It was all her,” he explains defensively.

“But you accepted her advances. Ben, you have to get her help. She shouldn’t be that way with you or with any man. Maybe you should consider getting her into some therapy?” Sara suggests, looking for anyway to salvage what is left. Anything that could help them knit their relationship back together.

“Shouldn’t be what way? Her parents died when she was about three years old. Someone had to be there for her. She was there for me too, Sara.” Ben looks at her through red eyes.

Sara nods her head, accepting some kind of inner thinking she hasn’t brought up to him yet. “I admire you, Ben. Your whole family has done a lot of great things for kids like Rey. How is it she slipped through the cracks? She doesn’t need a lover, she needs help. And I don’t think I can stand by and watch as she chases you like a fucking puppy dog.”

“Sara, please don’t do this. It isn’t like that anymore, it was one foolish weekend and I have done what I can to help her. That’s the whole point of all of this is to help her!” He begs, though, he isn’t sure why he is fighting for her to stay. Maybe if she stays, he doesn’t have to worry about who she will tell.

Sara steps away from him as he leans towards her. “No, she needs to be in an institution. Maybe you do too.”

Her words resonate in his head. Institution? People fuck. If it weren’t for the awkward living circumstances no one would even be concerned. Jesus, why did she have to move in with his family?

He steps back and holds his hands out in surrender.

“Well, goodbye then. I’m sorry you feel that way. Rey is always going to be in my life and I’m not having her locked up for your benefit.”

“I’ll just get my things.” She walks away, head hung low. “If you want some good advice. You should at least let your family know what your real relationship is. Maybe they can help you both through this sickness.”

“Fuck off, Sara.”

Rey swings the door open to her hotel room believing her room service had arrived. There on the other side, hand pressed against the doorjamb as he leans against the door frame waiting for her, Ben stands his eyes soft with sadness. Running his hand through his hair coolly, he asks to come in.

Wordlessly, she steps away allowing him to enter and close the door behind himself as she walks across to the balcony. Slipping through the crack in the door she scoots back down to the cement, legs stretching before her, ankles crossed. She relights her joint, tugging firmly, momentarily letting the cloud of smoke escape her mouth into the night sky.

Ben follows her out, watching her for a moment as she takes another drag, challenging him to say something about it with her eyes. As she exhales another plume he holds his hand out in request for it. She passes it to him with a smirk, proceeding to watch him take a drag, a momentary cough escapes when he exhales.

“Been a long time for that, thanks.” He passes it back as Rey puts it out saving the last little bit for later.

Cautiously eyeing him before she slips it back into its little bag. “Sure.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Rey scratching a bug bite on the inside of her arm. They avoid speaking, even looking at one another. Relaxing in the calm of the night with the aid of Rey’s little treat.

“You smoke weed?” he asks, shattering the sweet silence Rey is enjoying.

“Obvs, why are you even here? Don’t you have a girlfriend to go fuck?” she suggests angrily.

He sighs, his shoulders weighted as they lift to the air entering his body before he exhales sharply. “No.”

“Already fucked her today then did ya?” she taunts him.

“Nope. She moved out this afternoon while I was at work,” he admits, adoring how soft her skin looks in the moonlight.

Rey finally looks at him, her face softening. “What?”

“She knows.” He lets his head fall back against the wall behind him. “She thought you should be institutionalized. I told her to fuck off,” he bounces his head against the wall gently, his frustration boiling over.

“I’m proud of you, but how in the hell did you find me?”

He hides a grin, biting into his lip as he glances at her sideways.

“Ben, what the hell have you been up to?” she ask plainly.  
He chuckles, “I have a tracker app on your phone. Always have.”

She shakes her head. “Kind of obsessive isn’t it? I mean you don’t even love me.”

“I never said I didn’t love you.”

“Yeah, but not in any way that matters to me,” she replies indignantly.

Another knock sounds on the door. Rey leaves him to think about what she said as she retrieves her dinner. Setting her tray on the table desk combo in the corner of the room she pulls up a chair and begins to eat. Club sandwich and chips, real deli style pickle and all with a soda. Ignoring the fact Ben is there she turns the TV on and flips for something to watch landing on an older comedy that will have to do.

He sits on the end of her bed waiting for her to acknowledge him. She eyes him occasionally between bites, before holding half the sandwich out to him. With a small smile he takes it.

“You admitted it to her then?” Rey verifies.

He chews and swallows, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “Yes.”

“You didn’t have to. I was planning on making it easier on you by moving out. You should have stayed with her.”

“I honestly thought you would be happy.” His head hangs down, disappointment evident in his slumped shoulders.

The space and time in the room comes to a halt as Rey stares at him. “Why? Ben, I have made it nothing but clear to you where I stand on all of this. You have done the same and we are not anywhere near the same page. Not right now.”

Ben’s eyes water along the rims as he keeps his face directed at the floor so she can’t see. “You’re right.”

“I know I am.”

Rey throws away her trash then leaves the tray outside her door. Turning off the main light in the room leaving it in the halo of the TV. She moves to the bed lifting the covers and climbing beneath them. The weight of Ben anchoring down the end.

“Are you staying or going?” she questions starkly.

Ben looks over his shoulder at he. “Staying?”

She pats the spot beside her and listens with closed eyes as he kicks his shoes off and strips down to his boxers. The weight of him sinks into the mattress next to her. It’s too quiet even with the TV on in the background, she can hear him sniffle on his side.

“Come here,” she says softly, resigned.

He moves closer to her as she pats her chest.

“Come here.” She pats her chest again, indicating what she wants from him.

He presses his cheek to her, his head resting on her chest as her small, but strong arms embrace him. She kisses the hair on top of his head as her fingers ever so slowly stroke along his back with one hand, and across the arm he has across her belly with the other. Then it happens, the tears begin to seep through the cloth of her night shirt. Soft sobs slip from him as his hand grips the side of her shirt, pulling her closer to him yet.

“I’m so sorry Rey,” squeaks out from his lips.

She squeezes him in her arms with another kiss on top of his head. “I know.”

“Please don’t move out,” his words squeak again as he pleads through his tears.

“Okay,” she agrees softly.

“I do love you,” he chokes out as his tears increase.

“I know Ben, I know you do,” she whispers soothingly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this up much sooner, but life, ya know? Anyway, hope you enjoy and thanks for sticking by me with those kudos and comments.

Weeks later…

The front door slams loudly behind Rey as she skips through the threshold, dropping her bag to the side with a _thud_ from the weight of her books inside. Her headphones blaring in her ears she dances her way right past Ben as he asks her a question, frowning when she doesn’t even notice him standing there. Instead, she goes to the bathroom before he hears her bedroom door snap closed. Her voice echoing the lyrics to whatever song she is listening to as he stares helplessly out the pass through window of the kitchenette.

Rey promised she wouldn’t move out, but she never promised anything more. Over the last few weeks as school has picked up she has been out making new friends and acting indifferent to Ben. Cordial, sure, but other than acting more like a sister/ cousin, the role she should have been playing all along, she has been nothing to him the way she was before. He would call it the cold shoulder, but it isn’t even that. She has no problem talking with him, but she isn’t open to him the way she used to be.

His heart aches every time he sees her, knowing he could have handled it all differently. Now realizing he isn’t the invincible guy to be crushed upon. He is the bad guy that lost the one girl that ever actively loved him the way he felt anyone should want to be loved. All because he felt like labels and society had a right to influence his feelings about her. He was scared for what they would have been even though he wanted her in his life. To have loved her as deeply as she loved him, but he didn’t think he could get past what they were already. A dark family secret that even the family didn’t know about.

Hung up on the idea of what his parents would think, of what his friends would think, though now he doesn’t even pick up the phone when they call, he worries about it all the time. Losing interest in most things social, he sits around his apartment in between class and work to see if Rey has warmed up to him. Every day the same, dinner, small talk and then bed in separate rooms. He doesn’t even care about the sex as much as he just wants to hear the way she breathes when she sleeps deeply, to watch the rise and fall of her chest as she lays near. To smell her hair on his pillow and her skin in his sheets, the smell of a fresh showered Rey sleeping next to him is what his dreams are made of. The idea of tasting her damp skin as she sticks to his sheets, giggling at him when he hits the spots that make her squirm.

Jesus, he lost his mind for the girl. She even knows it, but it means nothing to her now. Not the way it does him. The flicker in her eyes when she would look at him has dimmed to a slight ember, that he isn’t sure he can stoke to the same fire it once held. Almost afraid to mention it, he sticks to bare bones topics, such as school and if she has found a job. How are her new friends. Things they would have talked about if they hadn’t been intimate or close they way they once were.

A weighted sigh leaves his mouth as he resigns on her not acknowledging him. Setting the fresh chopped salad in the fridge for dinner before grabbing his book off the kitchen table to start studying, but minutes pass and all he is doing is tapping the eraser of his pencil on the open page before him. Staring into the nothingness inside his mind as he waits for the clock to move faster. Scooting them closer to dinner, the one time of the day he does get to see her.

The sound of the shower starting pulls him from his daydreaming, something different. She usually showers first thing or before bed, this is late afternoon. Then he remembers it’s a late afternoon on a Friday and a shower at this time meant she is getting ready to go somewhere tonight. Great, another lonely night at home studying while she is out living her best freshman year. Why should he be jealous of that, he has done it already himself. He should be happy she is happy, but he wants her to miss him the way he does her and it brings him right back to the green monster eating away at his soul. Forcing him to want to question her every move, thought, text or call.

Wanting every detail to track her after she had him remove the app on her phone. Yeah, he didn’t use it to spy then, only to be able to get to her if she needed him. But he was too stupid at the time to know that it wasn’t just about taking care of her the way he was expected to. He wanted to take care of her the way a man wants to take care of the woman they love, but she wasn’t grown then. Not at first. She was young and spirited and he didn’t want her to get into the wrong kind of trouble.

Now she lives with him, oh and that sense of freedom they could be exploring together is such a wasted chance. She had waited years to be in this moment and time with him and here he is blowing it. He should have grown up as easily as she did, but no, he’s a guy and they don’t learn the way women do. He has to see what he fucks up so he can fix it. She always knew what she wanted, no question.

Now what she wants isn’t him, and he can hardly stand it. The way she looks at him like a fucking family member. Nothing deep, nothing smitten within her hazel eyes. _No, just hey there neighbor. I’m going to go live my life without you now, see you tomorrow for dinner. Have a good class._

The water runs extra long, the steam billowing out when she finishes and exits in a towel to her bedroom. He stares down the hallway, her back to him, so easily acting as though he isn’t there. Needing a distraction he leaves his books and begins to rest of dinner. Leaning against the counter as the oven preps, her prancing through his thoughts as she always does until the temp alert sounds and he can slip the pan of chicken into the oven. Returning to the same spot adrift in thought, the next thirty minutes passing.

He wonders what her plans are for the evening. Just friends? Or a date? He felt relatively blessed that all of her previous outings had been just friends. The shower says tonight it’s different, because you don’t have to shower to hang out with friends, but on a date, you want to look nice, smell nice. Be clean, everywhere, in all the places he doesn’t want some stranger to be. Having no choice but to let her go. He won’t even question. Not because he doesn’t want to know, but because he doesn’t want to seem like that guy. The one who can’t deal with a girl moving on after him, especially when what they had was so small.

The timer dings on his chicken. He places it on the stove top while he cleans off the table to set it. Rey comes out in her short black skirt and a flowing sleeveless blouse, sheer and cut in a low V between her breasts. Her makeup to the hilt. He’s never seen her look so primped, and it reminds him she isn’t the sweet, sassy teen she was when they had their weekend. No, she might still be younger than him, but she is a young woman now. A college girl out making her own decisions and starting her life outside the childhood home. Nothing illegal about her now, though he wonders if her blouse could be.

“Smells good. Is it ready?” Rey grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and sits in her usual spot at the table, her thin curvy legs crossing over one another.

He sets the salads out and the chicken and sits across from her. “Yep.”

He can feel her eyes on him with his short answer.

_Did that come out angrily, or snippy?_

“Thank God it is Friday? Am I right?” She laughs, the tension at the table hard to ignore.

“Yeah, I have a lot of homework though, so I won’t get much of a weekend.” He smiles.

“I got lucky,” she begins, pausing when Ben looks up at her too quickly, “I don’t have any.”

“Oh,” he states flatly. “That’s good, gives you some free time.”

“Just ask Ben. Hey, Rey, got a hot date tonight? Yes, actually I do. Sorry, I know that it’s awkward. Remember you asked me to stay, you can’t go on being all weird about us,” Rey explains, never looking away from her plate as she cuts her chicken.

“Okay.”

Rey sets her fork down a little too roughly, it clanks on the plate as she clears her throat. “Ben, can you give me something other than this melodramatic mood you have been in for weeks on end? Be pissed, happy, something other than this.”

“I’m not being melodramatic,” he defends his fork hitting his plate too roughly as well.

“Okay, Ben. Whatever.”

“I’m not, am I?” he questions, as much to himself as her.

“You don’t go out, you haven’t seen any of your friends. You make dinner for one opportunity to sit with me everyday. Yeah, you are. I don’t blame you for the way things turned out. It sucks, but we have to move forward. It was never going to work. Not when you care what everyone else thinks,” she says, her words firm.

He sweeps his arm across the table, his plate hitting the wall. “I don’t care now, you do!”

Rey keeps eating calmly, accustom to his outbursts. “Ben, it’s too late to get this worked up over it. Move on already.” She gets up from her spot, grabbing her keys and purse off the table by the door.

“I’m sorry Rey, please don’t go,” he says softly.

“Ben, I have a date for drinks with someone. I’m not leaving because of you. I gave up on us because of you.” She gives him that apologetic look women give when they know they have gotten under your skin before walking through the door.

Rey’s back presses against the door listening to the table as it tips to the ground, the rest of the dishes sliding into a pile on the floor. She shakes her head as she forces the tears back. The ones she gets when she sees him this way, but she can’t comfort him when he is like this. It isn’t good for either of them and she needs to get him from her system somehow. So, she blots beneath her eyes with the backs of her index fingers, proceeding to her car and hoping he doesn’t get himself into anymore trouble.

The pizza place is quiet when she first arrives. Tracking down her friends she joins them in a round corner booth as they share a pizza. Rose is in most of her general studies classes. She plans on going into communication studies after freshman year, not entirely sure doing what yet, but she’s a smart girl so maybe she will be in some kind of programming with it. Finn is in the sciences. His focus is in genetics, primarily for families with closed adoptions who are investigating medical backgrounds because the family line isn’t traceable. He was adopted as was his sister who died at twelve because of a genetic blood disorder they didn’t discover in time.

Poe, who is slamming his beer out of his own pitcher, is studying aeronautics. He wanted to be a pilot, but his vision being too poor he has slid back to his second choice. Rey grabs a glass and pours herself a drink from Rose’s and Finn’s pitcher, shaking her head at Poe.

“Are you excited about your date?” Rose asks across the table, voice raised to get above the music.

Rey shrugs, “I don’t know, I only took it to get over someone.”

“Smart,” Poe says with a deep chuckle wiping his beer foam mustache away. “That’s awesome beer.”

They laugh at him.

“Typical bar beer, my man. You’re just drunk already,” Finn teases.

Rey looks at her watch, “It’s not even six yet!”

“When do you meet this guy for drinks?” Finn turns his attention towards her.

“Yeah, how did you get a date so fast too? I could enjoy someone buying me a drink,” Rose chimes in.

Finn turns towards her and smiles, “What are you drinking tonight, Rose?”

Rose laughs, playfully nudging him away, “Oh, stop feeling sorry for me.”

Rey watches as Finn looks away with a shrug, “So, this date?”

“It’s not with a guy, it’s with someone to just chat. Clear the air kind of a situation. About six was our agreed time,” Rey replies, vocalizing louder than usual, needing a drink now.

Poe, taking a break from eyeing the women as they trickle into the bar, “You have barely been on campus, tell me what kind of air do you need to clear?” he asks, “Shit, there’s Zorii, I’ll see you guys later.”

Poe jumps from the booth to greet the girl of his dreams, she doesn’t know that yet, but he keeps trying to let her in on it as though it’s a big secret. Evidently, it isn’t as Zorii rolls her eyes at him, scooting over in her booth to let him join her and her friends.

“That’s a good point,” Finn says, “What do you have to air about?”

Rey smiles, “Well, you know my roommate?”

“Your cousin?” Rose clarifies.

“Supposed cousin, we have never proven it to be true, but we were raised believing as such.”

“I can look into that for you, it isn’t a hard process,” Finn offers.

“Maybe, sometime. So, Ben and I had a weird fling at one point. Short lived, it meant way more to me than him. It was dumb, but his nearly live in girlfriend saw right through it all when I moved in. She is who I am meeting.”

“Grrroosss,” Finn squirms, “your cousin?”

“But they aren’t technically related,” Rose defends Rey.

Finn shakes his head, “But they could be. This is a perfect example of why my studies are essential.”

Rey laughs at the way the two interact, they have no idea they are practically a couple. But she leaves it be, because it’s going to work itself out eventually. “Even if he is my cousin we are likely so far removed it shouldn’t matter. That kind of stuff happens all the time, Finn.”

“You’re right, distant cousins don’t really matter. It doesn’t happen all the time though, but it isn’t as frowned upon the same. Girl, you have some dark little secrets don’t you?” Finn accuses her playfully.

“Don’t we all?” she questions, her eyes gesturing towards Rose.

Finn shuts his mouth and distracts himself with a piece of pizza.

“There she is, I’ll be back.”

Rey meets Sara at the bar itself. Sitting next to her as she orders herself a margarita. Rey sits quietly until Sara notices her.

“Are you screwing him already?” Sara snarls through a snarky tone when she notices her.

“Good to see you too, Sara,” Rey responds matching her tone, “and no, not even once.”

Sara laughs, “Whatever. I don’t believe that.”

“What did you want to discuss, Sara?” Rey moves the subject along. “As you can see I am dressed to party tonight and I’d like to get this over with.”

Sara sips her drink, drawing the moment out briefly. “How is he?”

Rey rolls her eyes and begins to get up, until Sara grabs her forearm.

“Please, I do want what’s best for him.”

Rey situates herself again. “He’s fine, mostly depressed. A normal depressed. He’ll get over it.”

Sara looks at her curiously. “Over what exactly?”

“Why do you care? You told him we should both be in an institution.”

“We dated for two years, Rey. That may not seem like much to you, but we had a good thing going before you came along.”

“Did it ever occur to you that if my showing up would ruin your relationship that easily, that you guys were doomed anyhow?”

“I did come to that conclusion. It also occurred to me how hard it must have been for him to hide your little secret, and to deal with it. I wondered if you ever thought of how difficult that was for him? Do you really care about him? Then you should see that it isn’t just about you getting what you want from him. He has a bright future, you know that don’t you?”

“Sara, I appreciate your candor, but there isn’t anything between Ben and myself. That’s been gone for a long time apparently, and I am moving on. We are only roommates.”

“He isn’t though, is he? Listen, you do what you want to, but do yourself a favor, no matter how you care for him, take care of him. He only wants to do right in this world, so you can imagine that you have been a thorn in his side forever. I know, before you say anything, he wants you wedged into his skin. That’s his business, but he deserves the space to get his last year of college out of the way. Can you understand that?”

“What makes you think that I’m not any good for him?”

“Because I saw what he was like not long after what happened between you two. He was falling apart. I didn’t understand why until recently. I had always suspected it was his ex before me. I thought I was the one he needed this whole time, turns out I was only a cover for his need for you. It’s not really my business, but I do want him to be happy. Turns out not only do you make him happy, you make him miserable, because of it. I don’t have any idea where you two will end up, but you might step back and look at what this all means to him at some point.”

Rey can’t help but to look at Sara in shock. “I have, but right now like I said. Him and I aren’t even on the same page, let alone the same book. Thank you though, for trying to help him. If you want him back, you should just go back to him. He doesn’t need me the way you think he does. He never has.”

Rey gets up and starts to walk away, but Sara follows her. “I get it, it’s weird the ex-girlfriend caring about a man you love, wanting him to be happy and trying to give you advice on how you can make that happen. But you didn’t see him then, I did. I know what I am talking about. He is more miserable than he will let you see. In the very least you could talk to him, and get in the same damn book for awhile.”

“Sara, I don’t know what kind of delusional crap you are convinced happened, but he never loved me like that. We’re just family, a fucked-up one, but that’s it. So, I’m going to go back to my friends and look for someone to dance with,” Rey brushes her off and takes another few steps.

“He popped a ton of pills, Rey. It was stupid shit that was never going to kill him, but he was too drunk to know that at the time. He did that because of you. I can’t stop him from loving you or whatever that shit is about, but I can try to help you stop him from feeling ashamed for what has happened between you so that doesn’t happen again,” Sara explains, her voice pleading to her.

“I’ll talk to him,” Rey says, looking back over her shoulder at her as she walks away to see her mouth _thank you_.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck my life, Ben._

Rey sneaks to the back corner near the bathrooms to call Ben quickly. Feeling ridiculous at the idea Sara could be right. The phone rings a handful of times, but he doesn’t answer. Growling to herself she calls again, accepting it is going to show in his log that she called twice back to back looking too eager to talk to him.

“What? I’m busy studying.” His voice is annoyed.

Rey silently thanks the heavens, “I didn’t want you to wait up for me. I am with some friends and it looks like we’ll be out late.”

“Fine, you don’t have to check in with me,” he replies, grateful she checked in anyway.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

Ben sets his phone down and smiles to himself. She hasn’t called him in almost two months, but back to back calls. Her voice was unusual, concerned maybe. He doesn’t care, she sounded sober enough. Going back to studying he loses time as he reads and takes notes.

The next time he looks up from his work he sees night has completely fallen, and it’s almost ten. He wonders how much longer Rey will be out. She said late, but what is her version of late? Folding his book closed he stacks all his papers and slips them inside before going into the kitchen. He grabs a beer from the fridge and cracks it open, then grabs out what he’ll need for a sandwich.

Before he can finish making it he hears the door slam shut. Rey’s purse and keys hit the table as she curses at her shoes as she tries to take them off. He pokes his head out of the doorway to see her pulling on the heel of her shoe. With a sigh, completing her mission she looks up at him, and he sees the reason she is so angry. Beside her left eye is a small cut and a quickly developing bruise.

“What’s going on?”

Rey glares at him. “Some asshole tried to roofie Rose’s drink. A fight may have ensued, because I saw it and may have slugged the fucker. Apparently, guys hit back here.” Rey touches the blood on her forehead. “Dammit.”

“Come here.” He waves her towards him, stepping back into the kitchenette.

He picks her up and sits her on the counter near the refrigerator. First giving her a wet paper towel to clean the blood away he then grabs her a pack of frozen peas from the freezer. Placing it to her bruise, he puts her hand over the package to keep it there. Going back to his sandwich, he offers her one that she refuses.

“I’m glad you are alright,” he says, sitting on the counter facing her as he eats.

“I didn’t have a date tonight, I lied,” she admits, watching his face for his expression to change.

Chewing slower he looks into her eyes giving nothing away. “Why would you lie?”

“Because I met up with Sara.” She averts her eyes, the upcoming conversation not one she thought she would ever have with him. “She told me something that really upset me. Do you know what that might be?”

“Ummm, maybe? I guess it depends, but I’m guessing it wasn’t good. Why did you meet up with her?” His voice wavers as he tosses the last of his sandwich into the trashcan.

“She tracked me down on campus the other day, asked me to meet up with her. She is worried about you, she really loves you.” Rey adjusts the package of peas that is beginning to sweat down the side of her face.

Ben hops down and grabs a kitchen towel. Standing before her he moves the peas away to dry her face and wipe down the bag before handing it back. Her knees rest on each side of his hips, his hands rest on the outside of her thighs after he sets the towel aside. Softly, he sweeps a wisp of hair from the other side of her face.

“That’s unfortunate for her because I love someone else. Have for a long time too.” His eyes meet with hers.

“Sara knows you never loved her, Ben But for whatever reason she is still worried about me being bad for you. She told me how you were when you met, and that it was around the time after that weekend would have happened. She pieced it together recently and realized you may have loved me too much.” Afraid of what she will see in his face, she looks down at her lap, her hand moving over to cover his. “It’s my fault isn’t it? That you tried what you did after our weekend?”

“No, it was never your fault. Rey, that weekend made me feel like a predator. I know you were okay with it, but there was a lot guilt that came with it for me. I was never ashamed, but I should have waited until there was a better time,” he explains softly.

“So, you regret it?” she whispers.

“Fuck no. I enjoyed every minute of it,” he exclaims, his index finger drawing her chin upwards to see her face. “Really enjoyed it.”

“But you felt guilty? Why?”

“Yes, because I realized how much I needed you, and that I loved you. Also, it wasn’t right what we did. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. So, I had to find a way to live with it. In short it was a lot to process.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Maybe I could have helped ease your soul some.”

“I guess I thought running away from it made more sense. Sadly, you can’t run from something like that, or someone like you. So, I was drunk one night and had a pill cocktail that apparently was all but worthless. Fun trip getting my stomach pumped though,” he chuckles lightly. “I’m sorry Rey. I never expected to fall in love with you.”

Rey chokes on her saliva. “Well, I mean no one said you had to be in love with me to feel okay by it all.”

Ben laughs, “Okay, but I am. I guess I’m okay with it all too. The heart wants what it wants right? After this long I have no idea why I keep trying to even fight it.”

“That’s good, because I’ve been there for a long fucking time. But now what? I mean, you were right to feel weird about it all. How can we ever do anything about it? Logically, we can’t pretend forever. It’ll get out. People will know, like your folks.” She watches his face pale at her words.

“I don’t know how to do any of this. I guess for now we just see how things go. We don’t even have to be or do anything yet. There isn’t anything wrong with simply existing around each other for now.”

Rey rolls her eyes. “Okay, if that is what you need, but we’ve been doing that for years darling.”

“I know, I guess I have a hard time placing an official label on it.”

“Long as you are mine, I’m fine with that,” Rey smiles, setting the peas to the side, the cold having worn off.

Ben’s hands reach to cradle her face, “Jesus Rey, did you ever honestly doubt that?”

“No, I knew I had you after that weekend. I just had to be patient.” She smiles smugly.

Pressing his lips to hers gently, he inhales the smell of her hair and skin, reveling in the softness of her lips. Moving their mouths in yearning together, his tongue slides over her bottom lip asking for entrance into her mouth. Her lips part slightly, the tip of her tongue touching his as they pass along the texture of each other’s, sweeping around within the warmth of their mouths. As their lips mesh and tongues taunt each other, her fingers wring the hem of his shirt within them.

“Here,” he says, feeling the weight of her hands. Grabbing his shirt to pull over his head he tosses it to the side as his lips seek hers again. His hands wrapping around her cheeks, holding her near.

Her palms stroke over every muscle in his chest, feeling each pec in their entirety. Taking her time to glance her fingers over each individual ab along his stomach. Reaching upwards again, trailing her palms firmly over his skin appreciating his hard work and effort at the gym. When her hands land just below his shoulders, resting fully above his pectorals, she pushes him backwards gently.

“Have I ever mentioned how beautiful your body is? Damn Ben, you have really taken care of yourself,” her words pop out easily between light pants. “You must live in the gym, huh?”

“I had some spare time over the years to focus my frustrations elsewhere.” He smiles and reaches for her blouse, plucking the top button open. “Can I say you are amazing yourself?”

“Even without large boobs? They haven’t really grown since you’ve last seen them.” She frowns looking down to see his hands at work.

He grins as his hands move down her blouse slowly releasing each button. The backs of his hands brushing carefully along the fabric over her breasts. “Oh yeah, especially when you walk around in sheer material without a bra and your nipples aren’t shy about it. I love that,” he explains. When she looks up at him with a smile, he adds, “They might serve as a reminder to our first time too. You were so young it was a bit exciting.”

“Ben Solo, did you just admit my age turned you on last time?” she asks, feigning shock.

He shrugs, his hands brushing the material over her nipples as they peek through the fabric. “I mean yeah. You must have known that. You used it against me like a damn sexy weapon.”

Rey nods with a grin, pulling him back in for another kiss. Ben’s hands reaching the last button of her blouse he shoves the fabric off her shoulders. His fingertips immediately tease her hardening nipples eagerly, pinching and rolling them aggressively with Rey groaning vibrations into his mouth that travel through his body down to his groin. His hands move down her bare sides yanking her towards him, forcing her legs to wrap around his waist, her skirt shuffling up to her hips. He lifts and carries her to his bed where he playfully tosses her.

Dropping his pants he is down to just his boxer briefs, tightening around his erection as he watches her palm her own breasts waiting for him. He climbs like a wild cat over her body, and pulls the zipper of her skirt down, yanking it from her body in one fluid movement she is left wearing nothing but damp panties and a smile.

“I almost forgot how gorgeous you are laid out for me like this. I miss touching you so much, and being inside of you and tasting you.” His fingers stroke the insides of her thighs drawing out tiny bumps along her sensitive flesh. “I never forgot exactly how you felt, and there really is no compare.”

“Don’t be a tease then and let’s do this.” She paws at her underwear to get them down before working on his with his help.

His strong hands grip onto her hips yanking her into place beneath him, his glassy eyes meeting hers, he knees her thighs apart. “Fuck, I don’t have anything, Rey.”

“I’m on the pill, we’re good.”

His chest presses down over her lightly supported by his forearms resting on each side of her head. Fingers wrapping themselves in her hair he kisses her lips softly. Trailing down the side of her neck he places delicate kisses along her warm skin, nuzzling his face against her as he presses himself into the fluid heat waiting for him between her thighs. He groans against her neck as she wraps her arms around him pulling him tightly to her, her legs folding up against his hips cradling him in her depths. He’s always been the good boy, and this is his first time inside of any woman without any kind of protection, the sensation different enough to never want to go back.

Slowly, he guides himself within the wetness of her folds, her hands sinking into the flesh of his hips pulling him inwards. “You’re so wet,” he mouths against her, his lips moving upwards to find her mouth again.

Sinking his tongue between her soft lips he twists his tongue against hers. He moves easily inside her body as she presses herself to him, creating a friction that makes her breath choppy as the head of his cock touches upon the tender spot inside her core. Shuddering with each thrust, her thighs begin to quake.

Ben can feel each delicate fold within her, the feel of her gripping him, and the wetness as it seeps down around his cock. The way she moves against him is unreal, and he wonders if she can feel the same difference he does. But her body says she does, as she moves against him speeding up and gripping onto him harder. Her nails etching out small cuts within his skin searching for better purchase to draw him into her by.

Feeling her shaking, seeking out the orgasm that is coming on faster than he expects, he leans up to watch her face. Noting how her eyes roll back in her head and the way a groan escapes her lips as the tightness he drives himself into coils around his cock pulling him in until he can’t hold himself back any longer and he spills himself within her. Another new sensation, more sticky wetness to revel in. He doesn’t want to pull out of her, wishing he could immediately go again.

Swallowing hard he slips to the side of her, chest rising and falling quickly. She rests herself against his side, head resting on his chest.

“Sorry, that was way too fast,” she admits with a blush.

He chuckles softly. “Yeah, because it was way too good. Give me a minute and we’ll get in round two.”

Sitting up Rey, places her hands on his chest and climbs over him. Straddling him she rubs their combined wetness down his lower stomach, the ridge of his abs touching upon her touchy little nub. He enjoys how she slips so easily down his skin lining her heat against his semi hard cock and guides herself along his length as she bites her lip with a sexy little smirk. Sandwiching him inside her labia, she rolls herself to a fro in a gentle rocking to bring his erection back to life, lubricating him as she goes. Only Rey could do this, he thinks.

As he stiffens at her touch, she slides far enough forward that on her next pass downwards he slips into her again. She smiles slyly at him as though she just won a trophy. He reaches for her hips and takes over their rhythm so she can sit up to embed himself deeply within her. She cries out at first. Soon her hips roll with the way his large controlling hands lead her as she palms her breasts, squeezing them tightly. Her eyes close again, with that adorable lip biting, he head lolls back as she rises and falls over him.

As her thighs tighten around him to the feel of her core squeezing him, he rocks her hard against him, driving every bit of his length upwards into her until she collapses upon his chest. He gives her a moment, brushing her hair off to the side so it isn’t caught in her mouth as she catches her breath.

“I’m not done with you, yet,” he says, grabbing her and flipping her on her back again.

Pulling her knees upwards, he pins them against her body as he plows into her roughly. She whines under his touch, her lip clenched between her teeth still. She is soft and wilted beneath him like a dying flower as he mashes their pelvises together seeking shelter inside of her body. He takes her repeatedly, until she shouts out again and he fills her once more.

Pulling a limp Rey into his arms he settles their bodies against each other. He nuzzles her ear with the tip of his nose breathing in her smell. Calming their breathing together, she sighs with contentment, and he hugs her in tighter.

“Rey,” he says, his lips pressing to her pulse spot.

“Ben?”

“Thanks for putting up with my shit.”

“Oh shush. I’m not innocent, ya know.”


	6. Chapter 6

Stretching beneath the sheets, Ben feels them pull tight against his bare skin as he moves. Turning on his side he faces the ever so beautiful Rey, _his_ girl. She is fast asleep her lips barely parted, cheek pressed against the pillow with her hair flared around her head, the exquisite mess of a well-fucked woman. The sheet wrapped around her small firm body, she sprawls comfortably on her stomach. So compact next to his size, she hardly occupies enough space to make him uncomfortable. His perfect woman. He watches the way she breathes in her sleep, admiring how peaceful she is. He almost feels like he should reach out and touch her. Determine if she is really there, sleeping happily beside him, naked from head to toe, and not the illusion he has woken to many times previously.

Scared for what lies ahead of them, he feels as though the weight that has been holding him down has disappeared. Gladly, he will go into the unknown with her by his side. His parents still the most nerve racking issue they will face, he can only hope it doesn’t come too soon. He wants to enjoy this phase of his life with her while it is still new, sweet and exciting. The time they should struggle to keep their hands and hearts to themselves, billowing with profusely too many I love you’s, and fucking anywhere convenient they can get a quick minute to. The place he has wanted to be in for the last two years, but was too afraid to let himself commit to.

Rey groans quietly, wriggling into the pillow sleepily seeking out more comfort to sleep longer. The morning hour has come that she usually wakes, so she groans again, her eyes fluttering open. Ben smiles at her.

“Hi,” he greets her softly, feeling a new level of happiness getting to watch her wake beside him.

Her hazel eyes hazy with sleep and weak grin upon her lips, she stretches again. “Hi.”

Her voice soft with the small scratchy sound of morning, the sweetest sound his ears have heard, he can’t help but to smile at her like a goofball. Saying hi again as though he hadn’t said it yet.

She giggles at him. “Hi,” she repeats.

Ben leans in, pressing his lips to hers lightly, lacing their lips together her bottom lip resting between his, he kisses her slowly. Their lips mold together languidly until she giggles again and he gently nips her bottom lip.

Taking in her glowing face, he gently runs his fingers over her bruised eye. “Does it hurt much?”

“No, I think you took care of it well enough last night.” She closes her eyes at his touch.

“I should have taken care of the asshole who hit you too,” he suggests under his breath.

“I already made a statement, Ben. Don’t let some random ass ruin our first morning together,” she presses her face into his palm using the weight of her hand against the back of his.

“Yes ma’am,’ he chuckles, pressing his lips to hers again.

The warmth of the soft skin that creates her mouth sparks a chill in his spine, a shiver running through his body.

“You alright there?” Rey asks, her lips moving against his.

“Just a happy chill,” he leans back and runs his hand through her tangled hair. “I love you, and you are in my bed naked as precious as possible. I don’t want to get out of bed today or ever.”

“I love you too, but we’ll have to have some kind of breaks, bathroom, food, the basics.”

“What about now? Any of that necessary?” he asks, sliding her closer with ease, his hands on her waist.

She shakes her head as she giggles. His lips meet hers, this time with more pressure, a firmness that parts their lips for their tongues to collide. Recognizing the faintness of mint on her breath, he tries to remember if she brushed her teeth the night before, quickly disregarding it as her leg props over his hip. Snaking his hand between them he presses his open palm over the warmth residing between her legs.

With his middle finger pressing between the crease of her labia, he tests her wetness, finding the further he sinks his finger in the wetter she is. Taking time to feel all of her, he sweeps his moist fingers around her folds, spreading the liquid from inside evenly across the delicate flesh. A million thoughts soaring through his mind as he memorizes every crease and fold she possesses.

Pressing two fingers within her, he makes a mental note of the soft flesh, the ridges and rings that become more indistinguishable when she becomes soaked by his touch. He also seeks that special area that he can feel swell when his fingertips reach it. Striking it with the tips of his fingers, he soaks in the way she gasps against his lips as they move with hers. Rubbing only there, he tests how hard to caress her by her groans, guttural sounds he hasn’t heard as often from her.

Minutes pass by, his fingers testing her, he pulls sounds from her that grow louder. The more he works her, the harder he strokes. Her nails sink into his chest, imprinting her pleasure in his skin. Continually, she makes a sound resembling _ungh_ , until she pulls away from his kiss to bite into her own lip. Eyes closed, he admires her beauty as she trains her focus on the way he makes her feel. A goal evident by her expression, he wonders how long until she reaches her peak stroking the wall of her pussy in a rapid pace as her nails dig in further.

Hearing her self-lubrication squish and smack as it gathers around his fingers urges his instincts on. The need for her to cum giving him momentum to thrust his fingers into her the way he has seen on the screen of his computer late at night. The idea of what sometimes happens lingering on the forefront of his thoughts as her body tenses. A pressure necessary for her nerves to pass along the sensation growing within her womb. Not letting up he keeps working on her, her body rigid next to his, her groans emanating from her choppily from the speed of his hand penetrating her body.

The sweetest bit of eternity occurs watching her build to orgasm. Until her body spasms against the tension in her muscles as she lets out a howl of a groan he can’t explain to his neighbors. The contractions within her core, tighten and release in a throbbing rate. The release from her cumming as he hoped for races down his palm and drips from his wrist.

Her body melts beside him, his fingers buried deep inside of her still as she squirms and jumps every time he barely moves them to take them out. Not that he minds, the heavy contractions have become soft spasms that he knows means she still feels it coursing through her system.

Her glossy, lidded eyes look at him, a dreamy smile across her lips. “I think I made a mess,” she blushes.

His raises his palm against her warmth, his fingers sliding slightly out, to release the small puddle that gathered there against her mound. “This? First time doing that?”

She nods, averting her attention away.

“First time making it happen, next time I’m going to have to watch,” he explains, a little too excited by the idea. His fingers wriggling inside of her as he speaks.

She shimmies backwards abruptly from his touch and sits up against the headboard, the sheets clenched in her fists against her chest protectively. She shakes her head as she breathes hard.

“Sorry, too much?” he questions, rolling onto his back, the sheets detailing the extent of his erection. “That’s just great.”  
“Well, I guess payback is in order?” she asks, her eyebrow cocked above her left eye.

Taking in her expression he feels a nervous jolt flow through him. Giving her a shrug, he gestures down his body to give her the go ahead, curious to what she has planned. The combination of the cool air and her warm hand on his cock, makes it jump, a twitch that at first makes her giggle until she sees his face and apologizes with a grin. The classic lick of the lips as she eyes his length, fingers already busy rising up and down on the skin that seems to float over the hardness beneath creating a smooth sensation that makes it easy to stroke him until he grows so intensely hard she doesn’t want to rub him wrong.

A nervous deep breath and then it happens. The feel of warm wetness encompassing the head of him causes another jolt to flash through him. His fingers bury into his hair as his palms cover his face, he sinks into her touch ignoring the proud chuckle she lets out as she adjust to the space he needs. Her mouth touches his head again, a gently suck following as her fingers ring around the base of him, her palm cupping the rest of him. With his dick and balls fully supported in her hand she has free reign over how her mouth attacks the remaining length.

He feels her eyes watching him as his breathing increases. He can’t look at her right now, as much as he wants to see himself fully in the depths of her mouth, he doesn’t want to cum before he can see what she has to offer. This time her suck pulls him in past the head, her lips slipping easily over him as she uses her tongue to slick saliva across the rugged texture. Unsure if it feels so good because she’s better than anyone else or because it is her and the idea fucking drives him crazy, he groans as the heat of her mouth covers him half way down.

He’s to that point where he knows most women will struggle, his head pressing towards the back of her mouth near her throat. Fully prepared for the sensation to end there, her hand making up the difference, he cries her name in surprise as her mouth slides all the way down. Still sucking intermittently, she glides him in and out of her mouth like she has already done this to him and knows exactly what he likes.

Sweat or tears slip down the sides of his face as he tries to dim the sensation of her, wanting it to go on as long as he can possibly last. But, she swallows him down again and begins a rapid movement that resembles other scenes he has watched on his computer late at night, imagining it was her. Now here she is, her sweet mouth pulling on him, sucking him down into her throat in the most obscene way. Never, has it felt like this, never has he shed tears at the pleasure of a blowjob. The feel so intense it becomes difficult to not push her away and baby himself to orgasm instead.

He closes his mind off again, barely able to ignore her mouth and the way it takes him all they way in. After a few minutes of her rapid movement, her groaning around him, he erupts. The sticky slime that he leaves in her disappears from the tip of his dick so quickly, he knows that she swallows it down as he pours into her. Rey is too fucking hot for him, he thinks. He doesn’t deserve anyone with skills like this.

As he slowly goes limp, her mouth still wrapped around him, she suckles at him softly letting him slide away too slowly. The feel of her torturous until she pulls away and crawls back to his side. His hands are still intertwined in his hair, eyes turned towards the ceiling.

“Are we even?” she asks, plucking away at his nipple, twisting it softly.

He jumps at her touch, finally looking at her. “I would say so.”

“Ben, I need to tell you something.”

“Are you pregnant already? I thought you were on the pill?” he jokes, still feeling goofy from the high of cumming in her mouth.

“No, I am on the pill. Have been for years. Actually, I thought I should warn you that your parents are coming up to visit today. Dinner in all.”

By the way she looks at him, he knows his face has paled at those words. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just thought about it, I thought it was next week. They wanted me to show them what I’ve been up to,” she explains easily.

“Yeah of course they are, because they raised you like their own fucking daughter!” his voice keeps raising in panic.

“Ben, calm down. You can go out for the night and I will keep them busy,” she offers, her hands rubbing calming circles over his chest.

“Because that won’t be noticeable,” he sighs defeated. “We need a plan.”

Ben paces the family room of his apartment as the smell of lasagna fills the air. Garlic and herbs stirring his hunger even though his stomach couldn’t tolerate eating. Tonight might be the night, the one he has to be open about Rey. His parents are currently going around campus with her to see what the course of her day looks like. They’ve seen it all before, but not from her perspective, so they were more than happy to go on a walkabout around campus with her.

He already set up a card table with chairs in the family room and topped it with a cheap table cloth he nabbed from a thrift store when he first arrived on campus. He thought he’d be super cute with the ladies, because he can actually prepare a meal and create the ambiance as well. Everything is ready, plates, glasses, silverware, a nice bottle of wine breathing in the kitchen.

Momentarily, he wishes his regular table seated more than two, the card table makes him feel like a child with his large frame. The presence of his parents adds to that vibe. He’d get a better table after all of this, but he will have to survive tonight. He reminds himself that it may not be a problem. It may not even come up. His conscience tells him otherwise. That he should be honest. He’s lied for years, mostly to himself, but it meant lying to his parents at times, to Rey, and people around him.

Checking his watch he watches the numbers as though he could freeze them in place with his mind. Rey said seven. It’s now 6:45. His hand wraps over his wrist covering his watch as he looks around the room. Remembering when it was just Sara and himself, she would occasionally leave random items around that may not be appropriate for parental visits. Rey doesn’t do that, but the anxious side of him has him searching around anyway. Something, anything to kill time before his nerves get the best of him.

Rey doesn’t care as deeply as he does about his parents knowing. They aren’t her actual parents and even with the respect she has for them, she has always had the uncanny ability to be unconcerned about what people think. Rarely is she self-conscience or anxious. No wonder he is so attracted to her. He is bothered by anything new or out of the usual, she the perfect balance.

The timer for the oven goes off, now ten till the hour he is dreading. Setting the lasagna on the top of the stove, he adjusts the temp and puts in the garlic knots. Bracing against the counter by his hands he leans backwards against the edge with another glance at the clock on the stove top. Closing his eyes, he starts counting and rhythmic breathing. A last ditch effort to calm himself, before his anxiety gives him away.

Keys jingle outside the door. With a click, the door unlocks and opens.

“We’re back. How’s dinner looking?” Rey shouts as they all enter.

With one last deep breath first, he replies, “In here. Just a few minutes for the bread.”

He hears everyone settle in at the table. Rey going on about her new friends and all the things they have been up to when they aren’t loaded down in homework. The timer beeps not long after for the garlic knots and he knows his time hiding is up. He runs the lasagna out first with a serving spatula then comes back with the bread and wine.

Leaning over his mom, Leia’s, shoulder he pours her a glass of wine and kisses her on the cheek. She reaches up and pats him on the cheek with a thank you. Going around the table, he fumbles as he fills glasses before sitting down.

“Rey tells us that you are getting a lot of homework these days, are you falling behind?” Leia asks him, sipping her wine.

Rey shrugs when he glances at her. She begins to serve the lasagna.

“No, just started off with a lot this year. It’ll slow down throughout the year.”

“What happened to Sara?” Han, his father asks, taking a piece of bread and passing the basket.

“Um,” he feels that sweaty prickly sensation that sometimes happens right before any sweat surfaces. “We didn’t make a good fit.”

His eyes skim past Rey, who glares at him. Signaling to him to stop looking at her for answers.

_Fuck. That’s going to be noticeable._

“I didn’t care for her much. Did you Rey? You met her briefly.”

Rey purposefully keeps her attention on Han, ignoring Ben’s eyes anxiously focused on her. Hoping direct eye contact would keep Han from looking in Ben’s direction.

“Not a fan myself, but you know she wasn’t terrible I guess.”

“Have you found a job yet?” Leia questions Rey. “Sara helped on rent didn’t she Ben?”

“Oh Leia, I’m sure Ben doesn’t mind covering rent. He makes enough.” Han winks at Rey.

Rey grabs her bread and picks it apart. “I’m looking, but there are not a lot of options at the moment. I guess the school is experiencing a larger entering class than typical and there is an actual job shortage. I am looking though.”

“It’s fine,” Ben says flatly. “I’ve got things covered for now.”

Leia smiles at him. “Always such a helpful good boy. You know if things get tight we are more than happy to help.”

“Thanks, but I’ve got it,” Ben states firmly.

The one thing he didn’t enjoy growing up was his parent’s money. They were always going to different events and charity balls to raise more and more, their own foundation earning enough to keep them comfortable as well as the charities they support. It left him home quite a bit and also in charge of Rey. The security of it was nice, but everything else seemed abundant to him. He can’t really complain either, they paid for his ride through school. In the very least he can pay his own damn rent.

“Things are well between you?” Leia questions.

Dinner passes just about as slow as Ben could have expected. To help ease his nerves he lets Rey clear the table and bring out dessert and manage most of the conversation. It seems to be going smoothly, his nerves calming as everything moves forward. Once dessert is gone Leia asks to see how Rey has her room setup. Ben grabs the plates and carries them to the sink in the kitchen. Han following with the pie plate that he sets down on the counter beside the sink.

“Dinner was great, kid” he praises Ben, looking out the pass through, ensuring that they are alone. “Did Rey do a good job confirming all the right answers?”

“What?” Ben looks at him confused.

“You seemed to rely on her for approval.”

“I don’t think so,” Ben clears his throat and runs water over the pie plate.

“We can always check with Rey,” Han chuckles. “I’m kidding Ben, relax.”

After Ben dries his hands, Han pats him on the shoulder, reaching for his hand, he slips a thumb drive into his palm.

Ben looks at it curiously. “What is this for?”

“You might want to take a look at it. May hold a few favorable memories for you,” Han assures him, preparing to step out of the kitchenette. “Oh, and Rey was adopted. Your mother’s aunt adopted her as a baby before we took her in. In case you ever wondered.”

Ben’s breath freezes in his chest. “I...” He can’t finish, his thoughts as frozen as his breath. He looks up at Han who flashes him a smile that raises Ben’s anxiety. “I...”  
Han pats the door frame as he passes through to the other room.

Ben takes a moment before joining him. His heart racing he slips the drive into his pocket as they wait. Soon, voices travel down the hall as they approach. A few hugs and well wishes and the door closes as Ben leans against the back of the door breathing rapidly. Rey eyeing him curiously as he doesn’t seem relieved that they are gone.

A few minutes pass and Ben goes to the corner where his computer is stashed, and grabs it. Setting it on the table he pops the drive in, flips the screen up and hits power to be defeated by a low battery. Returning to his bag, he empties the contents onto the floor looking for the power cord.

“Ben, what’s wrong,” Rey asks him calmly, watching him untangle the cord in such a rush, it’s frustrating.

Grabbing it from him, she slowly undoes the cord and hands it back. He plugs the computer in and waits a few minutes for the charge to kick in, tapping his foot on the floor and his fingers on the table on each side of the computer. Hitting the power button, the light turns green and the device whirs to life.

“Ben?”

“My dad gave me this thumb drive with a funny comment.”

He doesn’t acknowledge her in any other way. No further explanation or even a look to express his feelings. Radiating panic as he waits for everything to load, he taps the touch pad hard when the cursor lands on the show files prompt from the drive. Shoving away from the table, he finally looks at her incapable of looking at the files that come up.

“What is it?” Rey asks, closing in and trying to look.

Standing before the computer to block the screen from her. “Before we look at this, I think we should acknowledge something. My dad handed the drive to me and said I should check it out because there are favorable memories. Then he told me something that I know we have both wondered about for a very long time Rey.”

“What?”

“You were adopted into the family. So, while obviously, you are family, genetically speaking, morals and social opinions aside, we are fine. Safe? Okay? I’m not sure how to say it.”

Rey nods her head slowly. “So, not by blood.”

“Correct.”

“That’s a good thing isn’t it?” she asks, her eyebrow pitching in concern.

“Yes, but think about the line my dad drew. Here’s some favorable memories, btw you’re not related that way… Rey, I think we have already been outed,” he explains, his voice cracking and shaky at the idea that his secret has been out all along.

“Oh,” Rey says thinking about it for a moment. “But that would actually be a good thing. It means you don’t have to tell them. They already know.”  
Ben sighs, “At least my dad does.”

“No, I’m sure your mom does too. She made a couple of comments that add up now. About birth control and such. It was so out of place it only makes sense that she would know. Oh my God, that’s so weird.”

Ben nods, “This is exactly my point. I need a drink.”

Turning around he shuts the computer and grabs his nearly full bottle of Fireball from the freezer. Twisting off the cap he places the bottle up to his lips and chugs down two shots worth and hands it towards Rey.

“Sure,” she says, grabbing the bottle and taking a quick swig. “Are you trying to get drunk or take the edge off?” she asks, holding the bottle away from him.

He chuckles at her. “Edge,” he replies his fingers wiggling at her to hand the bottle back.

Rey takes another drink and hands him the bottle. Another shot worth goes down easy and then he places the cap back on and returns it to the freezer. They stand there idly for a few minutes, letting the alcohol slip into their veins.

Once the feeling of warmth washes through the both of them they head back to the computer. He flips it open and looks at the files. Most of them are videos as he had suspected. Hidden cameras around the home, he should have known they would do that. Rey should have known better having been living in the house still. The first file titled 1A, is a text file. Reeking of a read me first vibe, Ben taps the file to open.

_Ben,_

_This message is to reassure you of our love for you and Rey. You should feel confident that the videos below were not all watched, and not all in full. We respected your privacy to the best of our abilities and turned them off once we realized what we were seeing. That being said, we want you to know that we have always been able to recognize the unique bond between you and Rey. We love you both, you are our family, and we are not concerned by any kind of relationship you two desire to engage in. Wish you would have held out until you were older, but that is why we are acknowledging it now. Your mother and I don’t want either of you to feel ashamed or embarrassed. All we want is your happiness and success. Therefore all we ask is that you continue to make good choices as you two figure out what_ _may come for the both of you_ _._

_Don’t tell your mother I included the videos. I promised her I deleted them, but I thought you might appreciate them._

_Love you, kid._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe this took me 2 weeks to complete. Holy crow, ya'll life has simply been. So, I apologize for the tardiness of my work. I gotta say this is one of those favorite moments works for me when it comes to the cutesy. Pour some sugar on me! Enjoy!!! and thank you for the awesome feedback the last couple of weeks, really awesome to see it across all my works. I aim to please!
> 
> Updated: I found some really goofy errors in my last read through, so I updated those.

Ben stares at the screen of his laptop with his jaw slackened into an _o_ shape. The note his father left open in a file that feels accidentally spilled across the screen. A puddle of acknowledgment meant to ease one’s tensions, but somehow it seems to make his blood pressure rise and his heart race. The words weren’t what he would have expected considering the topic, him and his not quite cousin, still _family_ intimate in ways that should be illegal. Should be because of how unreal their connection is to begin with, at least he thinks so. Nothing feels like her, near and around him when they are together. There are no words that could be so wonderfully constructed to express how they are bound to one another in a spiritual way as well as every other way, casually or intimately.

All this time he panicked at the idea of what his parents would think and here is his father telling him they are both alright with his relationship to Rey- completely accepting. Not only are they alright with it, but there’s nothing wrong with it, other than seeming odd to those who know how they grew up in the same house as family. He doesn’t care so much about that. Time has a way of eliminating people from your past naturally. Just not always parents. Now the parent thing is no longer an issue, though it’ll take some time to adjust to. Two years- for two whole years, he worried about it. Drove himself nearly insane at times until Sara made for a good excuse to focus on something else.

That changed when Rey moved in. He suspected it might be an issue, but with Sara there so often, he thought he would manage. That he would be able to ignore Rey’s smiles. Or the slight, but perfect curves in her body that fit into his hands as if they were two matching puzzle pieces carved out to fit so seamlessly they seem as one piece.

Sara saw through it too quickly. He realized after she was gone that there was never anyway he could cope or deal with Rey being present. He knew he would cave eventually, his love for her deeper than what he thinks most people experience. They have a past; trauma they have healed through with each other. He did everything in his power to take care of her, it shouldn’t have surprised him initially, when she wanted more or that eventually he would also. But it did, enough that those first few times scattered recklessly throughout the weekend they first came together he fell in love with her. That love hid behind his guilt for a the last two years.

Now that he can be honest about them he would say he realized how much he loves her, and in what ways from that one weekend. He never planned on actually needing anyone else after that, but he knew it was the long shot that had no happy ending. Yet here it is, the ending of one story and the beautiful beginning of another. From cousin to lover, not the most comfortable thing to deal with in front of people, but he is willing to learn how.

Sitting sideways to the table, Rey nestled between his knees standing beside him as they stare at the screen together. As he would have anticipated, Rey seems a little surprised, but okay with the realization that not only did his parents know they like each other, but they had done quite a bit to show each other that- on camera- all over the house they grew up in. Cameras that had escaped both of their notice, and thankfully so, because no matter the level of embarrassment they might feel now, they would have never gotten to this moment otherwise. The best moment in Ben’s life so far, other than the day Rey came into his life.

“You’re still breathing, right?” Rey asks him quietly, an elbow nudging him gently in the stomach as a reminder if he isn’t.

“Uh huh.” Is all he can manage to get out.

Rey has grown used to Ben and his weird set of nerves for such an amazingly well-structured man having the build he does. He is rather intimidating and she isn’t about to be ashamed that he will come in handy at scaring off unwanted advances over the next few years while she attends college. He always had a way of doing so before he left for school himself. Now that she is at college and they are together, he is about to get to be the boyfriend he sort of already behaved as. Boyfriend. He may not favor labels, but for her that is what he is.

Watching his face where most would see shock she sees the depth beyond it. The look on the outside a jacket to the body of emotion flowing through him. She knows, because she can feel it too. The excitement that there are no more worries coming. None that would prevent them from being together anyhow. Only the nerves of working through it openly.

Beneath the surface of Ben’s outer shell, she can see the swarm of happiness. It speaks through the brightness in his wide eyes that glint with hidden excitement. She can see it in the color of his cheeks, no longer his typical pale shade, filled with a tint of crimson. A hint at the warmth radiating inside his veins as the adrenaline of the situation comes to the precipice of joy. The moment it all sinks in. She can feel that powering through herself, but she sees it in him through the sparkle within his eyes.

But before they can share in the excitement, she will have to pull him through the doubts and awkwardness of his parents knowing. Because no amount of relief lasts for him, his worries building about worries to come. In this moment however, there is acceptance that he has won a battle no one was able to see from the outside. A battle, that even until recently, she was unaware of. His love for her, his need to be with her. She always trusted he loved her, but she had mostly believed it wasn’t reciprocal to her own depth of love for him. Only the normal expected love that he should have towards her. She was gratefully wrong.

She runs her fingers through his thick, ruffled hair that falls just below his ears. Taking her time to tuck a bunch of strands away from his face, still taking in the look that seems to capture him in time **his eyes tracing back over the words again**. She knows his focus is on the words when he doesn’t respond to her touch.

“How long are you going to stare at this note?” she asks with a comforting voice.

He looks at her then, the glint still present. His face otherwise neutral. “It’s a real note, right? Not a weird joke or anything? My parents have known for years about us and they don’t seem bothered by it at all.”

Rey takes in the jumbled feel of his words as they fall rapidly from his lips with a sound of confusion lacing through them. “It’s real. Hard as it is to believe.”

“I don’t know how I am going to face them again. The idea of them knowing is incredibly awkward. They saw us… ugh.” His hand wipes over his face as if it would ease his conscience. “They’re my parents Rey, forget that it was with you for a moment, I still don’t want them seeing me have sex!”

“I spent the last two years eating my cereal at the same table as them. They never acted as though they knew, Ben. If they cared, you would think it would have come up. They knew we had sex, while I had my damn breakfast, not even a curious glance occurred. I was in high school still, that in itself is kind of bad isn’t it?”

Ben lets a small groan of annoyance pass through him.

“Remember that I have to face them again too,” she laughs softly to lighten the mood.

His arms tighten around her, pulling her against his chest. “I guess so. Do you have any interest in watching any of these? I’m definitely curious.”

“Um, I mean it’s probably going to be ugly. I had no idea what the hell I was doing then. High school, remember?” She blushes as she watches him pop up the first video with a grin.

Rey appreciates the change in his mood and the face of excitement that pops up at the idea of watching them have sex in their childhood home. The video is a bit scratchy, but it is clear it is them. The first video filmed in their family room during movie night. It captured all of her obvious seductions all too well, she begins to feel a bout of her own anxiety. Her pseudo-parents watched this- _oh, God._

“O-kay, we can turn this off now.” She shuts the computer lid. “Way too embarrassing.”

“Oh, now you get weirded out. Great. C’mon.”

Sliding the computer into his grip, he shuffles Rey forward to stand up. Taking her hand he leads her towards his room. Walking backwards with a smile upon his face.

“Don’t be nervous, Rey.”

“In all honestly though, I was so freaking nervous then. I’m sure I look like a stupid teenager.”

Ben smiles wider. “You? Nervous?”

Rey’s feet take her in the direction Ben in is walking, shuffling across the carpet to slow their pace. “Ben.” Her cheeks heat as they get closer to the door.

“Rey?” His fingers squeeze hers. “What do you have to be afraid of?”

Biting her lip she follows him into his room, over to his bed and sits on the side. “Okay, truth is, it took a lot of courage to work up to doing that. I’m not really that brave usually and I’m not sure I want to see myself acting so ridiculous.”

Ben chuckles at her, setting the computer in the middle of the bed before gripping her like a small child under her arms and moving her backwards. He leans over her, his weight pressing an indention into the bed as he forces her to lay back.

“I don’t think it was ridiculous. I think everything you did was perfect. I’ve thought a lot about it since- late at night when I’m lonely. The way you wagged your hips at me and the cute slinky clothes that fit your frame so nicely. The tiny thin shirts that highlighted your nipples when the air conditioner kicked on. The way you would arch your back to force me to acknowledge them. It was very hot Rey, believe me, you have nothing to be embarrassed by. I’m surprised you could even feel that way.”

Rey blushes at his words. The spread of pink sweeping not only over her cheeks, but across her chest. Her bottom lip tucking between her teeth despite the grin growing as he speaks, she averts her gaze from him momentarily with a casual shrug. “Sure, but it was still awkward no matter what you thought you saw. On the inside I was freaking out the entire time.”

“Rey, c’mon, please watch it with me?” He presses his lips to hers softly. “This time around I can skip past the guilt. Now that we’re together I want to forget how bad I felt and really enjoy it all again.”

Her eyes connect with his, her lip popping out from between her teeth. “Together? I thought you weren’t into labels?”

“I’m not, but isn’t it more of an identifier for the situation than a label to what we are?” He chuckles.

Rey laughs with him with a roll of the eyes, a wave of happiness washing through her. He is all hers. She sighs softly as he nuzzles against her neck, begging her playfully to watch the videos. “Speaking of lonely nights you suppose they had cameras in our rooms? Or just the main areas of the house?”

Ben takes a moment to consider her question, remembering how she told him she would find pleasure and comfort in his room when he was gone.

“ _Ohhh_ , I guess we’ll find out, but probably just the main areas. I think your little nightly adventures without me are probably still a secret. Unless there were cameras in the hall, but then again they wouldn’t see what was going on in my room. They could only guess what you were up to if they paid that much attention. Where as the video in the family room was a bit more obvious with my hand down your fucking pants.”

“Fine, let’s watch them. Long as you don’t laugh at me for acting dumb.”

The tip of his tongue traces up the side of her neck before he presses a kiss beneath her ear. “I would never laugh at you.”

Rey bursts out in a fit of sarcastic laughter. “Sure, Ben.”

He grins widely as he climbs over her and grabs the computer. Letting her up to situate herself beside him with their backs to the head of the bed. The computer sitting on his lap, he flips it open, the paused video splayed across the screen.

“Ready?” he asks.

Rey glares at him. “Just push play.”

His finger hits the button and Rey’s heart bounces straight into her throat. Ben will never understand the level of bravery it took her to ignore the family boundaries they had established and dress up to seduce him. No regrets, it’s not her style, but she still remembers the months of preparation. Convincing herself he would go for it by the way he would stare at her and the way he would casually touch her after she began growing into her body. She can’t be entirely sure when she began having feelings for him, but she suspects they were always there adapting over time and one day she missed him in a whole new way.

It was a late night after one of his weekend visits. The one thing she always had of him was the way he smells. Like the woods after a heavy rain; nature calling to her. He had been overly social that visit, hands all over her as he teased her with playful tickles. His arm once brushing over her newly budding breasts striking a tingle in her nipples unintentionally. A tingle that fled straight to her stomach as it spun gleefully at such a slight touch. He tickled her to the point of nearly peeing herself. When she escaped to the bathroom to find her panties were damp she thought of him differently. Old enough to understand what was happening, it still made her nervous. Why did _he_ make her feel that way?

They had dinner as a family later that evening and then he was gone. His memory prancing through her thoughts deviously as she imagined him teasing her in a new way. His hands purposefully touching her body with intent on making her feel good, not silly as was usual. As she lay in bed, she felt something new within her. The need for his smell as her panties began to stick to her crotch from just the thought of him. She eventually told him she was in love with him since she was a child, but this was the night she realized what those feelings were.

She crept from her bed, sneaking down the hallway on the pads of her feet. She slipped into his room with her small flashlight tightly in her palm. His room smelled so much like him, warm and comforting. The discarded shirt on his bed lured her in further. Rubbing the fabric between her fingers she holds it to her face and inhales the sweet scent of him before sliding into his bed with it. At first it was only about getting closer. Then the strange ache began, the tiny but unignorable pulse between her legs.

Her hand crept curiously beneath the waist of her panties to find herself slick and warm. The way she felt when she first ran her finger over her clitoris made her jump. But she kept exploring, the tip of her finger finding a gentle pressure as she rubbed herself to her orgasm. Over time her hands found more ways of deriving pleasure to the thought and smell of him. Before long her fingers weren’t enough, she needed him. She spent years wanting him, and crazy with desire and teenage hormones she began concocting ways in which she could get him.

It was confusing then. How it all felt, was it love or infatuation? Was she too young to be in love with him? Was she allowed or did she even care? A few more visits told her all she needed to know. When checking in with her, before the games and fun began, his eyes always stayed connected to hers, genuinely invested in her well-being. Something, though she wasn’t sure what, was inside of him. Something that she knew she possessed within him. He cared for her. All she had left to figure out was how she was going to explore those feelings with him.

High school taught her a lot about flirting and ways to garner attention from boys. Her friends always seeking attention from the boys at their school, but Rey was teased for not being into them. Her sights always set higher for college boys. One college boy in particular. She explained that to them, never the cousin part, but the preference for older guys. She felt like she deserved better than the high school boys even if Ben was never going to happen for her. Thanks to Ben, her standards were above and beyond the other girl’s her age.

Ben showed up that one magical weekend and the entire time she outwardly oozed confidence, inside she was trembling. Her nerves raw, but her desire for him too strong to turn back after she committed to winning him over. She never intended on making it awkward with feelings. First only wanting to see how far she could push him. Hoping that he would want more and over time she would tell him how much she cared, but instead when the moment came she announced her love for him alongside her dirty secret of cumming in his bed in his absence.

In her memories, the moment he first sunk himself into her always gets to her physically. The memory of it so strong and real, she can almost feel him. Her stomach begins that tingle and churn that she gets when she gets aroused. The one that seems to announce how badly she needs him inside of her. It’s why she is always so wet for him. Because the very idea of being with him, means he knows how much she loves him. She isn’t sure he would have ever moved forward if she didn’t admit her feelings.

“Are you okay Rey? You haven’t said anything in two videos.”

Ben’s voice slips through her memories, a grin spreading over her mouth pulled from the beautiful reverie of their first time. Her hands cups her cheeks to hide the blush she can feel burning beneath her skin. When she turns to him there is that look. The very one that tells her he has feelings for her. The one she knows means he loves her.

“Just caught in a memory or two.” She smiles and turns her attention back to the computer.

From the corner of her eye, she sees Ben glance between her and the screen a couple of times. The lid abruptly closing before he sets the computer on the nightstand.

“Whatever you are remembering has to be more interesting than these videos.”

“Maybe,” she admits softly. “I was just thinking about our first time. I was so scared of what you would think if you weren’t into it.”

Ben pulls her against him, sliding them down into the bed where she can lay on his chest inside his arms. “Definitely more interesting than the videos. Lay it on me.”

Grateful at the ability to hide her face against his hardened chest, she lays an arm over his stomach. “It took me a couple of years to work the courage up to approach you. You know how you would tease me and such. I would get so fucking wet when you touched me I would have to get myself off after you left. It wasn’t enough.”

“It wasn’t easy for me to comply. You couldn’t tell I was shaking when I put my hands in your pants? Fuck, I wasn’t sure if it was excitement or nerves, but I couldn’t stop, shaking or touching you. I will never forget how warm you felt. How wet you were. I may have come back to college thinking about that a bit.” His fingers slip softly through her hair as he speaks.

“I never noticed. All I could think about was you actually were touching me. You were my first everything. All of it.”

“I’m glad I got to be, I wish now I could have lived at home longer and maybe done more of those things.”

“Ben, you would have been too scared to keep it up and you know it,” she teases.

“Probably, but maybe you can show me what I missed?” He suggests, his fingers still tangling in her hair.

Sitting up she rests on her knees she pushes her hand between her legs.

“First I would usually warm up and think of you rubbing me through my clothes. Also in case someone woke up it was easier to hide. But I always tried to keep it simple. Never worked.”

Standing up she drops her pants and panties around her ankles and kicks them to the side before yanking her shirt over her head and tossing it as well.

“Then after a bit I would need more, so my hand would sneak beneath whatever I had on and trace along myself, like this.”

Sliding her hand over herself, she parts herself slightly giving him a view of the shine within before dipping her finger just inside her labia.

“Then I would get my finger a little wet and rub my here,” she points out her clit. “I had no idea what that was, but it was like a damned magic button. The first time you touched me there, I hit the roof. Course I knew what it was by that point, but when I was younger I thought I had something unique and special happening.”

She smiles at him as her hands work herself to arousal as she stands above him. “Thinking about you now still gets me super wet and excited. What is it about you Ben Solo that makes me weak for you all the time?”

Half shrugging at her, he grabs her legs, guiding her to stand over him, one foot on each side of his head. He watches her for a few moments then waves his finger at her to come closer.

“Can I taste you?” The words barely make it from his mouth before he licks his lips and she responds with a quite giggle as she kneels down over him.

Giant warm hands grip her hips and align her opening to fit against his mouth. His tongue darts out across her sacred hidden button forcing her hands to grip the head of the bed firmly. A _yum_ sound hums passed his lips when his tongue slips lower across her slit, reaching the depths between her labia. So wet already, he can feel the moisture nearly drip from her. A swipe of the tongue across her core sends a chill throughout her, her thighs responding with a soft flex as she lets an _oh, my God_ out.

This is a welcoming position as Rey discovers the weight of her body gives her the opportunity to control how much pressure she can derive by letting her knees flounder and her body to sink against him. Nervous at first that she might make him uncomfortable, until he shoves his tongue inside of her knees give out. His hands pull her in and her nerves flee, the sensation of his mouth on her too much to ignore for the sake of her nerves.

His tongue twists masterfully inside of her, the texture and feel of him still filling and thick, while not quite the same as having his cock inside. The thought of his cock makes her insides spasm. An indication he doesn’t miss, his tongue slides gracefully up to her clit and gives it a good wide swathe before he sucks her into the warmth of his mouth.

Sucking on her in long then slow motions, intermittently teasing her sensitive flesh with the tip of his tongue turning in a circle agonizingly slow begins to pull that quiver she so desperately would seek all those late nights. The feel of her legs tensing, yet seemingly fluid and liquid as the feeling creeps through her at the idea of his touch. She couldn’t make noises then, but now in the privacy of their apartment combined with his touch she realizes she is groaning. Soft pants accompanying the groan. This somehow makes it better, the feel of him and the noises seem to pull her closer to her peak.

The tips of his fingers dig into her flesh as she presses her pelvis in towards him. His tongue working hard against her until she finally cries out his name and his lips wrap around her sucking her through the beginning of her orgasm.

Her limbs are weak, she needs to relax, but she doesn’t want to give up the feel of his mouth sucking on her. Her hands cling to the headboard until his reach up and unfurl her fingers, grabbing her and swiftly moving her beneath him. It’s a blur. How quickly he undresses and buries himself inside of her, catching the last few waves of her orgasm as it pulses around the pressure of his size intruding deep within.

With her eyes shut tight, the wash of pleasure seems to continue. He pounds into her at an alarmingly different rate than he has before, with her thigh tossed over his arm spreading her wide before him. Her eyes brave a look, his face intent on watching her and how he is making her feel. She tries to smile, but he leverages her thigh higher, her knee pressing closer to her chest he rams into her this time hitting her inner wall that makes her shriek. He lets off slightly, but continues, rapidly hitting that spot repeatedly.

Her head falls back, smile forgotten, but not the pace of him or the sound of the bed as it cracks against the wall. Pressing her palm against the headboard for support she can feel it again, the pressure inside building, this time stronger. Her throat aches as she whines through each thrust, painful and simultaneously perfect. Then she feels like she is bursting from the inside out, specks of light flashing behind her eyelids like stars exploding.

It only takes only a brief moment until she realizes she can no longer feel him inside of her. Forcing her eyes open she gazes across her own heaving chest. Between her legs she sees Ben staring at her abused pussy in awe. His dick in hand, he has finished himself off to the sight of her cumming all over his bed.

“That was so beautiful,” he tells her, her face flushing at the idea.

She can only imagine that it looks like she is peeing everywhere uncontrollably. Catching her breath makes it difficult to speak. So, instead she closes her eyes to erase the moment, just that one specific aspect, because otherwise it was beautiful.

Ben’s hand glides over her glistening folds, swollen and sensitive from the strength he drove into her with. “Don’t be embarrassed. That is the sexiest thing any girl has ever done for me.”

Rey opens her eyes again his face soft and smiling back at her. “I can’t get past what that must look like.”

“Incredible,” he tells her, his hand still sliding over her overly pink flesh. “If you don’t want me to watch again, I won’t, but I had to see it.”

Ben stops touching her when she cringes and makes his way beside her. His palm cupping her cheek, his lips press to hers and she can taste herself on his mouth still. Sweet and salty, his tongue slips into her mouth to twine with hers as she presses her body close to his. His arms wrap around her to hold her near.

“You really like the taste of my… ?” she asks when he rests his head beside hers on the same pillow.

Grinning at her, he says. “Sorry, I didn’t think about that, but yes. No go for you?”

She shrugs. “It’s interesting. I guess I’m neutral. How would you feel if I let you taste yourself. Too weird?”

“Probably, but I’ll do whatever my Rey wants,” he admits.

“I couldn’t do that to you, I don’t think anyhow.” She laughs. “Ben, we have to get clean sheets on this bed and I have to shower, I feel so sticky and gross between you and me all over my skin.”

She sticks her tongue out to indicate how gross she feels.

With an apologetic chuckle he replies. “I’m sorry. I may have gotten carried away.”

Pressing her lips to his in a firm long peck she licks over his lips as she pulls away. “Yeah, but it was so worth it.”

She winks at him as she backs out of the bed and bounces to the bathroom. Giving him a moment to think she is focused on a shower, she pokes her head back through the doorway. “Ben?”

“Yes, Rey?” he asks as he begins to yank the sheets off the bed.

“I might need your assistance, I have no idea how to use this bar soap,” she says in a sappy voice, waving a typical bar of soap at him from the doorway.

Ben’s eyes leave his work of stripping the bed and look up at her. The sheets fall to the floor in a pile as he steps over them and makes his way to the door where she stands, _tsk_ -ing her as he goes.

“Guess I have to clean my girl then,” he explains, grabbing her by the arm and leading her into the bathroom. He sets her on the counter as he starts the water. “First we need a warm shower to start.”

She smiles at his sarcastic tone. “Obviously.”

With a held in chuckle, he picks her up and stands her in the shower once it warms, climbing in as well swooshing the curtain closed behind them.

“Then you pick up this weirdly good smelling bar and you run it and your hands under the water. Once everything is wet you rub it in your hands to create bubbles. See?” He explains as he tries not to laugh. “Then you apply it like so.”

His hands sweep suds across her shoulders and down over her arms. She holds her hand out for the bar of soap staring at his deeply humored face. A grin upon his lips and happy creases defining his eyes. Their hands meet, his over hers as the soap transfers to her possession. She places her other hand on the top of his.

“I’m going to marry you one day, Ben Solo,” she announces, her voice sweet but direct.

Ben freezes at the words, his hand still over hers, the bar of soap resting in between. Slowly, his eyes go from their hands to her face and she sees it then, the panic and the doubt. “I know,” falls knowingly from his mouth anyway.

“I don’t care if we have to go off the map to do it, but I am going to have your babies one day too, a few of them I think. Two girls and a boy sounds about right to me,” she continues with a calm voice.

“Sounds about right,” he agrees with a tremble to his words.

“We’ll need a sound-proof, heavily enforced bedroom, so we can also continue our fuckery, of course,” Rey continues as though she is still being serious, enjoying his face changing from gloom to humored.

Ben bursts out in laughter. “Of course.”

Rey gives him an ornery smile. “Still serious.”

“I know,” he says, “but maybe we get through Christmas and then focus on school at least until I graduate and get a job? Then I’ll plant babies in you.” He chuckles softly, the doubt and humor colliding together.

“Okay.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny story, this was only supposed to be a short story, but every time I complete a chapter ideas for the next are already brewing. I had planned on getting back to Aligned by the Stars here soon, but it might be a minute more if you are reading that also. 
> 
> Anyway, this pervy short story has more in the making. I hope you enjoy. Thanks as always for the responses! Fluff-o-drama Ben ahead. God, he's an adorable big dude who constantly needs a big hug and a good fuck. 
> 
> Updating some tags again. Since a couple characters are more than a blip now.

The months of fall sneak by as Rey and Ben cocoon themselves into their new relationship. The leaves gathering on the ground all but a memory and the air now crystallized with near imaginary snow flakes. In between a few bouts of panic, Ben has been rather pleased with his ability to move past the awkward ideas of him and Rey being a couple. Holding her hand when they go out together and calling her his girlfriend when he is speaking with his friends has confirmed their union.

Going out together as a couple has two side effects for him. The first is the tremendous surge of happiness when he sees people eyeing them as a couple. A term he has almost become comfortable with. The second, is the few moments when he feels as though someone sees through them as if they are living a charade for the public’s sake.

Rey has put in a firm effort to assure him that only a few people know about their upbringing and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. To Ben, it does matter, but he’s working on letting go of the notion he has perma-glued inside his ideology that it is wrong. Frankly, most days he doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about him and Rey.

As the months have passed, only a small bit weighs dark in his mind about them, being a nag to his conscience. Their first visit home for Christmas. Facing his parents even as an adult with the notion that they’ve seen him do the nasty on video, not exactly a moment he wants to experience. Facing them with them knowing it was with Rey? That is the game changer for him. He doesn’t want them to think ill of him and no matter how many times he read his father’s letter, he knows somewhere deep inside he took advantage of Rey.

Sometimes he wonders if he hadn’t unconsciously conditioned her to fall in love with him. He wasn’t the most adorable child in his opinion. Growing too tall too fast leaving him gangling. His awkward ears didn’t help. One reason he grows his hair out long enough to cover them. Another reason that he spent an exorbitant amount of time in the gym as he got older. Rey was too young to care about any of those things when she first arrived. Not long after she relied on him so heavily, he knew as a child she would always see past that surface crap that doesn’t even bother him now. He’s grown into himself quite well, and he’s got an amazing girlfriend that reminds him of it constantly.

He still smiles without realizing it anytime he thinks of the word girlfriend, then quickly chastises himself. Not willing to trade her for anything, he still hasn’t adapted completely to the idea that they are in deed actually together. The only part of going home he is looking forward to is the hope that getting past the parental part and the amazing amount of awkwardness, he might accept that their situation is truly okay.

The nice thing about Rey is there are times she just wants her own space and will still hang out in her room, even sleep in there. Until she wakes in the middle of the night and sneaks into bed with him anyway like she used to years before this all became so strange. He sleeps better when she is there, but he is still grateful they have managed to not overwhelm each other’s space. It’s actually so natural to them to just be it takes almost no effort at all, and still they get that sweet puppy love phase. The phase he has never been through before.

Staring at the clock on his computer as he enters data from the lab he works for, he can’t decide if he wants time to go faster or slower. Seeing Rey sooner would be great, but his parents keep stepping into his thoughts intervening that feeling. He doesn’t have a choice, he can’t hide forever and it’s the last night before the school shuts down for the holidays.

They sky is cloudy with a hint of flakes drifting as the windows frost over. Rey and her friends are gathered in the warmth of the corner booth at Club Pie. Their go to pizza joint waiting for Ben to get off work. The music is already blaring over their words as they spin from their mouths excitedly at the readiness to escape the binds of higher learning for a while.

“We get to meet the infamous Ben tonight, do we?” Finn shouts across the table.

Rey nods. “Yes,” she shouts back.

“I’ve met him,” Rose chimes in. “It’s not weird like you think,” she chides him.

“Well, we haven’t all had the chance,” Finn responds, his arm casually resting on the back of the booth behind Rose. “And I never said it was weird.”

“He’s here, be nice,” Rose demands sternly, watching Ben walk in dusting the flurries off of his shoulders.

“Yes, dear.” Finn complies.

Rey can’t help but to smile, even if across the room she can see the impending doubt. It’s been wrinkling his face for weeks every time his thoughts get the best of him and that doubting scowl comes on.

“That is one very tall man,” Poe admits, after taking a large swig from his mug.

Rey slaps him in the arm. “Yes, he is. Be nice guys. It was hard enough to convince him to come. You know, don’t mention the awkward stuff.”

“You mean the fact he’s your cousin?” Finn asks.

“Yeah, that. And no, he isn’t, not really.”

Rey shoots him a look to keep quiet. Before standing up to meet Ben, stepping up on the seat of the booth to fall into his arms. She kisses him on the cheek before he sets her on her feet.

“Hey,” he greets them timidly, following Rey into the booth.

Rey introduces everyone and the conversation grows as they get to know each other, leaving Rey the ability to appreciate how hard Ben is trying to be a part of her every day life. It’s been a long couple of months. Fun and sex-filled, but long too. Not a day passed that she didn’t see his worry about seeing his parents grow. After numerous attempts at evading a trip home altogether she finally convinced him he didn’t have a choice. Not going was only going to postpone the inevitable awkward reunion. If it goes poorly, they can simply leave. Reminding him non stop, they can always leave was the only way he came to terms with the whole idea.

“You guys look nothing alike,” Finn announces, gripping his chin in a scholarly manner.

Rey rolls her eyes with a low groan. “Because- we- are- not- actually- related! I have told you this. Ben, he is into genetics, it’s his obsession. You should just ignore him.”

Waving his hand at her. “I know, I know. I’m acknowledging the clear differences that would indicate that is correct. Different hair color, eye color, and complexions. I mean this dude could hide behind paper, and you look tan as though you have recently gotten back from vacation. How many months has the sun been overshadowed by fall and now winter clouds?”

“A few,” Rose says, missing the question being rhetorical.

“Rey,” Ben says softly, giving her a sideways look. “Probably should hit the road before it gets too icy.”

Flashing him her assuring smile she nudges him out of the booth. “Sorry, he’s right. I’ll see you guys in a few weeks.”

Rose pops up from the other side of the booth to yank her into a secure hug. “Take care, and ignore these guys, Ben. I know you are a good guy.” She turns her eyes to him after she releases Rey.

“Be safe!” Rey shouts over the wailing sounds filling the bar.

Intermittent lights pass over the roof of Ben’s car as it travels at near full speed down the highway. A slightly lesser speed due to the roads becoming slicker as the temperature drops through their evening trip. His fingers gripping the wheel tightly at ten and two, mostly due to stress and not being able to relax into driving like he typically would. Rey puts her hand on his thigh, a nod to his internal struggles as what he feels is impending doom approaches. His breath rattles slightly.

“It’s fine. You have spoken a couple times on the phone. That went okay didn’t it?”

Ben sighs. “I didn’t have to look into their eyes over the phone. Or see the disappointment in their faces.”

Seeing her nod peripherally, he knows she is doing her best, but she too is nervous. He can tell by the stiffness of her body and lack of talking. If Rey is nervous, then he feels more so himself. She’s like his emotional battery backup, she can’t fritz out on him now. Not this close to home.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t so bad, but that’s what I’m waiting for. You know, that look people get when disappointed. I hate that look.” Glancing at Rey he chuckles softly. “That look.”

“Ben, think of it like a band-aid. We’ll dive in and get it done and the pain should go by quickly. I’m nervous too. I feel like I disrespected their house after their kindness of letting me live there.”  
“Can’t we just sidetrack to a hotel somewhere and forget about them altogether? I don’t think they would even notice,” Ben’s voice is full of sarcasm, and yet, hope still exists in his words.

“Band-aid Ben, a frickin’ band-aid and then it’ll be all over. Besides we are too close now to hide out.”

It begins to feel later than it is, the sun setting much sooner than it does in the summer giving the appearance of night at only six in the evening. Rey can feel her heart pumping harder as she starts noticing all the little personal landmarks she identifies as being home. First the city limit sign. Next a street that is the main ventricle of their part of town. Soon it’s their own street with a statue and a stone wall spelling out the name of the neighborhood. Not long after they are parked in front of the house, stone steps leading from the sidewalk to the main walk of the house icing over as they stare at the front door.

“I can’t do it.” Ben speaks to the steering wheel rather than Rey herself.

Rey opens her purse to dig for something. Ben eventually looks at her to see what she could need in this moment.

“Here it is,” Rey says, grabbing a couple of things that fit into her palm. “Poe gave me something just in case. Hold out your hand.”

His palm open between them she drops a joint and a lighter into his hand. Ben stares at it a bit stunned for a second. It’s not hard to track down on campus or anything, but he knows Rey doesn’t run around smoking marijuana all the time either.

“What no Xanex?” he asks with a near smile.

“No, Poe just has this occasionally. I thought if it gets too much at least there could be an option for you to relax,” she explains. “I’m fine, I can go in and distract them for a bit if you want to _prepare_ to go in.”

“Well, at least I can feel like a kid again,” he jokes about her suggestion.

“Do you want me to grab the bags or anything?”

He shakes his head at her. “Don’t be silly Rey, I’ll grab our luggage. It isn’t a big deal.”

“I love you, you can do this,” she tells him as she slips from the car ensuring he doesn’t feel pressured to say it back and add more stress to the situation.

She almost makes it to the door when Han and Leia open it, smiles brimming their lips and arms held wide. Hugging her first, Leia asks Rey to help her in the kitchen. Rey begins to follow her, setting her purse down by the door.

“Ben outside panicking?” Han asks her.

Incapable of direct eye contact Rey stares out the door in Ben’s direction. “Yeah, but you know I am too, I’m just better at pushing through than he is.”

“You have always been a strong person, Rey,” he tells her, waving her on towards the kitchen.

Ben inhales deeply giving the effect a good chance at working quicker. Closing his eyes in an attempt at self meditation he exhales and breathes a few deep breaths. In his mind’s eye picturing the worst of this moment having already passed. Finding the awkwardness still relatively strong he takes another puff, holding the smoke in, in a desperate measure to force it into his system. This time he coughs the smoke out being startled by the knock on his window and his dad’s face peering in with a knowing grin.

Ben snuffs the joint out with his fingertips and hides it in his console with Rey’s lighter. His mind numb same as his body, he somehow autopilots his way through the motions it takes to slip out of the car and greet his dad.

“Heeeyyy, dad. How’s it going?” he asks, averting his attention while clearing his throat.

“Good, good. So, how about you kid?” Han responds casually.

Ben walks around the car to grab the luggage as his dad follows and leans against the trunk to force Ben to face him. “I’ve been better.”

“You should know there are some changes when you go in there, but nothing you need to worry about.”

Surrendering to his father blocking him he joins him leaning against the trunk. “Dad, it’s really embarrassing to find out that your parents have caught you, let alone in this case. Okay, so cut me some slack. I feel terrible about it.”

“Ben, you don’t need to feel ashamed of you and Rey. You love her, right?”

Ben’s breath halts in his chest, mentally slapping a hand over his face wondering if this moment could get any worse. He wishes he wasn’t this affected by it, but he is and he isn’t quite ready to discuss it with his father who is patiently waiting for him to answer as he realizes how much time has passed.

“I’m going to remind you how you two met. Maybe it’ll help make things feel settled.”

Han begins telling him a story as Ben rolls his eyes out of view.

“Rey joined our family when she was three years old. You were seven almost eight and we had never seen you more excited for anything as you were for her. You carried her around and played dolls, dressed up. You did everything you could to make sure she wasn’t sad. When she first arrived she was afraid of us, but she liked you. For whatever reason, she chose you to protect her, and you did. We never had to prompt you to help out. Never had to ask twice about anything pertaining to her. We knew weeks after she arrived she was never going to be a sister to you. So, we stuck with the term cousin as it would have been otherwise. Ben, you were seven and we knew she meant something more to you,” Han tells him all of this as Ben reflects on the memories he has of her trying to see it the way it’s being described.

“Dad, I already feel guilty enough,” Ben says timidly.

“Let me finish. At seven you acted like a caretaker and we needed you to. Your mother and I realized that whatever safety she found in you wasn’t going away as the years passed. She was never going to need us the way she needed you. She was never going to become our daughter or your sister, like I said. The moment she was able to follow you to college, she did. You know she never applied anywhere else and she chose science because of your influence. She based her future around you, kid. We would have had to of been blind to miss all the signs, there was never any need for confirmation from those videos. Your mother and I also did not see anything you wouldn’t have wanted us to. We don’t need or want to see any of that. It’s embarrassing to us too.”

As Han explains, the sudden sensation of relaxing slips through Ben. Not the work of his father’s words making his body numb in a nice way. His heart keeps racing, but his thoughts are slowing down.

“Can we just get this over with? Nothing you say, no matter how sweet you think of it, will change the fact I took advantage of her. I shouldn’t have done that, but, you know, I don’t have anything that validates disappointing you and taking advantage of her.” He tosses his hands up. “I just don’t.”

Han pats him on the back. “Ben, she would never let you take advantage of her. She loves you and we know you love her too. You’ve always been a good kid, and now you are a good man. It’ll take time for it to all feel normal for all of us, so you need to accept you are not in this alone and you never disappointed us. You think you are relaxed enough to come in? Dinner will be ready soon, and I’m sure your mother has talked Rey’s ear off by now and would appreciate the rescue.”

Ben sighs. “I can manage. I appreciate you trying.”

The trunk lid flies open and they each grab some luggage.

“That didn’t help? Damn, I thought it would,” Han says dismayed as they climb the stairs.

“Maybe it did a little.” Ben shrugs as he follows up the stairs to the porch.

With the front door shut behind him, he sets the luggage off to the side in the foyer. The Christmas tree sits lit up beside the large window on the front side of the house in the room to the right. The room where it all began. He smiles to himself as his dad heads into the kitchen, Ben saying he’d be there soon. The stairs to his room looming in the shadows before him he crosses to them and turns the light on. At the top he stops by the bathroom first then checks in on his things.

His room has a new color on the walls, new window treatments and has been transitioned into an office. Thick solid book cases compliment the hefty desk in the middle of the room. Cork boards and calendars laden with dates line the open spaces along the walls.

_Great, what does this mean?_

Sad he lumbers back down the stairs, his thoughts weighing on him as he takes the last few steps before reaching the kitchen. Safe steps, alone, before being faced down by both of his parents. It was nice of his dad to tell him his side of their story. A view-point that Ben wouldn’t have known existed without hearing it from him. Never having thought of it that way, but his heart skips at the idea that she chose him long before he had known he’d been chosen. It’s the kind of sweet that layers like large sugar sprinkles on a cookie or cupcake, and he doesn’t feel goofy about it at all. It’s warming and consuming in all the right ways that reminds him that he is an adult and in fact in love with Rey.

The palm of his hand presses to the swinging door to the kitchen as he takes one more deep breath and forces himself through. His parents are sitting at the kitchen table while Rey is head down, laying on her arm, fast asleep at the breakfast bar side of the counter, a half empty bowl of cereal before her. Glancing at his watch he can’t help but to laugh slightly with it not being terribly late.

“Guess she didn’t make it to dinner?” he asks, passing her and joining his parents.

His hand quickly reaches for the stem of the wine glass at his place setting and he swallows down half of his glass. While his parents have already served up their plates they wait for him to catch up, though he isn’t sure how much he was going to actually eat with them eyeing him the way they are.

“How’s school, were you ready for break?” Leia asks.

“It’s alright, I’ve been able to get more hours in at the lab and they offered me a salaried position after graduation, tonight.”

His mom stares at him, “Rey didn’t mention that.”

“She doesn’t know. I just found out. Thought I would mention it at dinner, but well…” he explains, gesturing at her the moment she decides to switch the arm she is using as a pillow. “Should we move her?”

“You can take her to your room if you’d like?”

“Apparently, _my_ room is now an office. Why not her room?” he asks confused.

Leia and Han exchange a look. “You didn’t tell him?”

Han shrugs. “Didn’t get that far.”  
“Your father remodeled the basement. It’s more of a studio apartment now. He thought you would like your own space when you come to visit,” Leia explains, giving a cursory glance to Rey.

Ben’s eyes follow hers to Rey also and it dawns on him what they mean. His elbows hit the table as his hands cover his face, as he mumbles, _oh my God!_

“You put us in the same room?” he questions between his fingers. “Why would you do that?”

“I thought we had covered this?” Han asks.

“Why are you guys being so weird? What if Rey and I aren’t what you think we are? Did it ever occur to you that it might be possible we are just good friends? What is with the matchmaking?” His hands comb through his hair grabbing it on top and pulling out of frustration before they drop back to his lap.

“Ben, you are making this bigger than it is. You are a grown man now and Rey is grown also. We’re not idiots, son.” Leia verbally punches back at him.

“I know,” he replies, his head hung low, embarrassed by his outburst.

“Then why are you being so hard on us and yourself?” Han questions.

Ben’s eyes travel between his parent’s faces. Their looks of love and concern shaded in frustration for him, he can’t formulate exactly why. He glances at Rey, who somehow is still zonked on the counter and his heart skips that infamous beat. He almost feels a smile come on, but his frustration pins it back. His father’s words from earlier coming back to the forefront of his thoughts, he considers how Rey chose him. She chose him because he was the only one that made her feel safe. He knew that on some level, but hearing it from his father’s perspective brought what that means to the surface. Having become common place, he hadn’t visited on how she claimed him. How unique their bond is and how afraid he is that she will outgrow it.

“She won’t leave, will she?” he asks, his words soft and sad.

Leia’s hand reaches for Ben’s. “Is that what you are afraid of? Losing her?”

Struggling to hold in the tears that brim his eyes, he nods. “It will all feel like a dream if I admit it’s real.”

“Hey kid, it’s already real. It’s been real for years and if it hasn’t gone away over the last fifteen years, you have reason to believe that she isn’t going anywhere.” Han pats him on the back before taking his plate to the sink.

“The matchmaking thing is still brutally strange,” Ben says, the back of his hand wiping over his eye.

Leia smiles, her hand squeezing his. “Maybe we don’t want to lose her either. She has outgrown us now, she has no reason to keep us around, and maybe we like the idea that you two will still see each other.”

Han leaves to move their luggage into their new room. Their together at home room from his nosy and pushy parents. Rey shifts again, and this time Ben goes to her and swings her into his arms to carry her downstairs.

“Mom,” he says, his back nudging the swinging door open slightly as he looks back at her.

Leia’s eyes meet his.

“She wants to marry me someday, so maybe there is a good chance she could be your daughter after all.”

Leia smiles widely as Ben leaves her to clean up dinner. “I hope so.”

Rey, a close replica of a limp noodle dangles from his arms as he reaches the last step to the basement. His father is waiting for him and begins gesturing to each amenity as he sets Rey on the bed. He spins around listening.

“It turned out great,” Ben admits. “It’s a real studio apartment.”

“You know we figured if things weren’t going well, this could be a second option.”

“No offense dad, but I don’t think we want to live with you guys as a couple.”

Han chuckles quietly for Rey’s benefit. “Yes, but at least you can now admit the truth.”

Ben groans and begins to playfully shove his father from the room in an attempt to keep from being angry. “Okay, you can go now. Fun time is over.”

Once he closes the door to the studio, he locks it, even though he is sure they have a key. Sitting on the king size bed near Rey he pulls her legs to his lap and undoes her boots. Setting her legs down gently once he gets them off. Sleeping peacefully he leaves her for a quick shower.

The bathroom is beautiful, so well done, he questions if he could manage living in the house if it were to become necessary. Rey was right, of course. He does feel a little better now that they are actually home and past the first conversation. The rest will be left up to time and his brain to decide when he will stop worrying. His parents are unbelievable, however. Pleasing that they are accepting, the whole thought is creepy as well. He wonders if it is him being too sensitive, but one look around the design of the bathroom, let alone the apartment, tells him he has a right to feel odd. The style and design up to date and tasteful in a way he knows Rey will fall in love with it. More of a bribe than a fallback.

It makes him feel bad that he even questions their intentions. Never having considered that they might feel as though Rey is slipping through their fingers, when they were barely there for her the way he knows they wanted too. He may have stolen that from them unintentionally, but it isn’t his fault. There is likely never going to be a real reason that a three year old Rey took to him the way she did, but now he’s glad that she did. Overjoyed, really, that she is the determined girl that she is, knowing exactly what she wants.

A sudden brush of cold air sweeps by him, the steam noticeably dissipating from the shower. Rey slides in next to him, her eyes half closed. He moves back so the water can stream over her. With her facing him, he guides the back of her head into the spray running his fingers through her hair. Shampooing and conditioning her hair, she remains in a sleepy stupor allowing him to take care of her. Once he finishes rinsing the soap from her body he switches side with her so he can warm up again.

“Thanks for leaving me hanging,” he teases her once she appears more alert.

She blushes and presses her face to his chest. “I know, I’m sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well. I was panicking too. Where are we? Did things go bad?”

Ben does a half of a sarcastic chuckle. “You could say they took a very interesting turn, but no, not bad. You are standing in the shower to the bathroom of our new basement apartment. My dad built it for us.”

Rey’s eyes widen a bit, looking around. “Um, kind of presumptuous isn’t it?”

Agreeing, he smiles one of his over the top happy smiles. The kind where his eyes wrinkle on the sides. “I love you, Rey Palapatine. Promise me you will never leave.”

“Ben, why would you even think I would?” she asks confused, her arms reaching around him.

He rests her cheeks in the cupping of his hands to catch her gaze. “Because this is too perfect to not be a dream. I’m not the kind of guy that gets the girl.”

“You know why, don’t you?” she asks with a grin.

He shakes his head.

“You can’t get what you already have.”

With a small nervous chuckle he kisses her lips, pulling and tugging on them until they are plump and moist with his saliva. “So you promise, you will never leave.”

Her lips curve against his. “I promise.”

“Can I fuck you in here?” he asks softly, unsure if she could be in that kind of mood.

Rey leans back. “If you can figure it out, you can do it.”

With no effort and a laugh, he hoists her against the shower wall guiding her legs around him. Her heat palatable through the warmth of the water as it rests next to his cock.

“This work for you?” he asks, hands on her hips as he aligns himself to her. Subtly pressing into her waiting for her reply.

Her arms lace around his neck, fingers sinking into his hair to yank his mouth back to hers. She shoves her tongue into his mouth as he lets her glide down his length until he feels where she stops on the inside. A cry chokes out from her when he hits it followed by a short gasp.

Letting her absorb his size he holds her up by the cheeks of her ass, pressed firmly against the shower wall. His tongue tangles against hers, speckled with soft kisses on the lips when they need air. Waiting until she squirms in effort to feel him move, he pulls out and presses himself back into her, just as deeply. Releasing another cry, he clamps his hand over her mouth.

“Shhh, I don’t know how sound proof this all is,” he says.

Moving himself quickly within her, she lubricates him as he slides inside of her roughly. Her moans effectively muffled by his hands as they grow, he watches her eyes roll back as her fingers pull on his hair more with each thrust. Taking no time she pulls him in closer with all she has as her orgasm rolls through her.

He keeps moving himself within her. Riding out her waves of pleasure with her as she involuntarily contracts around his length. Spurning him on, he picks up pace, relishing in the way she groans as he prods her at the resistant end of her core, biting into his fingers for comfort. The harder her thrusts, the louder he grows and Rey has to clamp her hand over his mouth in return.

When their eyes meet in mutual humor at their actions he can read the pain and pleasure dueling in her eyes. She will be sore tomorrow, internally as well. It turns him on more when he watches her suffer through the pain because it feels too good not to. One more thrust and he buries himself against the deepest part of her vaginal wall, her teeth sinking into his fingers tighter. He strokes the inside of her slowly then. As he begins to soften inside of her she relaxes her teeth from his fingers.

With a gentle lift of her backside he steps back and sets her down, her legs wobbly and shaking. He tries to restrain a laugh, but he loves when he destroys her this way. He lets her collapse against his side for support as he reaches outside the shower to grab a couple of towels. Managing one around his waist first he cocoons her in the other before lifting her into his arms.

Setting her on the bed she dries off as much as she can and gives him a helpless look. “I’m too tired to even get my pajamas.”

Getting to sleep with a naked Rey the highlight of the evening, he tugs the blankets back and helps her to slide beneath. Sinking into the warmth of the bed, she yawns.

“Best quickie ever,” she mumbles into her pillow.

He leans over to lay a kiss on her damp cheek. “Best girlfriend ever,” he whispers into her ear.

When he stands up he takes in the vision that is a naked and damp Rey snuggled into bed with a faint smile upon her lips, and a _mmm_ , slipping from her throat.

_Best girlfriend ever._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to drop a trigger warning because I have experience in the areas this chapter touches upon, though in a much different way. That being said I also do my best to make it all work out. So for the wary on the off chance you need them here is what to be aware of.  
> Trigger: Depression, PTSD  
> There is no death or anything like that, but it is a strong transitional point in the story that calls for a little drama.  
> Ben is a sweetheart.  
> Rose is a doll.  
> Han is overjoyed!

The sun has fallen behind the horizon on a beautiful graduation night. The entire town is out celebrating beneath the twinkling of the late spring sky. A warm evening complimented by a cool breeze. Dinner with their family already over, the party seeps through Ben and Rey’s veins as they tumble with laughter through the doorway to their apartment. Ben’s arms are slung around Rey’s waist as he hauls her to their bedroom to complete the night with what could only be described as an epic night of passion. It’s one of those moments you cherish. The kind you remember vividly years later as you tell the story to your grand kids.

Ben radiates a rarely seen happiness. His guard completely down he is freely enjoying life. With the aid of alcohol drifting through their blood they celebrate until night becomes morning in the embrace of each other’s arms. Discussing the next step in their lives together. It is nearly perfect.

It’s how Rey remembers it, anyway. Their last _happy_ moment. One of a few Ben was not pained by worry and anxiety. The night before they both learned Ben would be moving for his job. It was only a year for training in a program that will help him further his career. A necessary step, but it wasn’t a month before another woman answered his phone when she called. With no explanation she brokenheartedly tapped the red phone icon on her screen and hasn’t heard his voice since.

There have been plenty of calls from him since, but she never answer. Her voicemail becoming full to the point of refusing anymore messages. She isn’t going to be that girl, not with him. She doesn’t know where they stand in their relationship, if there is one left. The rude awakening of another woman’s voice cracking with sleep instantly shattered her idea of what they had. All those years pining wasted. Mostly, she doesn’t even think about what has been lost time wise or what may come. It’s the shock of it even happening that resonates painfully in her heart with each breath drawn.

A soft knock sounds on Rey’s door as it cracks open. “Rey, are you going with me today to get books?” Rose asks concerned that she hasn’t left her room in days with exception for the bathroom.

Rey has her back to her door and simply lets out a heavy sigh, rolling over and staring at the ceiling. She has no energy to do anything. Even the basics are a struggle.

“You have to start getting back at it at some point. Finn and Poe would like to see you too,” Rose explains, her voice gentle as it has been over the past three months.

When Ben moved out Rose moved in, originally to help with rent, but later afraid to leave Rey on her own. She needed the company, still does.

Rey looks at Rose. The same blank expression that has been there for months spread across her dulled features. “You have my money?”

Her cash flow has temporarily been sidetracked through the bank of Rose. After the spree at the bar she had racking up her credit card to its limit something had to be done. It was intended as an emergency card or for basic incidentals, but she used it to bankroll her tab at Club Pie instead. Leaving Han and Leia in talks with a lawyer for serving underage customers.

“Yes and your vouchers for exchanging last year’s texts. Come on, they’re waiting for us,” Rose encourages her.

It’s been a long time since Rey felt like her. Limbs heavy and stiff, she shoves herself from bed and drags herself to the door to shove her feet into her slippers. Not a care to anyone’s opinion.

“Rey?” Rose says with a tilt of her head. “At least put on your flip-flops.”

Rey stares at her disdainfully as she changes her shoes. “Who cares what is on my feet?”

Rose has her work cut out for her. Rey’s confidence deflated to a nearly nonexistent urge to continue breathing. Rose tries to boost her up, but Rey has no interest in doing much of anything. She will let Rose do her hair occasionally or her nails while they watch a chick flick together. It isn’t much. Better than nothing is what Rose keeps telling herself.

Rey’s head down with her shoulders slumped forward she watches her feet as they shuffle across the cement of the path to the student bookstore across campus from where they were able to park. Using Rose’s feet for directional guidance until she stops suddenly.

“Hey!” Finn shouts to get their attention.

Rey jumps, looking up to see Finn not too far out. Rose’s arm waving frantically at him beside her with a wide goofy smile occupying a large portion of her face.

_God, did I look that stupid?_

Rey averts her eyes when Finn kisses Rose hello.

“Sorry Rey, that probably insensitive,” he apologizes when he turns his attention to her.

“Not your problem or your fault,” Rey admits refusing to look back.

Rose looks at her with another bright smile. “She speaks to someone new!” Rose throws her arms around her from the side knocking her sideways.

Rey gives her a brief moment to enjoy her hug then paws her away. “Okay, enough. Let’s get this done.”

The line is unfortunately long when they arrive leaving far too much idle time for Rey’s thoughts. Too good of an opportunity to look around and see different happy couples speckled within the crowd of students preparing for the new year.

_Fuck._

The only good thing is with Finn present he keeps Rose occupied with their cute little PDAs giving Rey the chance to stare at the ground and begin counting the large flecks in the terribly mimicked marbled tile. Almost making it to a hundred when Rose asks Rey for her class schedule and book list. Rey pulls the folded papers from her back pocket and hands them over. Rose unfolds them with a look of disgust at how tattered the folds are.

“Well, you can still read them anyway. I’ll have them print new copies too,” she says as she gives the guy at the desk Rey’s name and paperwork.

He goes onto explain which line to go to next. He asks for the vouchers and adds the credits to Rey’s account. “Who is Rey?” he questions.

“Yo.” She holds her hand up.

“I need your signature here for your credit to be approved and user agreement for anything provided digitally. You are good to go to line B for your books and new copy of your schedule.”

Rey looks up and finds the line is on the whole other side of the lobby.

“We’ll catch up,” Rose ushers her on handing back her papers.

Rey sighs, beginning her shuffle of sorrow all the way to the other side of the room. The B line is even longer than the other, more so when Rey sees that Finn and Rose are sent to line C.

_Great._

As much as she doesn’t want to have to keep up a conversation, she doesn’t want to do all the interacting herself at this point. She has no drive to give a fuck about doing anything. Without the motivation of her friends it’s hard to keep standing in a long ass line waiting to gather her books and the information for everything online she will need for her classes.

Idling with boredom she starts to flip through her feed on Facebook on her phone. She only has a few friends on her list, but follows a lot of pages for her interests and certainly if she looks long enough a video will pop up to entertain her as she waits. The screen pops up a call from Han as she searches. She stares at it for a moment and hits reject. It pops up again and again she rejects it. The third time it rings she hits reject and begrudgingly pockets her phone after putting it on silent.

“You know if you keep rejecting my calls, I can still track you down through Rose,” Han says from behind her.

She looks at Rose with a look of annoyance. “Well, you found me. Why did you drive all the way up here?”

“Leia sent me. She wanted to be sure you were getting everything done you needed to today. Looks like it though,” he explains.

“You two don’t have to worry about me anymore, you can let me go too,” Rey says spitefully.

Han takes a deep breath. “We aren’t worried about you Rey. I’m here because I had to make sure the money we have given you to survive on and go to school with is okay. Where can I find that money do you think?”

Rey glares at him disdainfully. “Okay, fine I get it. Do you want it back? Rose is right over there with the access to it. You kind of took that away from me.”

“You kind of earned that punishment and I know you are smart enough to agree.”

Rey glares at him. “Whatever,” she spits at him seeing the hurt cross his eyes.

“Rey, stop. Please. You are our family, of course we don’t want it back, and you will never get us to stop caring or worrying about you. Maybe answer your phone once in awhile and I wouldn’t have to sneak up you this way,” he explains.

“Too dangerous to answer your calls. How can I tell it isn’t him?” she asks, moving forward in line with her eyes back on the ground.

“About that; I would never allow him to sabotage you with our personal numbers. That isn’t fair to you. But you know it isn’t fair to him that you won’t let him explain. You might be surprised at the explanation.”

Her watering eyes meet his and she shakes her head. “I don’t want an explanation. I just want to let him go. This is basically sabotage by the way. How can I move on with my life this way?” she asks following the line forward once more.

“I’m telling you, you don’t need to move on. But go on being stubborn. We all know you are good for it. You will see how silly this all is someday.” Han follows her forward again.

Rey hits the front of the line and hands her papers over. Han takes the pile of books as they are handed to her and the folder with all of her information otherwise. She thanks him as they walk back to the square waiting for Rose and Finn on a bench under a large tree.

“It isn’t that I don’t miss him. I’m just not ready to hear his voice to be reminded of how far away he is,” Rey says after a good beat of silence.

Han sighs and wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Rey, it’s been three month already, and it doesn’t look like avoiding him is any better. Leia, Ben, and I know you are miserable. Ben is too.”

Rey leans into the comfort of Han’s embrace turning her face against him when the tears break free. First a small trickle, then heaving sobs. After crying herself out she pulls away, wiping her face dry with her hands before hugging him.

He pats her back. “Trust me for once would you, and talk to Ben, for me if not for him?”

Rey nods, the back of her hand drying beneath her nose. “I’ll try.”

In all the years he has been her makeshift father, he has never had the chance to comfort her this way. Rey likes feeling like she has a dad, not really sure what one should feel like, but she suspects this is close. Ben was never that kind of protector, he meant something completely different even at her youngest around him. Granted it was never sexual either, but her feelings were immensely different than what she feels for the rest of her family.

When Rey gets herself together enough to look up she sees Rose and Finn sitting on the bench on the other side of the walkway waiting on her. She hates falling apart in front of people, it’s the worst feeling not having control over your emotions. There haven’t been too many times she can remember feeling this helpless over her life, not any really. It’s a familiar sensation, but she can’t think of a time it has happened.

Han follows behind Rose and Rey to the car carrying their books for them. He stacks them in the trunk as Rose climbs in and Rey stays to say goodbye. He swallows her in his arms and rocks her softly assuring her things will be fine, and that these things are simply part of life.

When he is about to let her go she says something she hasn’t said before. “Thanks, dad.”

He squeezes her tighter to him with a grin on his face. “Thank you Rey, but why now?”

She steps back and looks at him giving him a casual shrug. “You are the closest thing to one I have. Whatever happens with Ben and I, either way you will always be my dad.” She nods to herself, settled that makes sense. If things work out he’ll be hopefully be her father in law one day. If not, he’ll always be her dad in spirit.

When he walks away, Rey hears him on his cell excitedly gushing to Leia, that he got called dad. She slides into the car with Rose, a small but true smile on her face she can’t erase as she reaches for her seat belt.

“Dad?” Rose inquires curiously.

Rey looks at her. “He is, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but… never mind, you are smiling that’s all I care about.” Rose throws the car in gear to get them on their way as Rey hedges on a laugh.

The pile of new books sit haphazardly in the middle of her bed as Rey sits with her legs crossed staring at the voicemail option on her phone. Dinner time has come and gone and all afternoon she has tried to make herself at least listen to one message. The idea of hearing his voice, makes it hard to swallow. Her eyes immediately swarm with tears, and she thinks if she ever tried calling him she was never going to be able to eek one word out while that is happening. She can’t even get past the voicemail part where there is no talking and only listening.

The only reason she still has her phone out at all is because she promised Han and frankly, she probably owes him at least this much. That somehow isn’t enough to fill the fuzzy throbbing void she swears is her soul aching without Ben. So painful she can’t hardly eat most days, only numbed by sleeping, but she doesn’t get much of that either. With school coming around she will have to start paying attention to her schedule again. The longer she stares at her screen the more she wonders if she is hallucinating when it begins to ring.

_Ben._

Her thumb on the screen she hesitates, but forces herself to swipe the icon and put it to her ear. She gasps when she tries to say hello. She gives up and sits silently instead as she breathes rhythmically to calm herself.

“Rey?” His voice is soft and sweet. The sound she misses so dearly.

Tears stream silently down her cheeks as she listens to him say her name a couple more times. Her hand presses to her eyes to try and stop the tears, but it’s of no use.

“I know you are there, I can hear you breathe. I miss you,” he says quietly.

Her throats cracks and she knows he can tell she is crying. She doesn’t care, she promised Han she would try. This is her trying.

“I’m sorry. Have you listened to any of the messages I have left you at all?” he asks, waiting for a response he begins to realize won’t come. “I heard what you did for my dad, he’s over the moon. That was very sweet of you to do for him.”

With a sniffle she gulps back the knot in her throat. “Yeah,” barely squeezes from her throat.

“Hi baby,” he says when she responds, even though it was more of a squeak than a word.

Rey tries to slow her tears, but they are too strong with the sound of his comforting voice in her ear. She almost manages to get another, _yeah_ , out.

“Listen to the messages, baby. Okay, they explain it all. It’s not at all what you are imagining...”

“Don’t,” she manages to say coarsely.

“God dammit, Rey. I’m not giving you up that easily after everything over a misunderstanding. Please, listen to them,” he begs, his voice cracking. “Please?”

Taking a deep breath, she tries to stop crying so she can muster the energy to speak, but the very idea of saying anything has her crying again.

“You are still my girlfriend. I haven’t broken up with you and I’m not going to, so if that’s what you want it’s on you. Okay? I’m not doing that. If I get what I want the rest of this year will go by quickly and I’ll be home with you again. Alright? So, if that’s what you want, you need to listen to those messages or just trust me like you should, because you know me. You are the only one who does.” His voice breaks as he attempts to not cry himself.

After another hard gulp she clears her throat. “Okay.” The scratchy sound is the first word sounding like an actual word she manages to speak. But as soon as it’s out she ends the call before she can start bawling uncontrollably where he can hear.

Rey wakes to a tear soaked pillow her phone still in hand. One glance at the time and she sighs. Her schedule is screwed with school starting soon. Awake at two in the morning and incapable of sleeping she hits her voicemail button and presses her phone to her ear. The first message is filled with his fear-filled voice as he apologizes for his co-worker answering his phone, and his lack of explanation in the moment. Claiming he was suddenly woken and in shock, but there is an easy explanation. The catch was he wanted to explain it to her over the phone, not in a message.

The second message was less panic over what happened and more over her not responding. This went on for awhile in the following few messages. Tangents of begging and pleading mixed with his usual anger when he doesn’t get what he wants. Broken glass shattering in the background of one message. When those attempts failed, the girl that had answered leaves her a message, claiming there was nothing going on and she thought she was being nice and apologized for the confusion.

Rey rolls her eyes to her message. Ben’s messages after that grow shorter and more flat. There isn’t anything he can do. Rendered all but helpless, he leaves one last message. Part of a message because that was where her voicemail became so full it was no longer accepting any more. That message was most of the explanation. How it was a few of his co-workers that were working overnight watching samples for their labs. They had been sleeping in shifts much like doctors will during long shifts.

Tears streak her cheeks again. It is a good explanation, but it doesn’t alleviate any of the pain she had hoped it would. Her head aches now the way that her heart does, confused why the messages didn’t solve anything for her. Exiting her voicemail, she pulls his number up and hits send. After ringing a half a dozen times she hears the line connect. For a moment she considers hanging up, but his voice, soothing as always says her name.

“Rey? What’s wrong, baby?”

“I can’t eat or sleep. I keep crying. It’s been three months, why is this so hard?” Her words fragment as she speaks.

“I don’t know, we knew it wouldn’t be easy,”he admits.

“But I can barely make it through the day, then I can barely make it through the night,” she says between sniffles. “I can’t do this any more.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asks his voice trailing off at the end.

“The distance is too much,” she mumbles.

Ben sighs. “If anyone can get through a year like this it’s us. I know we can do it. Please don’t give up, Rey.”

“I’m not, but I can’t stop thinking about how far away you are, and how I can’t see you when I need to. You’re not here.”

“I’ll come home for Christmas. I’ll have a few days off I can make it there and back,” he promises.

“That’s four more months away,” she cries.

“You can do this, baby. You can call me whenever you need to. I might need to call you back, but you can leave me messages and send me emails. I’ll stay more in touch if you’ll let me.”

“Okay,” she resigns.

When Ben hangs up his hand instinctively covers his heart as though he can feel how she is aching. The conversation wasn’t long, but it long enough for him to turn around and book a flight home for the weekend. Half way across the country and back in two days will exhaust him, but he can’t handle her suffering knowing there is something else wrong. He can feel it in her words and her voice. Dumping out the backpack he uses to carry his files to and from work, he tosses in a days worth of clothes and his basics and heads to the airport.

It’s almost a four hour flight and even though he can’t check his phone it sits in his hand as he flips through the photos he has of them and her in his gallery. Memories surface as he thinks about the sound in her voice. Memories nearly forgotten. He was only seven and eight when it happened, but Rey had nightmares. Easily dismissed as normal for her age, but when they wouldn’t go away, his parents took her to a doctor. For awhile, the nightmares slowed down and became intermittent. Then they disappeared, but the memory of her screaming took longer to go away.

Happening so long ago it makes sense he forgot. It was a time she would end up sneaking in his room for company and spend the night hugging on his stuffed animals he was outgrowing anyway. A lovely memory it might be, it reminds him what she was like before she was able to cope with her parents being gone. He isn’t sure she remembers any of it seeing as she hasn’t mentioned it in years.

After a the plane lands and he hops in a cab for another hour he finds himself knocking on the apartment door. A formality for the sake of being polite to Rose, because he still has a key. As expected Rose answers a mug in hand.

“Heyyy, Ben?” She stumbles backwards shocked to see him.

“She here?” he asks blowing past her.

“Yeah, of course.” She points towards the back of the hallway where he is headed anyway.

He opens the door quietly, peeking in to find her sleeping. At least there is that, he thinks. He kicks his shoes to the side and sets his bag down softly. He slips into bed and up close to her where he can pull her against him without much disturbance. She groans in her sleep and shifts as he pulls her in.

Her breathing changes as she begins to wake at his presence. His hand stroking her back in hope she will just drift back to sleep. Her small hand grips his shirt as she presses her face into his chest and breathes deeply.

“You’re here?” she mumbles against him, voice cracking with sleep.

“Just for the day, most of it.”

Pulled tight against his chest she falls back to sleep.

When Rey’s eyes open she finds herself warm and secure in two muscular arms as they pin her to a hardened chest covered with a thin t-shirt that smells just like… Ben.

“Ben?” she gasps pulling away from him and sitting up. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she looks at his face looking up at her confused from being pulled from sleep. “You’re here?”

Checking the time with his watch he looks at her. “Only for a handful of hours. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer.”

“But you are here now?” she puts her hands flat and firm against his chest when he sits up with her.

“Yes, of cou…” His words are cut off with the pressure of her lips to his.

A long solid firm peck on his lips morphs as her mouth molds against his in varying shapes of a kiss. Lips melding together until her tongue sneaks past the weak barrier of his lips to find his. Moving from beside him to straddle him while never taking her mouth from his, he groans as the weight of her lands across his groin. Lips only parting when she pulls his shirt off.

His large palms press around her hips, his fingers squeezing against the skin beneath her sheer panties. “I have missed you so much,” he manages to say between kisses.

Grazing her nails over his chest, she grins, as she draws goosebumps from his flesh. Her palms over his hardened nipples on his chest, she presses him back momentarily to remove her night shirt. Leaving her in just her panties she frowns at him.

“This seems a little unfair,” she croons as her hands reach for his belt.

Together they shimmy his pants down along with his underwear. The heat of her rests against his hardening flesh as she rubs herself against him. Her hands returning to his chest, her lips seek his once more as their bodies move together. She can feel herself by the cool wetness of the fabric of her panties as his erection presses against her.

“Jesus, Rey, if I don’t get inside of you, I’ll cum right here.”

With a soft laugh she reaches between them and slips the head of his cock past the edge of her panties, sinking herself around him. Encircled by his arms she rises and falls upon him until she feels the shake that is the beginning of her orgasm. It starts first in her joints, then through her limbs, until the pulse within her core becomes so strong she cries out as she clings to his body and he takes charge of guiding her body until he cums inside of her.

Panting they hold onto each other. Ben leaves soft kisses on her skin until she catches her breath. She presses her forehead to his smiling, feeling the way he oozes out of her.

“I missed you too,” she whispers.

“Rey, this is lovely, really, but I think we have a few things to discuss and not a lot of time to do it.” His hands rub her back lovingly as he interrupts her reverie of his presence.

“Do we have to get dressed for that?” she asks teasingly.

“I think it’s best.”

With a soft huff Rey slides off of him and moves to the floor grabbing her robe to wrap around her. She sits back on the bed beside him where he has shimmied his pants back up and is fastening his belt.

For a long moment, he stares at her admiringly. “Ben?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking how nice it is to see you in person. I really have missed you,” he explains his fingers tangling in her hair and pulling her in for a quick kiss. “But, I know you and this isn’t you. You have to start living your life Rey. This year is not worth so much misery.”

Eyes tearing up she climbs into his lap and curls into a ball against his chest. “I know. I can’t help it. This sadness is alive inside of me and when you aren’t here it eats away at my heart.”

She sniffles into his chest as he grazes his fingers over her body soothingly. “Do you remember your nightmares? The ones you had when you first came home with us?”

“Nightmares? No.”

Swallowing hard as he broaches a touchy subject with her gives him a moment to formulate his thoughts. “You had to see a therapist for it. It went on for a couple of years, but over time they went away, but only with the guidance of a therapist. What if this is a situation where you won’t feel better without help?”

Sitting back in his arms she looks into his eyes. “You’re serious?” she questions quietly.

He nods. “The school has a decent clinic. I should know. Or if it’ll be easier I can talk to mom and dad and see if they can help you get into somewhere nicer.”

Rey climbs off the bed, holding her robe tight around her body like a shield. “Jesus, Ben! Sara wanted me institutionalized too.”

“I know you are suffering Rey, but don’t drag the past into this. And I don’t mean to be institutionalized. Therapy, maybe medicine. There are things that can be done to help you, and I think that’s the best course for you right now. School is about to start and you don’t want to ruin your year starting off badly. Not because of me when I’m not going to be gone forever. I am coming back for you,” he says the last part firmly, so she knows he means it. “I am. I love you too much to stay away forever, and I love you enough to go get trained for a better paying job to support our life together. Eyes on the prize. You know what I mean?”

Rey rolls her lip between her teeth nodding. “Eyes on the prize. What’s the prize?”

“A beautiful wedding. A long and exotic honeymoon. Then our own family.”

She rubs the runaway tear from her cheek. “Sounds like a good prize.”

“It’s a great prize,” he assures her.

“Ben?” she says climbing in bed with him and curling in a ball in his lap again.

He wraps his arms around her kissing her on the top of her head. “Yes, baby?”

“Will you call mom and dad tomorrow for me?”

“You know I will. Do I get to tell them you called them that?”

“No, not yet,” she giggles pinching him in warning.

“Okay,” he laughs as he squirms away from her fingers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For real, I had no idea the depth this story would take on when it began. There is a tragic mention about the past, nothing graphic. Such a revealing chapter for Rey, excited she came to life this way. I feels it is such an accurate portrayal of what a real life Rey might have gone through. Of course the obligatory dash of sexy is in there, because what's a chapter without Ben? eh?
> 
> Mental Illness is mentioned in this chapter. If you are familiar with disassociation, you will understand the beginning pretty well. If not, this is what I would consider a decent representation of a mild event of it.
> 
> Thank you for reaching out and letting me know what you think. Always an inspiration.

A hollow pounding resonates throughout Rey’s chest. Her pulse inside her ears muffle the sounds around her with exception of the ticking of an old-style clock on the wall; a reminder of how slow time can pass. The waiting room stiff with its angular furniture smells musty from the humidity fighting with the air conditioner. First semester begins next week and thanks to her dutiful boyfriend she is sitting sandwiched between Han and Leia at the doctor’s office.

Silly as it might seem to the onlooker her hands are each held in one of theirs. At her age she should probably feel a little embarrassed that they had to walk her in that way. She could have come on her own. She would have if she had to, but she didn’t want to. Leia was pleased that she could come along and after she agreed to let Han tag along as well she felt bad trying to get back out of it. These are your parents she reminds herself constantly, and no matter how goofy it appears on the outside, on the inside it is beginning to fall into place.

Until now she never resourced them this way; utilizing their parental support in this manner. They covered the basics when she was younger, but they felt more like caretakers than parents. As though she kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and she would be shipped on somewhere else. It’s why she cultivated all the bravado she usually has. She had to be strong for her, because she was the odd one out. Especially, in their home where Ben was their pride and joy. Though, they struggled to always show it in traditional ways. Then she came along and interrupted the perfect bubble he had with them.

From then on his parents began investing their time further into charities and fundraisers. Running their own organization was more than time consuming. They were still going to his little league games and the like, but they grew distant as parents. She perceived that far too young, hence the expectation of eventually having to leave.

Maybe Ben would have forced them to make her leave for all she knew. Yet, she always ended up with him. The more she was around him, the more he became her focus. She has had years to perfect how it all happened and why. It’s the deeper details that have never made any sense.

Since Ben’s visit over the weekend she has felt a little better. Not right, but at ease knowing her trust in him isn’t the problem; this is deeper. The ticking of the clock steadies inside her mind, disrupting her thoughts. The more she thinks the more she feels outside of herself. Then the sounds remind her where she is and she feels present, yet more removed. It’s like she is a walking space cadet with her brain on a strange form of autopilot where she can only control thinking too damned hard about everything. About everything and all the time, constantly wondering why it all feels so familiar.

“I’m glad Dr. Holdo is still practicing,” Leia admits to Han, giving Rey’s hand a squeeze of reassurance as she glances at her.

Han simply responds with a typical, _uh-_ _hmm_ while flipping through a well-read magazine.

“She even has her old chart in her files, that’ll be helpful.”

“It will,” Han states simply.

Rey looks between the two as they speak, deciphering what they are saying as a good thing. She doesn’t remember her initial therapy, and sitting in the children’s clinic holding hands with her parents as the other patients look on certainly doesn’t help her confidence.

Dr. Holdo steps from her office. Standing in the doorway she looks around the room and immediately smiles when her eyes land on Leia.

“Leia, it’s so good to see you, Han. Oh my, Rey. I haven’t seen you in what is it now twelve, thirteen years?”

Leia stands leaving Rey’s hand behind to hug the doctor. She glances at Han who squeezes her other one softly with a nod for assurance. After their friendly embrace Leia steps back and they both look towards Rey.

“Rey, why don’t you come with me, and we’ll try to get to the bottom of what is going on.” She gestures at her door. “We’ll see you in an hour,” she adds placing her hand behind Rey as if to guide her inside as she looks over her shoulder at her parents.

Han winks at her and she swallows hard as she passes through the doorway. The inside of her office has such a unique familiarity to it. Like a memory you can’t recall if it is real or a dream, or when it happened, but you can remember it somehow.

Rey sits in a hard cushioned chair across from the doctor in front of her desk taking in the room. She does recognize some of the office, little knick knacks on the shelves and the artwork, but it all maintains that dreamlike state.

“Leia mentioned you don’t remember being in therapy?” Dr. Holdo folds her hands on her desk as she speaks.

Rey shakes her head. “No.”

“Would you be surprised if I said that I am not surprised you don’t remember?” She smiles warmly with a raised eyebrow that manages to collect Rey’s full attention. “You are an exceptionally strong girl. Even when you were young you were very brave. It’s a lot of work and energy to take care of yourself the way you did after what you witnessed at that tender of an age.”

“What did I witness?”

“What do you remember about your parents? Anything?” she asks as she opens Rey’s file. “About the age of five, you told me your mom had yellow hair and your dad was very tall. I found that interesting because Leia had told me she had a few photos of them she kept around for you. And that was your best description of them.”

“I don’t remember much at all. My mom was blonde and my dad was over six feet tall. I know I was adopted and that they died when I was about three. I don’t recall looking at any of those photos.”

“But nothing more? Not anything about the house you lived in, toys you played with, or any random memories?” She continues as she flips through the pages in her file.

Rey shakes her head again. “No, should I?”

“How do you feel about fires these days? Any thoughts or experiences you have had recently?” She continues her eyes scanning over the pages before her pressing on right through Rey’s question.

_What the hell kind of question is that?_

“What about them?” she asks nervously, not being able to connect the dots.

“Do they still make you uncomfortable?”

“Fires? I mean, yeah, I am not fond of fires, but who is?” A strange thought crosses her mind as she answers.

The house she grew up in has a beautiful mantel over a large fireplace that she thought they just didn’t use. It was always so clean, but a memory of seeing it with a fire in it surfaces. Christmas with her new family and she hid in the corner of the room furthest from the fireplace as they tried to coax her into opening packages and eating some cookies. They all thought she missed her parents, and she’s sure she did, but the fire is what she was hiding from. The way the heat emanated from it, how the flames flit around randomly and untamed.

“Huh,” she mumbles. “I really don’t like fires, not even contained ones. Weird, I haven’t really put any thought into it.”

“I assume that you are still close with Ben? How is he?”

_Does she always skip around with questions? This isn’t productive._

“What does Ben have to do with fires?”

“He’s the one that figured out that they make you uncomfortable.” She pulls out a yellowing white sheet from the file and shows it to Rey by sliding it over her desk.

A picture of what she can only assume is herself and Ben playing as children. Then she remembers that Ben sat near her with his back to the wall and a plate of cookies on his lap. A cookie he was eating in one hand, and the other holding a cookie out towards her. She slides the paper back to her. “Still very close and he is well.”

“I don’t get a lot of updates from my dear friend Leia, but I thought she mentioned you are dating now or were?”

“Are, but he’s away for a year for his job,” Rey explains.

Dr. Holdo eyes her for a moment considering what they have discussed so far. Measuring the reactions and the tone of Rey’s answers. She pulls a new sheet from a box on her desk and opens up the clips on her file folder to add in the new sheet and begins writing.

“Rey, I am trying to figure out what you are comfortable with in order to establish where to begin. As you know it has been many years since our last session, but I am intrigued by what you are going through and I think I can help you process it a little easier. If you are okay with that I can start today if you like, though some of it might be difficult to hear. I believe if I remind you of your past, we can better understand the feelings you are having here in the present. I also believe there is more to what you are feeling than depression.” Her pen in hand she is tapping it on the new sheet like a tiny drumstick.

“I’m down for whatever helps.” She shrugs, anything being worth a try at this point.

“Alright, let’s begin with how your parents died.”

Gulping Rey nods. “Okay.”

“They died in a fire from a rollover car accident. The ironic luck of it was your car seat wasn’t tethered properly and it gave way sending you out the window and across the road from where the car landed. I have a copy of the article if you would like to see it?” she asks tentatively.

“No, that’s okay,” Rey responds picturing the incident in her head. “I watched my parents burn up in that accident, didn’t I?”

“You did.” She gives her a moment to absorb the information. “You were a very lucky toddler for a car seat failure such as that. No one really knows exactly what you saw or how much you understood at the time. Only that you were facing the accident far enough away that you were safe.”

“Wow, I thought I just didn’t like fires, campfires, winter weather fires. None of them. They always make my skin crawl. It’s been forever since I even remember seeing one.” Rey admits wondering if she will ever recollect what watching her parents die that way must have looked like. “How tragic.”

“Yes, it was very much so. It was also the root of your former nightmares. Do you remember any of them?”

Rey swallows hard again. “I remember the fires now. Not what happened, but that they were mostly about fires.”

“Ben was the one who ensured your new parents knew not to light the fireplace anymore. Leia had it cleaned so all that soot was removed and they never lit it again as far as I am aware.”

“They haven’t. They also collected me from camp one summer because I had what I would say now was a panic attack?” she questions old enough now to make sense of it.

“I would say that was a great possibility. Is that too much for you?”

“Nah, I actually think that makes so much sense I kind of feel better.”

“Now to address your current feelings in relation to this tragic past. Speaking with Leia when she called to set up the appointment she had mentioned Ben leaving, was that when this episode began?”  
“I think so.”

“Rey, I’m going to get straight to it. Ben is what I like to refer to as your anchor. He’s the one person that takes away all the pain from your past and keeps you in the present. Almost as though he stands between you and the pain. I think it is great you two are dating and hopefully, usually happy. But I believe when he left you began to recall what you were feeling when you were having the nightmares. Seeing fires reminded you of what you witnessed with your parents. The nightmares were a residual reaction to the loss of your parents. Ben, the one person who connected with you, leaving has brought you back to the one thing you are afraid of most. The core of it all.”

“What’s that?” Rey asks with a whisper.

“Being abandoned. Ben leaving was your subconscious equivalence to losing your parents all over again.”

“I wasn’t abandoned by my parents, they died in an accident. Ben has also left before and this didn’t happen.”

“You might find telling your three year old self you weren’t abandoned will help you to feel better in time. It will also help to remember you don’t need to be abandoned to feel abandoned. I imagine at that age, that was the only way you could identify with what happened. Ben is much further away this time. He can’t just drive home when you need him and I suspect it’s the distance more than anything causing you so much trouble. The idea of him being inaccessible to you let’s say.”

“But Ben is still alive and well. I just talked to him earlier.”

“Post traumatic stress syndrome doesn’t discriminate our core feelings. Once a traumatic experience is written into the brain, the brain will have a chemical reaction to it and respond accordingly to what it needs to avoid to stay healthy.”

“Are you telling me I have PTSD?” She asks with a small smirk. “That’s not what’s happening, it can’t be that serious.”  
“You have had PTSD since you were three. It’s why you block out so much or your past. It’s the reason you have created a strong outer shell to appear invulnerable. It’s the reason you only connected with Ben through your younger childhood. I suspect because of his age, but who really knows. This is a lot to take on. So, I’m going to cut our session off here, unless you have any other thoughts or questions?” she asks reaching for her prescription pad.

Rey shakes her head.

“I want to see you again in five days. You will want these filled _today_ ,” she says sliding the papers across to her. “PTSD is a part of you and it is mostly manageable. You’ve been doing great until recently, but these will help. The first script is for an anti-anxiety medication. We can adjust it as needed once we see how you feel. The second is an antidepressant. You will not notice a huge impact right away, but it will help. The longer you take it the better these two medications will work. We’re going to get you through this. We’ve already done it once before, I have no doubt we can do it again.”

Rey stands with the prescriptions in hand. “So I have depression and PTSD?”

Rising to walk her out, she nods. “Yes, they tend to go hand in hand. It’s isn’t uncommon in anyway. You are quite normal I assure you. Trauma happens to the best of us and PTSD is one way the mind copes. But we’ll work through it together.”

The door opens and Rey steps out and heads towards Leia and Han, with Dr. Holdo on her heels.

“Everything go well?” Leia asks.

Dr. Holdo holds her finger over her lips and shushes her. “She’s allowed her privacy now that she is 18.” She winks at Rey. A reminder she is mostly a children’s doctor.

Rey smirks in response. “I have PTSD and depression. I also need these filled.” She thrusts the scripts into Leia’s hands heads out the waiting room door into the hallway.

Shaking her pill bottles like maracas, Rey sits on her bed listening to her playlist while she waits for her night pill to kick in unaware that it’s been almost an hour and she hasn’t once had a thought to the time, or to the anguish of waiting for something she fears that won’t come. Instead, time seems to slip by as she entertains herself into a different kind of numbness than she had before. This version one she can focus her thoughts, but doesn’t care to. Now she just hears the lyrics to the songs with the backdrop of the instrumentation as it should be.

The ringing from her cellphone draws her thoughts from the song playing, watching the words float through her mind like the words on a screen at karaoke disappear abruptly.

“Heyyyy,” she says softly.

“Hey, how did it go?” Ben asks jumping right to it.

Rey laughs at his eagerness. “You’re just going to go straight for the dirty, huh?”

Ben pauses confused by her choice of words. “What? Sure, I guess so?”

Rey laughs again. “I’m sorry, I think my medicine kicked in. I’m going to have to get used to this.”

“Medication?” he says, his voice dropping off at the end.

“Yup!” she replies smacking her lips accentuating that _P_ at the end. “God, I just love you so much, Ben Solo.”

Ben chuckles at her awkwardly-timed statement. “What medication, maybe it’s too strong? And of course I love you too.”

“Ummmm, this is an anti-anxiety medication. Xanex or one of those kind, I think. I have another one for my depression too,” she explains shaking the bottle into the phone. “See?”

“Okay, I hope you’ll get used to it. How did the visit itself go?” He changes the subject due to her goofy responses.

“She told me everything about how my parents died. I fucking watched them burn up, can you believe that? And that’s what all those nightmares were based on. I mean how did I not realize I didn’t like fires for a reason? I am all kinds of broken Ben, you sure you still want me?” she rambles on as the session plays back through her mind. Her energy flowing through her words in a dark, but excited way.

“Yup!” he says mockingly. “Of course.”

“How’d you know?” she asks, her mood shift apparent by her softening tone.

“About the fires? God, Rey I was a kid too. I guess I just put two and two together.”

“You could have told me, you know? That these things happened. The nightmares and the fires. Maybe it wouldn’t have hit so hard when you left. She said your leaving triggered my fear of abandonment. Do you think I even have a fear of abandonment? I don’t think so, but maybe I just don’t know what that is supposed to feel like.” Her voice cracks as she goes on, torn between sad and unconcerned.

Ben swallows loudly. “I’m sorry, baby. You know if I had any idea this would happen I wouldn’t have left. I would have found something else close by, but a fear like that would make a lot of sense for you to have. I’m sure she’s right.”

“So anyway, I get to take these meds for five days then go back and talk some more. And I’m sure a lot more after that.”

“Are you thinking it’ll help?”

“I guess. Seeing you would help me more,” she whispers afraid to hear him say no.

“Rey.”

“I know,” she groans into the phone sounding much like an irritated child asked to do a chore.

“Are you still in town or did you go back to school?” He attempts to steer the conversation to another topic.

“I’m sitting in our weird-ass little love nest your dad felt so needed to be built. It’s nice though. He did a really good job. Have you seen some of the details in his woodwork? I think he actually made a chunk of this stuff from scratch. Looks too well done to be manufactured or even assembled by instruction. Definitely not Ikea bookshelves for us.”

Ben chuckles at her again, loving the way she gets so excited over such odd details. “Our little love nest, nice. He is handy. You’re not calling him dad anymore?”

“I mean to him, yes, but he’s really your dad so it feels weird to say it around you. Like I’m trying to steal him or something.”

“You can have him.” Ben laughs again.

“I’d rather have you,” she responds her voice raspy.

“Who wouldn’t?” he jokes.

“Ben, when you come home for Christmas we’re going to tear this place apart,” she says, her words breathy.

“If you insist,” he says curiously, “Um, Rey, are you...”

“Touching myself thinking about you? Yup!” She smacks the _P_ again. “Sorry, you want me to stop, I will? Until we get off the phone, but then I’m getting off anyway, because hearing your voice is all I need.”

“I really wish I wasn’t at work right now, but no, don’t stop. I am happy to listen,” he groans into the phone with frustration. “Are you naked or wearing something sexy?”

“Do I own anything not sexy when it comes to underwear?” she giggles. “The slinky red set that I bought before you left and you didn’t get to see. Do you want a picture?”

Ben freezes for a moment. “We haven’t done that before, are you okay with sending me a picture?”

“You have a password on your screen, it’ll be okay. You can always delete it,” she assures him confidently.

“I’m not going to delete anything you send me that has red underwear in it, get real Rey. I’m alone out here without you. A little sneak peak isn’t a bad thing,” he admits as she grows silent.

In a few moments he gets a shot of her sprawled on their bed in a cute lacy red thing that wouldn’t be the worst thing for anyone to find since she is covered. Then the photo of her hand in her panties gets more risque and a hushed groan passes through the phone.

“What? Too much?” she giggles at him, knowing it will drive him crazy.

“No,” he pauses as he finds a quiet space in a bathroom down from the lab. “You know when I see you again, you’re not going to be walking straight for a week, right? I’m mean you get your warning now, little girl. Fuck, you are my favorite thing on the planet. I really do miss you.”

“Favorite thing to fuck,” she chimes in.

“That too, but everything about you also. You have got to know that by now.”

She breathes harder into the phone ignoring him as she imagines all the ways he has touched her to make her feel so good. “I do know, Ben. I’m going to seriously fuck up anyone who ever tries to take you from me,” she groans into the phone as she makes herself orgasm.

He listens to every nuance of her breathing as she calms. “Nobody will be capable of doing that. I’m yours as long as you want me.”

“What if I don’t only want you, but need you?” she asks softly.

“Forever, Rey, really,” he assures her.

“Ben?”

“Yes, baby.”

“Your turn.”

Voice catching at first he laughs. “I’m not in a good place for that.”

“Ben, I can hear your voice echo off the walls, you are in a bathroom. I suspect alone,” she says suggestively.

“I am alone… in a bathroom. I thought I would wait until later.”

Rey sits silently waiting for a better answer. “You suck.”

“I know. Do you want me to call you when I get off work?” he suggests.

“No. I’ll be asleep by then, I hope.” She sighs.

Ben groans into the phone again. “I hate disappointing you.”

“Then don’t?” she laughs. “I know you won’t take long, Ben. I know how you are when you imagine me in my cute little panties and the way they highlight all your favorite hidden curves and crevices. It’s not like I’m not all wet and waiting for you as it is. I guess I could always mail you my panties to prove it, but it would still take a minute.”

“There are always more photos, darling.”

“Maybe that is too much,” she laughs. “Video call?”

“Yup,” he responds and taps the icon on his phone. “Why didn’t we do this to begin with?”

“Because you didn’t want to see my sad little face, or for me to see you sad about my sad little face?”  
He smiles at her. “Probably,” he admits. “Show me, please?”

She smiles back before dropping the phone down and teasing him with her fingers caressing the edge of her panties before moving them aside. “See?”

“Uh huh,” he says, his voice changing to the tempo of the way he strokes himself hidden in the bathroom stall. “Beautiful girl as always.”

“Show me?” she asks tentatively. “Please?” she adds when he grimaces at her.

When he holds the phone down she sees how easily his hand moves along his length. The head of him already bright pink and oozing. Softly off screen she can hear the way his breathing increases as he gets close to cumming as he rushes to the end before getting caught.

“Show me more?” he asks pulling the phone back up to his face. “Please?”

Rewarded with the view of her glistening nether region she can hear him groan as he cums in the awkward quiet of the bathroom.

“Fuck, I don’t think I can do that again here. We have to figure out a schedule,” he says breathlessly.

“We will. Thank you.” She grins mischievously at him.

He cocks his head sideways returning a smile. “I do love and miss you and can’t wait to see you.”  
“But you need to go because you are at work and I’m supposed to be getting my rest, right? Do I have classic Ben down yet?”

He chuckles at her. “Close, but you forgot one thing.”

“What could I have forgotten?” she asks with a mock frown.

“Be careful on your new medication. Until you get used to it. You were kind of a little goofy for a bit tonight. Not that I didn’t enjoy some of it immensely,” he explains, his voice back to his normal serious self.

“If you insist. I love you too,” she whispers with another frown as the call disconnects.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I can honestly say this chapter went on and on and I had to make a decision to cut it off at a decent spot. No warnings this round, but it's all Ben, all the time and his adorable neurotic rantings. ❤ him. Oh, and another character decides to come and play!

_Fuck! It is too damn cold this far north this time of year._

Ready to go home for Christmas, Ben waits outside his apartment’s front stoop for his ride to the airport. The idea of seeing Rey for the first time in months keeps him shivering in winter air in attempt of getting to her all the sooner. Flakes float down around him landing on his scarf wrapped securely around his neck and face while he gazes eagerly down the quiet road. The only distraction an image of Rey in the forefront of his thoughts. Incapable of not thinking about her for a day since he’s been gone, they also haven’t spoken for the better part of the week as she wrapped up finals before heading back to his parent’s. He hates not being able to check in on her, but she needed to be in her own head space. Grateful that he still received a few texts.

The tan freckled beauty that is her young face framed in soft straight brown hair as her eyes light up when he walks in the room never fails to keep him feeling warmer. Funny that they have always done that, but only now does he recognize the reason why. Feeling himself light up the way her eyes do on the inside he wonders if she can see it in him too.

The last four months have been the hardest of them all. Rey not being at her best, though she has pushed through with every bit of effort she has. Until recently not a day passes he didn’t speak with her to hear the sound of her voice and the tone of her words to determine the state of her well-being. In part he feels guilty for what has happened, but in fairness at the time he was young enough to not remember the exact details of how her parents died. His parents never filled him in and he had never asked, not recognizing the possible need to know the extent of it.

The nightmares he remembers. The fear of fires vaguely a memory, but it made sense when she mentioned it. The last four months is a long time to reflect on how he has let her down even knowing he could have never prevented it. It doesn’t ease the guilt enough to keep it from his thoughts, but he reminds himself that he didn’t have all the facts either. What he knew he had thought was in the past. To him, he is mildly fond of the times she would sneak in to be near him when she was scared. Made him feel all the amazing things that a strong and decent protector should feel. Though he never attributed any thought to how young he was at the time. It should have never been his role.

When his car arrives he curses a silent goodbye to the cold and climbs in. The driver speeds off after his instructions to hurry, though he can’t speed up the time of his flight. Just being at the airport waiting to fly home is better than nothing. Besides flights get pretty booked this time of year and he will at least have the reassurance of already being through security in time.

Inside, past the longer than average lines he drops his backpack and carry on by a seat and slips his scarf off the rest of the way and tucks it inside his bag. Sitting in the chair the fingers on his right hand tap the black leather of the armrest as he gazes through the glass to the see the plane is already there and waiting, a good sign in his opinion. Though it doesn’t stop him from glancing at his watch and sighing when he realizes he has a good hour before boarding will even begin.

He brought a book, but there was no way he would be able to focus on reading. He even brought some files from work in case he felt so inclined, but he didn’t feel like that would keep him busy either. Instead, he pulls out his phone entering his password before going straight to the photo album. Upon opening there is the unobstructed photo of her that he has as his wallpaper on his phone and computer. This one not polka dotted with icons for apps and programs.

He knows he is smiling at his damn phone and is sure anyone paying attention would think he was some kind of goon. Clearing his throat and glancing around he forces the smile away. He will smile plenty when he lays eyes on her. It’s funny to him though how he can’t stop his smiling even a year into their relationship, he half wondered if the distance would change anything for either of them. Her episodes aside, he considered the distance would force her to see him in a different light and maybe even find someone else to occupy her thoughts. Wondering if it would affect him in a similar way.

It hasn’t however, and the more he feels the distance between them, somehow he feels they are growing closer. Their bond strengthening over their space and time apart, pride seeps into him that he has successfully held a long distance relationship for almost half a year. Then that silly smile slips back across his lips as he realizes they are past the halfway mark of his internship. It fades when his brain nags him with the idea that the closer they get to the end the longer the days will drag on. Or at least feel as though they will. He also missed her birthday and their anniversary and that helps to erase the rest of his smile.

The next photo happens to be the one of her in her cute little lacy underwear pairing she had sent. His thumb regretfully flips that one by so no one can see over his shoulder his almost naked girlfriend, next the more risque version. That one goes by quicker with more regret. He could stare at her all day like that just as easily as the one that pops up next. Rose, the reason for his password on his phone, stole his phone the night they celebrated his graduation to snap the photo. Rey has his face cradled in tiny, but firm hands as she presses her lips so firmly to his he can almost feel the pressure by looking at the picture.

Though, it would seem weird normally, but with the way things were getting a little goofy it actually makes sense that their eyes are open and gazing at one another when she kissed him suddenly. Happiness oozes from where her cheeks indicate the smile within her puckered lips hidden against his. Pride for his success radiating from her eyes. He doesn’t like looking at himself, but he would have to admit his eyes are pretty fucking happy too. Something about that moment has slightly haunted him since. Bouts of guilt wrecking his sleep occasionally. They seem too happy and it was bound to be shattered in some way.

The next day he found out that he would be leaving for a year for a paid internship in a lab more specific to his studies. Once complete and back home, the lab there is prepared to offer him a lot of money for the first few years of employment and if all goes well and he rises through the ranks they have discussed, he will make up to a six digit salary in no time. He was greedy not for the money, but for the security. Rey deserves everything he has to offer, and if he can make that kind of money, she deserves the security he knows it can provide her too.

Of course this ideal situation would stomp all over the situation he was happy in, bringing all their bad memories and issues to the surface. Maybe he wanted to prove to his parents that he made it on his own too. Still, the guilt of how she has struggled in his absence has followed him and he has yet to even begin to explain that to her or his parents. He promised himself he would get through the year first. Rey needs him home and time to figure herself out before he can explain himself that way.

She needs the focus on her right now anyway. It’s the way it has always been. It doesn’t really make a difference to him most of the time. He wants what is best for her, because it’s what is best for him. He feels selfish enough choosing to take the internship, why should he feel guilty about anything else.

Looking up when his flight boarding is called, he realizes he has been staring at that photo for nearly an hour. Hoping he hasn’t absentmindedly made himself a fool, he grabs his things and boards. Swiftly finding his seat and tucking his luggage away he buckles in and pulls his phone back out to plug into the backup charger he brought. Opening back to the gallery he flips to the next photo of her standing in their kitchen in his t-shirt that looks more like a dress on her, one shoulder falling down her arm with messy strands covering the sides of her face as she cooks breakfast. She’s waving the spatula at him to ward him off before he takes a picture, but he beat her to the punch.

It’s one of his favorite photos of her. Something about her in it, the way she looks at him maybe, and how casually she stands at the stove gives him chills in the best way. As though it’s a glimpse into their future somehow. She seems so natural and there’s that maturity he had failed to see for too long before she forced him to see it. Every time he looks at the photo he always reminds himself internally, _that’s_ _ **my**_ _girlfriend_.

He doesn’t need a reminder, he knows damn well that’s what she is, but somehow that photo makes him feel like he needs the reminder, like he needs to know how lucky he is to have her. Fuck, the whole love thing never made sense before her. He thought he had experienced it, known the gift that it is until she seduced him. Having no problem admitting how damn sexy the whole thing was, it shot straight through his soul and it took a bit of time for him to process what that feeling for her was.

In that time he slowly accepted he doesn’t need, nor want anyone else. So many of his college buddies slept around and cheated on their girlfriends. So many flings he witnessed, and they wondered why he was so reluctant to bother. Sara was a short lived relationship that entirely pales to Rey, and Rey is afraid of losing him having no idea that he might feel the same about her. Hell, in his eyes she has all the reason to move on. Only a few years older, he still feels a bit like an old man to her youth. Though, really it’s almost ridiculous to consider their age difference a problem at this point.

His dad is older than his mom by a year more than he is Rey and it has never been a problem. It's because they grew up together that makes the age thing seem awkward, but he doesn’t really care about that anymore. Everyone participating in the internship that he speaks with knows her simply as his girlfriend from college. He isn’t going to know them for long, so they don’t need the entire backstory, even if he thinks it did turn out to be a sweet story.

Halfway through the flight he realizes his mind has been on overdrive and he needs to stop looking at her photos. The real thing will be captured by his eyes soon enough. Tucking his phone away he leans his head back and closes his eyes to attempt a nap. When that fails he waves down the attendant and buys a couple of drinks. Throwing them back quickly he closes his eyes again to only wonder why he is nervous about seeing her.

His cab drops him off in front of his childhood home. Bags in hand he ascends the stairs towards the house, his breath slowing and his heart racing. On the other side of the door is the one person he needs to see. Stepping inside his bags hit the floor and he finds himself walking straight to the basement door until a hand grips his shoulder and pulls him back a step.

“What no hello?” Han greets him, a knowing grin on his face when Ben turns to see him.

“I just...” Ben mumbles. “Sorry.”

“She’s sleeping. You’ll want to leave her be for now. Sit down and talk for awhile. Do you want a beer?”

Intrigued by his father’s request to join him, he agrees sitting at the kitchen table with him. Han sits across from him popping the cap off one beer and sliding it to Ben before he opens his own. Kicking his feet up on the open chair he takes a drink and then looks at Ben.

“How are things?” he asks simply.

Spinning the bottle slowly in his hands where it rests on the table Ben avoids looking at his dad. “Good. Mostly. The whole Rey thing aside.”

“I’m talking about you Ben, excluding Rey, how are things?” his father poses the question again.

Ben looks at him this time. “Good. Learning a lot actually, when I’m not worrying about home.”

“She’s in everything you think and do isn’t she, son?”

Ben laughs sarcastically. “I mean, she’s my girlfriend.”

Han nods. “But you know you still get to be you.”

“Rey has been more than accommodating to my internship.”

“She has. The point I’m making is, are _you_ alright?”

Ben eyes him carefully. “Yeah, of course. I just miss home.”

Han takes another swig of his beer as he looks Ben over. “Listen kid, you can be what you need to be for awhile. Rey isn’t going anywhere and we have her taken care of.”

“I know. I’m doing what I need to do for me, for the both of us.”

“Just make sure you don’t lose you in the desire to take care of her. We have everything under control until you get back. She was supposed to be in our care anyway. It’s kind of nice getting to be dad,” Han explains with a slight smile.

Ben smiles before taking a drink from his bottle. “I bet. That’s not weird for you? The whole me and Rey and her calling you dad now? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s good for her. It’s kind of sweet really, but it is a little strange isn’t it?”

Han laughs. “Only if we let it be. This is our family, we know what it is based on and who cares about social norms under this roof, Ben? I sure don’t. Dating you or not she is my daughter, and I know that could be viewed differently in other’s perspectives, but who the hell cares long as we are all happy. Besides no one has to know how it all works.”

“They are just words, I guess.”

“Just words that mean different things to different people. Your mom and I get it. That’s all that should matter,” Han assures him.

Ben nods at the idea. “Where is mom anyway?” he asks noticing he hasn’t seen or heard her, and that is unusual when he returns home.

“Running errands.”

“Oh, how’s Rey doing?” he asks so softly he isn’t sure his dad could hear him.

“She is doing much better. A lot less crying and more talking. She is as close to normal as she can be right now as long as she takes her medications, and they have pulled her back on one of them recently. She must be improving or the doctor wouldn’t reduce her dosage,” Han explains. “But, there is one thing.”

“She’s sleeping because she is sick. Strep and a cold. She is pretty well maxed out on all drugs right now. Sorry, but this may not be the most exciting visit.” Han winks at him.

“Jesus, dad, you think all that matters is… the _exciting_ stuff?” Ben can feel his face redden which only serves to embarrass him further.

“I might still call you kid, but let’s be honest, you haven’t been one in a long time and Rey is catching up to you. You know there is a reason I moved you two into the basement. Your mom wasn’t too hip on the idea at first, but she came around. I hate to admit it, but you are a man now, and it doesn’t take another man much to know how a man enjoys the company of his woman. Know what I mean?”

Ben buries his face in his hands. “Oh, my god, make it stop.”

Han chuckles at him as he stands up and Ben looks at him momentarily through his fingers. “Just say thank you, son.”

“Thank you, dad for the basement and the welcome home heebie geebies, I could have gone without the latter.”

Ben hears Han laughing as he makes his way to the family room to watch TV.

Swearing under his breath he takes his beer and chugs it down before going down the basement stairs and peering through the open door at Rey bundled in their bed, a humidifier steaming on the bedside table that is covered with medication and tissues from the box nearby. He can hear how congested she is by the way she breathes in her sleep. His heart swells being in the same proximity of her.

Grabbing the waste basket from the bathroom he picks up all of the tissues and tosses them in before washing his hands. Returning to her bedside he eyes all the medications to get an idea of what she might need while he is there. Her coughing in her sleep draws his attention away from his label reading, and he finds himself climbing into his side of the bed and staring at her paler than normal face, with dry matted strands of hair draped over her pillow. She looks pretty gross from her cold and still he thinks she is beautiful, especially when her eyes flutter open and she sees him there. He admires how it takes a moment to really sink in and the smile that follows, though it doesn’t last long before being interrupted by another cough.

“You shouldn’t be this close to me,” she says gravely. “I’m only going to get you sick.”

“I’ll survive being sick, but not one more moment of not being near you. I don’t care that you look terrible.” He grins at her holding back a laugh.

“You’re a mean, mean man, Ben.” She rolls her eyes and rolls away from him so her face can be closer to the humidifier.

Slipping closer he cradles her body inline with his. Sweeping her hair away first he places soft kisses on the back of her neck while he wraps his arm around her waist to hold her close. “I’m kidding, but I haven’t seen you look this miserable in a long time. What can I do for you?”

“Stay away until I’m better. I don’t want to feel bad if you have to go back to work sick.”

“Baby, I’m home for almost a month. I’ll have time to recover,” he whispers in her ear.

She glances over her shoulder at him. “Really?”

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” His lips press to her flesh firmly.

Giving him a weak smile she looks back over her shoulder at him. “You still have to go sleep on the couch.”

“Is that your game plan for when we are married? I’ll just sleep on the couch whenever you don’t feel good?” he teases her. “Does that include every period too? You can be kinda miserable some times, no offense.”

Rey cringes at his words. “You notice that stuff?”

“The ice packs and heating pads and the sudden lifetime supply of salt and chocolate are hard to miss. Not to mention you pop pain relievers like candy with caffeine chasers.”

Rey whines at him. “I’m sorry, I tried to hide the icky girly stuff from you.”

Brushing her hair back again, he kisses her below her ear. “I don’t mind the girly stuff. You do want kids one day the girly stuff comes with that. Besides it really doesn’t gross me out or anything I only keep my hands to myself to respect you and your misery.”

Rey turns closer towards him finding his face redden once she looks at him.

“I don’t care, I just like being with you. Whenever, however.”

“Bold statement.”

“Why do you think there is shower sex?” He wags his eyebrows forcing a small laugh from her.

“My boyfriend is perverted!” she groans turning back to her humidifier coughing from talking.

“So says the girlfriend whose period panties are even sexy as hell. Care to explain?”

Rey laughs at him. “You pay too close attention. I just like feeling attractive even when I’m not.”

“I’d lick the snot off your face if I thought it would make you see how attractive you are. I could care less about getting sick.”

“This is not the welcome home conversation I was hoping for.” Rey relaxes back into his embrace and snuggles into her pillow again.

“These are the strange conversations people have when they can’t fool around. I like talking to you about weird stuff,” he says. “Rey? Seriously, you fell asleep that fast?”

Laying there for awhile he listens to her breathing roughly as she tries to sleep, only staying asleep with the aid of her cold meds. Eventually he becomes hungry and decides her company isn’t all that entertaining for the moment and he sneaks from the bed. The lab worker in him urging him into the bathroom to clean his hands and wash his face, to help cut back on any germs he picked up from her cold. She is right, he really doesn’t want to be sick, but he would do anything to make her feel better. Deciding he is better checking out that couch situation, because there will be no winning with her tonight. All too aware of her grudge keeping capabilities he leaves her to rest after checking on her one more time.

Upstairs his mom is overlooking the stove with her phone tucked between her shoulder and ear as she goes on about the family Christmas party. The family party he had all too easily let escape his attention. She turns to see him standing there dumbfounded that they would have the party and waves to him, before suddenly wrapping up her call.

Dropping her spoon on the spoon rest and the phone to the counter she wipes her hands on her apron as she moves towards him for his welcome home hug. “Sorry, I was hoping to make it back before you got here.”

“It’s alright. I had time to visit with Rey a bit, until she passed out again.” He shrugs it off casually.

“How was your flight?” she asks picking her spoon back up to stir her pasta sauce simmering away in a small pot.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge he twists off the cap tossing it into the trash. “Smooth enough. Long of course, too long as would be expected. So I hear I get to sleep on the couch?”

Leia smiles at him apologetically. “She needs her rest, so I thought it best.”

“What’s wrong with the floor by the bed?” he suggests.

“No, just sleep on the couch. Let her have at least one more night to recover, Ben.”

Sighing he drinks from his beer. “Yeah, you’re probably right. When’s dinner?”

“I am right. Trust me, I am your mom. Dinner will be another hour or so.”

“I’m going to check out the couch.” He walks towards doorway when Leia stops him.

“Ben, you are going to get to see her an awful lot soon. It’s only one night. Linens are still in the hall closet.”

_Does she have any idea how their bond works?_

Being close to Rey is all he wants, it’s isn’t all about the sex, it’s about the energy he draws from her and the energy she draws from him. They naturally vibe together, comfortable in silence or conversation, or with their bodies intertwined, he only wants her close. One floor level of the house between them is enough to be torture after so long apart.

Making up the couch as a bed he frowns to himself at the size of himself in comparison. Why did he have to be so tall? Downstairs his petite girlfriend is curled into a bite-size ball as she sleeps away her cold in a king bed and he’ll be draped over the couch that will make him feel even more giant than usual. Goldilocks had it better with baby bear’s bed. He’ll just have to have a few more beers until it doesn’t bother him.

As he tests the couch for comfort Leia comes in and sits in the chair next to him. “I thought I would show you something,” she says her voice having a unique sound, excitement maybe.

From her pocket she pulls a small wooden box and holds it before him, pushing it closer to him when he doesn’t initially take it.

He takes the box his fingertips tracing over the design that is carved by hand. “Nice? What gives?”

“Open it.”

“Mom, what is this?” he asks cautious of opening it, knowing what a small box this size could hold, and why she would give it to him.

“Open it, don’t open it. It’s yours if you would like. Your grandfather made that box for your grandmother to hold her engagement ring. The ring is inside. I’ve held onto it for too long and you don’t have to act on it, but I would like you to have it if you will?”

Curious enough he opens the box. Inside the blue velvet lining is a rather petite ring. He pulls it out and places it into his palm almost laughing at the comparison of the ring to his enormous palm. The diamond needs some cleaning, but it is still quite beautiful, large, yet not overstated. Impressive, but not vain, he smiles at the idea. “It’s kind of early for it, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so, but if you aren’t ready that’s okay. I just thought she would be able to wear it, your grandmother was rather petite herself.”

“I’d like to keep it, but I think I’ll hold onto it for awhile, if you don’t mind?” he explains placing the ring back inside the box.

“Whatever you need. It’s your timeline. Rey may not even remember, but she loved that ring when she was younger. She was constantly admiring it when I wore it, sneaking it out of my jewelry box when I wasn’t. It’ll make her happy, I think.”

Ben starts laughing, his mom looking at him confused. He waves his hand at her to let him stop laughing so he can explain. “I remember her stealing it. She used it for her Barbie dolls, so they could have a tiara. That’s hilarious. Why would I remember something that goofy?”

“I only remember the anxiety of wondering where my mother’s ring was,” she frowns at him momentarily before smiling. “I’m glad it gives you a good laugh though. Such a silly, but lovely memory. I assume Barbies are a thing of the past?” she jokes.

“Geez, mom. Yeah, over a decade ago.”

“I know, but it’s adorable that you can even remember how long ago.” She pats his knee as she gets up to leave.

When he’s alone again he opens the box back up to look the ring over again. Imagining how he could even propose to someone like Rey without her suspecting it. He’s not sure he can propose to her and go back east for a near six months, but it will give him time to figure something out. She really did love this ring too. He had to keep taking it back from her to put away, next time she sees it he’ll be giving it to her to keep.

_Holy shit, I’m going to propose to her!_

Closing the box he goes to the bookshelf and hides it behind one of the books his dad used to read to him when he was younger. It was too advanced for his age at the time, and he doesn’t remember a lick of what it was about. But he remembers his dad reading it and that’s why he’ll remember he hid it there.

Stretching his neck, Ben falls to his knees on the floor rolling off the couch. The sun is almost all the way up after a long and uncomfortable night. Rubbing his neck he climbs off the floor and heads into the kitchen for a much deserved cup of coffee. Pouring the already made brew into a mug he sits at the kitchen bar wondering if he will get to sleep in his own bed tonight. This trip isn’t off to a great start.

Leia comes up from the basement with a tray of empty dishes. “Oh hey, sleep okay?”

“No,” he says dully.

“Sorry, hun. She’s feeling better today. Even ate most of her breakfast for a change.” She smiles at him as she unloads the tray of dishes into the sink. “You know what wouldn’t be a bad idea?”

He looks at her already bored before hearing the suggestion.

“Go see some of your old friends. Your buddy Hux just moved back a few months ago. He’s a pharmacist now.”

Ben gives her his best irritated look. “We haven’t been friends in years. He was constantly trying to one up me.”

“Well, Rey needs some more cough medicine and ibuprofen. Could you just pretend to be kind and go down to the pharmacy and give him a little visit?”

Dropping his head in defeat he slips off the stool he’s perched on taking his mug with him to change. Grabbing his bag from beside the door he heads upstairs to the bathroom to shower and brush the night grime from his teeth.

Great start, he thinks again. No Rey and now a visit with a former backstabbing friend. He shakes his head at his reflection. It was the middle of high school when Hux stole his girlfriend from him just to prove he can. One of many reasons he didn’t date much. People change, he reminds himself as he combs his hair and tucks it behind his ears knowing it’ll only slip out the moment he begins to move around.

Getting the keys to his mom’s car he gets in and drives himself down to the family owned pharmacy they have frequented since he was just a small child. The old chime on the door rings as he steps inside. Stopping first in the aisle for the ibuprofen and then heading for her cough medicine, of course Hux is the one working and meets him at the counter.

“Woah, Ben Solo, back in town,” Hux says his hands waving in the air momentarily. “What can I get you?”

“Rey has a script that should be ready,” Ben says sourly.

“You’re not still mad at me are you? Ben, it’s been years.” Hux looks at him for a moment before retrieving Rey’s medicine and setting it on the counter. “I owe you an apology for what happened. I was an asshole, but it was high school, man. None of that shit matters now.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry, I accept your apology. Pharmacist huh? Did you buy the place?” Ben asks attempting to be friendly.

“God, no. I owe too much college debt for that. Just a tech for now, but working on it. How about you? Still setting shit on fire in a chem lab?”

“Actually, sort of. I’m interning for that large pharmaceutical lab. So, looks like I’ll be making what you will be selling. Strange twist that is.” Ben shrugs.

“Shit, get outta here. Good for you man. That’s right up there with what you wanted.” Hux rings up Rey’s script and ibuprofen.

“Yeah, I mean this isn't such a bad gig for you either,” he says handing him a twenty.

“We should get coffee or something, catch up sometime,” Hux suggests placing the change in Ben’s hand. “Hey, how is that cute little cousin of yours anyway?”

Ben cringes internally, yet, he still smiles on the outside. “Funny story. Might require more than a coffee to catch up on. She’s good though, and also _not_ my real cousin.” He winks at Hux as he grabs the bag off the counter and turns around.

Before he can leave the store he hears Hux shouting at him playfully.

“Way to go Ben, sliding into home with a young hottie.”

Shaking his head he holds up his hand to acknowledge his comment and walks out.

_Maybe things won’t be so terrible from now on._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben's a sweet neurotic lug of a man.  
> I'm on Tumblr as IheartKyloRen if you would like teasers and updates.

Three days too long being home without much exposure to his beautiful girlfriend Ben is avoiding going crazy. Willing to do just about anything he can to occupy his time and thoughts until she feels better. Texting her when she is alert only makes him want to run down the stairs and jump in bed with her, so he has allowed her to rest as much as possible instead. His time otherwise was spent with some shopping and wandering around the main strip in town. Sometimes he sat back and enjoyed a cup of coffee while he considered that amazingly beautiful ring his mother has handed down to him.

Having just dropped it off at the jeweler for cleaning, he finds himself sitting alone in the front corner of the coffee shop a few store fronts down. Coffee in one hand and a pinch of a croissant in the other he watches out the window secure in the warmth of the shop and it’s aromatic offerings. Shoppers hastily move by to get out of the cold and light snow with their hands full of colorful paper bags.

He hadn’t thought much about how much he misses this place. It’s not a small town, this is just his side of town, but the area almost has a small town feel, filled with historical buildings that have all been revamped, leaving the well-aged doors that squeak when you open them and the original fixtures. It has all been rewired over the years, repainted, and floors resurfaced, but it doesn’t erase the feeling of home.

Neither does running into old friends, like Hux, that he watches approach the counter to order after strolling in confidently from the light snow. He pays and then gestures in Ben’s general direction. Ben looks away cursing himself for not going shopping instead.

_What the fuck?_

Hux sits across from him after pulling the chair noisily away from the table. “Taking a break from shopping?”

Tossing his bite of croissant into his mouth he shrugs. “Having something cleaned at the jewelers. You?”

“On my way to work. I’m ahead of schedule, so popped in for a coffee. Ours is awful.” Hux sticks his tongue out with a tilt of his head and runs his finger over the front of his neck pretending it might be the death of him to drink it.

Ben chuckles. “Can’t get anything good at my job either, but right now I’m overnights and I find myself chugging it anyway.”

“What the hell are you doing up at this hour then?” Hux looks at his watch confirming nine in the morning.

“Needed to get out of the house. Do a little shopping. Rey is sick and it’s pretty uneventful around there otherwise.”

Hux eyes him closely. “Yeah, what was that explanation you had mentioned before?”

Ben grins. “You don’t have time for that kind of a story I’m sure.”

“Hey, I’ve got time to figure out why you are sleeping with your cousin.” He holds his hands up and laughs.

“Yeah, um,” Ben rubs his hand over his face, straightening up in his chair. “Long story short she was adopted into the family before she moved in with us, so she isn’t a blood relative. Which turns out is a good thing because we’ve been dating for the last year. So, ya know...” Ben shrugs.

“That’s a relief. We all had bets you were screwing her anyway,” Hux admits as his cup of coffee is set before him. “Thank you.”

Ben coughs, choking on his saliva. “What? No, no that was after everything. Mostly.”

“Mostly? Hey, I’m not going to judge she grew up very well.”

“Why was that even assumed? She was a child then.” Ben asks.

Hux smiles. “You two were different around each other. I don’t know that there is any good way to explain it, but it was clear you two had something between you. I guess it was easy to project imaginative ideas onto that.”

Ben sighs, brushing crumbs from the table. “It wasn’t like that.”

“I told them, not Ben. No way. Didn’t have a set of balls big enough to sleep with his baby cousin. Guess I lost the bet.” Hux smirks.

“Guess so.” Ben chuckles.

“So, I’m getting married in a few months,” Hux’s voice tone changes with the subject.

Ben realizes the conversation has been focused all on him. What a selfish ass. “Hux getting married, that’s great. Anyone I know?”

“You knew her a little too well until I came along.” Hux clears his throat averting his gaze.

“No kidding? Congratulations.”

“No hard feelings?”

Ben shakes his head. “None. I ended up where I am supposed to be.” That’s when the big goofy love my girlfriend smile crosses over his face and Hux finds himself chuckling at it.

“Appears so. I’m glad we are able to get past some of this,” Hux admits. “Not to be too awkward I kind of missed hanging out with you.”

Ben thinks about his words for a moment. “I may have missed hanging out with you too.”

Hux nods. “Yeah, so I have to head out. I am happy for you, though and I still want the rest of that story because damn, that’s just all kinds of fucking crazy.”

“Family party is still happening, maybe you should drop in?”

Hux pushes his chair in. “Sure text me the day and time, same number as high school cause I’m a loser. Thank you for the open dialogue too. I needed that.”

“Sure thing.” Ben waves to him as he turns away.

Hux passes by the window again giving Ben a nod. Making up with his former best friend wasn’t on the agenda for the holidays. Neither was avoiding his girlfriend, but here he is waiting for her engagement ring to be cleaned while he decides where to begin with his shopping mentally listing everyone he should buy a gift for.

Hands full with handles from his shopping bags and a bagged lunch and drink Ben stumbles in through the door collapsing with his back against it, appreciating the warmth enveloping him. Setting the bags by the door he follows the sound of the TV into the family room to be greeted by the sweetest smile he has seen in days. Quickly he circles around from the back of the couch and sets his lunch and drink on the side table.

Rey watches him with a cup of tea wrapped in both hands warming them, a blanket securely around her she giggles when Ben plants his lips to her forehead and kisses her long and hard.

“I’ve been on antibiotics for days. Surely I’m not contagious anymore, but I’d still wait cause I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” She frowns.

With a sigh he sits back and takes her in. “You look a lot better though. Do you feel better?”

“Throat could be less itchy and dry, but otherwise, I do. Did you get some shopping in?”

He nods grabbing his bag from the table and pulls out a burger and a fry box feeling Rey’s eyes on him full of interest. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you would be up or I would have brought you something. Do you want a fry or two?” he asks holding the box towards her as her face lights up at the idea of real food.

“Yes!” she reaches for a fry after setting her tea aside.

He places the box in her hand with a soft smile and then reaches into his bag to pull out another. “I had hoped you were up and going, so I didn’t want to make the mistake of not bringing you fries of your very own.”

“This is why I love you,” she says through a mouthful.

“No other reason?” He flashes her a mock face of disgust.

“Maybe there are a few other reasons.”

“Enough reasons for me to sleep in bed tonight?” He pouts.

She smiles. “God yes. I threw the sheets in the washer already.”

“I’m not sleeping on the damned couch again anyway. I’ll stay in a hotel first.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on getting sick.”

He shrugs. “It happens. I’m not mad at you for it.”

“But I should probably make it up to you. I’ll think of something. Thank you for my fries.”

“Of course.”

When Rey’s attention moves back to the TV he watches her from the corner of his eye remembering the last time they both really sat on this couch and watched TV together. Rey looks at him occasionally with a casual smile in between popping fries into her mouth.

“What?” she laughs when he doesn’t stop eyeing her, her hands dropping into her lap, the fry box still clutched in one.

“Do you remember the last time we both actually sat on this couch and watched the TV together?”

She closes her eyes and smiles widely. “Ohhh.”

“Ohh,” he mimics her with a grin. “That was the best day.”

She shrugs with a giggle. “It was alright.”

Her eyes giving off a teasing sparkle, he laughs with her. “Eh, can’t all be winners, I guess.”

She sets her fry box down, the blanket naturally collecting on the couch she crawls over to him and sits in his lap. Pulling his face into her hands and pressing her forehead to his grinning madly at him. “Best boyfriend ever.”

“Best girlfriend,” he returns, kissing her on the tip of her nose. “You should shower and brush your teeth and put on something sweet and slinky, so I can snake you out of it.” His hands run the lengths of her sides.

The smile she was about to share with him is erased when Leia hollers from the kitchen for Ben’s help. “Maybe later.”

His head falls back with a sigh. “No maybe. You might need the head start, go.” He stands up and sets her on her feet as though she barely weighs anything. “I’ll get you more fries later.”

“Not fair I’ve been sick,” she groans at his comment as he blows her a kiss walking away to help his mom.

Leia has her arms full as she walks a giant turkey from the freezer to the sink.

“Mom?” he announces his presence pausing at the size of the turkey. “Turkey for the party this year?”

“Rey doesn’t like ham that much,” she explains. “There’s a few cases of wine in my trunk, could you please?”

“I like ham,” he mumbles inaudibly walking out the back door to her car. Returning with the cases he stacks them in a corner near the pantry. “But we always do ham.”

Leia frowns at him. “Don’t be silly, turkey is okay for Christmas too. Besides you weren’t able to come down for Thanksgiving, so just think of it as a late Thanksgiving.”

“I know. But Rey has always preferred turkey, and you never made turkey for Christmas before.”

Leia dries the frost from her hands and grabs Ben into a hug. “Don’t go feeling left out. I’m not the one who promised her the damn turkey.”

“Dad?”

She nods with a roll of the eyes. “I’d prefer ham too, but your father decided to get a giant turkey after Rey said she preferred it at Thanksgiving.”

Ben laughs. “That’s hard to argue with.”

“I know.” Leia points at the turkey. “Maybe I’ll make a small ham too.”

Ben shrugs. “It’s not the same without all the toppings.”

Leia groans. “Yes, my child. Thank you for the help. I love you, now go away before you drive me nuts.”

Making a stop by the laundry room on his way to the basement, he swaps their sheets to the dryer remembering to toss in a fabric softener sheet. Unsure if her nose is unstopped enough to smell it, but knowing she has a thing for fresh laundry.

In the basement he first sees the stripped bed, then hears the shower water running. Having waited this long to be intimate, he decides he would rather let her enjoy her shower than interrupt it. Gathering the humidifier in his arms he joins her in the bathroom dumping the reservoir of water into the sink before dropping the lid on the toilet and sitting down.

Hearing the clink Rey peeks out of the shower door. “What’s wrong?”

Ben taking his eyes from staring at the floor to her face surrounded by dripping hair sits up. “Nothing wrong, I’m thinking about stuff.”

“Do you want to come in and play?” she asks, opening the door further.

He shakes his head. “Not right now. Get your shower in and freshen up, we’ll play later.”

Rey blinks at him curiously as she shuts the shower door sending a pang through him. He’ll explain later it isn’t a bad thing. He wants to spend more time being with her than just a quickie in the shower.

“Baby, why don’t you find something comfortable to wear, and pick a movie for later. I’ll get us some dinner and then we will settle in for the evening, okay?” he says loudly over the running water.

“Okay.”

Her voice was calm enough, he thinks as he proceeds back upstairs. Leia is still rummaging through the kitchen gathering items for the party, even though it is almost a week out. He sees the turkey thawing in the sink and rolls his eyes. Rey has officially wiggled her way in now. Fuck, he may as well propose and get it over with because it’s evident by the rest of his family she isn’t going anywhere. He laughs to himself as he thinks about what it’ll be like in a few years or maybe even when they have kids. Then their kids will be the highlight and Rey will join him on the sideline being forced to eat hot dogs and mac and cheese.

“Have you seen dad?”

Leia startled turns around gripping the counter. “Try the family room.”

“Sorry.”

Hearing the TV announcing the evening weather report he steps behind the couch. “Want to grab a beer in a couple of hours?” he asks, watching the surprise cross over his dad’s face when he looks back at him.

“I thought you would spend time with Rey since she is feeling better?”

“I told her I would go pick up something for dinner. Figured we could go together and grab a drink. Get out of here for a bit.”

Han chuckles. “I’m with you there, your mom is going crazy pulling this party together.”

The bar is lightly occupied when they arrive. Ben puts in an order for a couple of sandwiches and fries then orders a beer for him and his dad. He spins the bottle in his hands as he sits quietly beside him.

“What’s on your mind, kid?”

Ben glances at him placing the bottle to his lips and taking a large swig. “Mom gave me grandma’s engagement ring. I had it cleaned today.” He pulls it out of his pocket and slides it to his dad.

Han opens the box to give it a look over. “ _The_ ring. Cleaned up pretty good.”

Ben stares at him for a moment. “I’m not sure what to think. I’m going to propose, obviously. But it seems so soon, and the longer I have it in my possession the more I feel the urge to give it to her. I need you to hide it from me for awhile.”

Han chuckles at him. “That’s ridiculous. We all know where this is all going, why make it difficult?”

“I owe her the perfect proposal, and I have to figure out what that is,” he explains, another swig and he sets his empty bottle on the bar signaling the bartender for another.

“Perfection is a high bar to set, maybe just give her something she’ll appreciate.”

Ben smiles. “Such as?”

“Sorry kid, you are on your own there.”

He frowns at his dad. “I ask you for your help for once and you tell me I’m on my own.”

“Ben, I’ll take the ring for awhile, but I fear you are fighting the inevitable.”

Ben playfully laughs as the beer hits his bloodstream. “Yes, because you just want another reason for her to call you dad. Admit it.”

Han shrugs as he drinks from his bottle. “Maybe,” he says, pocketing the box.

“I’m going to marry her, we all know that. I want to be ready first, you know? Be back in town, maybe have a house and a new car. I want to feel settled before trying to start wedding plans.”

Han pats his shoulder. “It’s alright to be nervous. It is a big step no matter how close or in love you are. It changes the tone of your relationship. Trust me, I’d be on the road traveling if it weren’t for your mom. Had to get married, had to have a baby, had to save a little girl, had to start a charity.... I don’t regret it though. I gave up my sales job to stay home and raise an amazing son with an amazing woman. It’s more rewarding than men like to admit, but you’ll have to take my word on that until you are ready. I’m sorry if we are putting any pressure on you, I think we’re too comfortable with her as parents now. You know fear of losing what can’t be controlled.”

Ben nods. “I think I’m putting the pressure on me too. I just have to get my thoughts in order before I can add anything else in. Guess she isn’t the only one who is struggling with the distance and I’m not going to rush into having a fiance to close a gap that can’t be closed that way.”

“I’m proud of you for knowing what you need. I told you before, Rey isn’t going anywhere. She doesn’t need a ring to feel compelled to stay.”

Ben sighs when the paper bag with his order is set in front of him. “I should know that, shouldn’t I?” He laughs. “But convincing my conscience is the hard part.”

“What is it about girls and fries?” Ben asks as he collects their boxes from dinner and tosses them in the trash.

“It’s the healing quality of the deep fried potato carbs,” she grins at him.

“Let’s go watch that movie,” Ben says softly, pulling her hand into his and leading her down the basement stairs, locking their door behind them. Rey slips her robe off and jumps into bed, burying herself within the thick, fluffy comforter before Ben could fully enjoy her lingerie. Pouting at her he pulls his shirt over his head and lets his pants drop to the floor. Scooping them up and hanging them over a chair near his side of the bed.

The cool sheets are all too welcoming for it being so cold outside. The basement is significantly warmer than the upstairs portion of the house making it easier to wear very little. An _ow_ escaping from his mouth as his head hits the pillow he glances at Rey’s concerned face.

“I knew something was wrong,” she says.

Rolling to his side he gazes at her. “The couch tried to kill me. I have a huge kink in my neck.”

“One second,” she says holding up her finger as she goes to the bathroom, giving Ben a chance to see the lacy red outfit from the photo.

Returning not long after with a bottle of lotion she climbs up into the bed and kneels beside him. Curious he looks at the bottle and back to her. “What?”

“Lay on your stomach, I’ll take care of it,” she explains quietly.

“You don’t have to, Rey. It’ll go away.”

Rey frowns, “C’mon roll over. Let me be helpful.”

Ben complies, laying towards the foot of the bed. His head resting on his folded arms. His ankles crossed his bare feet lay against the headboard above his pillows. Releasing a relaxed sigh when he feels the heat of her body as she straddles his back. He can even feel the heat of her through the lace of her panties. It’s all it takes to stop caring so much about his neck, but when her fingers slide through his hair grazing his scalp he decides he should see where this goes.

“Your hair is impossibly long,” she whispers in his ear as her fingers weave in and out forming a ponytail, securing it with a small hair band.

“I can get a haircut.” His words ooze softly from his lips.

“No, don’t, I really like you with unruly long hair. But I’m not going to let it get in the way right now.”

Jumping at the feel of the cold lotion, Rey laughs and apologizes simultaneously rubbing it into his skin. Kneading the muscles in his neck. Then teasing the skin on his shoulders before working on his neck again. Melting at her touch, feeling calmer than he has in a long time he closes his eyes.

“I forgot how beautiful your skin is… so pale and unblemished. It almost seems a little unfair.”

He breathes deeper when her hands explore more of his exposed flesh making note of the goosebumps her touch brings. Bringing her lips to kiss his skin her hair waterfalls down against him teasing him even further.

“You know your hair is impossibly long too,” he tells her as she moves over his body leaving warm moist kisses all the way down to the waist of his boxers. “What are you doing?” his voice cracks as her fingers trace inside the elastic.

“Nothing,” she assures him, yanking his boxers down and squeezing his hard dimpled cheeks.

Hating to admit that it feels rather nice he glances back at her. “Having fun?”

“Appreciating your amazing ass? Yes. I may have missed that too.”

Abruptly, he rolls over shuffling her beneath him where he gazes into her eyes drowning in the humor inside of them for a solid moment before kissing her. His lips pressing firmly to hers, his large hands wrap around her body cradling her against him as he rolls back onto his back. Allowing her to straddle his stomach he palms her cheeks, his thumb stroking her skin as he thrusts his tongue into her mouth. Turning his tongue with hers until she breaks away to catch her breath.

“Sorry, still not able to breath too well.” She frowns as her hand reaches behind his head and pulls the band from his hair. “You’ve changed.”

“So have you.” His hands run the length of her long hair. “Your hair is all the way down your back now. Seems unreal I’ve been gone that long.”

She bites her lip nodding. “This is kind of strange isn’t it?” she asks, sliding to the side of him.

“A little. Not in a bad way. I think we have hit that place where we were so comfortable with each other, that being apart so long has made it feel awkward. I’m kind of nervous,” he whispers.

Rey smiles at him. “Why? It’s me.”

“I have only seen you once since I left. It wasn’t even a day’s visit. I have missed your birthday and our anniversary. Am I failing at this long distance thing? I thought I had it down, but coming home keeps reminding me of how much I am missing.”

Rey leans over and kisses him then rests her head on his chest. “No, not at all. I still love you very much.”

“You do?” he questions his fingers running through her hair again.

“Ben, are you worried that I’m not in love with you anymore? I am madly, crazy, over the top, swimming in love with you. Always and forever. I don’t think girls get over this kind of love. It’s not a possibility.”

Ben smiles at her. “I know. I just needed to hear it, I think. I love you too.”

Fingers intertwined within her hair, he pulls her to him again, kissing her with urgency. His hands securing her to him spanning the near stretch of her back with his long fingers. Rolling over on top of her again he presses her body into the mattress, his lips keeping time with hers as his knee spreads her thighs apart to accommodate his size. Sitting up on his knees he loops his fingers in the waist of her panties and shuffles them down her legs looking up her body to see her hand unhook the closure on the front of her bra.

“I dig that,” he comments, kissing up her body starting with the inside of her thigh.

Working over her hip across to her belly button, his hands stroke lightly along her sides as she wiggles beneath his touch. His lips leave a trail of saliva up her body until he comes face to face with her breasts. Palming each one, kneading them with his fingers he leans over and kisses her again. A quick soft kiss before sitting back to watch her face when his fingers trace over her hardened nipples clamping gently on them to twist and manipulate them.

Imagining her inner core wetting itself in preparation he presses three fingers of one hand into her skipping over the delicate areas just to hear her groan in pleasure and discomfort. “How do you want me to make you cum?”

Glossy eyes meet him as her hands press against the headboard. “Sit up.”

“What?” he questions, surprised.

“Sit up,” she instructs again, her head dropping backwards as his fingers press against her g-spot. “Holy fuck.”

With a slight chuckle he gets back on his knees and lets her sit up, removing his fingers from her reluctantly. “Show me what you want.”

Pulling on him she gets him to move so he is resting with his back against the headboard. Pleased when she climbs over him and lines herself up easily, slipping down his cock until she is fully seated against his lap, he grins at her. Reaching around his neck with her arms, she nestles her face against his chest and she begins to move her hips, pressing her pelvic bone tightly against him. He wraps his arms around her back, sliding the left one down to brace her between her hips.

Her fingers press deeply into his skin when she looks up at him. “I really liked this last time. We can hold each other better,” she says quietly between strained breaths.

He hugs her closer to him, his hand dipping lower to help guide her along his length. “It’s nice. I like it. I like you holding on to me like your life depends on it as you grind your wet pussy on me.”

“I can feel you better inside of me. You hit every spot I could ever need stroked by your hard cock. You fill me and stretch my insides perfect. I don’t want to cum, because I want to stay like this for as long as possible,” she says with a tear slipping from her eye.

Wiping away her tear, he rests his palm against her cheek, his thumb tracing her lips. “I’ll make love to you all night if that’s what you need.”

Kissing and lightly biting on his thumb she rocks against him, a shuttering pattern emerging from her hips and thighs. His hand pulling her in for more pressure. Her body tenses erratically as he raises his hips to meet her better. The warmth of her seeping down around him enough to make him cum on the spot, but he holds back so she can keep going for as long as his body will let him.

“Rey, baby, I need you to cum so I can. We will do it all over again in a few minutes. Can you cum for me? Please?” he surrenders to his ability to hold out.

Rey’s eyes focus hard on his face, pulling his thumb into her mouth sucking on it she grinds herself to orgasm. One long groan escapes her throat, muffled by his thumb. The sound setting him off with the feel of her tightening around him.

“Good girl,” he whispers, slowing her down with his hands pinning her on his dick until he is done releasing inside of her.

“Fuck,” she mumbles after collapsing against him.

“Give me a few minutes and we can go again,” he says into her hair.

“Okay,” she says sleepily.

Ben smiles to himself humored that she is so worn out. Carefully, he pulls her up and lays her beside him where she proceeds to curl into a ball, nestling her head into her pillow.

“Goodnight, baby.”

  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🔥🧯💖 AHEAD!  
> Gets kind of steamy and dark for a minute, but sex like this usually does.  
> Thanks for your continued input, I hope this one is a pleaser. Promise the next one shouldn't be so alarming! 😉

Startled by a dream, Rey shoots up in bed, her hand landing over the heart of her heaving chest as she breathes deeply to calm herself first. Second, looking to Ben’s side of the bed. Immediate relief flowing through her seeing himfast asleep. The long hair he hasn’t learned how to tame yet covers his face making her heart skip a beat at how much she misses seeing him. Sadness slips through her next when she remembers that they were going to have sex again until she passed out.

_Damn cold!_

Sneaking out of the bed she scoops her underwear up off the floor and carries it with her to the bathroom hamper. Washing her face she tries to erase the guilt of falling asleep on him. All she wanted was for him to come home and then she passes out after begging him to stay with her like that. It’s tremendously embarrassing, enough to make her start crying and for Ben following her shortly after to escape her attention.

Her hands wrap around his large, strong arms as they encircle her from behind. The strength of his grip keeping her from collapsing. He hugs her to him letting her cry for a few minutes, then turning her around and lifting her to sit on the edge of the counter. She leans against him as he opens the medicine cabinet and pulls out a bottle with her name on it. Filling the glass by the sink with water he places the pill inside her lips and hands her the glass.

Swallowing down her pill along with her guilt she plants her face against the smooth skin of his chest and breathes until she calms. Her body slowly unwinding tension she feels more limber and melds against him in a hug. A few more minutes pass and she can feel him reach for something, then hears the water turning on again. Stepping away from her, he takes a wet wash cloth and cleans the tears and snot from her face. Holding her face up when he’s done she blinks at him blankly, until he smiles at her and she can’t help but to smile in return.

“I’m here.”

_God, those words in that voice._

Torn between crying again and kissing him she meets the two emotions in the middle, grabbing him with her legs to pull him back to her. She lays herself in his arms breathign in the smell of his skin. The sweet and salty sex smell that she remembers fondly from so many years ago. Suddenly taken back in time, her emotions sway and she finds herself giggling as she licks across his pectoral to see how quick he catches on. She leans back to look up at his face, finding him staring at her slightly annoyed.

“Seriously?” he questions, rubbing his hand over her saliva. “You are something. If you are alright, I’m jumping in the shower.”

She pats his chest with another grin. “Yep, I’m alright now. Just woke in a panic.”

“Okay. I love you, I’ll be out in a few,” he says, rubbing his neck.

She wanders into the other room to give him some space. Slipping on some panties and a t-shirt she goes back into the bathroom to see if there is any ibuprofen left, finding an empty bottle she tosses into the trash. Stopping for a moment to watch his tremendously large frame behind the fog of the shower door, she goes back into the main room and checks her bedside table. Then his, remembering when she finds none he tends to keep some on hand for when he works out too hard.

She eyes his bag for a few minutes, listening to the shower run. She’s not doing anything wrong looking for medicine she is almost certain he has in there. They don’t hide things from each other, she shouldn’t feel weird looking, but she does. Shaking off the awkwardness, she opens his bag and finds nothing unusual until she hears a pill bottle. Grabbing it in her hand quickly she sets his bag down on her lap and starts to open the bottle. Tilting it to it’s side when she sees it’s not ibuprofen, but a prescription with his name on it.

Confused about his medicine she doesn’t hear the shower turn off or hear him step into the room. Wearing a towel around his waist he speed walks around the bed to grab his bag, stopping when he sees the bottle. She holds it up, looking it over again before tossing it to him.

“Why the fuck are you going through my things?” he asks, catching it.

“I was just looking for your ibuprofen for you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade.” She crawls across the bed to her side and climbs under the covers.

“I’m not made at you. I’m mad at me.” He climbs over to her, pulling the blankets down.

“Sounded like you are mad at me,” she says, wiping the tear from her eye. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

With him staring at her for a long moment, she worries he won’t explain it. But then he climbs closer and snuggles against her. Loving him too much to even remotely stay mad she secures his head to her chest and strokes his hair. For a long while she holds him feeling tears soak threw the t-shirt she just put on.

“We’ll never be perfect. It’s not how we are made,” she says when he seems to have stopped crying. “I don’t need perfect, just you.”

He flips over facing her seeing for the first time how vulnerable he is. The patches of red around his eyes and the streaks staining his cheeks. He doesn’t speak, looking at her helplessly.

“I know,” she whispers, her fingers sliding smoothly through his hair. “You can’t protect me forever, Ben. One day you might need me the way I have always needed you.”

With a sniffle and a small laugh he almost smiles. “I already do.”

“Aw, babe, that’s sweet. You know you could have told me, though? I’m the last person to judge you.”

“You had enough on your plate. So, I made a plan.”

“Tell me now,” she urges tucking a chunk of his hair behind his ear. “Please?”

With a deep sigh he sits up, towering over where she lays. “I started feeling guilty about leaving you, even more when you got upset. Even more when you explained why you got upset and then all these questions and doubts kept coming up. I was constantly worried or wondering if I fucked you up emotionally or I fucked myself up. Why me?”

“Why you what?”

“Why was I the one you chose? I wasn’t old enough to take care of you.”

Rey takes his words in, rummaging through his question for what he is looking for. She’s told him a million time in a million ways why him before, but this time the question holds a different meaning. Sucking on her bottom lip she sits up next to him. “The only adults I trusted before I came here I watched die, Ben. I guess subconsciously I figured you were a safer bet. If my hurting, hurts you, I am so sorry. I’m sorry if betting on you was the wrong choice.” Her eyes well quickly and unexpectedly. “Fuck, that’s not what I thought would happen,” she complains, wiping away the tears, trying to keep a brave face.

“I like being the chosen one.” He sniffles. “But looking back I see how ill-equipped I was to handle the responsibility. That doesn’t mean I would change any of it. I wouldn’t have you if anything was different.”

Groaning at her own crying, she waves her hands at her face. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. Here.” She pats her lap, watching him smile as he curls up next to her with his head in her lap. Twisting her fingers through his hair again to soothe him, she feels him relax against her. “This okay.”

“More than.”

Sitting there comforting him gives her a chance to think about the whole situation and just how crazy it is that they affect each other so deeply. She never expected him to have anxiety, and she knows it’s her fault. “I’m grown now Ben, if you need to let me go, you can.”

Ben sits up looking at her. “What? I don’t want to break up?”  
She can hear the rage building in his tone. “No, that’s not what I mean exactly. I’ve spent years needing you to pick up my pieces and give me security. I’m an adult now. I should really be taking care of myself, shouldn’t I?”

“I like taking care of you,” he admits as his face reddens.

“But I don’t need you that way anymore. You put a lot of work into me, maybe it’s time you put that into you. When you go back we can take a step back for awhile. You can still call me your girlfriend or you can date, whatever makes you comfortable, but you need to do you, Ben. I can’t weigh you down anymore. I’ll never get better if I don’t let you go, and I don’t think you will either. I’m not breaking up with you. But, I do think you need a safe amount of time to figure out who you are not sheltering me, and I need to figure out how to not be sheltered. There will always be us to come back to. I’m not going anywhere until you are ready to decide if I am what you really need and want, I promise. I will always love you whatever you choose.”

Ben holds his breath as he listens to her to prevent himself from yelling. His face bright red, fists balled tightly shoved against his eyes to block his tears, he exhales hard inhaling a stiff breath after. “I don’t understand what you want me to do.”

Gently, she wraps her hands around his fists and pulls them into her small, but powerful hands. “Look at me,” she says when he closes his eyes. “I want you to love me, but I need you to love you more for just a little while.”

He jumps up from the bed and paces. “I don’t want to do this. Things will go to hell.”

“Ben, it’s okay. Really, I’m going to spend every moment with you I can while you are here. I’m going to kiss and cuddle you like the biggest, sweetest, hardest teddy bear,” she explains moving in front of him and stopping his pacing with a hug. “I’m going to let you fuck me until I can’t walk, remember? You are mine and I am yours, but when you go back we just need to hang back some. Figure out how to be us on our own so we can be better together. Jesus, when did this all begin to make sense?”

Ben’s red eyes penetrate hers. “When you didn’t need me anymore. What am I supposed to do when I go back?”

“You can still call, but lets limit it to maybe once a week. Keep the texts to a minimum.”

“Are you going to date?”

Rey shakes her head. “No, it would only complicate things for me, but if you want to, I can’t stop you. Until you come back, you are free to do what you need to do. You need sex way more than I do, and I don’t think phone stuff is going to work.”

“I’m not going to sleep with anyone else. I need you more than I need sex.”

“But you have the right to. I’m not telling you to, but you should keep your options open. You might decide to.”

“No,” he shakes his head slipping from her arms he throws the lamp from his beside table to the floor away from her. “No. I’ll stay here instead. I’m not doing this for you.”

“You are correct, you are doing it for you.”

Watching him waver on what to do next she stands up on the side of the bed. His eyes lock on hers as he stops and goes back to her arms. His face pressing against her stomach. Her hands circle his upper back and shoulders before she wraps herself around him and he has no choice, but to catch her as she slides down his body until she rests comfortably in his arms.

“I have a secret.” She grins at him with soft eyes.

“What?” he grumbles.

She wags her finger at him to come closer. He leans closer, turning his ear to her. Cupping her hands around his ear her breath warms him.

“I’m going to marry you one day, Ben Solo,” she whispers tenderly to him.

Trapped in his arms she giggles at him when he begins to tickle her until she bites him on the shoulder and he tosses her playfully onto the bed. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not agreeing to it.”

“It’s more than I expected, honestly,” she admits patting the bed beside her. “You can leave the towel right there.”

Flipping on her hands and knees she crawls towards the head of the bed. Eyeing him over her shoulder as she does her best slinky cat impression. Slowly working her way upwards until he pounces on the bed behind her and she flies face first into her pillow shrieking with laughter when he pins her down and tickles her more from behind. Fighting him with what she has, shoving her hips upwards into the air at him, his hands finding their way to her hips beforesliding her panties down. Setting her firmly on her knees, his warm rough palms slip over roundness of her backside.

It’s oddly comforting when in such a vulnerable position to have the heat of his touch consuming so much of her at once. The span of his grip large enough to comfort as much as control, she thinks, cringing slightly at the way he pinches her.

She glances back at him panting through the curve of her lips. “Do it. You are so much bigger than me, I can’t fight you off.”

His eyes dart to hers then, dark and filled with intense emotions, he pores over her suggestion. He swats her carefully, watching as her close her eyes biting down on her pillow. “That? It doesn’t hurt?”

“Ben, you can do better than that. Show me how mad you are.”

“I can’t do that,” he says quickly, his hands still circling over her cheeks squeezing them as she shakes herself at him. “I would hurt you.”

“Now you have the right idea. It’s okay, you won’t go too far. I know you won’t.”

She revels in the way he looks at her then. The dawning of how much trust she has in him, then how the anger sweeps across his expression as his hand comes in contact with her ass with a loud _thwack_. Her upper half melts back into her pillow as she bites down unsure of what noise she just made. Some kind of yelp that stops him momentarily. Then the other side matches the same sting as the first. A few more and she almost feels numb, but still able to feel it when he swats her in between rubbing and squeezing the redness he leaves.

Relaxing into the rough feel of his touch lasts only so long. Her hair suddenly gathered and wrapped around his wrist up to his fist at the back of her head, he tugs on her with such a firm, but gentle touch it almost confuses her senses. The movement pulls her onto his awaiting cock, where he begins to thrust into her using her hair to leverage the depth he enters her with. The harder he pulls the deeper he goes and the more she finds herself greedily pressing backwards.

Minutes pass as he drives into her, her scalp becoming sore. She knows she is groaning loud enough to be heard easily in a less soundproof room, but she feels too mad with her lust for him this way she doesn’t care. Her body however, is growing tired. Aching from being on her knees she knows she isn’t helping as she tries to keep from wilting away from him.

Not missing a thrust he pulls her up to him, one arm wrapped beneath her breasts to hold her upright. The other secure around her hips. Wet lips press against the side of her neck parting for his teeth to grip her flesh loosely.

“Ben,” she cries, wanting him to stop or slow down.

The words stuck in her throat as he thrusts deeper. She knows he knows that he is in absolute control of her. Her mind suffering to let go of the difficulty that comes with turning yourself over to someone this way, arguing internally with herself over the compulsion to rub herself because she wants to cum as he ravishes her. It would end it sooner.

His hand snakes up to the base of her throat, another tactic controlling how he can manipulate her body to his needs. Her arm free from being pinned at her side now, she reaches for herself. His hand stopping her flattening her palm to her stomach beneath his.

“No, not this time,” he breathes into her ear. “This time I make you cum without that added benefit. You want to play dark and dirty games, then you cum that way too. I want you to cum because I’m invading you so significantly, you can only escape the feel of me by doing so.”

“Jesus,” she cries at his instructions between pants. “I’m so weak.”

“Good, surrender to me.”

His lips wrap around her ear lobe sucking and nibbling softly, while his rigid cock stretches her further than ever before. Her insides burning eagerly as she tries to will herself to cum soon.

“I’m not asking you this time, I’m not stopping until you give me what I fucking want,” he instructs, his voice driving her mad with it’s ominous tones.

Surrendering to her thoughts she grows numb as he slams into her. Keeping her pinned tightly with her back to his chest and his lips on her neck, she lets his touch guide everything he needs her body to do, and when she gives up trying to find it, she feels the build inside.

“Oh, my God,” she breathes, her head rolling back onto his shoulder.

His arm around her hips pulls her in as his spare hand muffles the sounds escaping her mouth. “That’s the way,” he whispers. “I want to feel your body tremble from the inside out.”  
Tears leak out of her eyes from the desire to make him happy. Her mind going blank minus the way he feels inside, tearing through her and smashing against her swollen insides until he whispers in her ear again to cum. Almost on command, she shrieks and cries biting into his fingers, her body giving way to his demands in a torrent of pleasure. Ripples of her orgasm squeeze him so tightly, she feels uncomfortable with his size as he cums too, but she can’t stop him.

Breathing is all she can sense until he goes to lift her from his lap and she cries a firm _no_ at him. His arms go back to holding her to him as he begins to shrink inside of her. His hand resting over her heart, feeling it beating rapidly. Her hand falls over his as she gulps to catch her breath better.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his demeanor softer than before. His lips kissing along the back of her neck.

She nods with a sniffle.

“Are you sure?” His voice breaks at her response.

“Yeah,” she pants. “You?”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Her hand squeezes his. “No, I’m good. It hurts when you try to pull out though.” She laughs, but doesn’t sound too humored. She could hear that much in her own voice, the shock of the experience greater than she anticipated.

She can feel his chest expand against her in a deep breath. “While we wait for things to get less painful, do you want to tell me what this little exercise was about?”

“What exercise?”

“You read too much,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t like it?”

“Rey, it was amazing, but I don’t need amazing at the expense of your comfort.”

“Believe it or not, my doctor suggested it,” she says sadly, looking over her shoulder at him. “She said that it might give you a way to express your anger in a more pleasurable way. And it might help you to see what you have control over, and that I don’t have to control everything anymore. She thought it would help us communicate more honestly.”

He gives her a brief smile before leaning in to kiss her. “Are we okay, then?”

She nods. “Soon as you shrink enough to get out of me.”

“Is this why you are trying to make me take a break from you? Did your doctor suggest that?”

Oh, how she hates hearing him think that was the way of it. “No, that was me, and I still think it’s a good idea.” The crying begins as soon as she says it, his arms hold her closer.

“Then why the tears?”

She hastily wipes the tears away. “I’m just emotional.” A sigh of relief following when she can ease herself off of him to curl into a ball on the bed.

“Rey?” he says, his hand on her bare hip as she bawls quietly. “I’m sorry.”

She slinks away a bit. “Please don’t, I need a minute.”

Sliding off the bed he grabs his towel off the floor tossing it around his waist again. “I’ll leave you alone then.” He grabs a throw from the closet and tosses it over her, leaving a kiss on her cheek.

After dressing Ben sneaks from their room, palming his car keys as quietly as possible he runs up the stairs and out to his car. First driving around letting his thoughts flow freely, then resigning on needing a different distraction. He slams his car in park outside the corner store at the end of town, hopping out, entering quickly. Trekking straight to the counter he slaps a twenty on the counter and asks for a pack of cigarettes, before snatching a lighter out of the tray by the register to add to his purchase. Dropping his change into his pocket he packs the cigarettes as he walks outside unwrapping them and pulling one out before he even makes it through the door.

Lit and inhaling once he steps outside, he sighs. He hasn’t smoked in years, seeming a better option to day drinking he smokes half of it before crushing it beneath his shoe. It helps a little, at least his mind isn’t racing anymore about what he has done, questioning how something so amazing was so destructive. Tucking the pack into his coat pocket he goes down to the coffee shop to grab coffee and muffins.

“Ben? So early again?” Hux says from behind him as he waits at the pick up side of the counter.

“Coffee for Rey.”

“On my way to work. You seem a little shaken. Everything alright?” Hux asks intuitively.

“Long morning,” he says, grabbing the muffins and coffee. “I’ll text you later about the party.”

“See ya.”

_Not now Hux, not fucking now. What the hell happened this morning?_

Feeling like a monster he drives home and carries everything inside. Rey is in the kitchen when he enters sitting at the table with his parents.

“Hey,” she greets him cheerily.

“Coffee?” he offers and she nods.

Setting hers in front of her and his to the side he opens the bag and hands her a muffin.

“Blueberry, your favorite.”

“Thanks.”

“Yes, thanks Ben.” Han chuckles at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” he explains confused.

“Only kidding, son.”

Listening to his mom discuss the upcoming party he watches Rey for clues to how she is feeling, but she gives nothing away. Waiting until she is done eating he asks her if he can see her for a little bit to make their plans for the day. She follows him to the landing of the stairs to the basement where he sidesteps through the backdoor there. Curious, she follows him outside surprised to see him light up a cigarette as he dances nervously foot to foot.

“I thought you quit?”

“Not for today. I’m a bit confused Rey, I left you upset in a ball and come back and you’re cheery. I thought I was bringing coffee and a muffin to apologize, but you’re okay now?”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m not!” he says a little too loudly, putting his cigarette out he pulls her back inside and to their room, slamming the door behind them. “Fuck, that was too loud.”

He takes a deep breath and drops his coat over the chair on his side of the bed. “You cleaned up the lamp? I was going to when I got back.”

“Babe, I’m fine. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I know you enjoyed the actual fuck out of this morning. Stop with the guilt, okay?”

Ben looks her over. “So, why were you crying? I thought I hurt you.”

Rey sits on the end of the bed. “You did hurt me. I’m bruised like I tried to fuck a goddamn tree. You also set me free. It was oddly liberating, letting you do that to me. They were confusing tears, but they were good ones.”

He can’t help but to look at her in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

She nods. “I’m positive, but now do you see what I mean? You put me at the head of all of your feelings. What did you feel if you take my feelings out of it?”

“Like a monster.”

“Ben, seriously.”

He sits beside her. “I felt kind of like a rock star drunk on life... high on adrenaline. But then after I felt like I crashed and then I felt like a monster. I died inside watching you cry.”

“But here I am, perfectly okay. You have to admit it was fun to spank me.”

He nearly smiles at her comment, but shrugs it off. “I see your point now, but you promised me kisses and cuddles until I leave. I could go for some of that right now.” He slips his shoes off then grabs her and tosses her onto the bed.

Climbing over her he lays down and pulls her into his arms. “So I’m taking them whether you like it or not.”

Rey smiles against him. “Anything you need.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in July, my friends and faithful readers. I love how our dynamic duo bumbles their way through their love with occasional moments of cocky confidence. 
> 
> Because I love writing this story and I have had some fun responses, let me tell you for what was supposed to be a slightly taboo one-shot, we are now approaching what is considered standard for a new adult or young adult book. That's typically around 80k words. I'm not sure what random fun I tapped into with this storyline, but I am enjoying the ride. I hope you are as well. Thank you for the insights and thoughts you provide. I keep in mind input as I traverse the terrain of each new chapter. Not a chapter ends without another in mind, but I like to please and I love to shock. So, you never really know what you'll get, but in the end I don't fucking kill off amazing characters, so there's always that. I'm kind of hoping everyone is enjoy the weirdly implanted SW nods as well. I'm sort of proud of the subtle and not so subtle tie ins. Recently I was asked what Rey's major was. Rey and Ben are both science geeks, Ben is a chem guy, cause he has a need to be properly balance emotionally and maybe you could consider mentally. A reflection of Kylo, of course. Also the chemistry between our favorite duo. Rey is more into the botany side of things with a desire to heal and grow, and her career goal is supposed to be something along the lines of archiving seeds. Where regional seeds are gathered to be preserved in case they are needed some day. A reflection of her need to prevent the world from becoming a giant desert. Just some fun thoughts. Thanks again and as always, happy reading.

A sleek red satin dress nearly to her ankles, split up one leg, hugs Rey’s body so tight Ben wonders how she is walking down the stairs in heels safely. He hasn’t seen her all afternoon as she’s been hovering in his mom’s room for better light while getting ready. She takes each step delicately the curves of her body kissed by the shimmer of the satin as she works her way towards him. Focused on her descent rather than the person standing at the bottom of the stairs, she has no idea he is standing speechless at the bottom of the stairs until her last step has her nearly bumping into him.

“Whoo, I made it.” She giggles through red lipstick his eyes can’t seem to stray from for a moment. Another unnoticed action until he looks into her eyes. “What?”

“W… wow?” he mumbles through a partial smile, his eyes exploring the way her hair twists up against the back of her head, and how her eyes bat innocently through darkened and curled lashes at him. He accepted over a year ago she was no longer the child he tried to keep her as in his imagination, but this is a woman before him. A beautiful, capable, sexy woman he can’t get enough of.

“Too much?” she asks, looking down at her heavily supported and exposed cleavage she maybe added some sparkles too for the festive occasion.

He shakes his head at her speechlessly.

“I get the feeling you’ll have more fun peeling me out of this later than I did shuffling it on.” She smiles at him and blows him a kiss with a wink as she goes into the kitchen to check on Leia and her preparations.

Leaving him standing there with a new memory of an elegantly dressed Rey. Used to the fancy gowns and dresses his mom wore to events, and sure he is in a tuxedo, a basic no frills one. And yes, these parties have always been black tie, but Rey has never worn a dress or gown made for a woman. The styles always sweet with tulle skirts and there were no heels that raised her ass that many inches higher than normal. He shakes the image from his head, the cliché nature of her in that dress becoming too much, he walks into the dining room hitting up the bar for a quick shot to help him ease out of such a ridiculous masculine reaction.

Next thing he knows he’s questioning all the reasons why he should be excited to see her looking so beautifully done up and comparing that to all the reasons why he shouldn’t have such a deep response to her in a red dress that emphasizes every bit of her he wants to sink his goddamn teeth into. It is his girlfriend, he does have a right to enjoy her that way, doesn’t he? Is that a right or privilege? No, he knows her well enough to think she wanted him to enjoy her looking so hot.

Another shot and Hux and Lisa, his fabulousl cheating ex from high school arrive, perfectly timed to fit in as a different distraction. After helping them dispatch their coats for the evening, he offers them each a drink and begins to catch up, which he thought would make him more nervous than trying to figure out how to feel about Rey in that sexy-ass dress of hers. Suddenly jealous that they’ll see her that way as well.

_Huh._

He’s sure he’s got nothing of a solid opinion. Rey has him taking his pills as directed and his mind has done so many goofy sidetracked thoughts over the last week, he keeps asking her to explain up from down and right from left, so it seems.

Handing them each a glass of champagne before snagging another shot just in case. “So, you made it.”

“I haven’t been to one of these things in years, but I remember they were always fun,” Hux admits. “Did you ever get to one, Lisa?”

“No,” she says simply.

“Well, they invite enough of their friends as well as family, it always turns into a benefit for the most part,” Ben is explaining when his uncle walks in.

_Oh Fuck._

“Hey, Uncle Luke.” His voice sounds less than thrilled. He was once very close to his uncle and his opinion and approval of him and Rey matters deeply enough to him, he’s been fighting a building panic attack all week.

“Ben,” he nods grabbing a glass from the bar after handing Ben his coat. “I’m sorry I missed you last year. How’s the job going?”

“It’s going well.”

“How’s the girlfriend?” he continues coolly.

Hiding a big gulp, he smiles. “Good.”

“Where is Rey, I haven’t seen her in a few years?”

Ben merely points at the kitchen, wondering if that was acknowledging that he knows she’s his girlfriend, or was he just asking where she was?

“I’ll catch up with you in a few when you are less occupied.” Graciously, he works his way to the kitchen.

Ben lets out his breath, unaware he’d been holding it.

“Something wrong?” Hux asks, looking between Ben and Luke’s back.

“No, not at all. It’s been a really long day getting everything ready is all.” Ben dismisses the situation with another shot and a fake smile. “So, how are wedding plans going?”

Hux and Lisa take turns explaining everything they have planned keeping Ben distracted and even giving him some ideas. The evening is feeling almost okay, though he is a few shots too early in. He enjoys catching up with his old friends enough he begins to unwind, but that too might be the alcohol. Uncaring to which, he eagerly listens and asks questions for the next half hour until Hux invites him to be his best man forcing Ben to choke momentarily on his own saliva.

“Man, I’m honored, but I’ll have to let you know after I get back to see if I can manage the time off.” As he explains it, he makes a note that would mean being in town, and being able to visit Rey, possibly.

The kitchen door clacks open and closed for the better part of their conversation. Rey the last one out joins his talkative group, picking up a glass of champagne from the bar first. Hux taking a moment to whisper to Ben about how beautiful she has become, while Lisa slugs him in the arm.

Rey looks Hux over and then Lisa, this is not the first time they’ve met, but it has been a very long time since the last time. “Are we talking again?” she asks him, her eyes on him and not the group to ensure she gets only his answer.

“I should have explained it to you sooner, but yes. Hux and Lisa are getting married in a few months. That’s nice isn’t it?” Ben forgot that Rey was brilliantly angry considering her age and situation with the way things happened between them.

“Oh, that is nice, you two deserve each other. Congratulations.” While kind on the surface her tone says it all as slinks away to the other side of the party. “I’m circulating.”

“I’m sorry. I should have warned her.”

Hux eyes him humored. “That is the connection I was referring to the other day.”

“Oh, that,” Lisa adds, “Yeah, Ben I have to admit you two were strangely close.”

Ben looks at the two of them. “Closer now, I’m going to circulate as well. Enjoy the festivities.”

With his rounds made and his greetings to family and parental associates given, he begins to look for Rey. It is still early in the evening, but he wanted to check in with her. When he finds her, she’s invested in a deep conversation with one of his parent’s investors and flashes him an apologetic face. Knowing he shouldn’t interrupt he sneaks outside and finds a seat on the wall of one of the garden beds off to the side of the house. He lights a cigarette, barely smoking it, because he promised Rey he wasn’t going to go back down that path, now that he knows why did the first time. He hears the footsteps up and down the pathway to the street as people come and go. The music inside has begun to play and dinner catering is complete and ready to serve. He’s not hungry though. Rey will find her own food in her own time, he figures and continues to sit in the evening air ignoring the cold.

“Back to this are we?” Luke’s voice catches him off guard as he approaches with two tumbler’s of whiskey.

Ben fakes him a smile of guilt and puts it out. “Not really. It made for a good excuse to cut out for a few.”  
Luke sits next to him handing him a tumbler, keeping the one in his other hand to himself. For a moment they sit in awkward silence as they stare into the winter sky.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much the last few years. I guess you can say I needed to cut out too,” Luke explains, referring to his absence traveling while establishing new locations to his prestigious athletic club. One that was meant for one specific type of income status, until Leia laid into him and he found a way to make membership affordable for most. Offering scholarships with the aid of his parent’s foundation when it was affordable.

Ben shrugs “Life, man, it happens.”

Luke looks up at him. “It does. When the hell did you begin to tower over me anyway? I mean God, you are really full grown now.”

“A lot longer ago than you probably remember.” He chuckles, swirling the whiskey in the tumbler.

“Rey is looking fantastic tonight. Can’t believe she’s in college already,” Luke sneaks in making the hair on Ben’s neck stand stiff.

“Yep,” he says in the least awkward way he can manage.

Luke reaches into his pocket and smacks a box down on Ben’s leg holding it there until Ben grabs it.

“I swear to God, if this is another ring,” Ben warns.

“No, no. Nothing like that. That’s your mom’s thing, but she informed me that you are now the one in possession of our mother’s ring. This is the necklace our father made her when they first became an item. I always thought they made for a better set, but I got the necklace and your mom got the ring. I thought it was time they were together again. Rey’s a good person and a great catch. It isn’t often life gives us an opportunity to find a bond like you two have. I thought maybe you would like to give it to her for Christmas, because that ring isn’t coming out until you figure out a perfect way to give it to her.”

Ben chuckles. “Dad said I should just do something she would appreciate. I think he was implying I would become too neurotic figuring it out otherwise.”

“He would. Perfection is the perception one has when they are happiest. That doesn’t mean it comes without it’s own flaws,” Luke says in his wisest tone.

“You just said perfection is flawed.” He gives him a perplexed look.

“I did. Perfection, like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If you want to give her perfection, do it.”

Ben smiles. “I hope to.”

Luke raises his glass. “You will. To perfection.”

Ben clanks his glass against Luke’s, shooting down the whiskey more for it’s warming qualities than anything. Luke gets up to head inside.

“Thanks for the necklace,” Ben tells him before he gets too far away.

“Yeah, no problem. Keep me in the loop once in awhile,” Luke says as he walks back in the house. “Oh, Rey. It’s a beautiful night for a party isn’t it?”

After listening to her acknowledge Luke, he can hear her heels as she walks along the front porch until the sound stops behind him. Leaning back, he looks up at her, his lips framing an obviously-not-so-innocent smile. She smiles back just as sweet as he could have hoped as she leans over the railing looking down at him, then she frowns suddenly.

“You better not be out here fucking smoking.”

Eyes growing wide at her openly crude language with the current party happening, he looks away and gets up to greet her on the porch while sneaking the necklace into his pocket.

“I’m sorry, I needed to get out of there,” he explains wrapping his arms loosely around her waist.

“Ben,” she growls, stomping her foot at him. “You said you wouldn’t ditch me in there.”

“Is that why you’re mad?” he teases, swaying her softly in his embrace.

“Maybe, and you smell like smoke by the way.” She tries to dig into his pockets to find the mints she knows he’s been hiding with his smoking.

“I got it… Rey, I got it.” He collects her hands easily in one of his and shows her the mints from his jacket pocket with the other. “I got it.”

“I’m so done with tonight, I’m sorry. I was stuck in a conversation for almost an hour with one of your mom’s friends. They were asking about seed archival, and I’m not that far in yet. I didn’t have the answers they were looking for.” She frowns at him before falling against his chest as he sways her lightly again.

Silence falls around them as he takes one hand and traces the baby hairs that are too small to stay in her up do. His fingertips barely grazing her skin to see his touch give her goosebumps before the cold. Sighing, he stops before he gets himself too worked up at the feel of her soft skin.

“Have you eaten?” he asks abruptly.

“Ugh, who has time at these things other than the guests who come for the free food?” she answers. “But I’ve had a few snacks along the way.”  
Ben raises her chin with his finger forcing her to face him and laughs. “You are a terrible liar. A couple glasses of champagne does not constitute a snack.”

“I guess not then.”

“I have an idea. Why don’t we go in, dance to a song or two, and then get something real to eat?”

“Do we dance?” She crooks her eyebrow at him. “Is that something we do?”

“Sure, let’s find out,” he says, holding his arm out to escort her back to the party.

“You know when you said get something real to eat, this wasn’t what I had in mind. But totally worth it,” Rey laughs as she happily shovels hot fries into her mouth.

“It’s not at the house, that’s the important thing,” he jokes.

“I’m not getting back out of the car after I’m done eating in this dress. You’ll have to pry me out.”  
Ben grins. “I can manage that.”

Rey sideways glances at him. “I’m sure.”

Ben finishes eating first as is usual, taking a sip from his straw he sits back in the driver’s seat gazing at her.

Rey is still eating fries after finishing her burger. “God, I must have been starving.”

“Good, you still haven’t put back on your normal weight. I don’t need you wasting away to nothing.”

“Ben, please, I won’t be skinny forever I promise you that. Let me enjoy being tiny while I still can,” she tells him, shoving another handful of fries into her mouth with a laugh.

“Thick or thin, as long as you are healthy, that’s all I’m after.”

“I know,” she says, looking into the bottom of the empty box. “Well, damn. You know the meds don’t always help, I just don’t feel hungry sometimes.”

“Rey,” he says softly.

“Yes?” she replies sipping on her drink.

Reaching for her cup he takes it from her when she done sipping through her straw and sets it back in the holder.

“What?” She blushes at the look in his eyes when he leans closer to her.

“Get in the back seat,” he says a little too directly.

“We’re in public.”

“A closed park, in the dark, with no one around. I’ll come get you and put you in the back seat.”

Swallowing hard, she replies. “I’m not sure about this.”

Out of the car before she can finish her sentence he watches how her eyes follow him while he circles the car. Opening her door, he leans down looking in. “Still unsure?”

She shakes her head no, stunned silent by his boldness.

Reaching in he grabs her by the waist and pulls her out. Setting her on her feet by the back door. Closing the first door, he opens the second where it can block her from the view if anyone were to pass by as he sits on the edge of the backseat. Spinning her around looking for a point of entry she giggles at him while shivering in the cold.

“Hidden zipper.” She points to her side.

Biting his lip he fumbles the tiny closure into his hands and slips the zipper down the length of her just past her hip. He holds her hand in one of his, her dress in the other as she steps out of it. He tosses it into the front seat where it won’t get crumpled. Before him Rey turns side to side due to the cold in a black lacy push up bra not doing a thing for her impossibly hard nipples, a skimpy matching thong, and black stockings.

“Is that a garter belt and stockings? It’s like Christmas morning already under that dress of yours. You might be a bit of tease if you thought I wouldn’t have a reaction to this later,” he laughs, his hand running over her thigh. “Get in here so I can finish opening you up.”

She giggles with a wide smile as he yanks her over his lap to close the door. Resting in his arms looking up at him, she places a hand on his cheek. “Merry Christmas, Ben.”

“I know we have had a lot of Christmases together and last year we were still figuring us out. This is kind of like our first real Christmas as a couple,” he admits. “I could legitimately open you up every year and it would always be the best gift.”

“I won’t always be this cute in a getup like this. Keep that in mind,” she teases.

“I know. I don’t care what you have on, if anything. This just happens to be an awesome bonus. You don’t ever have to get me anything, just be mine, be with me forever.”

Sitting up in his lap to face him better she kisses him softly. “Ben, I’m not going to ruin our evening getting back into this. So, here it is. I am so fucking proud of you. I am grateful I have your unending love and admiration. Yes, I made the mistake of saying you can date other people or whatever. I never meant you had to, I am very, very lucky to have a man as devoted as you are. I only wanted you to know I am open to you trying to think about you first instead of us, that’s all I ever meant. No girlfriend relationship pressure for the next few months. All Ben, all the time for awhile. I don’t want to be the wrong kind of distraction. You were right about the prize. I want all of that someday, but I want you to want it for you as much as for me.”

“Okay, okay. I don’t want to ruin the evening either. As long as you know, I don’t need or want a hall pass.”

“That’s what that’s called? Well, long as you know you have it for a very, _very_ short time,” she says emphasizing heavily on purpose.

“I’m just going to rip it up and throw it away when you are not looking,” he jokes.

“It’s imaginary,” she retorts.

“Less litter that way.”

“What am I going to do with you?” She shakes her head at him. “Continue.”

“Before, that happens can I just point one thing out?” He asks, waiting for her nod before continuing. “We just had a conversation in the middle of what was about to be some very hot sex. I think it’s safe to say we are real couple.”

“I love you, my sentimental fool,” she presses her lips to his to shut him up for a good solid minute. “Continue, please,” she urges his on.

“Okay, my dirty little lover, you haven’t been listening to me again.”

Grabbing her by the hips he forces her over his knee, her face down on the other side of the back seat. His hand rubs over the lacy fabric the is nearly a waist band of her thong before gracing her bare skin with his attention and squeezing the fleshy mound of her ass. Warming up each side with gentle but firm, full-palmed squeezing.

“I don’t know why you make me do this to you,” he states in character.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpers, her eyes snapping shut at the feel of his hand coming in contact with her skin leaving a bright red hand print.

Listening to her grunt from the discomfort he rubs that cheek for a long while, his fingers pressing deep into the flesh teaching the nerves that lay within to become nearly numb. When he is satisfied she has relaxed he matches the tone of the second cheek to the first, a second hand print left in her flesh.

“Fuck!” she screams the clenched teeth.

“Too far?” He pauses with concern.

Refusing to look at him, she answers. “That’s not how this game works, Ben. You’ll know if you do.”

Not entirely satisfied with her answer he rubs the redness he just imprinted her with spreading it across the whole of that cheek. When he doesn’t take further action, she raises her hips forcing him to pay closer attention.

“I don’t understand why you can’t be good for me,” he admonishes her. His hand colliding with her hand print stained skin, not once but twice. Once on each side.

“I can’t help it,” she squirms beneath the weight of his other arm pinning her down by her waist.

His hand strikes again, and then again, skipping the sweet caress that rubs the sting out in between. Her skin turns so bright red it turns nearly purple and for whatever reason, he wants to make it darker. Smacking her again, the weight of his hand just a bit more firm. Then again, even more firm. He enjoys how she wriggles beneath him now.

When he goes to make the other cheek match he almost reaches that final stinging spank, when she does jump easily from his grip, backing against the car door away from him holding her hand up for him to stop. Panting hard, her cheeks wet.

“I told you, you would know.” She smiles a bit as she catches her breath.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh my God, I’m sorry,” he rambles until she climbs over to him and kisses him firmly. “I’m sorry?” he whispers against her lips when she begins to pull away.

“I’m fine. We just need to move on now.” She straddles his lap where his hands instinctively go to grab her ass.

Jerking at his touch he apologizes one more time.

“Uh oh, your dirty little lover isn’t listening,” she taunts.

Ben fakes a frown. “Bend over the seat again, facing the door, now.”

Doing as she’s told, he watches her wiggle her butt in the air at him. His fingers steadying her as he slides the thin band of her panties over the roundness of her hips, past her rear and down her thighs where they fall loosely around her knees that are pressed into the leather of his backseat. His hands run over the lace of her garter belt as he grabs her hips and situates her at a better angle.

His fingers trace her slit from back to front in a downwards motion. The heat of her tremendous with the cold attempting to invade the comfort of the vehicle. His fingers dip just inside to see how much spanking her has made her wet. Satisfied, he adjusts himself behind her as he loosens his pants. He presses the head of his cock against her lightly, tracing it up and down her slit, paying close attention to her clit and to the moisture at her core. Without warning, once he is certain he has enough of her coating the start of him, he sinks himself into her so quickly, she is thrust forward and has to grab onto the door to not go further.

A near scream leaves her throat as she pulses hard around him. He waits for the involuntary contraction of her walls to slow down before continuing. He wonders if he can feel her actual pulse by the way she throbs around him. This is the part he likes. Where he gets to be inside of her and do what he chooses and she isn’t going to stop him. He almost hates to admit to her the way it makes him feel, and that beating her ass is like a cherry on top of the anger-bang sundae. This time around it’s hard to focus on that bit of it, because he leaves soon, and her sentimental fool wants to feel the sweet side of things too.

As if to punish himself for thinking sentimentally, he fucks her with as much depth and pressure as their space allows, her hands gripping the car door with white knuckles. She’s whimpering noises somewhere between a groan and cry, and for fuck’s sake he enjoys it a little too much, and he knows he crosses a line when he smacks her ass again and she yowls. But she doesn’t release the position, so he grabs her hips and pulls her onto him with such haste her hands slip off the door and she has to press them in the seat to keep herself in place.

The slip up doesn’t stop him for grinding into her, not when he can feel how wet and warm she is for him. Not when her body is still loose enough for him to manipulate. Wanting further inside of her he spreads her legs to the tension of her panties around her knees. He reaches down and yanks them of with a snap of the slim elastic waist. He rolls her over and pins her leg up and against the back of the seat and thrusts himself back into her, watching her face as he tears into her.

Still unsatisfied he slaps her on the side of her ass and turns around in the seat, picking her up to sit across his lap. She sinks quickly around him her knees digging into his hips as she flattens her pelvis against him, rotating her hips while flashing him a teasing smile, he would rather enjoy seeing more frequently.

“I don’t think this counts as part of the game, does it?” she asks him.

In response he grips her hips so tightly she jumps at the feel of his finger tips digging into her skin as he moves her along his length leaving her helpless in his grasp.

“Okay, it does,” she moans against his ear.

When she attempts to help herself along he snags her hand away by the wrist. “You have to cum without that remember? It’s not me if you’re doing it.”

“I don’t think I can this time,” she complains.

“Don’t care, I’ll fuck you until your body does it on it’s own.”

When tears of frustration roll down her cheeks. He slows down and gives her a minute to relax into his movements. She presses her body flush to his with her arms linking behind his neck, breathing hard next to his ear.

“What can I do to help?” he asks her softly, his fingertips sliding up and down her spine with one hand, the other still sliding her across him in a slow rhythm.

“I don’t know,” she grinds herself against him and his hand holds her back.

“No cheating, sweetheart. Tell me is it too rough or too much? What do you want?”

“That’s cheating too.”

He stops for a moment keeping himself inside of her. He grabs her hands from around his neck and leans her backward to rest against the back of the front seat. Guiding her hands behind her head to grab the headrest. Giving her a small thrust, loving the way her small frame flexes as his cock moves inside of her.

“Better?” he asks, not needing an answer by the look on her face when he grabs her hips and slides himself further inside. She gulps and squints at the feel of him, but keeps on writhing desperate for her release. “Yeah, that is better. Good girl. Keep your eyes closed and don’t think about anything but the way I feel inside of you.”

He grins when she nods with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. His palm runs across her body from her throat to her her navel combing over her nipples as he works his way down, her sternum meeting his palms when she arcs her back.

He starts his rhythm again, slow at first letting her cue him in by her expressions. His eyes scan over her body and the way she compares to him and how big he really is. She’s like a fragile doll and him a large bronze statue. He takes long strokes inside of her seeing how the pressure of him forces her belly to look fuller. His palm pressing beneath her belly button to feel it on the outside.

“Fucking hell, baby, I can see and feel myself from the outside of you.”

He glances at her face watching her lick her lips as she smiles, while pressing his palm firmly against her belly to feel himself within. Her eyes pop open, hazily meeting his gaze for a brief moment. Enough for him to see her desire fading into a delusional state of frustration, but yet her body instinctively keeps gyrating against him.

“I own you when I fuck you, don’t I?” he says in more of a demand than a question, but she agrees with another nod. “Have I always been this filling inside of you.”

“Speed up a little,” she whispers.

He grabs her hips again and does as he is asked. Her face contorting at whatever he is making happen inside of her he wasn’t before. Red in the face and shaking, she nearly goes limp in his hands as she tries to keep herself up against the seat.

“There?” he asks when her eyes pop open and stare at absolutely nothing at the ceiling of the car.

Her lip pops from her mouth, the need to gather more air, panting at the pressure he creates inside. He guides himself harder and faster each thrust, his movements conducted by her growing moans. Surprised by the onslaught of _oh_ _my gods_ followed by the side of her fist slamming against the window, he almost misses the beginning of her orgasm, yanking her against him in his embrace, thrusting into her until he cums with her as she bites his neck so hard he knows there will be marks.

Fighting his urge to run his fingers through her hair to keep it intact for their return his hands palm her back instead in a soothing stroke. “Beautiful,” he whispers in her ear. Rey’s response is to kiss his neck and swivel her hips.

“What do you say about seeing if that party is over and going to bed?” he asks.

Rey sits back looking down between them at the mess they created. “I don’t have any panties and I can’t get back into that dress right now.” She tries to complain, but ends up laughing at her predicament.

Ben slips his jacket off, turning it around to drape over her shoulders. “That works.”

Looking down at herself. “Can we sneak in that back door near the basement?”

Back in their love nest, Rey sits down on the edge of their bed sleep heavy in her eyes. She watches Ben as he changes out of his tuxedo before going into the bathroom to take his pill. Trying to join him in getting ready for bed she removes his jacket and goes to lay it over the chair the rest of his clothes accumulate on.

“Owww, that hurts,” she mumbles angrily at whatever fell out and landed on her foot.

“Did you say something?” he asks, peeking out of the bathroom as he brushes his teeth.

Bent over searching the floor for the box she waves him on to leave her be. The box is under the shadow line of the bed when she finds it. Standing up, as she turns it around in her hands admiring the wooden box with a rose carved into it. Inside when she opens it is a white gold square link chain with a distinctive pendant. Immediately, she recognizes it from the family photos as the one his grandfather hand carved into a shape of a heart before having it’s edges dipped in white gold.

A unique pendant it is almost strange, but it’s one of those pieces you expect to not make any sense, but once you see it, you fall in love with it. The pendant rests in her palm, the chain slipping through her fingers. As she sits back on his side of the bed with it.

“Are you alright?” Ben asks when he returns. Circling the bed to see what she is looking at.

He smiles at finding her so entranced by it, kneeling by her. “Do you like it?”

“It’s your grandmother’s. Why do you have this?”

“Because that is one of you Christmas gifts.”

She holds it back to him. “I can’t possibly, this belongs in your family.”

Grabbing it from her, he looks up at her sadly as he undoes the clasp without her notice. Giving her no chance to refuse he slips it around her neck.

“You are my family, silly. Besides Luke thought you should have it, and it was his to give,” he explains.

Rey looks at him through her weepy tired eyes. “Thank you.”

Ben kisses her forehead before slipping her bra off for her. “Do you want some jammies?”

She nods trying to keep her tears in check by not speaking.

Gathering her in his arms he takes her back to her side of the bed before collecting her panties and sleep shirt for her. He helps her dress and kisses her again.

“You have never been without family, and as long as you have me, you never will,” he assures her.

“I know,” she mumbles, the back of her hand wiping her face. “I should take my medicine now.”

Gladly retrieving it for her, he sets the glass of water down on the bedside table before going to his side. Climbing in where she can snuggle against him, he tosses their covers over them.

“Merry Christmas, Rey,” he whispers into her ear as she dozes off.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is seriously ready for some feels with these two? It's here, the chapter you've been waiting for. Sweet & spicy, sugar & spice, lots of love and all things nice. 💖💋🌹
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The door slamming behind her, Rey rushes to her room and throws herself backwards onto the bed, relieved to be home. Her school day over her exhaustion has kicked in, and seems to do so more and more as she winds down towards the second half of the last semester. It’s not much, but at least it’s her own space, and in the middle of the afternoon after a long early morning in the greenhouse before her other classes, a much deserved nap is next on her list.

It’s somehow a routine now that her nights have become irregular as Ben closes in on the end of his internship. The ball of nerves in her stomach manages to stir so frequently, she wakes in the night to thoughts of him being forced to stay longer. Now way could her fragile heart stand it.

She’s ready for him to come home, excited to see the next step in their lives. Also nervous because they’ve spent enough time apart and forced enough space between them, she is scared he might not be the same. He doesn’t sound different when they talk other than maybe more at ease with where they are now, situated and comfortable.

He has a crowd he circulates with after his shifts, going out to bars and playing darts; living life without her. She’s glad he’s doing better, but also a little mad at herself for feeling like the whole thing had to happen differently. That was before it happened at all and her mind was so full of concerns and fears then. Now she’s only faced with normal amounts of healthy what ifs. Still, it’s frustrating to not be at the forefront of the person you love’s thoughts all the time when you previously were. Yet, somehow she couldn’t be happier that he has managed to do exactly as she wanted him to and to have never cashed in on his hall pass as he called in. She would have to check their imaginary waste bin to see if he did really tear it up, but sleep first.

Her phone buzzing in her hand her eyes pop open to a darkened room. Again she has slept past dinner and missed much of her study time. Squinting her eyes at the phone, she smiles when she recognizes the number.

“Hello?” she answers, pretending to not know it’s him.

“Yes, is Rey home?” he says, the sound of his smile coming through the phone.

“This is she, how can I help you?” She forces back a laugh.

“More ways than I count actually, but for now just some conversation?” he says, his voice returning to that tone that sends shivers through her nerves when she hears it for the first time in a long time.

It’s been two weeks, she knows, because she counted every hour of every minute of every day, or so it has felt.

“How are you?” he asks casually.

“Tired, I’m so damned tired all the time. I’m running crazy, but I got to start up in the greenhouse portion of my botany class last week and it’s ah-mazing. You should smell it in there Ben, it’s so clean, and refreshing. Weirdly earthy and somehow it even smells green,” she prattles on excitedly.

“What you’re saying is you really like it, yes?” He jokes.

“Except the inability to get all the dirt from beneath my nails in one washing. It’s great other than that. I didn’t expect to be doing it all this soon, so it keeps me focused. What’s life like up north? Still cold?”

“It’s getting better. Jen and Travis have dragged me out to the park a few times and it was nice enough to play frisbee after work.”

Rey gets quiet. “That’s good,” she admits slowly. “Still getting along with all your work friends then?”

“Yeah, but I think they are getting attached to the companionship more than I am. They are talking about staying.”

“You want to stay?” she breathes out, her dreams rushing into her mind. “I must be psychic.”

“What?” he chuckles at her comment. “No, I’m not staying. They did ask, but it’s not home. It’s not where I want to be. They are getting all my paperwork setup at the office there.”

Rey is holding her breath as she processes his words.

“Rey, breathe, baby. I’m still coming back.”

Relief flutters through her as a tear slips over her cheek. “I know.”

“I love you. I’m not going to live in this cold ass hell if I could be with you back home. That’s fucking crazy,” he explains when he isn’t satisfied with her answer.

A smile creeps across her lips as she takes a deep breath. She hadn’t heard him say it in nearly a month, and it was almost easy to forget how amazing it felt when he reminded her. “I love you too.”

Ben chuckles at her. “Are you still okay with all this space or have you gone nuts yet?” he asks knowingly.

“Nuts, I’m going absolutely nuts,” she admits sourly. “I do think it helped.”

“It did, but I’m starting to go nuts too. I smelled perfume on a lady the other day that reminded me of you and I about followed her around the store to keep smelling it. I thought it might look too creepy though.”

“She would have flipped, you aren’t all that inconspicuous.”

“Right. Yeah, so what are your thoughts about when I come home? Anything you want to do or see, places you want to go?”

“Fuck, you, bed.” She quips as he laughs at her quick response. “Your dad is building me a garden in the backyard, greenhouse too. I think I’m going to see what I can do with that if you want to help? I probably need some with the heavy stuff anyway.”

“Sounds cool. So, you want to stay in the love nest?”

“Yeah, I am going to, it’d be _cool_ with me if you wanted to, but the apartment is still here and if you wanted to come here you could. I guess I’ll be going in between when school starts back next fall.”

“Well, when you manage to get me to let you leave the bed after I get home, we can iron out the wrinkles, but that might take the entire summer. It’s fucking weird not having you to even talk to about that,” he complains. “Wanna fool around over the phone?”

Rey groans. “No, I much prefer in person.”

“Me too, obviously. Okay, another night solo I suppose.”

“When the name fits,” she laughs.

“Very funny,” he retorts sarcastically.

Rey bites her lip for a moment. “Ben, I do miss you inside of me. Sort of feels hollow actually.”

“Yeah? I like making you less hollow,” he admits.

“When you came home for Christmas you mentioned something about filling me up, if it was always like that. It is. It’s painful sometimes, but fulfilling and I feel complete with you. I haven’t gotten off that hard since,” she admits shyly.

“Me either, and after all of that intensity, believe me I have tried. I can’t get to that place alone, I guess,” he explains.

“I don’t think you are supposed to get there alone. It’s not much longer until we can be together.”

“Did we hit all the good parts?” she questions through a yawn. “I unfortunately have homework and bed to get to.”

“Not quite. Haven’t told you how much I miss you and that after we hang up I’m going to get off to your picture in that awesome lace combo,” he jokes. “Baby, you have a good night studying and I’m calling you tomorrow, because you sound seriously exhausted and I want to check on you. Okay?”  
She sighs, “Yes love, I’ll be waiting for you, wet panties and all.”

“You’re mean sweetheart, but I love you anyway.”

“I love you too.”

“Rey, come on, you’ve been at this for over an hour!” Rose whines at Rey as she pores over bins of seeds at the seed store.

“My dad is building me a garden and greenhouse for the summer. I need to have a plan of action here. Do I do a bunch of night shades or herbs, full blown traditional vegetables? Or do I do flowers?” Rey explains, looking around excited at the possibilities. Rows and rows, of antique wooden bins filled to the brim.

“Edible flowers, win, win,” Rose grunts in response. “You could do a _Rose_ garden?”

Laughing at her antics, she shakes her head at her. Ignoring her as she continues her rant, Rey continues down the aisles of bins full of promise and hope. Flowers really are her favorite, but she’s been imagining focusing on foods. Rose may have been onto the edible flower bit, but she is almost afraid to admit it for fear of exciting her too much.

Filling her paper bags with her chosen seeds, she hands them to Rose for labeling. Picking the store over thoroughly before paying. Rose leans against the counter as Rey swipes her debit card, arms crossed and foot tapping.

“What is up with you?” Rey questions. “You’re more hyper than normal. Don’t you have anyone else you can bother?”

“No, I have a mission today.”

“Care to share what that mission might be and my participating role in it?” Rey questions, gathering her bags.

“It’s girl’s day!” Rose shrieks happily next to her.

“I know we’re already hanging out. I’m hungry though, we should get lunch.”

“It wasn’t that long ago we ate, was it?” Rose checks her watch. “That’s beside the point anyway, it’s girls day. You promised when you were feeling better we would do a whole day of all girly stuff.”

Rey silently chastises herself for agreeing to that. “What do you have in mind?”

“I guess we’ll feed you, then off to the salon. Hair, nails, facials, the whole nine yards. You’ll love it. I’ve been saving for that really nice place over on Oak.”

“The Oak Street Salon?” Rey scoffs. “No way are you getting us in there.”

“I have the packages booked already. We go in an hour. Surprise!” Rose says happily, shooting Rey her best innocent expression before admitting she booked their slots months ago.

Less cranky after eating, Rey rides quietly in the passenger seat of Rose’s car, feeling more like a prisoner than a passenger. She doesn’t want to disappoint Rose after all she has done for her, but she struggles with the fashionable things that Rose is great at. Her hair style is _I haven’t cut it in a year_ , nothing more. No fancy name, because she just hasn’t gotten a haircut. Her nails have been caked in dirt, so she didn’t much see the point there. She’d be happy with a facial. It is nice to have fresh skin.

“Do you trust me?” Rose asks as the throws the car into park.

“Should I?” She cocks her head.

“Yes. Please don’t fight them. You are going to feel fabulous when this is over.”

Inside Rose steps up to the multilayered glass counter with a glass sign on the front announcing the business name and gives them her reservation number. A woman in a white coat, looking much like a doctor offers Rey a glass of cucumber water that she eyes cautiously before trying. Deciding it wasn’t so bad she takes another sip and waits patiently to be taken back.

When called they walk back together before being separated into different rooms. Rose mouths for her to trust her. Rey groans internally, mouthing back _fine_. The woman who led her to her room helps her to get situated in a chair as she goes over her notes.  
“I see here, you have already given directions, that’ll make it easier.”

“My friend did, am I in for it?” Rey jokes with her.

“No, you’ll enjoy it,” she assures her with a thin smile.

The better half of the day spent in the salon on Oak Street has Rey turning in the mirror. Her hair shorter and lighter with blonde highlights for spring. Grateful she can still slip it into a ponytail or bun after losing about a foot of length. Her skin radiantly moisturized and glowing with her naturally occurring tan, she smirks at herself. Slicking her red gloss over her lips, daring to be bold when she barely wore makeup otherwise. Still her favorite color, that now matches her longer evenly manicured nails clean of embedded dirt.

The detoxifying treatments have lifted her spirits and she does feel better, cleaner somehow. Her exhaustion not dragging her down as it had been. Turning in the mirror, she adjusts her clothing meant for comfort. A baggy, loose-fitting shirt and cute patterned cotton shorts, pairing with the flip flops highlighting her red toes. Maybe she was in need of a girl’s day. Fully made over, and some funny texts to Rose as the day goes on has eased her mind.

“Come on goofy, how many times can you check yourself out?” Rose jumps at her attention when she walks by her room.

Smiling, Rey follows her out into the lobby before she feels it. The pull on her consciousness. Like a black blanket inside her mind attempting to cover her thoughts. She shakes it off as she walks with Rose to the car. Making it just outside the door before the darkness is the only thing she knows.

When she hears the beeps, she already knows it isn’t good. She’s laying down and it’s not on the concrete outside the salon. No, she’s in a bed with a monitor and by the tightness in her arm she suspects she is on an IV solution. Her eyes flutter open to a darkened room, old sitcoms playing on the small screen across from her bed keeping Rose’s attention.

“Rose,” she says through a scratchy voice sitting up by action of the button on the side of her bed.

Rose turns to her. “I have never seen anyone drop out like that. How are you feeling? I’m still rattled and it wasn’t even happening to me.”  
“I’m not entirely sure what happened. How long have I been in here?”

Rose checks her watch. “About an hour, not long. Long enough to put you in a gown, on a drip, and take some blood. No results yet.”

Looking around, she sees she is only in the emergency room, which might bode well for her if they are only monitoring her. “I passed out?”

“Yeah, dead weight, just _boom_. You were up, then you weren’t. Never seen anything like it.”

“You’re awake, good. I have your test results. How are you feeling?” The doctor asks after sounding a knock on the door and peeking her head in.

“Dizzy, but okay otherwise. Mostly embarrassed.”

“Shall we then… looks here like you are dehydrated and anemic. Nothing major, but we’ll want to monitor you for awhile until we get some fluids back in you,” the doctor explains quickly as Rey shakes her head at her. “Alright, everything looks good. We’ll try to get you out of here soon as possible.”

“Least you still look good,” Rose pipes up with her typical happy tone.

“Oh, yeah I was going to send a photo to Ben.”

Rose hands her, her phone, Rey taking the opportunity to snag her to include her in the photo. Clicking a few photos, picking one she thought turned out the best and captioning it, _girl’s day was a little rough_. Sending it to Ben with a laugh.

“He’s going to flip,” Rose tells her.

“I know, but he’ll be able to tell I’m okay.”

Watching sitcoms for the next hour until he responds, she wonders what he is doing for such a long return on a text like that. She almost forgot she’d sent it until her phones shows his number calling.

“Hi.” She smirks into the phone. “How’s it go?”

“What is going on? I assume you are okay, but what the hell, Rey?” Ben’s voice is angrier than she expected.

She swallows, giving Rose an exaggerated expression of _oops_. “I’m dehydrated and anemic. I passed out walking out of the salon, but I’m fine Ben, really I wouldn’t send a photo like that if I wasn’t.”

“I figured, but still next time call.”

“But look how pretty and dolled up I am in my lovely new gown,” she teases.

Ben is incapable of not laughing. “You do look pretty. I like it, but I’m more concerned with you passing out.”

“I know. It’s not a big deal, I promise,” she says, listening to the way he breathes on the other end of the line still upset with her.

“I’m calling you later. Let me know if you make it out of there before I get a chance to call.”

“Alright.”

Ben’s flight home is the longest trip yet. His thumb tactfully placed on his phone, skimming through his photo album, remembering how Rey called him a sentimental fool. He would have to agree in the current moment. This is his last trip from his internship back home, and even though he knows he will soon be surrounded by her living, breathing image, the photos still contain sweet memories he enjoys reflecting over.

It hasn’t escaped him that Rey was sick recently, and he couldn’t do anything for her, so when Hux’s wedding timed up with an early release from his job, he took it. Wanting to surprise her, he booked the earliest flight on the earliest day he could manage, and that happens to sync up with her spring break. It couldn’t be going smoother.

When his cab drops him at home he can’t help but to stare up at the large two story with a wrap around porch and a well manicured yard, edged by garden beds rich with spring flowers. Breathing a sigh of relief at completing his internship and laying eyes on his family home, he moves up the stairs as quickly as his bag will allow him. Shuffling through the front door he finds the house appearing empty.

Leaving his things by the door he checks in the family room, kitchen, and dining room before running up the stairs. He finds his dad suffering over his accounts in his office. Standing in the hall, looming to see how long it’ll take for him to notice. Giving up he leans against the door jamb and clears his throat.

Han looks up through his spectacles, adjusting their position as if that would clear Ben from view. “Ben, what are you doing here?”

“I have best man duties to Hux. I also start at the local lab next week.”

“Does anyone know you are coming?”

Ben shakes his head. “I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Color me surprised. I’m glad you’re back to stay,” Han says, noticing Ben’s eyes wandering. “She is probably outside.”

Ben smiles. “Thanks.”

Watching her for a moment through the glass of the back door in the kitchen he pays close attention to how she moves around her garden investigating the growth of her seedlings. Noticing how delicate she is with them. He finds it endearing the way she is so tender with a plant. He can see her mouth moving as she talks to the young plants as if to scold them for leaning too far one way or the other. Tying up weak ones until they can stand on their own. Apologizing to the dying ones before yanking them from the dirt and adding them to compost. He imagines that is what is going through her head.

“She is really happy right now.” His mom’s voice comes from behind. “How long are you going to stand here, and when are you going to explain to me why you are here?”

“Hux’s wedding. Transferring to the local lab as of next week, and how long have I been standing here exactly?”

“You were here when I came out with the laundry to fold a half an hour ago.” She smiles warmly at him. “I don’t blame you though, I could watch her playing out there for hours, she is so content. I think she is finally in her element. Your dad too, he couldn’t have been more excited about one of his projects.”

“She looks pretty amazing with her plants, mom. Who knew she’d be such a creator of life?” Ben wonders aloud.

“Yes, who knew… so much death in the beginning of her life, I can’t blame her for choosing a more perfect subject to study.”

Ben laughs at the casualness of her comment. “Mom, that woman is going to be saving the world if it ever needs saving. It’s more than a subject she is studying, it’s a commitment she is making to all of humanity. Bold choice as much as perfect for a career.”

“Yes, because chemically calibrating medications isn’t basically the same thing for you.”

Ben smiles at her. “I’m sure. I’ve been at it longer, I guess. Doesn’t quite hold the same attraction as this does to her.”

“You might let her know you are here, before she talks the ears off those poor plants,” Leia jokes as goes back to her chores. “Welcome home, Ben.”

Sliding the door open he steps through and begins the difficult task of sneaking up on her. Not as difficult as he thought as long as she keeps facing away from him. Smiling as he gets closer to hear her admonish her slow starters. He waits as she finishes with the row she’s working on before announcing himself by clearing his throat.

Rey freezes in place, only turning her head to see him. “You’re home?”

“Hux’s wedding. You’re on spring break.” He shrugs casually his explanations shortening each time.

“You didn’t have to sneak down here, I’m fine.” She smiles at him as she goes back to tamping down the dirt around a smaller seedling with her fingers.

“Yeah, but the lab didn’t want me hanging around since they transferred me to the one here.”

“Wait, so you are home...home? As in to stay home? Forever home?” A huge smile crosses her face. “I’d throw myself in your arms, but as you can see, I’m too dirty for that. The minute I shower though, I’m launching myself at you.”

Laughing at the excited energy that pours from her words. He gets close enough to kiss her on top of her head. “I’ll be waiting. I like your setup here. Lots of area, you need a donkey or anything to help you plow your fields?”

“I could just yoke you instead,” she retorts, less enthused.

“I am going to unpack. Do you need anything? Water? A burger?”

Glaring at him. “I’m fine, Ben. I had one fainting episode. I’ve been fine since.”

“They figure out what caused it?”

“Ben! Go unpack,” she demands with her trowel pointing past him towards the house.

Without another word, he walks away with a fast pace in his step. “I thought you’d be happier to see me, but I see how it is.” He takes a few steps backwards smirking at her.  
She rolls her eyes and brushes him off with the wave of a hand. “I’ll be in soon.”

Sitting in the kitchen, he watches her for the better part of the next couple of hours while Leia fixes dinner behind him. Two beers in and bored, he still hasn’t unpacked. Having only managed to take his bags downstairs while keeping an eye on her the rest of the time. He had thought she would lose her mind when she saw him, but no, she is enjoying her own little world too much for him. Sighing, when she finally looks to be putting her tools away he stands up, waiting at the door for her.

“She heading in?” Leia questions.

“Yeah.”

“Last I knew, she can open a door,” she teases.

He glares at her over his shoulder. “I know, but she didn’t seem all that happy I’m home.”

“She is over the moon, I’m sure. She just isn’t showing it the way you expected. She has something to focus on other than you. It’s good for both of you.”

Sighing again, he slides the door open when she gets up to the deck. “Done so soon?”

She smiles. “Sadly.”

Brushing past him to the sink she scrubs her hands for a good five minutes to get most of the dirt off. Ben sets the table while he waits, keeping himself busy. When she sits at the table he joins her, His cheek resting on his hand propped up by his elbow on the table top. Watching her settle into her chair, admiring how she looks with a splotch of dirt on her cheek, unwilling to wipe it away too soon.

“I have a ton of questions for you Ben Solo,” she starts their conversation, grabbing food off of the serving dishes as Leia sets it out.

Ignoring the food, Rey being his primary focus, he smiles to the feel of her sudden interest in him, a more familiar vibe. “Go on then.”

“You should have told me you were coming. First of all, there is that fact. Why didn’t you say anything at all? How long have you known?” Filling her mouth with a spoonful of mashed potatoes slows her down momentarily.

“About a month. I thought it’d be cute if I surprised you is all, but I guess not.”

“Huh,” she chokes on her potatoes. “NO! I’m surprised. I’ve been so busy I would have felt better setting time aside.”

“I think we are all surprised, Ben,” Leia chimes in, setting the rolls and the table and sitting down, looking up at Han as he trails in as well.

“What surprise?” Han asks

“Ben coming home early,” Leia says.

“Very surprised, son. What’s the plan now?”

Ben shrugs, reaching for a plate full of food after everyone else has taken a turn. “I have this week off and then go back to work.”

“Dumb question, but are you staying here now, or going back to the apartment? I assume wherever Rey goes, you’ll go?” Han asks.

Turning red from embarrassment. “Exactly that,” he whispers with a mock frown.

Rey smiles at him warmly as she sets her spoon down and takes a sip of water. “I don’t want to make you feel any worse, but I’m going to shower.”

Looking at his full plate of food and her half eaten plate of only mashed potatoes, he looks back at her. “Okay. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Rey stands up and goes towards the stairs, “Oh, and I have a chocolate bar in the freezer, can you bring it when you come down?”  
“Sure.” He watches Rey disappear down the stairs and looks at his mom. “She is feeling okay, right? Since the hospital visit?”

Leia nods, swallowing her bite. “Oh yeah, she’s been good. You don’t need to worry so much about her, Ben.”

Ben chews his lip for a moment letting out a _hmm_ sound. “Maybe. I might need some adjustment time.”

Han grins at him. “Couple days and everything will get back on track. Adjustment is good for you.”

“Everything is good for me apparently.” Staring at his plate after he finishes most of it, he looks at his mom. “You think I’ve given her enough time?”

“You’re good. Go see your girlfriend.” Leia nods towards the door.

The shower is running when he arrives. He drops her chocolate on her bed stand and proceeds to the door that has conveniently been left open. He knocks. “Can I come in?” he asks.

“How far in do you want to come?” She giggles peeking her head of the shower giving him an ornery grin.

He shrugs as he leans against the door jamb, attempting to play it cool. “How far can I?”

She waves to him with a single finger. “I only have to rinse out my conditioner, but you can jump in for a minute if you want.”

Undressing in the most timely way he tosses his clothes to the side before slipping in behind her. Reaching for her hair he helps her rinse it out. “Are you sure you don’t need help getting more grime off of you?”

“Ben, I’m clean enough for now. Wash yourself then come meet me in bed,” she says, sneaking out while he wets his face under the spray.

It wasn’t much of a couples shower, but he does as he is asked. Conditioning his hair too, cause why the hell not? It’s long enough now to need it. She clearly wants her space for whatever reason she needs it. He gives her a few extra minutes before shutting the water off and grabbing his towel.

Stepping into the main room he goes around the bed to grab a pair of boxers from the drawer of his dresser. He slides them on, disposing of the towel on the chair by his bed. She is cross legged in a night shirt with the blankets pulled up high as she chomps down on the chocolate bar. Silently, he slips in next to her.

Holding up her bar to him. “Want some? It’s really good frozen.”

Her eyes are wide and batting at him with her usual sweet innocent gaze. He shakes his head. “No, baby, that’s okay. Don’t hate me for asking, but are we okay?” God, he can hear it in his tone how sad he sounds.

Licking her thumb she folds the other half of her candy bar back into the wrapper and tosses it on her table. Grinning, she reaches her hands out to him. “Come here, my big gorgeous lug of a man.”

Laughing at her silly use of words he leans in as she snags him by the neck and pulls his face to hers. Groaning against her eager lips as she kisses him, his hand cups her cheek drawing her towards him.

“You taste like chocolate.” He sighs when he pulls back to see her lustful, glassy eyes staring at him. “Are you sure you are alright?”

“I will be once you touch me… _all_ over, _every_ inch of my skin, please?” she asks, slipping down into the covers pulling him with her.

“Yes, please,” he says happily, his lips to hers again, his tongue pressing between the barrier of her lips to tease the inside of her chocolate flavored mouth.

The vibration of her urgency flows through her chest and out her mouth towards him. His hands roaming over the skin of her neck down to her shoulders. His mouth following tasting her skin with lurid kisses. Pulling her shirt to the side where necessary along her shoulders until she takes a moment and throws it off.

“Keep going,” she demands, her voice airy with arousal.

He nods at her in approval his mouth continuing to trek across her shoulders to her collar bone, sucking tenderly at her warm moist skin. Delicate, soft skin, he has dreamed about for months. Finding the firm mounds of her chest, he speckles his love all over each one before gripping one nipple then the other between his lips and teeth. Alternating tiny nibbles with suckles that pull them to their fullest peak one after the other.

His hands replace his mouth, thumbs strumming over each nipple as his fingers tips dig into the delicate flesh of her breasts simultaneously. Kissing down her sternum to her upper stomach, continuing down the center line of her stomach towards her belly button. The blankets intruding on his ability to reach her well, he sits up a bit and tosses them towards the end of the bed.

Reaching her belly button, continuing over the curve of her abdomen with his tongue leaving a trail past her belly button, he takes his focus off of the feel off her suddenly. Opening his heavily lidded eyes as he strokes his hands down her body Laying a soft kiss just below her belly button his hands cradle her stomach. His lips kissing her all over until she squirms beneath his touch and he sits up, looking up into her curiosity-filled gaze. Timidly, her lips tuck in between her teeth as she waits for him to say something.

He smiles at her confusion mixing into his desire for her.

“Surprise,” she whispers, concerned about his reaction.

“Holy shit!” He scrambles to his knees and places his hands on her belly again feeling around, better seeing now what felt a little strange. “How far along? Around Christmas, right? Do my parents know?” His hand covers his mouth as he tries to slow his questions down, knowing the excitement and shock are oozing out of him uncontrollably. And while his heart and words are racing, she smiles softly, moving and speaking calmly.

Palming the back of his hand cupping her slight baby bump, holding their unborn baby together, she laughs softly. “I just hit the twelve weeks. That would be around Christmas. Yes, they know. Before you ask, I didn’t say anything because it was so unexpected. I hadn’t thought of a way to yet. I also didn’t want to make you rush home when it was so early, just in case.”

“It’s why you passed out isn’t it?” he asks quietly, staring at their hands, sappy grin pinned on his lips.

“I knew already. I had just found out before that happened. I had to shut the doctor up before she spilled it to Rose.”

“I’m sorry you went through that without me.” He turns his eyes downwards in shame.

Rey pats his hand. “No, it was a good thing. I got through it on my own, well, mostly. I handled it. That’s a good thing. Are you mad I didn’t tell you sooner? I kind of hoped it would cut some time off of waiting for the birth. That maybe that would be easier somehow.”

“I understand why you did it, so not mad. Yet, kind of frustrated at the same time. It’s not worth holding against you because you are right, that’s three months less waiting as you incubate. How could you know I was going to be okay with it?”

“I know my Ben. I also know if this is a boy, we’ll be having another. And if that one is a boy, we’re going to go until you get your girl. My Ben loves babies. I know he does, because he loved me as one. It’s in your nature to protect and love small humans.”

He nods, keeping his eyes tucked away from her view, his free hand wiping at his eyes. “I guess we’ll find out. We have a physical us now.” Awestruck, he can’t stop holding onto her belly.

“We do and that physical us is making my hormones rage and I _need_ you like never before… I already got off in the shower. It wasn’t enough,” she admits her cheeks combed over by a dense shade of red.

“What? Now that does kind of piss me off,” he says with a laugh. “Okay let’s see what we can do to make my baby satisfied. The rough stuff is probably out, huh?”

“Probably safer.”

“I’m going to miss that for awhile.” He frowns. “I’m not trying to be difficult, but what do you want me to do?”

Rey grabs his hand and yanks him hard until he slides over her body. “Kiss me and stroke my skin. Sensations set my nerves on high alert. Heightened to the brink.”

Complying, he continues back where he started, dragging his lips across her flesh while she gyrates against him. Using her big toes she hooks the waist of his boxers and slips them down. He’s not going to admit it, but the whole idea makes him nervous, even though he knows better. He helps to slip her panties out of the way. His thoughts race as he presses himself against her, opening her slightly, bit by bit slipping inside gently as he can. Mouth covering hers again swallowing her groan as he sinks into her, recognizing that familiar feel of her arousal being maxed out. The inside of her not only a little denser from puffiness, but slicker too.

Groaning, he bites his lip, sliding out to bury himself a little deeper than before. His mind settling on the feel of her over his worry. Her legs wrap over his hips, locking her feet behind his thighs holding herself at the most optimal angle. A small laugh falls from him as he begins a gentle thrusting pattern that makes her eyes roll back and her hips press forward.

_Home, sweet home._

He isn’t going to last long after not seeing her in so long, but by the way her body moves with his, he knows she won’t either. Leaning his face near her ear, his tongue and lips teasing her skin, he whispers to her how much he has missed feeling her. Telling her how much he loves her as he speeds up to keep up with her as she links her arms around his neck and pulls him towards her, locking his body against hers.

Breathing heavily, she grinds herself upwards on him, giving him leave of having to do much other than hold himself up as to not crush her. A mind of her own, he smiles into the curve of her neck as she moans his name when she finds her release. Her legs tightening around him as he fills her on the inside, teeth nipping into her neck.

For a long while he rests inside the cradle of her thighs breathing hard until she releases him, the feel of her pleasure residing. Sleep already slipping into her eyes, a wide grin passes over her lips, he flips her onto her side, tucking her safely into his arms. His hand rests on the tiny slope of her stomach that will soon become full with his child. Coming home has never felt better or more complete.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I've enjoyed all of your responses throughout the story. It definitely drives me to continue with it. Also for some reason the previous chapter skyrocketed the hits on the story altogether. Something like 500 hit in about 24 hours, and that felt a little awesome. So, thank you for your continued engagement in my fucked up imagination. I hope that I can continue to intrigue you and entertain your hearts. 
> 
> Slight trigger warning. Nothing bad happens, but there is a two sentence mention of a possible miscarriage. No worries it isn't happening, but it does tie some things together. So if you can manage two sentences, you should be good, because the rest is pure fucking fluff and flirting. All while Ben runs around in his typical neurotic style. 
> 
> I believe this is the longest chapter yet.

Stretching her freshly-fucked muscles, Rey sits up in bed, her fingers rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Clearing her throat she glances around for her missing boyfriend, groaning internally at the idea of having to pee while unwilling to leave the warmth of her bed. She may have spent too much time outside yesterday. Ben might be lucky enough to get most of the day with just her if her aches don’t subside, still too groggy to tell.

Head hanging in disappointment she slips out of the comforts of her blankets to use the bathroom. No Ben, just the darkness lit by the nightlight they have to use because there are no windows in the basement. The overhead too bright for her eyes yet. Head resting in her hands with her elbows propped on her knees she sighs to herself at the ridiculousness that is the current state of her bladder at only three months in.

_It’s only down hill from here._

Turning the TV on for the morning weather as she climbs back into bed. If it isn’t too hot, she’ll be able to let her plants ride a day without watering. While she waits for the newscasters to stop rambling, she checks her phone to see if Ben left her any clue as to where he is.

Dropping her phone in her lap she wonders if she imagined him to begin with, her hormones could quite possibly be driving her crazy. But she distinctly remembers the smell of him and not from spraying his pillows with his cologne when he is absent. She wouldn’t possibly do something like that, even though she often does when she is missing him more than usual. Not that she is proud of it. She has always favored his smell, though. Possibly, one of the reasons she was attracted to him when she was old enough to respond to pheromones of the opposite sex.

Hearing footsteps she eagerly watches the doorway until he walks through with a tray. Face lit with a smile that frames his slightly crooked, but adorable teeth, he slides the tray over her lap as she grabs her phone out of the way. Pancakes, scrambled eggs, toast and bacon. Reaching for the bacon first she takes a bite.

“You didn’t have to do this?”

Ben swipes a piece of her bacon. His cuteness interrupted when she quickly snags it back.

“No. Mine.”

Laughing at her. “Wow, at least you will be eating well.”

“Ben,” she chides him.

“No, not a skinny thing.” He holds his hands up in defense. “I know you are naturally small, but that was the only reason I worried when you were getting thin. There isn’t much of you to begin with.”

“There will be plenty of me soon enough. Plus some,” she feigns a frown, looking at her belly. “I know you worry, but I promise things are good now and you don’t have to do things like this. I can feed me. You know what I can even make _you_ breakfast,” she teases, offering him a bite of her bacon, otherwise keeping it firmly in her fingers so he can’t take it all.

“I wanted to be sweet,” he takes his complimentary bite. “I do miss you making me breakfast. You’re better at it.”

“Minus your random bouts of rage, you are always sweet.”

“I’ve gotten better,” he complains.

“Well, since we’re focusing on flaws.”

“I’m sorry, none of that ever comes out right. You know that’s not how I mean it.” The corners of his mouth turn downward.

She laughs. “But here we are anyway. Even with your rage and insensitivity.”

“You’re stingy,” he says, getting his hand slapped away from her toast. “I love you, even though you don’t share well.”

Rolling her eyes she hands him one piece of toast. “Did you not eat already? You didn’t bring anything down for yourself. I know you, you grazed the entire time you made this.”

His smile widens. “Yeah, but look at me, I pretty well burn through my food as fast as I eat it. You know being so tall and all. It’s fun irritating you this way. You get to be such a spitfire.”

“Oh dear. Yet, I still love you.” Shoving a fork full of egg into her mouth to not say anything more.

Ben loses her attention when the weather comes on, his eyes tracking between her face and the television. “Into weather reports now?”

She nods, holding her finger up for him to hold on until they get through the general forecast for the day. “I have to mind my plants and knowing the weather kind of helps.”

Rolling onto his back, hands behind his head, he looks at the ceiling. “You got me there. This plant thing is going to be a big deal from now on, isn’t it? I’m not sure why I’m even asking.”

“It depends, even if I don’t graduate and pursue a career, I’m always going to grow things.”

Ben glances at her from his pillow. “Uh, no ifs, you will graduate.”

“Ben, I have a human growing in me, you don’t think that’ll get to be a bit of a distraction?” Her eyes light up with humor from his angry expression.

“Rey, you _are_ graduating,” he states firmly.

“Yes, sir, dad.” Mocking his attitude she continues to eat.

Turning his eyes back to the ceiling, he shakes his head. “I don’t think we’ve played that game yet.”

Rey chokes and laughs at the same time, her cheeks turning red. “No, not going to either. Might confuse things since you are indeed a daddy. Well, going to be.”

“I wouldn’t get confused, trust me.” Ben snickers. “I can’t believe we’re having a baby. When did you get off the pill?”

“When I found out I was pregnant.” She grins. “Antibiotics are not birth control’s friend and I was on a few antibiotics over Christmas, remember?”

Ben focuses on her again. “Damn. I’m sorry, if I’d known.”

“Ben, stop being sorry, it’s fine. Surprise gifts are the best anyway.”

“I do love the package it comes in.”

Blushing at his corny remark she pushes the tray away. “I’m going to duct tape your mouth closed one of these days.”  
“Not today, I have to meet up with Hux and plan events. So, you will have no need to stop my adoring commentary today.”

Frowning, she huffs. “So, you’re going out for the day?”

“Yeah,” he admits, his voice wavering. “Did you have plans for us?”

“Not specifically, but I can keep myself busy if you have things to do.” She admits. “I was just thinking a day in together would be good. Between our little excursion in bed last night and working in the garden I’m sort of too sore to do much else.”

“See, you needed me to make you breakfast.”  
“You don’t know women too well if you think that.”

“Rey, a lot of men wouldn’t want to do these things, but I do, so shut up and accept it already.”

“I missed you, Ben. A hell of a lot, actually.”

He smiles his big toothy smile she has appreciated all of her life. “I missed you too.”

Sliding out of bed he grabs the tray from her. “Do you need anything else? I don’t know how long I’ll be.”  
She shakes her head, reaching for the remote to find a movie to watch. “I’ll be okay.”

The pressure of his lips press to the top of her head in the form of a kiss. “Text me if you do.”

She nods, watching him take the tray upstairs.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she wonders how long until he’ll be home.

The over the door bell clangs loudly as Ben enters the coffee shop. Hux is at the table that Ben prefers in the corner. Having a coffee sent over he joins him with a giant blueberry muffin, the kind with the huge sugar sparkles on it.

“Hey, before we get too deep into talking about plans, can I just say thank you for giving me a second chance and helping me out this way. I don’t think anyone else would have stepped up to the plate if you hadn’t,” Hux says.

“It’s not a problem. What do you have in mind?” Ben questions, plucking the sugar crystals off his muffin and tossing them into his mouth.

Hux lowering his voice, leans in at the table. “I was thinking a real bachelor party, the kind with strippers and lap dances.”

Ben smiles. “Could be fun, lots of dirty singles coming out of inappropriate places. Do you have a guest list?”

Hux shrugs, leaning back in his chair, his hand scratching at the back of his head. “I have a few work friends is all. I don’t hang out with anyone from high school, but Lisa. Burned bridges as you already know.”

“Sure, so small get together, half naked dancers and lots of singles. You think maybe something for dinner before all that?”

“Yes, with all the drinking I plan on doing, you bet we’re getting dinner. There’s a new bar and grill not far from the club and a Denny’s not too far away either for the morning after.” Hux nods energetically.

Ben agrees silently, picking at the top of his muffin again when his coffee arrives. He can feel Hux’s eyes on him, questioning his sudden silence. “I’m going to have to run some of these ideas past Rey if I’m going to participate. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I also don’t want to burn that bridge myself.”

“Sure, no problem. Is she very jealous?” Hux inquires.

Ben laughs. “No more than a typical woman. You know, the normal amount, but she is very pregnant and I don’t want to make things complicated.”

“Ah, ha. No worries. Congratulations, man. Shit, a baby? You two aren’t engage or anything are you?”

Shaking his head he takes a sip of his coffee. “Nope.”

“Plan to step it up a notch, she’s probably waiting for it?” Hux recommends.

“Nope. She’s not sitting around thinking that now she’s pregnant we have to get married. She is so mellow these days, it’s a little creepy. When I got home yesterday, she didn’t have the huge reactionary moment as I was expecting. She kept doing what she was already involved in.”

“I’m excited you are home,” Hux teases.

“Me too, frankly, I was tired of being away. Alright, so get me that guest list and we’ll aim for this next weekend, since the wedding is the weekend after. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sure does. Thanks again, Ben.” Hux pats Ben on the shoulder as he stands up to leave.

“Pregnant, huh?” The familiar voice from behind runs an unwanted chill up his spine as he tries to sip his coffee, cringing instead.

Switching to the seat with the back to the corner he comes face to face with his ex who sits across from him. Setting her coffee on the table while sliding his over to his side, she gives him that old look of _told you so_.

Accepting the challenge she presents by approaching him at all, he nods. “Yes, pregnant.”

“Not even engaged. Sounds like she is getting bored with you already.” Sara’s commentary falls flat.

“Sara, fuck off,” he says simply, staring her down.

With a slight laugh she appears to settle in more as she crosses her legs. “Each their own Ben, each their own. Though, I wonder is she going to finish school? Or is she going to become your baby producer from here on out. I always knew she would eventually hold you back.”

Ben slams his fist on the table top with the most refrain he could offer to not draw in attention. “That is quite enough, Sara,” he mutters angrily. “None of this even matters to you anymore. My girlfriend’s education, our family, none of it. It’s between Rey and I. I don’t have to validate anything by you, you twisted bitch.”

Sara’s mouth hangs momentarily open as she gathers her thoughts, her mood shifting abruptly as her tone softens. “Fine, it’s not my business, but I make for quite the concerned citizen.”

Ben laughs this time. “What you want to go around telling everyone I fuck my cousin? Go right ahead. She’s not my blood relative, she was adopted. I’m sorry we hurt your feelings, but that was never the intent, and if it makes you happy to tear us down or try to tear us apart, go for it. My parent’s know about us and the baby, so fucking smoke on that shit for awhile.” His voice bounces off the walls as most of the eyes in the place turn to him. “Sorry.”

Sara looks at him for a beat. “I’m sorry,” she begins softly. “I am still mad about how things ended, and it’s been hard to move on. Believe me, I know she is what you want, and I was never going to come close. But I have my own feelings Ben, and I wasn’t ready to give up on us.”

“Was there ever an us? Really? I had fun hanging out with you, but the only person I have ever connected with is Rey. You saw that up close. Her and I are meant to be, and I don’t give a damn how unrealistic and corny it sounds. I fucking love her so much I barely know how to breathe when she isn’t around. I never had that with you or anyone else. I’m sorry, I just didn’t.” He stops talking before he makes himself cry from frustration.

Nodding, Sara stands up. “I guess I thought maybe there was a small chance it wouldn’t work, but you are right, we never had that. I should be happier for you if I care about you as much as I claim to, but I just realized maybe I am too conceited to see the fact that I am more concerned with my broken heart than with having actual feelings for you. I’m just trying to fix me, and blame you for not being able to. Oh fuck, Ben. I don’t know what else to say, so I’m going to go.”

Knowing the tone in her voice, he stops her. “Sara, listen if you need to talk about things, anything, I can do that. Together, Rey and I have been through a lot of personal growth over the last year, and from that I can tell you are feeling stagnate. So, if you need an ear, I can do that much. Even Rey would sit down and talk to you if you need a girl’s voice. I can’t be your actual friend and we will never be together again, but I don’t want to see you miserable either. That’s not worth anything to any one of us,” Ben surprises even himself as he says these things to her. Uncertain what Rey would think, but knowing the heart she has, he trusts his statement.

Sara let’s her breath out slowly as she processes his words. “Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.” She waves as she walks through the door.

Sighing, Ben finishes his coffee and heads out to walk the square. All the concrete planters have bloomed with their spring bulbs. Kids are out riding their bikes to the arcade. And here he is unsure how to process his own thoughts. Figuring a nice walk would help him sort through things. Knowing it’s ridiculous to feel insignificant, he can’t help but to wonder why it was such a weak welcome home.

He had envisioned so much more than what he got, and it didn’t feel nearly as grand as he had hoped. But then Rey, his baby, is carrying _his baby_. What a mind fuck that is to come home to. He’s not even mad she didn’t tell him, because she nailed it. He can’t wait, but fuck it seems fast. He keeps telling himself that everything they go through feels so fast, other than his internship. Now that it’s over, it almost feels like it did pass quickly.

A baby, a small helpless human being will need him, and he can’t even begin to predict what tomorrow might bring. Unsettled, he thinks. That’s the feeling he hasn’t been able to identify. The one that keeps him feeling on edge. He’s a provider at heart, and he hasn’t provided anything to Rey in a long time, not more than emotionally, and some awesome sex… and a baby.

His mind focusing on the other kinds of providing. House and home, security financially, insurance… oh God, does she have insurance for the pregnancy? Does he have to marry her to give her that? Shit, he has no idea what the hell they are doing, he thinks, shoving his hands into his pockets. Inside a small bottle that contains his anxiety medication. Giving it a slight shake, he hasn’t needed them in months, but he always carries them. Now is a good time he assure himself, popping one in his mouth and swallowing it dry.

Slipping into the book store he stopped in front of he asks where the baby books are being guided verbally to the back right corner. Running his fingers over their binds, investigating the titles, his heart jumps at the idea there are so many books.

_Fuck, there are hundreds to choose from._

Flipping through a few he can’t seem to grasp what to look for. Until Lisa walks up to him from the other side of the stacks. He looks up at her. “You work here?” he asks, noticing her name badge.

She nods. “May I?” she asks, pulling the book he’s holding from his grasp. “Not a very good one. Ummm, let’s see...” she mumbles. “This one.”

She hands him a book of photos documenting pregnancy. The kind that shows everything on the inside. “Scienctific, that’s a good start,” he comments.

“I thought you would like that. Fits in there with some of those anatomy books you used to read,” she admits giving him a look of disgust. “Hmmmm… oh, and the pregnancy bible of course.”

Taking the book, he laughs. “I’ve heard of this one.”

“It’s the dad’s edition. I already sold Rey her version a month ago.” She smiles.

“Thanks for not spreading it around.”

“Sure, Rey made me promise not to tell Hux. She’s a sweet girl Ben, always has been,” she explains. “She doesn’t like me though.”

Giving her a short laugh with a grin and a raised eyebrow. “I’m not so sure if she trusted you with her secret. Thanks.”

Back in the square, his bag of books in hand, he continues his journey in his mind. His feet taking him nowhere in particular he finds himself at the end of the square in the city park and begins walking one of the paths. His phone vibrates in his pocket.

_Chocolate! Please._

He texts her back asking if that is all, a smile on his face looking around the park as he sits on a bench. Watching the families at the playground and the locals walking the paths. _Home_ , he thinks. It’s all he ever wanted was to be home. Now he has a reason to create his own. A fucking baby, he reminds himself again, looking at the strollers by the mom’s holding their infants while watching their toddlers play. That’s going to be him and Rey before long, he thinks, his stomach stirring with a new kind of excitement.

He isn’t even sure he could prepare to be a parent, maybe no one really does, but Rey seems ready somehow. Calm, in a way that is new to him since his recent arrival. It’s the hormones, he immediately scolds himself for thinking it, but he knows it is. It’s nature kicking in and her registering her motherly tendencies. He smiles again when he thinks about her being a mother. Imagining first her large belly on her slight frame. Laughing at the idea of her waddling around. Then her holding their baby for the first time. Something miraculous will happen inside of her in that moment. He knows she will be forever changed once their baby is born and is placed in her arms, and it’ll be difficult to remember her as the child he once knew.

He is ready for that though, the next step. Whatever it may actually be, he wants it now more than anything, and did before the baby became a part of the equation.

When his stomach growls he knows he needs to retreat home again. It’s past lunch time and he has been gone long enough to get some of his thoughts together. He knows Rey must be hungry too, so he grabs them both lunch in the form of a pizza and of course chocolate bars for her before driving home.

For a moment after parking he stands outside on the sidewalk with his hands full looking at the house, and all he can picture is all the beautiful babies that will come through there, because of the one that changed his life.

In the basement Rey is sitting in bed with a bag of chips and a bottle of water binge watching pirate movies. He steps through the door to see Rey’s face light up at the smell of a hot pizza.

“Is that for me?” she asks, chip crumbs popping out of her mouth. “Sorry,” she says after she finishes chewing.

He sets the pizza in her lap and hands her a chocolate bar. “I put a dozen in the freezer for you.”

“You did? Damn, you’re a good one Ben Solo,” she exclaims as she opens the box to let the smell warm her face over with a grin. “Fucking needed this.”

As he slips his shoes off he watches amused by how she builds a chip and chocolate tower on her pizza. “Um, I’m not asking. I just can’t.” He laughs and turns around to get into some lounge clothes.

He climbs into bed with her and steals the box from her lap to rest in between them. Grabbing a piece while he is at it. Rey is staring at him curiously.

“What?” he asks.

“You doing okay with the baby thing? Cause it gets weirder as it goes.”

“Yeah, I think I am. I’m excited, but it is new. New takes time. I bought a couple of books today. Figured I could do some reading to catch up with you,” he says easily. “What about you? How is all of your stuff, anxious at all?”  
“No, not at all. I got this.” Building another tower, she focuses on how tall she can make it and still bite into it.

He looks away. “Another one?” He pretends to gag.

“Stop,” she laughs. “I like it and so does this tiny hungry monster inside of me. It must take after you.”

Cheeks flood red at her comment, an all too happy smile appearing on his lips. “I don’t know why, but it does sound kind of nice.”

“Doesn’t it? Ben Solo, baby maker.” She gestures like she is describing his name on a marquee lit fashionably bright.

Laughing, he stops for a moment. “Can I ask you a couple of serious questions?”

She nods setting down her pizza tower.

“You danced around the idea of making sure the pregnancy takes, why?”  
Her eyes get sad as she wipes her hands off with a paper towel. “I thought maybe I was pregnant before. Right after you left. I never found out for sure, but it seemed like I probably had an early miscarriage. It just got me thinking that I should play it smart the next time.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I was scared because I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want you to nag me into finding out. Not when it happens like that sometimes. I needed to be at peace with the idea that it was only a possibility. I didn’t need a doctor to tell me what I could feel.” She sniffles a bit, but no tears come. “Anyway, it was a year ago and you are home, and this one is a keeper. I’ve made sure to stay on top of things like my vitamins, and not overdoing it, drinking enough fluids. Like I said, I’ve got this.”

“Rey, we’ve got this. You’re not alone anymore, and you don’t have to be the strong one all the time. It’s okay to be sad about past possibilities and still be confident in what is happening in the now. It doesn’t make this pregnancy vulnerable, only your heart. But some vulnerability is good, it’s keeps you working on being stronger,” he grabs her hand and kisses it before squeezing it firmly with care in his. “We’re going to be alright.”

“I was trying not to cry, you jerk. I’m so emotional now,” she laughs, wiping off a runaway tear. “Best boyfriend _ever_.”

“I don’t know, I might be better than you think. Are you still sore?”

“Yeah, but it’s okay.”

He jumps off the bed and goes to one of the bags he brought in. “I got pharmacy approved Epsom salts for a bath. Hux said it should be fine for you as long as the water isn’t super hot or anything.”

Tilting her head at him she wipes her eyes dry again. “I’m not so sure I deserve you.”

“But I’m the guy willing to kiss the girl who just ate pizza, chips, and chocolate all at once,” he teases placing a soft kiss to her lips. “I’m going to run you a bath. You okay with that?”

She nods, furiously wiping at her eyes with a smile. He chuckles softly at her reaction knowing she is laughing at herself on the inside for being ridiculously over emotional. Secretly, he loves her being her this way. It makes him feel better about her needing him, even though he is sure now, that she could be just fine on her own if she needed to be.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. You might want to finish that or put it away, because no.” He looks at her pizza tower and she starts to laugh.

“Okay.”

She sluggishly make her way into the bathroom as he runs her water. The tub nearly ready, he watches her strip in front of him, popping her hip out more noticeably than necessary. Pulling her top over her head slowly, eyeing him with that come hither look.

“Enjoying teasing me?”

“Always.”

Helping her in first he sits on the floor next to her. His arm thrown over the side and his hand flat across her small bump submerged beneath the water. He keeps watching his hand on her belly.

“You have some time before it moves,” she explains.

He looks at her from where his head rests on his arm. “Obviously, I know that. I did take more than chemistry, like anatomy and biology. I just like the idea that I’m inside of you all the time now. I have no idea why that is such an amazing feeling. Oddly a turn on too.”

“I know why.” She says, flicking a drop of water onto his nose. “We’re both deeply intimate people, and the idea of being surrounding by one another in the flesh is the most intimate thing you can do physically. Same reason I like that one way where I can get you to hold me. We are a bit gooey on the inside aren’t we?”

“Like when I surprised you back at the apartment not long after I left?”

“Yeah, it’s encompassing in every way.”

He smiles at her rubbing his fingers across her lower stomach. “I like it too, you get kinda out of control and I love it when you get all caught up in getting off on top of me. You also get so wet, it’s very clear you are enjoying it as you leak out of yourself. I love that so much.”

“I do too, but it sounds so nasty.” She squints her eyes closed and sticks out her tongue.

“We are gooey, sexually intimate people.” He laughs with a slight shrug.

“Speaking of disgusting, Hux wants strippers at his bachelor party.”

“Are you asking permission?” She looks at him quizzically.

“Well, yeah. Being considerate. I’m not going to go if you are uncomfortable with it. I can just organize it.”

“You can go. I’m don’t own you.”

“Just my heart,” he says softly.

She can’t help but to smile at him and his sweetness, and he is loving every minute of it.  
“I don’t really want to go, but I don’t want to disappoint him either.”

She leans over and kisses him quickly. “Then go and not enjoy yourself. That works very well for me.”

Running his fingers of his spare hand through his hair, he chuckles at her. “Then that is what I shall do. I don’t know, after what I learned in school I have a hard enough time handling cash without being grossed out, let alone knowing where those ones will go. You want to talk about nasty. There’s something else though, I’m not sure if I should just say it or ask you about what you think, but I can just forget it too.”

She gawks at him in annoyance. “What now?”

“I ran into someone today, and they aren’t having a good go of things. I offered to listen if needed and that you would be willing also. I got to thinking about us and with the all the therapy and what we have been managing, that maybe we were a good fit for the situation. Not long term or anything, just if necessary,” he rambles nervously. His hand still on her belly.

Huffing at first, Rey glares at him, knowing exactly who that someone is based on his avoidance. “Fine.”

“Fine?” he questions surprised.

“You’re right. We have been through a lot and sort of know how to handle those kinds of things. It isn’t the worst idea you have had, but also it is the very worst idea you have had.” She laughs. “But I’m not that kind of asshole.”

“Sums up how I felt about it too. I also may have snapped at her very loudly in the coffee shop about her going around telling people I fuck my cousin,” he mutters through a thin smile.

She starts to laugh. “Oh, the shock on people’s faces. Why don’t you get enraged with the good stuff when I am there?”

“I don’t really like being that way,” he admits quietly.

Reaching for his hand, she intertwines their fingers over where the baby should be. “I know. But we all get mad, you just get a little more mad a little less often. I can deal with that, I always have.”

“You are the reason I reign it in,” he smiles. “This helping?”

“I think some,” she breathes. “I mean minus some interesting conversation, but otherwise hanging out with you always helps.”

“You know how I can tell you don’t feel good?” he asks, watching her questioning face. “Because of my hand being inches from your pussy and not one request to touch you. After last night I figured the hormones had you strung out pretty good. I was half expecting it to be the same today after that little strip tease, but you know I think I liked the talking better. For the moment, that is. Not always.”

She turns red at his words. “I don’t feel good. You know, you are going to be so good at figuring out our baby.”

He helps her to stand before wrapping a towel around her and lifting her over the ledge. “I’ll do my best.”

“I’ve never seen less.”

“We’re going to keep flirting all day aren’t we?” He takes her hand after pulling the plug and guides her towards the bed.

“Oh, yeah. This is what happens when we aren’t near each other for weeks on end. It all comes bubbling out like a couple of idiots.”

“Better than fighting like a couple of idiots,” he explains, bringing her some new clothes. “I’m going to go talk to my dad for a few. You want me to bring you anything when I come back?”

When he approaches the kitchen he can hear his mom shuffling around with pans and water running. He stops only for a moment when he passes her and she gives him the look he knows is asking if she told him yet.

He points at her. “You and I need to talk, missy.” He laughs when she smiles relieved he knows and is accepting.

She shrugs. “I know. I wanted to tell you, but it’s her body, her choice.”

“And my baby,” he assures her.

“Yes, it is.”

Knowing just where to find his father, he climbs the stairs and proceeds to the office that was once a bedroom. He knocks on the door frame asking if he has a minute. Han smiles and points to the chair across from the desk before returning to his books.

“What is on your mind?” Han asks, much more subtle than his mother, but he can tell in his slightly deviating tone he is just as curious.  
“You have always said you would help me whenever I needed it.”

Han looks up from his books he is studying with newfound interest. “I have.”

The way his father is looking at him makes it more difficult. “Look at your books or something, I can’t think straight with you staring at me with so much interest.”

Shrugging, Han returns to his books. “Is this about the baby?”

Holding back a growl, he waits until he can answer clearly. “Kind of, but not entirely. It’s about life in general and things falling into place. I’ve been thinking a lot about home when I left and again when I would visit, and then again when I got home.” He pauses to take a deep breath. “It’s about being settled.”

Han leans back in his chair. “I’m listening.”

Ben is uncomfortable with the way he is being looked at, but he is past the awkward feeling part. Sighing he continues. “Rey loves it here. She loves our little room in the basement, but it’s not really a permanent situation. Not with a baby coming.”

“That is true.” Han nods in acknowledgment.  
“Are you going to make me say it?” Ben asks.

“Yes.”

“I need to borrow money for a house,” he spits out uncomfortably. “I’ll pay you back with interest. I just can’t imagine raising a baby in a basement.”

Han chuckles at him. “I understand.”

Ben waits anxiously for a bigger response, but none comes. “So, what do you think?”

Han answers by getting up and grabbing a thin booklet off a shelf and hands it to Ben. “Take a look at that and tell me if that will be enough.”

Ben curiously opens it, peering inside. Swallowing hard to get the knot that forms in his throat out. “That would be a very good start,” he breathes his words out slowly.

“Good that’s yours, interest free,” he says casually.

The sheer panic suddenly shoots through him, his hands and feet prickling with nerves. “Are you sure?”

“It’s been yours since I started it the day after you were born. Did you want Rey’s too, it’s not as much, but if you need it, you two can discuss it,” Han offers.

“No… no, that’s okay. I’ll want to run this by her first.” Stumbling to get up he nearly trips over the edge of the chair at the idea his dad had started a savings for him when he was born. He didn’t expect that, only an inheritance some day in the far, distant future.

Walking back down the stairs, he passes into the kitchen. Numbly walking by his mom.

“Ben, are you alright?”

He holds up his booklet. “Yeah, just shocked you guys had a savings for me all this time. Dad gave it to me to buy a house.”

“A house?” she asks concerned by his unusual behavior. “For the baby?”

He nods. “Thought that might be best.”

“Doesn’t mean that I won’t hate to see you go.”

He nods again, still surprised that it is all too easy. “Okay.”

Waving her hand at him to go on, finding it no use trying to communicate now, he moves back down the stairs. He stands in the doorway, the booklet in his hand, looking at Rey, who is staring at him with similar concern to his mom’s.

“Ben?”

Instead of answering, he walks to the bed and falls backwards onto it.

“Are you okay?” she asks sipping on her water.  
“No.”

“Why not? What’s wrong?” she questions, climbing towards him.

He looks down at the booklet clutched to his chest. “Here.” His arm flops towards her with it as he watches for her reaction.

Opening it as she takes another sip of water as she reads the inside. Immediately after understanding what it is, she spits her water all over Ben. “What is this? Why is your name on it?”

“That’s the account my dad started for me as a baby,” he explains tonelessly wiping the water off his shirt.

She tosses it back onto his chest where he grabs it firmly again. “I don’t want that in my hands.”

He looks back at her face and nearly smiles. “I don’t want it in mine.”

“Why did he give that to you?”

“It’s simple really, I asked him for help,” he starts. “I’ve been thinking about it for the last year, but with a baby coming, I thought maybe it’s time to buy a house. So, I asked for his help, for the first time ever.”

“And he gave you the information to your account he’s been saving in for the last 24 years?”

He nods. “Yeah, I offered to pay him back, but he said I didn’t need to it’s mine.”

“I don’t think we need...” She grabs the booklet from him. “I don’t think we need a house worth just over one and a half million dollars.” Quickly, she disposes of it back to his hand. “I can’t touch that, it makes me too uncomfortable.”

“Trust me, I know what you mean, and he just gave it to me so casually and unbothered too.”

“I never thought I would say it, but at least my parents didn’t do that for me,” she isn’t sure whether to laugh or scream, hell at this point she could easily cry.

“Rey,” he turns his head towards her.

“Yeah?”

“You have one too,” he says, laughing at the way her face pales to match his own. “So, yeah you did have parent’s who did that to you. It’s not as big, but I was told if we need it we can discuss it.”

Rey’s mouth gapes at him. “We don’t need it yet.”

“I didn’t think so either.”

Looking at each other as the shock of it wears off a bit, they both burst out laughing so hard they cry. When they have no more energy for that, Rey curls up in his arm with her cheek to his chest.

“This is totally fucked up,” she admits as Ben falls into another fit of laughter.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about waking up in a good mood... Thanks for reading as always. Appreciate your commentary.

The feel of a small, warm hand slides over his belly. Slow, but with purpose, it caresses over the ridges in his abdomen discovering each individual muscle. Palms move to flatten over his obliques as a warm pressure applies above his belly button. A deep sigh pulls from his throat as the pressure slides over his belly button to just below it, continuing to the waist of his boxers. The slight scratch of nails graze his skin as they snag the inside of the band holding the fabric to the lower edge of his hips and begin drifting down. The slight size of her fingers wrap around his most fragile flesh with a gentle embrace.

A groan this time escapes his throat, feeling himself expand in her grasp. His fingers grip the fringes of his hair, palms pressed against his eyes to force them closed at the sudden sensation. Allowing his cock to reach it’s maximum length and thickness, he bites his lip as she strains to hold him enclosed in her loosest grip, sliding along the soft outer layer of his unyielding flesh.

Removing his palms Ben opens his eyes to Rey laying her head on the arm she has draped over his stomach, a smirk resting placidly on her lips as her other hand caresses him languidly to the other side of her. Hands still tangled in his hair he lets out a throaty moan.

“I thought I was dreaming.” His voice is gravelly.

Her response comes in the form of a firmer grip and a wider smirk, pulling on him in a sudden jerk.

“Guess not.”

“I couldn’t sleep after all that excitement earlier,” she whispers about the sudden flow of money that had been kept hidden from them.

His eyes watch her with a spark in them. “This feels much better than when I do it,” he hums in his gravelly tone.

Her hand twists softly, paying extra attention to tightening into a ring as the head of him passes through her fist. Carefully, she continues until she gets clear fluid to slip out and her hand is capable of moving with more ease as she spreads it around him with her palm.

“I bet it does.” She gives him a hushed laugh. “I can’t remember the last time I touched you like this,” she admits, flipping her head to admire her work.

 _Hmmmmm._ “Over a year now.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” she admits, her hand sliding down to the base of him.

Jumping when her lips wrap around him, her moist tongue swiping at the next droplet of liquid that seeps out, he mumbles, _fuck me_ , under his breath. His breath freezes in his chest as her mouth works over his length with a masterful suck, only resuming when she sets into a smooth rhythm. The wet smack of her lips sends him into the zone where his thoughts disappear and his only focus is cumming, but not too soon, reveling in the forbidden heat of her mouth. No, he wants to keep the feel of her wrapped around him as long as his body will hold out.

“Christ!” pops out of his mouth when she slips him all the way to her throat.

One hand wrapped around the lower portion of his tremendous length, the other teasing the creases of his stomach muscles, his throat hums loudly in pace with her actions. Gripping her hand suddenly, firmly squeezing, as they rest together upon his belly when the feel of her mouth encompasses all of his senses.

“Rey,” he groans as his head presses backwards into the pillow, giving her the opportunity to back away as he cums.

Her mouth gladly continuing, as he twitches in her grasp, he squeezes her hand tighter. Only when the tension and spasms dispel does she pull herself slowly off of him with the naughtiest smirk he has seen from her in some time. This last year was definitely far too long to be away, but worth every moment for a blow job like that.

“If I have to be woken in the middle of the night, that is probably my favorite way,” he sighs, feeling the weight of her as she moves up his side to cradle herself in his arm.

“I warned you about my hormones. Sometimes, they come on like a deluge,” she says, nestling her cheek against his chest to hear his heart race to her ministrations.

His fingers sliding along the bare skin of her arm that rests over him, he pulls her in close. “Are we taking turns?”

Turning her face inwards, she kisses his chest before sitting up and looking down at him while resting on her knees. With a shrug she grabs his hand, inverting it palm side up and draws it between her legs. Taking her lead he glides his fingers over the delicate and damp lace of her panties and smiles. Teasing her with the feel of his soft touch, the pads of his fingers press against the fabric listening to her quickening breath.

“I can tell how excited you are,” he tempts her with the sound of his voice. “What do you want me to do to you, my love?”

Eyes held closed as she chews her lower lip tenderly, her hips swing in motion with his hand, his fingers pressing firmer with each roll of her hips. He smiles at the way her body moves so seductively. Having a high appreciation for the way her underwear highlights her flesh with it’s sheer lace, he cups her mound in the length of his palm pressing the heel against her clitoral area.

“I want you to taste me, and tell me how much sweeter I am now that I am growing your baby in my womb,” she breathes as her eyes open slowly to his curious gaze.

“I will gladly do that for you. You want to come over here or do you want me to come to you?”

Watching her small frame as she gets to her feet and drops her panties at the same time, he grins at her when she misleads him and lays down next to him with her legs spread awaiting his touch.

“I see.”

Climbing over her wavering knees that sway tauntingly in the air as her feet press into the mattress, he settles between them. Leaning over her he presses his palms to her breast, mashing her flesh with the lace of her lingerie before he trails his fingers across her skin towards her hips. His hands flatten on the inside hinge of her hips forcing her wide open, spreading the inside of her for him to see how she shines for him. His thumbs, strategically placed, pull her open further making room for his tongue to tentatively lick across her tiny engorged bit.

Pinning her shuddering hips in place he looks up and smirks at the way her pelvis pops up with each lick across that tender spot. “So sensitive.”

“It’s almost annoying and painful, but don’t stop,” she complains at the lack of sensation.

Dipping down into her center he drowns his tongue inside of her. Tasting the sweetness there as it falls across his mouth like melted icing, he thrums his thumb over her clit. Languidly, he turns his tongue around to reach every crevice it can, sucking everything from her.

Her thighs fight against the weight of him as he pulls what moisture he can from her. “You do taste sweeter tonight,” he admits taking a breath, continuing with his thumb circling her clit.

Watching her writhe momentarily, he replaces his thumb with his mouth and sucks her between his teeth with a gentle nibble. He manipulates her with varied lengths of sucking, tempting her into orgasm. Her legs close in against him with his hands grabbing onto her hips from beneath her thighs to pull her in closer. His sucking continues to the sounds of throaty whines, the occasional swathe of his tongue to tidy her up until she begins to spasm and pant out his name repeatedly. Another thing he has definitely missed while he was away, owning her pleasure to the point she screams his name.

Kissing up her body, stopping to nuzzle his nose against her belly, he reaches his destination and presses a fast kiss to her lips, thinking she would be worn. Instead, she grabs the back of his head and pulls him in, driving her tongue into his mouth, tasting herself every bit as much as he just has.

Grunting against her mouth, he pulls away to catch his breath. “Can I come up for air?”

Laughing, her lips tread over his jaw bone. “Of course you can, I kind of need you breathing well later today at my appointment.”

“As in a baby appointment?”

“Now that I’m past the first trimester they want to see me more often. You want to go, don’t you?”

“Definitely going to be that dad. I want to go to all of them,” he says brightly.

“I’m glad you are that dad.”

“Dad… I’m a dad. That feel so strange to say the more I think about it.” He laughs.

“Well, daddy, I’m ready for round two.” She cocks her eyebrow at him.

“Let’s see what we can do about that.”

Anxiously, Ben waits by the outside door to the doctor’s office as Rey catches up with her shorter legs to his longer strides. She flashes him her annoyed face as she walks past him into the building. He chuckles knowing the heavier she gets the slower she will be and figures he might just have to start carrying her in. She would probably slug him, but she wouldn’t escape his grasp.

“Sorry, I am a little too excited, I guess.” He shrugs as she passes glaring at his humored eyes.

When she checks in he notices he is the only man there. The oddball. A very tall, noticeable oddball with distinctively dark hair and pale skin. His long hairy legs sticking out of his lengthy shorts as his heather charcoal gray t-shirt clings to his pecs and biceps in ways that would make most girls wilt might be drawing in extra attention. He swallows as they all take note of him walking to his seat.

When their attention wanes he checks out all of their different stages of pregnancy wondering how Rey will look when she gets towards the end. She was right about waiting to tell him, sitting here at the first main appointment with her knowing there’s half a year of waiting ahead already has him ready to pace like a madman. He can already smell their babies sweet skin on top of it’s head and it has his fingers beginning to tap the arms of the chair.

He grabs her hand in distraction, intertwining their fingers and rests them together on her knee. She looks up at him with a smile and he smiles back. If she weren’t so calm he would think he would be actually pacing by now, but sitting with her and her energy the way it is, holding her hand is helping to keep him grounded. Jesus, no wonder she is so good for him. She’s going through all the transitions and he’s freaking out, yet still entirely excited. It doesn’t make any sense to him how he can feel opposite feelings at the same time, especially while being thrilled for something like this.

“You okay?” she whispers softly in the too quiet waiting room, eyes peeking over at them.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’m great.”

He should probably tell her that even though he wants this to happen, there’s a part of him that feels completely bizarre about it. Maybe he’ll find a house first and let her know if he still feels off. Thinking that it is the whole feeling unsettled bit that makes him uncomfortable. He needs a routine. Maybe going to work and settling in will make him feel differently too. None of that was going to make this baby arrive any sooner.

Suddenly, he has a strange notion run through his head. He slides down in his chair getting closer to her level as she watches him amused.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

He looks around the room before answering. “Can they tell when we’ve been having sex?” he whispers almost inaudibly.

Rey gives him a confused look and he repeats himself a little louder, his eyes scanning the room. Her face grows more amused and she shakes her head.

“If they can, they already know we have sex. It’s why we’re here.”

His face pinks up at the idea of the doctor knowing he’s been invading her pregnant, sacred body. “I just meant like in the exam, can they tell if it has been recently?”

His voice still low and attention in tune with their surroundings he waits for her to stop snickering.

“Do you want me to ask?”

He shakes his head. “No. It feels violating if they can tell is all.”

She smiles at him, squeezing his hand. “I’m glad you are a tenderhearted man. Not everyone can relate to that feeling, especially not in a place like this.”

“Maybe I’m shy.” He grins.

She doesn’t get to reply being called back before she can. He follows her, waving awkwardly at the couple of women who look up at his large form when he passes by, their eyes lit and smug smiles on their lips. _Fuck_ , they totally heard his concerns. Rey hops on the table using the little step stool as he sits in the chair beside her trying not to laugh at how short she is to the height of the table. Once the nurse takes all of her stats she steps out.

“I think you’ll like this visit. The first couple were just to make sure that my hormone levels were right and to confirm the baby. This one is a little different,” she explains.

“What is so exciting?”

“You’ll see,” she laughs softly as the doctor enters.

“Rey, how have you been. This must be dad?”

“Good, and yes, this is Ben.”

The doctor shakes his hand. “Congratulations. Rey has expressed how excited you would be to be a part of her journey. We don’t always get a lot of the dads accompanying the moms so it’s nice to see occasionally.”

“I am excited. Any way to put a rush on the shipping?” he jokes.

The doctor gives Rey a look of apology while chuckling. “No, unfortunately, not. So, Rey what has been going on? Give me the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

Rey catches her doctor up on all of her early pregnancy symptoms. The difficulty sleeping through the night, but always tired too early in the day. How her morning sickness has stopped, but her cravings have gone wild. She goes over everything except the horny hormone spikes to save Ben some embarrassment, because she has already read up on all of that and knows it is normal enough.

Once past measuring her stomach and going over her stats he asks if she’s ready for the big day. Ben sits up and pays closer attention when Rey glances at him.

“Yes, we are.”

The doctor reaches for the cart with the ultrasound machine and pulls it closer. Lifting Rey’s shirt up to expose her stomach, he squirts the gel onto her skin while Ben watches anxiously. He knows where this is going and is now more intrigued. Turning on the machine, he uses the wand to press to her stomach and starts his search for their baby. Freezing on the it and snapping a shot when they can see the little one.

Rey is watching Ben’s face in earnest as he looks on at the baby’s image frozen on the screen. Waiting for what she knows is next. Once their sonogram prints out for a keepsake the doctor continues to flip a switch. Adjusting the knobs until what he is looking for becomes clear. The tiny _thumpity thump_ fills the room as he turns to look at Rey who simply smiles.

“I told you, you would like this visit.”

He nods in fear that speaking would make him cry, the sentimental fool he is.

“This is for you,” the doctor hands Ben the sonogram photo, that he quickly places to his chest protectively beneath his palm.

“Thank you.”

“Looks great Rey. After all of your concerns, everything is right on track. We’ll keep a closer eye on you, but you will be okay to come back in about three weeks. Congratulations again, dad,” he chuckles as he leaves the room leaving her paper to take to checkout.

“Oh, Ben, don’t look so sappy,” she tells him as he clings to his sonogram photo. “Help me down.”

“Rey, you really do have a baby in you,” he says with a distant look in his eye after he gives her a hand to hop down by.

“Did you think it was an alien? I could see why you might,” she teases.

“Of course I did,” he laughs suddenly breaking out of his daze. “No, it’s not that. It just became real.” He looks at the photo and hands it to her. “That’s our baby, that’s both us together in one little package of a human.”

Rey looks at the photo then up into Ben’s softened expression. “Best boyfriend ever.”

Her arms wrap around him and he hugs her back until the nurse ushers them on so they can clean the room.

Walking into the coffee shop after their appointment Ben proudly show off the sonogram and tells people as he passes their tables, _That’s my baby. I made that. Isn’t it a beautiful baby? It has a heartbeat._ Rey’s hand is over her face as he pulls her along to the counter and she murmurs apologies to the patrons while laughing at his excitement.

Ordering himself a coffee and a muffin, Rey opts for a bottle of flavored water and a cookie before they take their seats at the corner table that Ben has claimed as his favorite with a view of the street. He pulls her in her chair around the table so she can sit directly next to him and his arm can cover her shoulders protectively. The feel of her body close to his, his only craving, while she bounces across a spectrum of flavorful items.

“Six more months or so,” Rey says as she bites into her cookie, crumbs tumbling down her chest.

“That’s going to feel like a lifetime,” he admits.

“I am happy that I have such on onboard boyfriend. A couple of girls at school I know aren’t as lucky.” She shakes the crumbs off of her shirt.

Ben nods, his eyes falling below her collar bone. He reaches for the pendant he gave her for Christmas and pulls it from beneath her shirt. “I hadn’t noticed you put it on.”

“I wear it most days, I’m surprised you hadn’t.”

He kisses her forehead. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Gross,” Hux sounds as he approaches. “Get a room won’t ya?”

“Why don’t I just do him right here?” Rey says obnoxiously through narrowed eyes.

Hux laughs. “Congratulations on the baby.”

Before anyone could respond, Ben has the sonogram on the table.

Hux picks it up to examine it. “I’m sorry, Rey, but that is going to be one ugly baby.”

“It’s not like I slept with you, so I’m not sure how.” She cocks her eyebrow.

“I like you better as an adult. So much more fun.”

“I liked you better when you weren’t a prick,” she grins. “Such an asshole.”

Rey excuses herself from the table, Ben watching as she heads to the bathroom in the back of the shop.

“You should probably cut her some slack,” Ben tells him.

“I know, old habits. I’ll be nice,” he agrees. “Ready for tonight?”

The idea of half-naked girls runs through his head. How many days has he been home now. “It’s all in order.”

“Great,” Hux grins. “I can’t wait.”

Ben thinks he certainly can, wondering if he isn’t some anomaly in the world of men. Rey’s naked or half-naked body is all he cares to see in any sexual manner. Maybe Hux isn’t as much in love as he thinks he is. “You sure you’re ready for marriage?”  
Hux sighs. “Yes. I’m actually more ready than I had previously thought.”

“It isn’t just about the getting to party?”

“No,” Hux smiles. “I am ready. Sneaking little feeling that is. What about you? You have a baby coming and you are clearly not having second thoughts about her, why are you waiting?”

“I don’t need a piece of paper or a ceremony to determine the depths of my commitment to Rey. I don’t think she needs it either since she’s never commented on it other than someday.”

“Trust me, Ben. She wants to marry you. She isn’t pressuring you because she’s one of those wise girls who knows not to push you the wrong way. Maybe she doesn’t need or want it now, but I am telling you she is thinking about it. Wondering if and when and how. No way she’s carrying your child and not thinking about the future,” Hux tries to convince him. “Are you not thinking about the future?”

“I am, but,” he looks up and gives Hux a look of warning. “Shut up.”

Rey comes around and sits back down, reaching for the rest of her cookie, looking between them. “Did I interrupt?”

“No, we were discussing the bachelor party,” Hux explains.

“Funny, not what it sounded like,” she snickers, looking at Ben. “It’s not a race.” Then looks at Hux. “Okay?”

“Sorry,” Hux mumbles.

“Don’t be, it’s not as though you aren’t right in some way, but stop being a pushy dick,” Rey snarks at him.

With a sigh Hux stands up. “That’s my cue to leave. I’ll see you tonight.”  
“Bye.” Slips from Rey’s mouth a little too happy at his exit.

Ben sits silently next to her.

“Ben, my darling... Ben,” she says, looking under the edge of his hair that is covering his face as he stares down at the coffee mug in his hand. “Ben?”

He glances at her sadly. “Yeah?”

“You don’t have to feel pressured into anything, this baby is not a reason we have to get married. We belong no matter what, marriage is just a label that tells everyone else that.”  
He smiles at her. “I know. I do want to marry you, but not right now. There are a lot of other things we need to work on.”

“Good, because I don’t need you to be that guy. I already have the most amazing guy, okay? Don’t let him get to you. We can figure it all out in time.”

He nods. “I know.”

“Besides, my husband isn’t the stripper type, so you might get that out of your system tonight,” she shrugs, sipping on her water.

Ben shakes his head with a smile. “I’m not all that into it.”

“Ben?” Rey asks into the near dark, hearing the sounds of him stumbling around. “Beennn.”

Turning on her table lamp she slides from bed to find him sitting on the floor with his back to the tub. His hair wet and messy is dripping down his shirt. He gives her a longing look.

“Oh, Ben, you’re drunk,” she teases. “I remember when I got this drunk, you made me clean up after myself.” She smirks at him.

With a sigh, he turns to the tub and tries to turn the knobs on.

“Sit down,” she instructs climbing over him and turning on the cold water to soak the wash cloth he has in his loose grip.

Sitting on the side of the tub she cradles his head in her lap and gently sweeps the cold cloth over his face.

“What did you do, dunk your head?”

“Tried to,” he slurs at her through a look of misery, as he swirls his fingers in the air.

“I bet the room is spinning. You know it’s not really fair that you can get this drunk, but I can’t even drink!” she chides him playfully.

His look deepens beyond misery.

“I’m only kidding. I’ll take care of you.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, closing his eyes to the coolness of the washcloth.

“You must have already puked most of it up, huh?” she asks, noticing how much he wants to pass out.

“Yup.” He almost grins until his brain reminds him not to move.

Leaving him only momentarily she goes to the medicine cabinet and grabs some medication and a cup of water. Having him drink the whole cup down even though he doesn’t want to.

“I’m not getting you off this floor, am I?” she asks him next.

He thinks about it for a moment, eyes squinting at the light and the idea of trying to get up on his own and shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I’ll be back.”

Returning with an armful of pillows, she leaves again coming back with some blankets. Setting those to the side she kneels down in front of him and yanks his damp shirt over his head, then gets his shoes and socks off of him.

“You’ll probably appreciate the cold floor though,” she explains, setting his pillows up to keep him comfortable before watching him slide down and bury his face into them. His lids close quickly and he is breathing deeply before she can even finish what she is doing. “Okay, then. Goodnight.”

Before his eyes can even open he already knows where he is. Cursing to himself as he squeezes the warm body curled against him. She doesn’t move, but he knows she can’t be comfortable. What kind of crazy woman sleeps on a tile floor while pregnant, he wonders to himself as he unsnarls his body from her grasp. Wincing when he bends over to pick her up, he continues to the bed where he lays her down still fast asleep.

“I’m an asshole,” he says to himself as he covers her. “I’m never going to deserve you.”

Momentarily, he stands watching as she rolls over in her sleep, her arms seeking him out and quickly giving up when she doesn’t find him. He must have kept her up for her a good portion of the night.

Tongue running over his teeth he grows nauseated by the texture and sneaks back into the bathroom where he secures the door behind him. Brushing his teeth first, he then starts the shower. Waiting as it warms he gathers up their bedding, wincing each time he moves too quickly, and puts it in a neat pile near the door.

The water is confusing when he steps in, too warm for his skin, but warm enough to soothe his muscles after a night on the hard floor. He’s getting too old for this kind of thing, he thinks, wondering if Rey will be pissed with him or not. Growing strangely nervous when he hears the door open and watches her blurry form as she crosses the bathroom to pee.

Freezing as he waits to see what she does next, smiling at her when she opens the door and takes him in through her groggy eyes.

“Well, you’re off the floor,” she comments sleepily.

“I am. I’m sorry,” he says as she strips at the shower door and steps in.

Going straight to him, she leans against his body with the intent of him wrapping his arms around her. He does, keeping her against his chest as she wakes up.

“You didn’t have to sleep on the floor with me,” he says, his hands rubbing over her back.

“Was I supposed to leave you all alone on the bathroom floor?”

“I wouldn’t have been mad,” he smiles down at her face as she peers up at him, eyes still sleep-filled.

“You’ve barely been home, I wanted to be close to you.”

He kisses the top of her damp hair. “Rey, you are too kind for your own good. Next time leave my drunk ass in there, okay?”

She laughs. “No.”

Paying attention to her strange tone, he lifts her chin again and looks at her worried face. “What’s wrong?”

She shrugs. “Do you even know how you got home?”

“I think Hux dropped me off, because I don’t remember driving. We’ll have to track my car down.”

She nods. “Okay. Did you have a good time?”

There’s that tone again, a new one, but he knows it all too well anyway. “Are you worried something happened? Because it didn’t.”

“You were so drunk last night, I wasn’t sure if maybe...” She looks up at him.

His fingers drift through her hair. “You know me better than that.”

“I do, but knowing doesn’t assuage my fears. Sometimes a girl needs to hear it too.”

He leans down and kisses her firmly on the lips as his thumbs brush over her cheeks. “Nothing happened, I only want you.”

“Stupid hormones,” she sniffles, pressing her face against his chest with a smile.

“I love you and your stupid hormones,” he whispers.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love me some Ben Solo. A little fluff, a little drama, and a little humor ahead!

The mug in Ben’s hand warms his palm as he absently watches Rey through the window by the kitchen table. She was up before six again, her body keeping her from resting too comfortably for too long. Making a habit of getting up right after her so he can keep an eye while he sips his black coffee hoping it’ll be enough to fuel him for the day.

He watches her wipe a bead of sweat from her brow with the back of her arm and wonders how she can be sweating in sixty degrees with no hot sun. To him it’s almost cold because summer is just coming to a close and he hasn’t adjusted to the cooler weather sneaking in overnight and into the early morning. Sitting up to get a better look as Rey’s hand strokes her stomach, he cranes as though he can see over the plants that are blocking the better portion of her by doing so.

“The baby is kicking,” Leia says, clanking around the cabinet by the coffee pot for a mug.

Ben looks at her annoyed by her constant reassurance. She’s not Rey and it’s been a long time since she was pregnant. “I’m only making sure.”

Tipping the pot of coffee into her mug with a yawn she shakes her head gently. “Oh, Ben, who knew you would be such a good guy when you grew up?”

“I’d like to think you, mom.”

She laughs. “I knew you would be a good guy, but it’s rare to find one filled with your kind of concern. I’m thinking Rey was kismet for this family.”

“Oh geez mom, could we not? I don’t like talking about the past with you,” he explains, looking away when he feels his cheeks burn.

It doesn’t matter how long ago it was that she joined his family, or how much time has passed since they became a known couple, being okay with it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing coming form his mom. Grateful both his parents accepted their relationship, he’ll never forget their beginning. It was sweet and kinky, and he felt like he had been suckered in the best way possible, but she was so young. She was also already in his family and blood or not, it’ll always be a bit strange to those who find out how they began.

“I thought you were past that nonsense?” she scoffs, sitting next to him.

“I am, but you are still my mom and talking relationships with you will always be weird.”

Leia smiles at him and sighs softly. “Son, that young woman is carrying my grandchild. I’ve been pregnant. I know how that happens. I’m not interested in details, believe me, but you have got to realize I know you are a grown man. I know she is also mostly grown, waiting a few years might have been more opportune, but I’m excited for you both. You are a couple, it’s okay to be.”

Biting his lip frustrated he keeps his attention on Rey. “Mom, she’s basically in a round about way always going to be my cousin. I know it isn’t blood and that you never legally adopted her so she isn’t even a sort of sister, but we will always have that stigma to face and a label to deal with. Even if it isn’t incest, people will still see it that way, and you can’t keep saying, fuck them and what they think, all the time. Sometimes, it comes up and sometimes, it matters. Feelings matter and I shouldn’t have to apologize for having them.”

“I’d like to say that you are an amazing person because I raised you well, but I can’t say that is the main reason. The energy in this house shifted with Rey in it. We could all feel it, especially you. I think seeing Rey through her losses made you the beautifully sensitive man you are today. It had to be a joint effort, but exposure to experiences like that can truly change a person. I still believe she was kismet, and that’s why I don’t give two fucks what anyone else thinks. I’m your mom, so I’m always going to tell you what other’s think doesn’t matter, but I do understand what you are saying. I’m also very grateful you chose to not let it control your ability to be in love with your soulmate.”

Looking at her, his face scrunched in embarrassment, he gapes at her. “Did you really just curse and call her my soulmate?”

“I’ll never stop embarrassing you either. I love you too much to leave you alone. You should appreciate that.”

“I would have appreciated it more if it happened more when I was younger,” he snickers.

The kitchen grows quiet, their attention turned towards Rey as she put her babies to bed in the greenhouse now that the temperatures are dropping over night. She gently taps the young plants into larger pots and walks them inside, coming back for more.

“She’s going to be such a good mom,” Ben says suddenly, sipping from his mug.

Agreeing, Leia sips from her mug as well. “Better than the rest of us.”

Ben looks at her surprised by her comment.

“Please, you think I don’t know I was terrible at bonding with my own child?”

“I think you did alright, for the most part.”

Leia examines him. “You don’t believe that. It isn’t like your father and I didn’t try to do our best.”

“You just had a lot going on.” He shakes his head. “A lot of parents do.”

“You know our lifestyle changed after Rey showed up. She kind of consumed us and our need to keep other children from suffering in foster care the way she likely would have, had we not agreed to taking her after seeing the conditions she would be living in until she could have been placed. And we managed to assume you had a home and a family so you were fine, but you weren’t, were you?” Her voice hinges on sad and curiousness as she looks into his face that stares at her plainly.

He shrugs. “I raised Rey until I was in high school. I took care of her. I fed her and made sure she brushed her teeth. I helped her with her homework. You two were so busy with your charities, you neglected to see us when we were right in front of you. I kept her from seeing it, and made you the perfect parents. Until I got tired of not getting to be a child myself. Jesus, you’ve never wondered why I am so neurotic and worried all the time?” His voice raising as he lets everything out, he can see Rey look at the house. He waves at her to throw her off of his anger.

Sipping from her coffee again she sets the mug down and turns towards him grabbing his hand into hers. “I’m sorry we didn’t know how to be more present for you, but we are both here for you now. I’m sorry you felt like you had to take all of that on, but she didn’t let us in the way she did you. I don’t know why, we tried our best, and we needed you. We were younger and less experienced. Rey was not something we expected to happen. We weren’t the best parents, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t love you to pieces, because we always have. We love you both very much.”

“I know,” he states flatly. “You’ve done a lot to prove how much you love her, but I guess you didn’t see that everything you did was for her comfort. Like I was supposed to know I was loved, because I was your actual child. I’m not mad about it. It just makes me want to be a better parent.”

Leia wipes a tear from her eye. “You thought we loved her more?”

“Um, greenhouse,” he points to the yard.

She nods. “I know. Ben, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Nobody is perfect, and you will always be my favorite because you are mine. Rey is kind of a bonus and I love her too, no less than you, but you will always be my number one child because I grew you myself.”

“Gross,” he smiles. “I have always known you love me, you just didn’t have time.”

“I have all the time now.” She smiles back. “As much as you want. It’s yours.”

“Until the baby arrives and you’re high on grandma life. I guess we know who will be the babysitter.”

“I am sorry that we never thought of it the way you did. Raising a child isn’t easy, but you are correct you did basically raise her. Then you knocked her up before she could finish college. Maybe you aren’t so on it either?” she teases.

“True. At least she is over eighteen now, and it didn’t happen sooner,” he shoots back at her with a laugh.

“There’s that threshold. Still your mom, buddy.”

“But mom, kismet, should it matter?” He eyes her humored by turning the table of discomfort on her.

“You should just shut up now,” she admits, taking her mug back for a refill.

They both jump when the sliding door glides open on it’s rollers. Their attention equally drawn to the dirt covered face of Rey, who is glancing between them. She dances quickly past Ben towards the door to the basement. “I’d stick around, but I don’t think I have a sharp enough knife to cut the tension in here.”

Leia and Ben both laugh at her.

“I’ll be down in a minute, do you need anything?”

“Nope!”

Ben strolls into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Leaning against the counter’s edge, his spare hand gripping the cold granite, he watches Rey’s form as it turns in the shower. The six month belly on her has changed her entire silhouette making her appear shorter. The water turns off, cuing him to spit and rinse so he doesn’t get caught staring again. He can’t help himself, the larger she becomes the more he is attracted to her, and she is growing out of the honeymoon phase far too soon.

Wrapping herself in a towel she steps out with a smile. “I’ll never get over looking at you dressed like that.”

Looking himself up and down in the mirror, he grabs his tie and straightens it. “It’s kind of a waste since I wear a lab coat all day, but dress code. I’m not really sure why.”

Rey’s cheeks pink up and she tucks her towel in, freeing her hand to correct his tie from his over-correction. “It’s because you look mighty fine in a designer suit.” Her hands pat his tie down.

“You’re sweet, but I feel so strange.”

“Look strange too, but oh so hot.” She grins. “You’re turning into a really fancy looking man. You’re eventually going to be beating girls off with a stick. Meanwhile, I’m working on becoming the world’s largest pumpkin with legs.”

Groaning at her, he pulls her to him risking the dryness of his new suit. “You are supposed to be big, there is a baby in there, and frankly, I think you are gorgeous.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re obligated to say that, because it’s your baby.”

Sighing, as the word baby leaves her lips, he releases her and follows her into their room for her to dress. She drops the towel on the bed and slides on a fresh pair of panties with a slight wobble as she balances.

“I want to talk to you tonight when I get home.”

She looks up. “Something wrong?”

“No, I just think it’s been awhile since we could do an evening of us.” Nervously, he watches her eyes as they grow worried.

“You’ve been working late for almost three months. You barely got home from school before you were barely here again.” She reminds him.

“I know and you go back to school soon,” he admits guiltily.

“Two weeks,” she says softly, averting her eyes to put a long t-shirt on.

“Rey, you don’t need to be anxious. I just want to be with you tonight and not work or projects or anything else abundantly exhausting. We can watch a movie or go out to eat, whatever you want.”

“Italian?”

“Sure.”

When he left Rey for work she was getting back into bed for her early morning nap. Things have been a little off between them since his internship. She’s has her own things and he’s has his work. He can’t help but to feel old, especially, with the way his body has been killing him with his secret project. He hasn’t been losing time with her in the evenings for nothing, and though it is far from completion, he is getting too antsy to not share it with her.

His first break at work he phones into Luigi’s for a reservation as he pours himself more coffee in the break room. He sits at a plain café style table with his coffee and his phone, checking his work email, once the reservation is made. Most of his breaks are taken alone, the schedules often not coinciding due to the nature of his job.

“New suit?” Samantha, another newer employee in his department, asks.

He practically jumps at the sound of her voice. “What? Oh, yeah.”

“Armani, nice touch. Bit rich for the neighborhood though. You realize you work in a lab?” she jokes, sitting across from him.

He smiles. “I do, I also figured I may as well go all out if I have to wear a suit to begin with.”

She reads his badge as she listens to him explain. “ _I see_. You are that Ben Solo, no wonder.”

Frowning he sets his phone down. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t realize you were heir of Solo Charities and company.”

He shakes his head with a light chuckle. “I’m not an heir to anything.”

“You are wearing a suit that most well-dressed men would covet, and you’re not the heir?”

Turning his attention back to his email, he sips his coffee. “I stay out of my parent’s business. It isn’t my thing.”

“Isn’t charity everyone’s thing?” She eyes him curiously.

He looks up again. “That’s not how I meant it.”

Crossing her legs, her heeled foot bounces softly just in view from under the table. “Want to have drinks some time?”

“Not really,” he admits easily. “Samantha, you’re beautiful and smart, but I’m never going to be into you,” he says firmly.

“Oh, I don’t know. We have a lot more in common than I think you realize.” Her foot bouncing again to gain his attention.

He clears his throat, grabs his coffee and pockets his phone as he stands up. “Nice shoes,” he says noticing the red bottoms. “Louboutin, am I right? I’m pretty sure those were my mother’s go to for her gown wearing days. Aren’t those a bit much for the lab?”

Leaving her with after sarcastic remark, he hears her echo something about hoping he enjoys Luigi’s tonight. She is infuriating, he thinks. So what if he bought a few nice suits to rotate through since he has to dress up. Rey knows how much he spent and acted nothing like that. He’s never been called an heir before either. One of these days he is going to have to get with his parents and see what the hell their net worth is, and if he is expected to take over someday.

Rey coats her lips in her traditional red gloss before smoothing the wrinkles from her dress as it hugs her belly. Turning in their full length mirror she gives herself a look of disgust by how nothing fits right anymore. Feeling frumpy more than anything the last few weeks, she hasn’t even attempted to get dressed up, but she wants to have the whole experience on her date night with Ben.

Frowning at herself she dabs at her lip gloss where it smudges on her lower lip. Ben’s arms snake around her from behind, grabbing the weight of her belly into his hands he kisses her up-do exposed neck.

“I wish you wouldn’t stand here like this,” he says as he sways her within his arms.

She smiles. “Nothing fits, it gets annoying.”

“Now that’s a lie, you fit into my hands now. See?” he looks at her in the reflection as she glares back playfully.

“Yes, I see.”

“Hungry?”

“Always.”

Taking her by the hand he leads her out to his car and drives her to the restaurant. Allowing valet to park the car so she doesn’t have to walk far or wait on him to park. The atmosphere hits her immediately. The dim lights with the candlelit table tops and their burgundy table cloths as garlic butter drifts in the air. It’s warming on a cool late summer night. She can feel her eyes grow glassy at the hunger the smell of the food brings on. Luigi’s is one of her favorite places in town. It has all the cute kitschy Italian nick knacks everywhere, and it just feels a bit like home.

After ordering their meal in their cozy corner booth, keeping them relatively isolated from the rest of the patrons, she can see Ben is preparing for his big conversation. Quickly becoming nervous she plays with her nails under the table, keeping her attention in that direction as well.

“Go on then,” she mutters.

When he doesn’t answer, she looks at him. His eyes are exploring her as he leans his cheek into his hand with his elbow propped on the table.

“What’s the sappy look for?” she questions.

“You are just too beautiful not to admire.” The words slip out easily in a delicate tone edged with reverie.

Cocking her head she takes in his placid face. “Okay, what gives?”

Straightening up, he loses his sweet expression turning to his normal more serious one. “I was talking with mom this morning and she apologized for not being a better mom.”

Eyes widening, Rey chokes on her water she was trying to sip. “She did? Was she not somehow?”

“Depends on how you look at it, but there were moments. It’s not so much that though, as when I was talking to her something weird popped out of my brain and I wanted to discuss it with you.”

“Of course. I’m always here for you.”

He smiles. “I know, maybe that’s part of it.”

She doesn’t like the vibe he’s giving off, but she tries to remain collected on the outside while her inside turns into knots. “I’m not sure I understand what you want to discuss.”

“Are you happy with me? Don’t answer yet, but think about it. Am I what you are really attracted to in any or all ways? Was there ever anyone else before this turned into us, or has it always been me?”

Confused, because she thought he knew these things, she tries to fumble for an answer. “Life gets weird when you get closer to someone, and then again when you are around them for awhile. Does that mean I’m not happy with you? I don’t thinks so. I think it’s normal to have to work through things.”

He gives her a frustrated look, his lips pull tightly together. “What I mean is am I the only one you have ever had these kinds of feelings for, ever? There wasn’t anyone else in there when I wasn’t around as much? Not a single spark for anyone else?”

“What are you trying to get at Ben? Just spit it out. Are you feeling insecure?”

“No, not at all. It’s not about that as much as is it fair to you? Did we cover all the right bases along the way?” he asks, sighing when he isn’t sure how to say what he is getting at.

“Ben,” she starts gently. “I think I know what you are getting at, and we’ve talked about this before. You didn’t brainwash me or condition me to be in love with you. I just am. You are brilliant, and funny. You make me happy when you are around just because of the way you feel in my presence. Like our energies mingle perfectly. I feel right with you. I tried liking other people when you were gone, but it wasn’t the same.”

“I told my mom I basically raised you until I went to high school and forced them to step in more, and I just thought maybe I had accidentally pushed you into liking or needing me more than you would have if I hadn’t had to intervene. Everything seems so perfect right now, I want to be sure neither one of us is imagining this as something it isn’t. Does that makes sense?”

It does make sense, and hopefully this will be the last time she has to explain her feelings to him in this way. She takes a deep breath and smiles. “I am positive I’m not imaging my feelings for you. I also think it’s hilarious you see perfection in our goofy ass relationship. Hell Ben, I’m pregnant by accident and I can’t even drink legally yet. That offsets my school capabilities. You have been distracted at work, and staying out late with it as well. You are wearing a fifteen hundred dollar suit to a cheesy, but fabulous Italian restaurant and you ordered red sauce. That’s all goofy shit. Maybe because it isn’t the worst things to happen or do, it seems like it isn’t weird to you, but we are far from perfect. And I am still perfectly happy.”

He grins as he looks down at his suit. “Maybe you’re right about the suit. I didn’t think about that. Not that we can’t afford it. So, you are saying you don’t expect to ever leave?”

“Leave you?” she chokes again, wondering if she was ever going to get a real drink of water or if he is going to constantly stun her at each attempt. “No way. Ben, you have no worries.”

“I really don’t, but I guess there is a point to all of this, because I wanted to show you something I’ve been putting a lot of thought into after we’re done eating. It’s a surprise, though...”

“Ben, how funny to see you here?” Samantha says, approaching from Rey’s side of the booth making it impossible for her to see her.

He gawks for a moment. “Um, yeah, I’m on a date. What the fuck are you doing here?”

Coming into view Rey feels easily diminished beside her. She’s tall and toned, legs that stretch forever in heels that she would break an ankle in. Her long golden hair matches her skin tone and eyes. Eyes slicked in thin black liner and lashes that curl to the heavens. “Just out for a date myself. Hi, I’m Samantha, I work with Ben.”

Rey looks her up and down. “Uh, hi I’m Rey, and I live with Ben.”

“Oh my gosh how cute are you?” she says to Rey before turning her attention back to Ben. “You didn’t mention you were seeing anyone.”

“Excuse me,” Rey says, leaving the table to use the restroom. Her belly clearly visible as she gets up.

She can hear Ben chastising her for interrupting their dinner and upsetting his girlfriend. Telling her his personal life is none of her business is nice to hear as she makes a deft escape. Inside the bathroom stall she forces back tears of panic. She knows it’s mostly the hormones, because she trusts Ben. If there were a problem he would have said something. But fuck, that woman is beyond beautiful. The kind that men go to pieces over if she acknowledges them.

When she goes to wash her hands, the woman enters the bathroom giving her a very ornery telling look, that Rey doesn’t care for. She sidles up at the next sink to touch up her lipstick as she eyes Rey from the side.

“Ben is such a sweet man, you are very lucky,” she says mockingly.

Rey dries her hands and sizes up the woman again. “No, I’d say you are the lucky one. What a treat to get to work with Ben Solo. Hmmm?”

Samantha turns to her. “I generally get whatever I want. I have no problem waiting for you to be done playing house.”

“You don’t know him.”

“Don’t need to. He fits the profile. I’m the type he should be with, we both know it.”

Scoffing, Rey thrusts her used paper towels into the trash can. “You have already lost, and you know it.”

“Do I?”

Growling to herself she walks away. Engaging with her wasn’t going to make her go away. She storms back to the table, sliding awkwardly back into the booth. Enticed by her food that arrived in her absence she takes a bite. Moaning to herself at the taste being so wonderful. Once she swallows she looks at Ben. He is staring at her with his hands in his lap and a paler than normal face.

“What?” she asks, swirling more pasta onto her fork.

Clearing his throat he takes a sip of water. “I am so sorry. I don’t really know her. We have never spoken until today. I think she was eavesdropping when I made the reservation.”

She smiles at his shaky voice as he explains. “I figured something like that.”

He straightens his back unsure of her reaction. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to say anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. Eat your food before it gets cold.” She motions to his plate with her fork and waves a passing waiter over. “Can you bring my man a shot of whiskey?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Whiskey is alright, isn’t it? I mean you liked fireball.” She continues to eat as he begins to pick at his plate.

“Uh huh,” he mumbles, forcing a forkful of pasta into his mouth obediently.

“Go on about your surprise,” she urges, thanking the waiter that drops off his shot. “You need that.”

He gives a questionable laugh and does his shot. “Uh, where was I with that… Oh, yeah it’s a surprise, but I dunno. I feel like the vibe of the evening has been shot.”

“Why because Samantha Simmon stopped by the table?”

With a look of surprise he holds his shot glass up, to indicate another to the waiter. “You know who she is?”

“I do actually. She is the daughter of Jack Simmon, the owner of the bank your ex worked for. You didn’t know that?”

Looking for the waiter to bring his next shot he shakes his head. “No, I mean. No. What does that mean? Why are you not more bothered?” he asks, relieved when his second shot arrives.

“Ben, you are truly adorable. She wants you because she knows your parents have money. She literally just told me you fit the profile. Her profile. The one she uses to determine appropriate matches in her personal life. She won’t settle below her level. I’m guessing your parents bank through Simmon’s Bank. She likely knows better than you what your family is worth. This is really fucking happening isn’t it? You have a gorgeous, rich, model-type that wants you to be her lover because of your family and it’s wealth. We know there is more money than you or I could have ever imagined somewhere in your parent’s names. It’s like a damn soap opera.” She prattles on her fork moving in the air with her animated gestures.

He is still absorbing her words when she looks at him.

“I’m not bothered, because if anyone can take you from me, it’s going to be someone like her. She hardly seems real, and she is everything someone with your background should be with. In most cases anyway. If she wants you and can convince, I don’t think there is anything either of us can do about it.” She shrugs and continues eating. “I’m not worried. I’m better for you. So, what is it?”

“What is what?”

“My surprise.”

“I’ll show you after dinner,” he smiles, but his voice is flat and she knows inside he is panicking over everything she just said.

With a deep sigh, he puts the car into park. “We’re here.”

Rey looks around. “We’re home.”

He nods. “Yep. Your surprise is here, but you have to let me blind fold you.”

Giggling, she agrees. He jumps out, coming around to let help her out, he puts a scarf over her eyes and spins her around a few times.

“Ready?” he asks, keeping her from tilting over as he walks her up the steps to the door.

His keys jingle more than usual as his hand shakes trying to get the keys in the door. He flips the light on and pulls her in with him, closing the door behind her. He guides her across the entryway and up the stairs, leading her down the hallway and into a room. When he has her situated he removes the scarf to the view of her greenhouse through the window he stationed her in front of.

“It’s my greenhouse,” she states confused. “What is going on?”

He wordlessly turns her around to sit her in a rocking chair, and points to the garden and greenhouse again. She looks up at him as he rocks the chair for her. She then looks around the room, the room with an old tree trunk treated and stained imbedded in the corner with ornate branches coming from it, reaching up and disappearing into the ceiling. There are flowering vines and leaves along the walls, a blue sky ceiling with clouds and birds. The whole room is a mural of life with a touch of authentic accents.

“Oh my God,” she gasps. “Is this the surprise? It’s beautiful.” She looks out the window and back at him. “This angle is weird.”

“Suprise,” he says cautiously. “What do you think? Too much?” he asks when she covers her face with her hand so he can’t watch her cry. “Rey?”

She wipes her eyes before placing her hand over her heart. He helps her up when she holds her hand out to him. She looks around the room. “You did this?”

“Yeah, took a couple of months to get it right, but this is why I haven’t been home in the evenings.”

She runs her hand over the tree in the corner. “It’s a real tree.”

“Yep, reclaimed so to speak. The crib took the longest. I hired someone for the murals. I’m not that talented,” he laughs. “Too much?”

“It is way too much, but it’s too beautiful to refuse. You made all of the furniture?”  
“Crib and changing table so it would fit the theme, but the dresser and rocking chair I bought.”

She nods at him. “It all works very well together. I don’t get to be mad about you spending so much time away now, do I?”

He shrugs. “I had to stay busy somehow. This waiting bit isn’t my forte.”

“I’m so relieved. My heart was racing. I really thought you were going to propose.”

“God Rey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think that.”

“No, this is better. So, show me the rest.”

“Well, that’s the thing. This is the only complete room,” he explains and grabs her hand.

He leads her through the bare house and shows her how similar the layout is to the house they are in now. “It’s all yours to pick. I had it stripped down so you can have whatever you want. Whatever we want.”  
“Ben, you really want to live next to your parents?”

“Not so much, but it’ll be convenient for them to babysit. Really, I couldn’t stand the idea of taking you away from your greenhouse after watching you toil away in there the way you do. This way you can watch all your babies, human or otherwise.”

“Thank you. Best boyfriend ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, they are not breaking up! 😉✌


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are too cute for one another. I still love hearing from you! I am getting ready to hang this one up for at least a moment. I feel like I need to process where their story is heading after their current goals are achieved and conflicts resolved. I might like to know where you see them possibly going from here. What have you enjoyed about their story so far? Maybe I'll get inspired to write more than my current plan. Either way, not the end yet! Enjoy!

Humming from Ben’s touch, her bottom lip clipped between her teeth, Rey’s eyes close as her head leans back onto Ben’s shoulder. Her back to his chest, she is pinioned to him by the girth of his cock and the clutch of his arms. The subtle rise of his hips lifts into her hitting every vibrant nerve ending that has come alive since becoming pregnant and her hormones have consumed her.

Soft, yet steady, he settles into her depths that cling to his flesh more than usual. The angle ideal for his pleasure and her comfort. His lips press beneath her ear before whispering to her in his low voice how much he loves being inside of her. She releases a groan as his hand gripping her beneath her enlarged belly sinks down over her pubic mound giving her a firm surface to grind against. His hand widely circling her slower than usual now that she is so far along, gently easing her deeper into the pleasure zone.

Sensing his tentativeness she presses her palms over his to give herself more purchase. The hot breath from the words he whispers into her ear driving her closer to the end of the line. Their love making becoming more sensual as her pregnancy progresses, it becomes more difficult for her to reach her limit. The sensation of him inside of her almost enough, but the bait at the end of the string drags her into frustration and need, a dark desire she has yet to fulfill.

“Tell me what will help,” he whispers into her ear.

She shakes her head, her lip still clenched between her teeth. Eyes closed, she focuses on all the sensations running through her. Small shudders tease her nerves as she raises off his length and settles herself flush again.

“This will work, it’s just so much.”

“What the angle, is it me? I want to hear you cum, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“It’s nothing like that,” she mumbles. “It’s all too good, I don’t want it to end.”

“Hmmm,” he responds thoughtfully.

Placing his lips to her ear, he pulls in the pliable flesh, giving it a suck and a nibble. Working his way around the outer edge of her ear, words slipping out in between his mouthy gestures.

“You are so, so wet right now. Do you like it when I am inside of you? Thick and hard, grazing over the inside of you as I work my way in and out?”

She gazes momentarily over her shoulder at him. “Keep going.”

“Your tight, warm little tunnel of love makes it really difficult for me to not cum sooner. You squeeze against me so perfectly, made for me alone, I have to think of other things until you get off so I can go with you.”

“That doesn’t always work anymore,” she whispers, the shudders strengthening in her thighs.

“I know baby, but every once in awhile I like to cum with you. Your body shivering around me feels better. I can imagine how you feel with me.”

“I like it too.”

She grinds herself against his hand, her movements broken up by the stuttering in her muscles. Her orgasm peaking when he sucks her ear lobe back into his mouth after telling her to cum like a good little girl. Talented at reading her body, she knows he doesn’t need a cue to give himself over to his own orgasm. Stretching her arm over her head she locks her fingers in the hair on the back of his head, pulling his mouth to the flesh of her neck.

“I am going to miss these mornings when you go back to school,” he pants against her cheek when they begin to unwind.

Her chest rising and falling from effort she leans her cheek to his before squaring a kiss on him and removing herself from his lap. Climbing off the bed, she walks towards the bathroom, stopping and looking back at him. “I could just not go.”  
“Absolutely not happening. Rey, it’s not that far from home. I will see you all the time.”

“In a few months we’ll have a baby, and that’s if I got full term. It’s not going to be easy.”

“When has our lives ever been easy, the only thing we have ever had easy is loving each other. That was and will always be the easiest part.” He smiles at her lovingly to assuage the disappointment in her eyes.

“That’s not exactly true, the money came pretty easy,” she snarks at him.

“Not fair, I busted my ass until a few months ago when I found out, and I still work every damn day so we have our own money to feel proud of. You want that feeling too, I promise you, but you have to finish school to get that far. Unless you plan on working in the local nursery selling someone else’s well nurtured plants.”

She pouts for a moment. “You’re right, but I’m almost seven months pregnant, Ben. And I am tired all the time. I’m starting to hurt too. My back aches, my feet are swollen. I can barely get enough sleep.” She sighs heavily. “I’m too young to feel this broken down.”

Ben slips easily to his feet, the distance from the edge of the bed to ground not a far space for him. In only a few steps he has her in his arms and kisses her all over her face. “But it’s not forever, it’s only a few more months. You have never been a quitter. Hello.” He refers to himself, and how she went after him. “I know you are not comfortable, I am not comfortable watching you when it is clear how hard it is to keep yourself moving around some days. We do our best Rey, and you can do this. I know you can.”

“I know,” she groans against his bare chest, the feel of his fingers sliding over her skin on her back. “I feel like I should have a right to complain, though. Most days aren’t terrible, I’m just so tired all of the time.”

“Whatever you need, my baby, and we will make it happen, okay?”

She nods her face brushing over his body, the smell of him nestling inside her nostrils. She nearly forgets she was on her way to the shower, the feel of him too comforting to leave.

Dropping Rey off at college was one of the bigger challenges Ben has been faced with. Knowing he will still see her weekly and talk to her daily doesn’t make seeing his baby having to get along on without him any easier. He wants so much to be that doting lover, the attentive father. He wants those more than he realized he would. The first time he felt the baby move, he cried like a baby himself. Rey’s smiling face, humored by his reaction still follows him in memory whenever he thinks about how intense that moment was.

Reminding himself she is a strong girl, he tries to focus on his work. Running labs for a new cream that is supposed to be a miracle to fungal infections he’s been hovering over petri dishes for weeks testing different levels of potency to determine the best combination of inactive ingredients before handing it over for future testing. Looking for bad results and keeping track of the potential side affect factors, he feels a lot like the bad guy behind medical infomercials as he makes his notes.

The most enjoyable part of his job outside the final result potentially helping someone is watching as the specimens change. It makes him think of living artwork, some move faster than others, but most of the time he has to speed up the footage on the computer to see it change effectively.

“Lunch today?” Samantha pokes her head into his lab. “I’ve seen you moping around here for the last couple of weeks. Thought I would try to cheer you up.”  
Ben raises his head from the palm he was rested his cheek on watching the computer screen with glossed over eyes and looks at her as though he didn’t know who she was. “No thanks.”

Samantha enters without an invite and pulls up a stool on the opposite side of his work station. “Why so sad then, gorgeous?”

Pondering if answering her might keep her away or entice her more he shakes his head at her compliment and looks back at his screen. “Nothing sad.”

“Baby troubles?” she presses on.

He leans around the computer and over the edge of the counter. “It really isn’t any of your business. I know who you are, and why you would want to talk to me, but I’m not interested. I will never be. I have a girlfriend who I am madly in love with and a baby on the way. I have no time to invest in someone like you.”

She smiles at him. “Your child bride? How old is she any way?”

“She’s not a child bride, we’re not even engage. But if you must know she is almost twenty one and is a junior this year in college.”

Samantha nods. “She’s a bit of a baby herself still. How do you think motherhood will do for her?”

Ben’s fist slams onto the counter top rattling the dishes beside him. “Just stop with your nonsense. Clearly, she is not a child or a baby, she is just lucky to still look young, unlike other some other women I know she will be one to remain young in appearance for a long time.”  
“Harsh,” Samantha chuckles. “I am just giving you grief because it is so easy to get you riled up.”

“Don’t.” He glares at her smirking face.

“I’m sorry. She seems sweet, really. I thought maybe she was younger than that.”

“Nope, and it isn’t like I don’t know there is a small age gap. It’s only 4 years, it isn’t that much,” he defends still glaring at her, removing his fist from the table to fix his dishes. “Why do you even talk to me? You know I have no interest in you. I don’t care who you or your daddy is.”

“She told you, I see.”

“Rey tells me everything. I’m not fit for your profile or whatever you called it. I’m not the heir to some fortune. I’m never going to make you look better or bring you social status. I am just Ben Solo, scientist, with a girlfriend and baby on the way. I’m a family guy, and I get the feeling that is not what you are looking for.”

Samantha grins as she looks away. “Maybe so, Ben Solo, family man. It’s true you do have a girlfriend and a baby coming, but make no mistake of who you are. You are the heir to a fortune. You already bring social status to those you are around, just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Look at the names on some of these dedications around town. The addition to the library, the extension on the high school, even the new wing at the children’s hospital. They all have one thing in common… _your_ name. You can’t run from being a Solo. It is who you are. Maybe that doesn’t mean to you what it does to your parents, but you should probably get the bigger picture before you discredit who you are.”

Ben stares at her as she slips off the stool to her red bottomed heels to walk away, giving him a flip of the hair and a flirty smile as she moves through the doorway and out of view.

A sigh makes his chest heave as he breathes a rattled breath. Maybe it is time to sit down with his parents to understand better their financial and social status in this town. Clearly, it is bigger than he pays attention to, but how would he know to pay attention when he has mostly been out of town since he turned eighteen and could run far from the spotlight of their charity balls. He never cared about the money. Money was the wallpaper covering the bruised infrastructure of the house he grew up in like a band aid. Another deep breath and he turns his attention back to the petri dishes, his thoughts too distracted to make much sense of what was happening within them.

The dinner table feels empty and quiet without Rey and her laughter or stories about her days in her greenhouse. Which plants were blossoming, which needed more time, she always had something to talk about when she wasn’t feeling too worn out. Ben usually has no problem imagining her there anyway chattering along with them. Tonight is different. Instead, his fork turns in his lasagna making a mess more than a meal and his dad, getting tired of watching, intervenes.

“Something on your mind, son?”

Ben looks up, his fork still in hand. “What makes you think that?”

Leia, looking at his plate, sees what Han is onto. “The former piece of lasagna on your plate, I do believe is what he is referring to.”

Laughing at the glob of cheesy red sauce and broken noodles. “Wow, okay. So, yeah, actually there is. Have you heard of Samantha Simmon?”

“Who hasn’t?” Han questions.

“I hadn’t. Until Rey pointed out who she is a few weeks ago when she interrupted our dinner date. I work with her too.”

“Seems coincidental,” Han admits.

“See, I didn’t know that at the time. I found her annoying, but she is a persistent flirt. She is constantly putting Rey down and speaking about her as though she is inferior. She seems to have a high interest in me. Any idea why?” Ben asks, looking between their calm, yet blank expressions. “Oh, and then there was the whole bit about being the Solo heir. Care to fill me in?”  
He can hear his tone growing rude as he continues, but keeps his face the same expression. His parents look at one another then back to him. Leia continuing to eat while Han begins and explanation.

With a weighted sigh of relief, Han puts his fork down. “As you know, we have never struggled financially. After some time creating our charity and orchestrating the company we manage, financially things fell into line for us.”

Ben stares at him, his roundabout answer not quite what he is wanting. “What exactly does that mean though, financially speaking, why would someone call me an heir? And when did we fund all of these places in town? Why didn’t I know any of this?”  
Han looks at Leia to agree for him to continue. “You were never interested in what we did, Ben. For a long time you avoided the fundraisers and events. Then you skipped town. It wasn’t something we thought you had an interest in. You wanted as far from us as you could get. There was never a good time to fill you in on the family business.”

Ben’s mouth hangs open. “You never even tried to tell me, and that doesn’t explain the other questions I had.”  
“Ben, after you left we funded a lot of expansions across town. The hospitals, public resources, things of that caliber. We have a lot of money to spend that can bring happiness and necessities to a lot of people. We have more than we can ever spend on ourselves, and because of the good we have done for not only our town but other organizations, people are going to look at you like an heir. Frankly, I’m grateful, you don’t act like one. It means if you choose to take over one day, you will because you want to not because you are expected to,” Leia says, her voice softer than Han’s or Ben’s.

“We never told you because you weren’t ready. You didn’t have the desire, not because we were hiding it from you. You had to grow up faster than kids your age when Rey came. I didn’t see the harm in letting you go find yourself before saddling you with any of this,” Han explains.

“I went to college to get a degree and a career, maybe if I had any idea I could have refocused,” Ben admits.

“That isn’t what we wanted for you, or what we needed of you. You may never want to pursue taking over. It’s only an option. Just know you and Rey are well taken care of either way.”

Ben’s large palm rubs the wrinkles from his forehead. “Okay, so what exactly do we do? How much are we dealing with?”

“You have to realize a lot of the money resides in assets and investments in order to continue to grow. Our functioning account for the business itself remains around two hundred thousand. Our personal accounts are around twenty thousand. That money is for emergencies and incidentals. Immediate donations in emergent situations. Even our own expenses and yours if necessary,” Han tells him. “I can show you the books after dinner.”

Ben nods. “That’ll help.”

“As you know most of our charitable work is focused on children. We also spend a lot of time here in town. The company itself is more a creation of synergy to network other charities. We help them to organize and create an operating model that would fit their efforts. Some times we fund them to get them started,” Leia takes over. “It’s a lot to think about. We employee numerous employees, and if you do want an involvement we can make it as easy for you as you want.”

“How much does Rey know about this stuff?”

“A lot actually, but she followed in your steps.”

He laughs. “What does that mean?”

Han smiles at him. “She worked for us over the summers. Mostly running for coffee and in the copy room, but she has an understanding of how the company works. In the end she chose college and a science degree… who saw that coming?”

“I didn’t,” Ben admits. “Not at first.”

“Only after one fateful trip home,” Leia says, averting her eyes from Ben’s face to lessen his embarrassment.

The color of his face deepens anyway. “I’m sorry about that, I really am. I don’t know what the hell got into me. I should have never done any of that. How disappointing.”

“Disappointing to fall in love? Never,” Han says, holding his glass up to him with a wide smile until he feels Leia’s eyes on him. “Stop it, you weren’t much older than Rey.”

Looking between his mom and dad, he laughs from embarrassment. “I’m driving up north now. I’ll be back Sunday. Thanks for the information and the inappropriate visual. We can go over the books when I get back.”

The drive provides Ben with a cool evening and enough time to consider his entire heir situation. His parents did a smashup job keeping him in the dark about the entirety of their business, and still hasn’t admitted the extent of their net worth. He didn’t even know Rey had worked there in the summers, or that there was a there to actually work at. The night sky setting in with it’s starry lit presence a reminder to the extent of the company he has access to. It isn’t a lab, but he could help people all the same.

The slight hum of his car’s engine as he speeds down the highway meditates him into deep thought, the hour it takes to arrive passing by quickly. Putting the car in park, he looks up at the apartment window. Rey’s light is off, but the family room one is lit, and he wonders if Rey is even there. He didn’t tell her he was coming, he was in such a hurry to get there. As a courtesy to Rose, Ben knocks lightly.

Rose grins at him when he steps in. “You can come in whenever. I know better than to walk around naked while Rey is here.” She giggles as she goes back to the couch to watch her movie popping a bowl of popcorn onto her lap.

“I was hoping to be a considerate,” he explains quietly.

“Rey is asleep. You want some popcorn?” Rose holds the bowl up towards him.

He chuckles. “No thanks. How has she been doing? Is it as well as she tells me?”

Rose looks up at him. “She’s been great as far as I can tell. Just sleepier than the old Rey. Complains more, but I would too.”

“Sounds about right. I’ll leave you to your movie and see if I can be a nuisance to her instead.”

“Yeah, that’s going to happen,” Rose mumbles as she chews her popcorn.

When he peeks into the bedroom he sees Rey curled up in a ball on her side, her hand resting on her belly. Her eyes flutter open at the touch of light that streams in on her from the cracked door. She smiles and holds her arm up, inviting him in. His shoes come off first then his shirt and pants.

“Hi, baby,” he greets her softly as he climbs in behind her wrapping his arms around her, pulling her flush to his body. “Go back to sleep.”

“Hmmm, I don’t think I can. I can smell you a mile away,” she mumbles. “New?”

“I had time to kill after work this week,” he tells her, his voice hushed, lips pressed to the back of her neck. “And you smell like sweet strawberries and vanilla.”

“New shampoo,” she admits, rolling over to face him. “I missed you.”

His lips press to hers, his fingers stringing into the hair trimming her face. “Same. How is it going so far, truthfully?”

“Not as bad as I thought. The walking is even nice. I guess I might have been getting lazy and it made me feel lazier.” She laughs softly. “How are your fungi?”

“Lazy too,” he laughs. “You know what I found out tonight? That you worked for my parents company. Why didn’t you ever mention that?”

She shrugs. “Didn’t think it meant anything to you, so it never occurred to me to. Why?”

Swallowing hard first, he explains his encounter with Samantha. “I had to figure out what the heir thing was about.”

“It’s nothing Ben. It’s what you want it to be. I didn’t find it all that exciting, but maybe being in charge is different. Are you thinking about it? At least now I know why you showed up here unannounced.”

“Not taking over, but keeping it in the family when the time comes.”

“Of course… hey, feel.” She grabs his hand and puts it on her stomach near her belly button. “Push a little. Can you feel her?”

“Her?” he asks.

Rey smiles. “I don’t know, just a feeling. We can find out if you want.”

“Let’s not,” he insists.

“Really? He with no patience?” she teases.

Grinning with awe in his eyes when the movement hits his palm flattened on her stomach. “That’s never less amazing than the first time.”

“I’m glad you enjoy it so much. I could use a break. Next time you get pregnant,” she jokes with him.

He chuckles at her. “I could never be as beautiful as you are pregnant, though. I mean face it, you had a great starting point, but now you ooze radiance.”

She palms his cheeks and looks into his eyes. “Please.”

“I’m serious. You are a wonder pregnant. I love how you look with my baby growing in you. Look at me, I’m just a goofy fucker. I hope our baby looks like you. Real shame if it looked like me.”

Rey strokes her fingertips lightly over each of his prominent features. Down his nose, across his cheeks, over her lips, and out to his ears. “You don’t know how attractive you are, do you? You’re very handsome.”

Rolling his eyes, he smiles. “Right, sure.”

She pushes her lips to his firmly and abruptly. “I can’t believe you didn’t realize that.”

“You really think it’s a girl?” he changes the subject.

“Could be, got at least a fifty percent chance,” she grins.

Laughing again. “You feel better. I can tell by your ornery commentary.”

“Does that mean you want to bend me over and fuck me now?” she asks in her lusty, flirty voice.

“Um.” He clears his throat. “You know I’m not one to miss an opportunity. You really feel up to it?”

His heart skips and races when she slips away from him to get onto her hands and knees, wagging her backside at him while looking over her shoulder with those lust filled eyes he can’t resist. He situates himself behind her, his large palms running the length of her back before slipping over her hips to her ass, squeezing her cheeks in his grasp. Tickling her skin with his fingers tips of one hand he pulls himself out with the other. Getting himself ready for her, sliding himself along her slit when he pulls her panties to the side.

“Ben, please.”

He loves when she begs. Teasing her further until she pushes back towards him. “Okay, I’m going.” He laughs as he pushes into her, listening to her sigh as he fills her.

His hands secure her by the waist, guiding her back into him, flushing his pelvis to her backside. Leaning over her, he pecks her back with kisses, taking his time moving inside of her.

“Ben, I don’t need to you be sweet tonight. Just have at me, please.”

Her voice is stern with him, begging him further. Hesitant to move too quickly he picks up his pace, forgetting about timing their orgasm. Following the move in her hips and the sounds in her voice as she groans to his thrusting, he finds out quickly that he isn’t hurting her. His movement increases as he forgets to be careful. When she cums before him crying into the comforter as her body rattles against his, he smiles at the feel of her and quickens his pace enjoying how she paws at the bed to keep herself from rolling too far forward.

“I told you,” she pants when he pins her against him, cumming moments after her.

His fingers are holding her hips a little too tightly. White spots that turn red when he removes his hands form, and he feels compelled to rub them away. “Sorry.”

Fixing her panties and climbing back into bed, she pats the open space beside her. “That was great don’t be sorry.”

“I do live to make you happy,” he admits, resting beside her to ensconce her in his arms. “That wasn’t too much for you?”

Rey resting against his side, her belly the only the only obstacle. “No. Not yet, I’d tell you.”

“Rey, I love you.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to say trigger warning, but I will say I have been bawling as I write this chapter in bits and pieces, here and there. It's very emotional, please trust me while reading this and keep some chocolate and a box of kleenex nearby, possibly a shot of something strong?!?
> 
> I fell in love writing this story, they are so incredibly sweet with one another and supportive. I heart them and who they are becoming.

_“Are you nervous?” Rey asks, pulling him from his thoughts._

_He shakes his head no. “Maybe a little, but only because I never thought this would happen and… wait, how do you know where I keep my stash of condoms at?” His hand still teasing her outer labia._

_“Jesus Ben, I go through your room when you aren’t here, wanna know why?” she says, her hips swaying to his teasing._

_“Yeah, I do.”_

_She waves her finger at him. “Come here.”_

_Following orders, he leans down towards her. “Why?”_

_She shakes her head. “Put it in first.”_

_Listening again, he presses himself against her before slipping in halfway, letting her acclimate. Using her expression to guide him, sinking in, slowly enveloped by her beautiful warmth sucking him in naturally._

_“I’m in,” he whispers once her face relaxes._

_She yanks him close wrapping him in her arms while leaning in towards his ear. “It’s because I have been in love with you since I was eight. When you went away I would come and masturbate in your bed to the smell of one of your shirts. I’ve been secretly fucking you in my imagination for just over a decade and now I’ve made you mine forever.”_

Ben’s palms rub his face, the heels of his hands digging into his eyes to stop the tears as he remembers back to how she pulled him straight into her heart. Straight into her body, the very reason that in time has brought him to where he is now. Sitting in the sterile mint green and white waiting room devoid of anything stimulating other than the smell of stale coffee and tears, he waits for news.

Han’s hand rests on his back, as he sits beside him, patting him every once in a while to reassure him that it’ll be okay, or at least that he is there for him. Leia stares with wet eyes out into the parking lot from the window on the exterior wall of the waiting room, her arms crossed, her face dripping with sorrow and worry.

The sound of the door opening draws their attention each time, but it isn’t ever for them. It feels like days have passed, but hours is more accurate. Long hours drag by as waiting for important news always has a way of feeling. For Ben, it’s painful in many ways. The wait is one thing, but the condition he arrived in another.

_“Ben, she’ll never know,” Samantha whispers as she corners him in the darkened hallway of the bar their company was having a celebration in._

_The gentlemen he is and with his size he kept his hands to his sides, knowing if he even remotely touched her to move her out of his way, she would make a scene. She was great at cultivating scenes that fed into her narcissistic needs. Deriving the attention she felt she deserved from everyone around her, the exception being Ben. She places her hand on his chest and pushes him against the wall, his body only moving to pull away from hers._

_"Ben, just one little kiss?” She leans up on the tips of her Louboutins reaching for his face with her other hand. “Rey doesn’t have to know.”_

_“Samantha, stop, please. I can only tell you so many ways, I have no interest in you. I will never be into you. I love Rey.”_

_"Your cousin.” She sneers at him. “Ben, please.”_

_“Samantha, back the fuck off, now!”_

_She’s about to speak when his phone rings. It’s a specific ring, one he had set up for when Rey went into labor. But it’s still too soon. She’s almost a month out and still at college. It must be a false alarm. As quickly as he answers, he shoves Samantha to the side with a sweep of the arm, knocking her into the wall as he rambles quickly with concern into the phone._

He had been drinking, more than enough to be comfortable driving, but the news sobered him long enough to make the drive towards the campus hospital. The entire time he cursed under his breath at the idea that many of the doctors were learning still, because it is a teaching hospital, but it wasn’t anything he could rectify. The only thing he could do was drive, and to be there. The longest hour of his entire life spent chugging the bottle of water he left in the car from his morning workout to perk him up.

Switching to the stale coffee in the waiting room since his arrival he stares at the paper cup in his hand. It’s the third one and it isn’t helping. His mom looks at him, then to her husband who gives her that _it’ll be okay_ smile, the kind that initiates a glimpse of helplessness that brings tears down her eyes as she turns away again. They sit in near silence; the only sound the announcements over the intercom.

_“That’s all of it. Did you plan on staying awhile?” he teases her as she stands aimlessly in the hallway._

_“You know just a for a bit,” she jokes fake punching him like he used to do to her all the time._

_A weird spark of energy passes through them, both pausing and then separating. “I’ll go put my things away for a while.”_

Without anything to do, his mind treks over the memories of her, praying it isn’t all he is left with. The sound of the doors swinging open as Rose, Finn, and Poe all walk in together. The men sit quickly across from Ben while Rose paces with her hands ringing together.

“Nothing yet?” she asks, being met with dark faces from Ben and his parents. She responds with a nod as her eyes begin to well. Finn grabs her and pulls her to him, sitting her on his lap and hugging her close.

“Rey is so strong. She will come through this,” he says towards Rose, but looking at Ben when he looks his way.

Ben nods as well his mind drifting away again when the silence takes over.

_He can feel the weight of the double doors against his hands still. The ones he shoved open as he stormed into the waiting room, the alcohol from his celebration seeping back to the surface._

_“Where is she? Can I go see her? Is the baby here?” Torn between nerves and elation, his words race from his lips until his mother makes eye contact._

_Immediately, he reads that there are no solid answers to all, but one of those questions. He knows that he wilts on the outside, his father locking his arms around him and a nurse pushing a chair behind him for him to collapse into. It was a long time that he stared blankly at the wall, at nothing but the vision of her perfect face with that sweet smile he fell in love with, and the idea of it fading from his life in such a short amount of time._

_The sound of the chairs as they scratch the floor as Han and Leia pull them towards him forces his eyes to focus. Their faces not something he enjoys focusing on in that moment, expressions that bring tears to his eyes and sobs from his chest, forcing him to fold over his knees with his face in his hands._

_“She was in labor for hours before we heard anything. She started having contractions between classes and she rushed herself in, but they told her it was likely false labor. She didn’t reach out, because she thought she would be fine when they stopped. But her water broke and things must have snowballed because by the time we heard anything they had already taken her back for a cesarean,” Han explains, his voice wavering with each word._

When the doors open next Hux enters with his new wife and takes a seat along side the gathering crowd. Their eyes meet and Hux smiles sympathetically. Ben nods to him, no words having found him yet of what to say, there were no words that could change anything happening. Nothing can be said that will speed up time and give him answers. It’s the worst waiting game of his life.

_“Listen kid, you can be what you need to be for awhile. Rey isn’t going anywhere and we have her taken care of.”_

_“I know. I’m doing what I need to do for me, for the both of us.”_

_“Just make sure you don’t lose you in the desire to take care of her. We have everything under control until you get back. She was supposed to be in our care anyway. It’s kind of nice getting to be dad,” Han explains with a slight smile._

_Ben smiles before taking a drink from his bottle. “I bet. That’s not weird for you? The whole me and Rey, and her calling you dad now? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s good for her. It’s kind of sweet really, but it is a little strange isn’t it?”_

_Han laughs. “Only if we let it be. This is our family, we know what it is based on and who cares about social norms under this roof, Ben? I sure don’t. Dating you or not she is my daughter, and I know that could be viewed differently in other’s perspectives, but who the hell cares long as we are all happy. Besides no one has to know how it all works.”_

He can’t stop reminding himself how engrained she is not only into his life, but his parents, how she changed everything. When they began dating, their family grew closer. It was perfect, he thinks. Too perfect, and when things appear perfect, you should know there is something not so perfect lurking beneath the surface. Wondering if that hasn’t slipped to the surface finally to knock them from the clouds they were living in. Happiness doesn’t ever come that easy, he tells himself. Something was bound to come and ruin it.

Glancing at Hux holding his wife’s hand, a surge of rage sneaks through him, he should have proposed. He should have put the fucking ring on her finger and made sure she knew that he loved her enough to seal her to him legally as well as emotionally. It makes him feel like a coward that he couldn’t find the right way or the right moment to slip that vintage ring over her finger. The idea of never seeing her face when he does so strikes him in the chest and he heaves one loud sob, the entire group looking at him.

“It’ll be okay, Ben,” Han assures him.

“You don’t know that,” he shouts in frustration, crushing the paper cup in his hand before getting up to get another.

“Ben, she is going to pull through, she has always been spunky and determined. She is strong enough,” Hux reminds him.

Ben’s eyes glare at him before he turns and punches the glass of the vending machine beside the coffee dispenser. “I don’t need her to be strong! I need her to be alive!”

He settles to the ground in the pool of shattered glass, his fists over his face, blood streaming down from the one he put through the vending machine. Completely unconcerned for his injury he bawls until his face is stained with tears and red blotches, his mind disappearing again. He hears the door open nearby. Footsteps usher in quickly. His uncle’s voice greets Leia as Ben folds in on himself again.

_“Rey is looking fantastic tonight. Can’t believe she’s in college already,” Luke sneaks in making the hair on Ben’s neck stand stiff._

_“Yep,” he says in the least awkward way he can manage._

_Luke reaches into his pocket and smacks a box down on Ben’s leg holding it there until Ben grabs it._

_“I swear to God, if this is another ring,” Ben warns._

_“No, no. Nothing like that. That’s your mom’s thing, but she informed me that you are now the one in possession of our mother’s ring. This is the necklace our father made her when they first became an item. I always thought they made for a better set, but I got the necklace and your mom got the ring. I thought it was time they were together again. Rey’s a good person and a great catch. It isn’t often life gives us an opportunity to find a bond like you two have. I thought maybe you would like to give it to her for Christmas, because that ring isn’t coming out until you figure out a perfect way to give it to her.”_

_Ben chuckles. “Dad said I should just do something she would appreciate. I think he was implying I would become too neurotic figuring it out otherwise.”_

_“He would. Perfection is the perception one has when they are happiest. That doesn’t mean it comes without it’s own flaws,” Luke says in his wisest tone._

_“You just said perfection is flawed.” He gives him a perplexed look._

_“I did. Perfection, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder. If you want to give her perfection, do it.”_

_Ben smiles. “I hope to.”_

_Luke raises his glass. “You will. To perfection.”_

The very sound of his uncle’s voice reminds him of their last exchange; how Luke was so sure he would give her the perfect proposal. He may never have the opportunity now. The pull on his hand brings him back around from his thoughts to a nurse cleaning his hand to stitch it.

“You did a real nice job of making a mess,” she says quietly. “I see this all the time, the wait and how it will drive some of the best father’s crazy. I haven’t heard anything terrible yet. I think they will be talking to you soon.”

Her eyes soften when he looks in them. Gratitude within his own for her trying to give him what little info she can, something he can cling to. 

“I hope so.” The first words he has spoken clearly since he arrived some time ago work themselves out in a weak, scratchy effort.

The nurse sets his stitched hand on his lap. “It almost always works out, keep hoping until you have no more reason to. Hope all the way to the last one.”

Ben’s eyes follow her as she walks back to the nurse’s station. They then scan the room, seeing his parents, his best friend and his wife, Lisa, and Rey’s best friends along with his uncle. Does she have any idea how loved she is, he asks himself. It’s the moment he realizes she has touched more than his life, the same moment that he cries openly with no hands covering his face so he can admire them. It’s the final moment he ever wonders if they were ever questionable as a couple. Not one soul in that room ever doubted, ever cared, that they fell in love. They all fell in love with her in their own way too or they wouldn’t be there. How the hell would any of them make it in this world if she doesn’t pull through?

_“She is really happy right now.” His mom’s voice comes from behind. “How long are you going to stand here, and when are you going to explain to me why you are here?”_

_“Hux’s wedding. Transferring to the local lab as of next week, and how long have I been standing here exactly?”_

_“You were here when I came out with the laundry to fold a half an hour ago.” She smiles warmly at him. “I don’t blame you though, I could watch her playing out there for hours, she is so content. I think she is finally in her element. Your dad too, he couldn’t have been more excited about one of his projects.”_

_“She looks pretty amazing with her plants, mom. Who knew she’d be such a creator of life?” Ben wonders aloud._

_“Yes, who knew… so much death in the beginning of her life, I can’t blame her for choosing a more perfect subject to study.”_

_Ben laughs at the casualness of her comment. “Mom, that woman is going to be saving the world if it ever needs saving. It’s more than a subject she is studying, it’s a commitment she is making to all of humanity. Bold choice as much as perfect for a career.”_

Everything was coming together, it was so fucking perfect, he thinks. Using his good hand to brace himself he stands up and walks over to his mom, pulling her into his encompassing embrace. “Thank you for taking Rey in.”

He can feel his mom as she sobs against his chest. He should have said it years ago, but it all suddenly fell into place at the idea they might be losing her. It’s a dark thought, but one that he can’t shake. It makes him even more nervous that he can’t stop thinking about it. Instead, of walking away he stands there with his mom in his arms until the doors open one more time. Everyone is here, he thinks, until a new voice clears their throat, the doctor.

The doctor pulls Ben and his parents to the side, not nearly far enough for the others to not overhear. A blank expression greets them as they gather on the other side of the room. “Rey is in recovery.”

At just those words his mom falls against his father in relief as more tears stream down her cheeks.

“She lost a lot of blood and coded twice. She remained unconscious for some time and it will likely take her longer to wake. We had to perform a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. She will have a rough recovery and we will have to monitor her for brain trauma, but I’m not too concerned yet. I am going to keep an eye on her in recovery for a bit longer and we will let you know when we move her to a room. In the meantime, you can visit the nursery to see the babies.”

Ben’s mouth hangs as he hears the word babies. Everything else preceding that was difficult enough, but then babies, plural came out.

The doctor smiles, his blank face taking on life. “It happens sometimes, one twin hides behind the other. It’s the reason she went into labor so early. Congratulations dad.”

The tension in the room unwinds significantly with the news. Ben sitting again as he goes over the words in his head. He was so close to losing her, too close. Now he has more of her than he expected. Two babies he doesn’t need to see to know how beautiful they are, how perfect they are. Almost afraid to see the babies before he can see her, he allows his mom to take his hand anyways leading him to the nursery.

The next evening arrives and Rey has yet to open her eyes. Ben sits and sleeps idly by in the chair beside her bed. He sent everyone home earlier in the morning, after a long evening of waiting for news he knew they needed the rest. The occasional nurse pops in and checks her stats. Constantly assuring him, she looks good and to give her more time, she will wake soon and to not worry because her body is that tired and needs to rest in order to heal.

It doesn’t assuage his fears completely, but he remains steady in his confidence to her known stubbornness. She has come this far, he knows she will keep fighting now. He can see it in the way her eyes roll beneath her eyelids when he speaks to her.

Having only slept a few minutes in between the nurses and the doctor and his impatience he can’t stop himself from dozing off when he gets a short moment of almost silence. The beeping of the machines lulling him into slumbers he wants desperately to avoid. Having no idea how long he sleeps each time he dozes off, paranoid he will miss it when she wakes.

When he does wake, he does so to the sounds of her quiet sobs. His eyes flash open and he sees her holding her belly and crying, her eyes having yet to open. He falls out of the chair in the scramble to get to her. Kneeling on the floor beside her bed he pulls her hands into one of his and begins to whisper her name, wiping her hair out of her tears with the other.

“It’s okay Rey, I’m here baby. I’m here. You can look at me. Please baby?” his voice breaks on every other desperate word, yet she only rolls her face in his direction. “Rey?”

Her eyes flutter open and look at him with deep confusion, glossy and sad. “Ben?”

“Don’t speak, yet. You are okay, oh my God, Rey, I thought I lost you.” His face presses to the side of her bed as he cries.

Her hands yank from his and go back to her belly and her eyes scan the room frantically as more tears fall. “Baby?”

“Babies.” He cries, watching her face turn more confused. He nods. “Two, twins.”

He fails at trying to keep her hands from rubbing over her stomach. Soon her arms cross over her flatter belly fully of staples. Apologizing with his eyes first, he slowly grabs her hands back into one of his. He can see she knows something isn’t right.

“You’re here with me Rey, and the babies are healthy, just small. It’s all that matters.”

She shakes her head, tears sliding from the corners of her eyes. “No more babies?”

“No, my love, no more babies. I’m so sorry, Rey.” He leans over and kisses her cheek. “We’ll be okay. We can adopt them all if you want. I’ll do anything for you. Just don’t scare me like that again. I couldn’t exist anywhere you aren’t.” His hand squeezes hers and he can’t help but to weep at the sadness in her eyes, the loss and confusion evident as she works through it.

He holds her hands in his one, keeping them snug in his grip until she manages to stop crying, making it easier for him to stop as well. He gets her some water and ice chips for her to choose from. The two nurses at the station, seeing him in the hall, follow him back into the room to recheck her stats; this time scanning her eyes and reflexes while using words that cause rapid confusion to cross her face again. She looks up at him for answers when they are done making notes and leave.

Grabbing the chair, he pulls it close to the edge of her bed to take her hands back in his one, leaving the other to stroke her hair. He swallows hard. “You almost died.”

“I did,” she mumbles weakly.

“They resuscitated you twice,” he explains softly.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles again.

“Don’t talk yet. Let’s get some more water and food into you, so you don’t hurt your voice trying to find the energy to speak.” He ignores her apology due to its unnecessary nature.

She nods grimly.

A few days later Rey is mostly sitting up and has enough energy to speak more than two worded sentences. The doctor remains certain if there was any trauma it was minimal enough it hasn’t manifested in a noticeable way. Having visits from all of her friends and family, she cheers up some, but it’s clear to Ben she is devastated at what has happened to her. The doctors making it worse by only letting her see the babies a few times each day to try to nurse them, which isn’t going too great either not being able to hold them well, and having to balance them on a pillow. She’s figuring it out, but it’s heartbreaking to watch her struggle over something that should be so natural.

Numerous rounds of tears later, she finds her only comfort in Ben holding her hands, because she is too fragile to be held otherwise, not that he doesn’t try to sneak into her bed beside her. It kept making her laugh with the size of him. He gave up, so he didn’t have to watch her cringe at the movement in her stomach from it.

At home, in their new home, the one next to his parents, they take rounds feeding and changing the babies with Rey so she doesn’t have to shoulder it all while she heals. A few weeks and she is able to hold them, one at a time, and only long enough for a quick feeding and a snuggle while Ben hovers over her waiting for her to grow weak.

“Ben, I’m fine,” she says, rubbing the tip of her son’s nose with her fingertip. “We’re fine, aren’t we, lil one?”

Sighing, he sits next to her on the edge of the bed. Their bedroom and the nursery the only finished rooms in the house, he figures he has time to finish the rest while Rey and the babies stay next door on the weekends with his parents. “We can’t hold out forever on naming them, Rey. Have you come up with anything yet?”

“No, but lil man and lil girl will do just fine for now.” She coos at the baby in her arms.

“Rey, please can we name them soon?”

“Their names have to be perfect, Ben,” she explains, looking up from her son.

“Anything you pick will be,” he assures her, taking the baby, holding him with ease in one arm, the size of how tiny he is measurable to his enormous father.

“I’ll keep thinking,” she smiles. “I wonder if he’ll be as tall as you one day.”

Rey’s scream wakes Ben in the middle of the night. He is already sleep deprived between his job and taking care of her and the babies, so rolling over to assess the situation doesn’t phase him any longer. Sitting up, he turns on their bedside lamp and finds her tossing in her sleep, the occasional scream emitting from her. Using his weight, he pulls her to him gently with his arm and tosses a leg over her to stop her from struggling.

“Baby stop. Stop it, Rey,” he says sternly in her ear.

Her energy changes as she wakes up from her nightmare to the feel of him securing her. Her hands grip the arm he has around her with a gasp, before the tears start.

“I know,” he whispers into her sweat drenched hair. “I know.”

“I wasn’t done having babies,” she sobs. “It’s not fair.”

He hugs her as firmly as he can, kissing her hair. “You’re going to be fine, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

He holds her until she falls back to sleep, her face pressed against her tear soaked pillow. Exhausted each time she wakes with nightmares like that, he knows he is running out of steam himself. He’s fighting hard to keep his head above water, but it’s only a matter of time before he’ll need more help.

Ensuring she is fast asleep first he steps out of their room and into the nursery. His mom is already there rocking one of the babies with a bottle. He grabs the other and sinks to the floor with his back against the dresser after grabbing the other bottle.

“The nightmares will fade in time,” she says quietly.

“I hope soon.”

“She is doing much better than I anticipated, Ben. Considering what she’s lost, she is holding it together pretty well for you and these babies.”

“I agree.” He stifles a yawn as he zones out on the way the baby suckles from the bottle. “I just wish it wasn’t happening at all.”

Leia stands up to place the baby into the crib. “Give him to me, and go get some sleep. You need it too.”

He lets out a subtle laugh, handing the baby to her before standing. “You living next door is starting to pay off already.”

“I’m glad.” Leia smiles before turning her attention to the baby for the rest of his bottle.

Ben lies in bed, freshly showered in a new pair of silken boxer shorts. His hands rest behind his head on the pillow as he breathes deeply, knowing he will get to sleep tonight. His mother has taken the babies home with her so they could both get their rest. Six months’ worth of nights of scattered sleep and bouts of tears finally have started to even out. Already he felt better over the last couple of months as he watched Rey transform into the woman he remembers. The trauma still there, but just a part of her now and not reigning over her, poised to rip tears from her eyes at any moment.

She will always have the scars. Those kinds of wounds don’t heal the way they should, but she is okay. He can see it in the way she has gone back to her garden, bringing her winter plants out from the greenhouse and into the early spring sun. The nightmares are gone and she sleeps through the night when the babies allow for it. Only once in a while does she fall away into thought to that place she remembers she can have no more children, the pain echoing in her eyes when he goes to bring her back again. With a blink, she usually bounces back with a soft smile and a comment about how soon is too soon to start adopting. He reminds her she has a semester’s worth of homework to catch up on first.

“Ahem.”

His eyes rotate towards the master suite bathroom. Rey stands, leaning against the doorframe, her arm extending up the length of it while her opposite leg stretches outward in a seductive pose. Her only clothing a sheer and short satin gown with spaghetti straps that clings to her every curve. Groaning loudly, he puts his pillow over his face.

“Please, don’t tease me now. I was just relaxing.”

He listens to her pad across the floor and slink into the bed. The weight of her comes to rest over his middle, her slight, warm hands pressing to his chest as she giggles quietly.

“Ben,” she breathes his name, arousal lacing into her voice in a way he immediately responds to it.

“Reeeyyyy,” he mumbles into the pillow. “You are not a nice girl.”

“Ben,” she says again.

The feel of her hands disappear and the pillow lifts from his red face.

“Hi, baby,” he says when his eyes link to hers.

He allows her to tuck the pillow back behind his head before her hands return to his chest and she leans over him. “I’m ready.”

“Uh huh, you said that a couple months ago too,” he reminds her, his fingertips tracing the side of her face as she leans towards his touch.

“I am this time. I am really ready,” she exhales to the simple feel of his fingers tracing her skin.

“I don’t want to get my hopes up,” he laughs as he sucks in his lips to hide his smile, prepared for her to glare at him.

Instead, he is met with darkened, glassy eyes that penetrate his. “I’ll just do it myself then.”

Sliding down his body, coming to a stop at his thighs, she pulls the waist of his boxers down releasing his cock, standing ready for her without any effort. He has missed her touch, the feel of her, her skin, the feel of when he is inside of her. It’s been too long since he was able to be one with her. Cautious, due to her change of mind the last time, he watches her pull him into her loose fist.

“Baby, your touch is magic,” he whispers as her hand tightens around him stroking him until his breath becomes ragged.

In between every few strokes of her hand, she kisses his head. Sucking in the tip of him to give her lubrication to rub him by; using her saliva to tease him into a fury. She doesn’t ease up like last time, gently rolling her hand over the tip and then back down his shaft. He relents to his doubts and settles into the touch of her hand. He’ll cum soon enough if she keeps this up.

“Do you like it?” she asks, her hand stopping when he doesn’t answer right away.

“Yes, yes, I like it very much. I love everything about your touch.”

“Good,” she says as she pulls her hand away from him, sliding up his body again. “But I can’t have you cumming too fast and ruin my fun, now can I?”

“I’ll take care you no matter what happens, you know that.” He grins, running his hands along her arms, when she presses her hands against his chest again.

Her eyes meet with his again, darker than before. “But I need to feel you inside of me, all of you. I need you everywhere you can be, inside and out.” Her insistent voice is husky with arousal. “Please, Ben... Ruin me again.”

Grinning at her choice of words, the ones he used to describe their first time he flips her onto her back, ensuring she is okay before kissing her. Their teeth graze each other from the way his lips crash into hers, both grunt, but manipulate their mouths together anyway desperate to taste one another. His hands skim over every available surface of her skin before landing tangled inside of her hair, pulling her deeper into their kiss.

Breathless, he continues to kiss her, moving down her body slowly. Stopping at every sensitive spot he has memorized over the years, gentle around her scars when he lifts the hem of her gown. He fists the sleek fabric into both hands, yanking downwards the straps give way and he flings the gown to the side.

He gazes at the sight of her bare pussy, dripping already for him. “Now that’s a fucking turn on.”

Grinning, she spreads her legs for him. “I thought you might like to go back in time, so to speak. Maybe a bit further than originally, but what the hell it’s been so long I wanted to make it interesting.”

Without any further prodding he climbs between her thighs to press a kiss to her slick labia. Eyeing her as he runs his tongue along her slit, enjoying the moan it lifts from her throat. Darting his tongue between her folds he licks her clean of her juices and settles on sucking on her clit. His lips pressed firmly around her in tight seal to her bare skin he pulls her into his mouth teasing her further with the tip of his tongue as it glances over the sensitive little bump. Laughing, when her hands strangle his hair, pulling him in towards her he squeezes the inside of her thighs with his fingers. Pressing her legs apart to keep his firm suction on her until she rattles beneath him and arcs into the air as though an invisible string was pulling the center of her chest towards the ceiling, he finishes her off with another full swath to clear all the new moisture away.

“I think it’s safe to say you enjoy oral,” he snickers at her proudly.

When he releases her legs she slides up to her knees and grabs his hand. “Sit with your back to the headboard.”

Grinning, he obeys, knowing where this is going. It’s her safe space position. The one she feels most loved and penetrated in. It’s the one she requests when she is feeling spritely and sweet and wants him to wrap his wide arms around her diminutive body to protect her. It’s his favorite too, because he feels so much of her at once, they feel as one.

Her soft skin brushes against him as she situates herself in his lap, leaning back to line his impossibly hard cock at her entrance. His hands on her hips he lowers her onto him with her help, until her thighs flush with his and she wraps her legs around him. At first she just clings to him her face sideways, pressed to his chest listening to his heart beat as he can sense his pulse in the way his dick twitches inside of her, eager to thrust into her. His arms keep her close as she adjusts again to the size of him.

“Okay. Slow, though,” she tells him with a roll of her hips, before she looks up into his face.

Pressing his forehead to hers, he guides himself within in her with small, but languid strokes that will all but push him over the edge before he is ready for it to be over. He distracts himself by talking to her. “I have missed you.”

“I know, but I’m here now,” she breathes, her hands digging into his flesh. “Can you feel that? It’s like a strange tingling all over, not just the arousal, but the desire, the completion of our union, we are one, Ben.”

He nods, his forehead sweating against hers as her refrains from going mad inside her body. “Yes, I always have, from the very first time I touched you. I knew we had a different kind of connection Rey. We transcend normal love when we are together. I love you so much. I nearly died thinking about where I would be without you.”

“I’m here with you now, Ben. I’m back and I’m never leaving. Wait a second.”

Opening his eyes to see what she is doing, she has moved far too quickly for him to see, but she has a smile on her face and her hands hidden behind her back.

“Rey?” he questions, his body still moving in random thrusts to keep the feel of her electrified.

“Hold out your hand,” she says softly.

Cocking his head he does.

“Ready?”

“Sure, for what?” he asks, genuinely curious.

She covers his hand with hers for only a brief moment. When she pulls it away he looks into his palm and then back at her face.

“I’m ready too and now is perfect,” she smiles with tears clouding her eyes. “Please?”

“Okay,” he says, nearly inaudible and with an impossibly wide smile, he takes her hand into his and places the ring he has held onto upon her finger. “Rey, I want you to be mine forever, marry me?”

She nods, throwing her arms around his neck. “A million times yes.”

His mouth catches hers, kissing her hard as his hips move along with hers at a maddening pace. No time to for doubts or questions, only the feel of each other and the joy they find in one another. Her skins molds around him as he uses her hips to yank her down upon himself repeatedly, firmly, resolute at ruining her again as per her request. Basking in her grunting as she drips around him and onto every bit of nearby flesh, he pulls her tight against his chest, plunging into her a few more staggered times. The feel of her squeezing him from the inside forces the air from his lungs, carried off by the way he says her name against the sweaty skin of her neckline.

Breathing hard, his eyes focus on the bit of her hair that flips in his breath each time he pants outwardly. His thoughts clearing as he catches his breath. “Did you just propose to me? Or did I propose to you?”

“Does it matter?” she falls backwards away from him, stretching herself across the cool comforter of their bed. Her legs still resting over his thighs and a smile on her face, she laughs. “It was perfect either way.”

Ben stares down the length of her body, realizing he has every bit of her memorized from the way her skin feels and looks in different areas to where to tease to get her turned on, the only change the addition of the scars she bears from the birth of their children. Their babies, a boy and a girl, tiny beautiful humans mixed of their DNA. “Rey, thank you for making me fall in love with you. Every doubt and concern was worth it to be here with you now.”

She looks at him; her eyes soften at the sight of him tearing up. “Ben?”

“It is actually perfect.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to say anything up front, but this is it for a bit. I feel like they have been through so very much, they and myself need some time to unravel some of the emotions packed into their world. I do have another chapter in mind or maybe an epilogue of sorts, but I want to let things settle in for a bit. I really did cry like a freaking baby writing this. I am not sure why these versions of the characters came to life so much for me, but I hope they did for you also. Obviously, I wouldn't be saying any of this if there wasn't some joy in writing and appreciation in your thoughts. So, thank you for reading this terrible one shot! What the hell was I thinking? lol Thank you for reading my perverted love story, now novel length. Please subscribe to my stories, profile, whichever, wherever to stay up to date. There is a bit more coming I just need a breather.
> 
> So, while you are still here, what do you think they name the babies????? I left that up to you guys. Anything you can think of will likely be perfect. Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all the lovely kudos & comments. Not to mention the help with tags when needed. Love writing for this community and enjoy your thoughts. I appreciate your willingness to feed my imagination by sustaining me with your input with each story. Keeps me writing! Always appreciated. You can follow me on [IHeartKyloRen-Tumblr](https://iheartkyloren.tumblr.com/)


End file.
